“Who are you?”

The cruel words echoed and reverberated back and forth across the four walls encompassing the two people residing in it. Jungsu felt his heart almost stopped beating, his smile slowly faltered, and he became very stilled.

“S-Siwon?” Jungsu asked tentatively.  

“Yes, that’s me. But do I know you? How did you know my name?” As soon as Siwon finished speaking, Jungsu felt as if the whole world came crashing down on him.

Prior to this, he was slowly ascending the stairs towards the floor where Siwon’s room was situated. He stumbled on nurse Sooyoung, who he instantly recognized as one of Siwon’s nurse (he had been visiting Siwon for the past two and a half weeks). When the nurse informed him that Siwon was finally conscious, he immediately ran to the room where Siwon was located. He was so elated and relief to hear that Siwon was out of the danger zone and was still alive. He went inside the room with a heart full of hope that he can finally have Siwon’s arms wrapped around him in a loving embrace.

Jungsu almost had a heart attack when he got the news that Siwon was admitted to the hospital. Siwon was involved in an accident when he was on his way to work. They (Jungsu couldn’t remember who, maybe it was the police, or the nurses, or maybe the doctor) had said that Siwon was very fortunate to still be alive as the car was severely damaged and there were no remnants intact.

The accident was said to be of a foul play, wherein it was staged purposely. Whoever the culprit was, they wanted Siwon to be dead, or at least badly injured to a point of him being disabled. The police weren’t able to find the criminal yet, but they suspected it might be one of Siwon’s company’s rival. So, it was definitely a miracle that Siwon managed to escape with only a broken left arm, a few broken ribs, a whole lot of stiches, a couple of visible bruises and scars, and a minor concussion. Nothing that some medication, time, and therapies couldn’t heal.

But now, what happened? Why is Siwon asking all of these questions? Doesn’t he recognize Jungsu? Why is Siwon looking at him as if he’s someone foreign? Like he is someone that Siwon has never seen before?

“Umm, hello?” Jungsu was startled as he didn’t realize that Siwon was waving his hands in front of his face. “I was asking you a question. Who are you? What’s your name?”

Jungsu stifled a whimper that threatens to come out and fought hard to keep his tears at bay. Before he could fully compose himself and try to answer Siwon’s questions, a knock on the door interrupted his train of thoughts. Both he and Siwon looked up to see the doctor, who was in charge in attending Siwon, entering the room.

“Hello there, Mr. Choi. Are you feeling better?” the doctor smiled warmly, with his hands occupied by the clipboard pertaining Siwon’s health information. Both Siwon and the doctor missed the look that Jungsu gave them.

“I’m perfectly fine, Doctor Shin. Apart from the other injuries that I sustained, I feel very healthy,” Siwon nodded his head.

“Okay then. For now, it seems I have nothing to worry about. In that case, may I borrow your friend’s presence for a while?” At that, Siwon’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Friend?”

“Yes, Jungsu, your friend,” the doctor pointed at Jungsu’s direction. This time, only Siwon missed the stare that Jungsu gave to the doctor.

“I guess so…” Siwon trailed off.

“Great then!” Siwon felt that the doctor was suddenly too cheerful as if it was forced or it might just be his imagination. He shrugged it off.

“Jungsu, may I have a word with you?” the doctor inquired.

Jungsu didn’t waste any time and followed the doctor out of the door. Once out, a couple of tears escaped his eyes as he stared hard at the doctor.

“Donghee, what was that?” Jungsu punctuated every word and emphasized on the word what.  

The doctor heaved a sigh and turned to look at Jungsu.  

“Jungsu, there’s something you should know.”

Jungsu rolled his eyes at the obvious statement. “Obviously. He asked me who I was Donghee. And what’s with you calling him Mr. Choi and him calling you Doctor Shin? Siwon and I had always addressed you with your name and as far as I know, you were never formal with either of us and I doubt you’ll start any sooner. So, what’s wrong with Siwon? Why doesn’t he recognize me? Why doesn’t he recognize you?”

“Jungsu, this might come as upsetting for you. So I propose you follow me to my office and I’ll explain everything to you there. You’ll need a chair to sit on. I’m actually surprised at how calm Siwon took the news well,” Donghee decided.

“Then, come on. I really need to know now.”

 

 

“I was mistaken to diagnose he had a minor concussion on his head,” Donghee started once they were seated in his office.

“What do you mean?”

“It seems that I missed something.”

“Get to the point, Donghee. I learned to spot the difference a long time ago when you’re trying to stall on what you’re going to say.” Jungsu wasn’t fooled. He knows Donghee’s tactic of avoiding things when it involves some kind of bad news.

“Well it turns out, it was not just a minor concussion. His head had really hit on something hard that it affected and disturbed a part or some part of his brain.”

“Yes?” Jungsu urged.

“Jungsu, Siwon lost some of his memories,” Donghee declared gloomily.

“Lost his m-memories? You mean l-like a-a-amnesia? And what do you mean by some?”

“Yes, like amnesia. What I meant by some is that he lost a few years of his memories. To be specific, he lost three years of his memories.” Jungsu’s heart cracked.

“B-But, t-that’s about a year before I met him. I’ve known Siwon for almost two years now. Do you mean to say that he has no memory of me whatsoever?” Jungsu was trembling and tears started gathering at the prick of his eyes.

“Exactly. When he finally woke up just now, I was surprised when he didn’t recognize me. I asked him a few questions and from the answer he gave, he definitely doesn’t remember about the recent three years of his life when I questioned him about what date he thought today is. As you said, you’ve only known him for two years and I have only known him for about a year when you introduced us that time,” Donghee continued.

By this time, Jungsu’s face was a shade of white and his shoulders sagged, as if he lost all the energy in his body.

The doctor proceeded, seeing as he got no response from the male in front of him. “I’m sorry, Jungsu. I wanted to warn you earlier. I didn’t expect you to come so fast and so…yeah…”

Donghee felt really guilty seeing the state Jungsu was in now. He himself didn’t know what to do. The subject of memories is very complicated. He was also saddened when Siwon didn’t know who he was, but it doesn’t really affect him. He could always make friends with Siwon again.

Jungsu was a whole different matter.

Siwon and Jungsu are in love. They are a couple. For about ten months now. And still counting. Well, that is until just now.

Donghee has been friends with Jungsu for more than ten years. He could confidently claim that he does know him like the back of his hands. And right now, he’s sure that Jungsu is broken. Siwon is everything to him. From what he was told, when Jungsu first met Siwon, he didn’t immediately fell for him. But Siwon did. Siwon even made sure Jungsu knew that he was head over heels for Jungsu by claiming that he will make Jungsu his boyfriend, even if it’s the last thing he do. Jungsu tried hard to resist Siwon’s advances, but as strong as he fought them, Siwon doubled his effort just as much. In the end, Siwon succeeded in making Jungsu fall for him too.

Donghee had never seen Jungsu happier than when he was with Siwon. Heck, he had never seen Jungsu gave his heart to anyone. To know that Siwon succeeded, well, Jungsu must have really been (still is) in love. He doesn’t even mind when Jungsu sometimes gushed about how sweet and loving his dear Siwon is. He lets Jungsu recite the story of how patient Siwon was in pursuing him, even when he knows the story by heart, considering how often Jungsu had told him. That’s why he knows how devastated Jungsu must be feeling right now.

“Hey, Jungsu? Be strong, alright? What’s important is that he’s fine and alive. Both of you are strong people and I know–”

“Is there no way for him to get his memory back?” Jungsu inquired stiffly, not even realizing that he had cut Donghee off in the middle of his sentence.

“I can’t really say. I don’t want to give you false hope. As I said earlier, it was not merely a minor concussion, but it’s not that severe too. He may have a chance in regaining back his memory, or he might not. Ever.”

“So, you’re saying he won’t ever remember me?” Jungsu’s tone was eerily calm. Donghee turned to look at his friend straight on the eyes.

“Jungsu…” he sighed.

Jungsu’s demeanor had changed. His shoulders had straightened back, the colors came back to his beautiful face, his expression was one of a blank emotion, and his eyes were unreadable.

Somehow, this scared Donghee more.

Because when Jungsu is like this, he really has no clue what Jungsu is thinking. He just hopes that Siwon being alive is at least a factor enough to not make Jungsu do something stupid.

Because the last time Jungsu wore this kind of demeanor, was when Heechul died.

Donghee remembered the incident as if it was just yesterday. Now, Heechul was Jungsu’s childhood best friend. They were inseparable. So inseparable that there were dubbed as twins. Wherever the other went, the other wasn’t far behind. It’s impossible to find Jungsu without Heechul at his side and vice versa. They weren’t lovers and no romantic feelings were involved, but they were each other’s halves. It’s almost a crime if you even think of trying to separate them from each other.

So when Heechul died, Jungsu surprisingly looked calm and fine. He didn’t even shed a single tear during the funeral. The only indication that he was extremely upset was when he locked himself in his apartment. They were worried, yes, but they all thought that maybe Jungsu will snap out of it in a few days.

He didn’t.

His parents were overseas and his sister was studying somewhere abroad, so no one really went and look how he was doing. Donghee wanted to visit Jungsu, but his job prevented him from doing so. It was only when two weeks after Heechul died did Donghee found the time to go and visit Jungsu at his apartment.

What he found was something he wished he would never ever see again in his lifetime.

Jungsu’s apartment wasn’t locked and he got himself in easily. At first, nothing seemed amiss as the apartment looked normal in Donghee’s view. He proceeded to search for Jungsu to lecture him about the importance of locking his door, when he heard a faint voice coming from the bedroom door. When he opened it, the sight that greeted him made his heart stopped momentarily.  

Jungsu was sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth with a blanket draped around his frail, skinny body. Jungsu looked as if he hadn’t eaten and showered for days. Donghee could almost make up the silhouette of his ribs through his thin shirt. His cheeks looked sunken and Donghee couldn’t see his trademark dimple.

But what terrified Donghee that day was what Jungsu was about to do. In his hands were a bottle of sleeping pills and Jungsu was in the midst of pouring the content into his palm. To add to that scene, Jungsu wouldn’t stop muttering a sentence over and over again. Donghee went closer slowly to avoid Jungsu from running away, but it wasn’t necessary as Jungsu wasn’t even aware of his presence. When he finally heard the words, Donghee knew Jungsu’s condition was really bad and he was at his breaking point. It made his blood run cold.

“Heechul is waiting for me and any moment now, I’m going to join him.”

Donghee did what any other sane person would do in that situation. He knocked the bottle of pills away from Jungsu’s grasped. What he didn’t expect was Jungsu to jump and clawed at him. He managed to block Jungsu from clawing his eyes out, but his arm did suffer from five angry, red marks. He was able to get a hold of Jungsu’s wrists and pinned him to the wall. Donghee was in a way lucky that Jungsu was quite weak as he collapsed a few seconds after and that made Donghee easier to call an ambulance to send Jungsu to the hospital.

Donghee shuddered at the memory of seeing Jungsu like that. That incident happened six years ago. It took a long time for Jungsu to recover physically, mentally, and emotionally. He was obviously malnourished and was kept in the hospital until he was strong enough. He underwent long sessions of therapy to make him stable in thoughts and emotion again. It really took more than a year for Jungsu to fully recover to his normal self.

Donghee doesn’t ever want to see Jungsu that way again.

“Jungsu…” he started again.

“I’m fine, Donghee. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I promised you and my family that I would never let myself get that far again, didn’t I? Please, trust me. If you want, I promise to you again now. I promise I won’t let myself fall into that realm again. I know you’ll always be there for me. So, don’t worry. You have my word,” Jungsu vowed.

“I trust you Jungsu. It’s just that I sometimes still feel scared if you ever were to become like that again. That time I was lucky enough to stop you. What happened if I was a minute too late? Or even a second too late? I’m afraid there will be a time where I’m not able to save you.”

“Donghee, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to see the way I was. There isn’t a day where I never regretted that I made you experience that horrible event. But, there’s also isn’t a day where I’m not grateful for you finding me. I owe you my life, Donghee. For that, I’m forever indebted to you.”

“You’re one of my best friends, Jungsu. You’ll always be one of the important people in my life.” Donghee smiled and Jungsu returned the smile just as sincerely.

“Now, about Siwon. As a doctor, I would say not to get your hopes up high. There’s a few way to help Siwon regain his memory back if the concussion was not too severe, but I can’t promise anything. Though, I can help you to monitor Siwon’s brain activity and have him come to me for regular checkups and all. But, as a friend to both of you, I have this strong instinct that you guys will find your way to each other. Even if Siwon doesn’t remember, the love you had for each other is something I feel will be very hard to forget. Believe me, even Nari and I cannot be compared to you both. I’ve never seen two people so in love with each other. And that’s saying something seeing as Nari and I have been together for four years.”

 

 

OOOOO

 

 

Jungsu knocked on Siwon’s room. Siwon looked up and smiled at him. Seeing Siwon giving that smile that he gives to everyone made Jungsu’s heart ache even more. He briefly wondered if he ever gets to see that certain special smile that Siwon gave only to him.

“Umm, h-hi…” Jungsu awkwardly greeted, as if this was the first time they were meeting each other. It is true on Siwon’s part though. To him, this might just be the first time he’s seeing Jungsu.

“Hello,” Siwon greeted back. “Jungsu.”

“Huh?” A flicker of hope bloomed in Jungsu’s chest. How he missed the way his name sounded in Siwon’s voice.

“Your name. It’s Jungsu, right? That’s what Doctor Shin called you just now.” The hope crashed and splintered into tiny little pieces. Jungsu knew it was too good to be true, but he’s not going to lie that he had wished for a miracle of sort.

“Y-Yeah. That’s my name.” There was a prolonged silence settling heavily in the atmosphere.

“So, you’re my friend?” Siwon broke the silence away.

Jungsu stared back at Siwon and hesitantly nod.

“How come I can’t remember you? Are you perhaps included in the three years that I have lost?” Jungsu nodded again, not trusting his voice to respond to Siwon. 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Jungsu asked in confusion.

“I must have hurt you when I asked who you were. For you to visit me here, that must mean we are really close friend. So, I apologize for not able to remember you, Jungsu. I’ll try to recall back, but I don’t promise anything. But that doesn’t mean we can’t start over, right? You still want to be my friend, right?”

Jungsu smiled bitterly. Even when losing his memories, Siwon was just as observant and intelligent. He was able to deduce that their friendship wasn’t just friends. That they were much more closer than just mere acquaintances. 

“Of course, Siwon. Even if I were to be born again, I wouldn’t let go of the opportunity to be your friend over and over again.”

Siwon looked at him curiously and Jungsu realized he must have sounded a bit too melancholic or just plain dramatic. “Why do you s–”

“Your family will be coming any minute now,” Jungsu was quick to change the subject. “I’m sure they will be very glad to see you being your healthy self.”

Just as he said that, the room burst opened and in came three people that were both familiar to Siwon and Jungsu.

“Siwon!” All three simultaneously shouted.

“Mother! Father! Jiwon!”

“Honey, you’re okay! Oh, thank God! Don’t you ever do that again! Don’t you ever scare your mother like this, alright? My poor heart can’t take it. You’re my only son. I’m not ready to lose you. Can you promise your mother that?” Mrs. Choi ranted.

“She’s right, son. We only have you and Jiwon. I cannot imagine if we were to lose any one of you. Please, promise me and your mother that you’ll always be careful in the future,” Mr. Choi agreed at his wife’s reasoning.

“I promise. I’m sorry I made all of you worried.”

“Siwon…” A soft sob was emitted from Jiwon.

“Jiwon, stop crying. You know I cannot stand it when you cry. I told you that you’ll look much prettier when you’re smiling, right? Come here.” Siwon extended his hand to pull Jiwon in his embrace. Jiwon complied and hugged Siwon tightly. Siwon keep caressing his sister’s hair as if to assure that he’s not going anywhere soon. He kissed her forehead lovingly.

“Siwon, you know you’re my favorite brother. Don’t you dare to leave me. There’s so much more we haven’t done together as siblings. You know how much I look up to you for any advices. Who’s going to scare my future boyfriend to never hurt me? Who’s going to threaten my future husband that he’ll end up regretting if he ever leaves me?”

“Hey! Even at times like this, you still find ways to make a joke, huh? I’m your only brother. How can I be your favorite?” Siwon tweaked her nose and they both laughed. Their parents then soon joined in and they attempted a big group hug.

Jungsu, who was watching the scene unfolding in front of him, couldn’t help but feel a little neglected and slightly envious. What did he do to make Siwon forget him? Why did Siwon have to lose three years of his memories?

Jungsu felt suffocated. He needed to get out of there badly. He literally craved to gasps some air into his lungs. He couldn’t take being in the room any longer in fear of bursting into tears. He had managed to control himself from crying until now and he’s not going to wail in front of them, especially in Siwon’s view. Even if he were to cry, he will find someplace else that can give him his own privacy. He decided to get out of the room.

He cleared his throat and softly spoke, “I have to go now. There’s somewhere else I have to be. I’m glad that you are well, Siwon. I’ll see you later.” With a solemn smile, he grabbed the handle of the door and went out as quickly as he can.

With a second to spare, Jungsu finally let his tears streamed down his cheeks. His heart hurt knowing his existence was completely wiped out of his boyfriend’s memory. Suddenly, he heard the door to Siwon’s room being opened. He kept walking and tried hard to keep his sobs to himself.

“Jungsu?” It was Jiwon. Jungsu stopped walking, but he didn’t dare to face Jiwon. Discreetly, he wiped his tears as much as he can and swallowed the lump that was stuck in his throat.

“Yes?” Jungsu mentally patted himself for successfully masking his voice into sounding normal.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“If you are, then turn around. Face me.” Jungsu stiffened. He instantly made an excuse.

“I really have to go, Jiwon. There’s a pressing matter that I need to attend to. I’m sorry I didn’t greet you and your parents properly. Tell them hi for m–”

“Don’t lie, Jungsu. Is there something going on? Did we interrupt something important? Or is there something else that we don’t know about?” Jiwon slowly approached Jungsu’s figure. When she was finally close enough, she noticed that Jungsu’s form was trembling. Jiwon started to panic.

“J-Jungsu? Did I say something wrong?” Jungsu shook his head. Jiwon decided to go in front of Jungsu and embraced him. Jungsu gave up. He let all the tears he had been holding back spilled and stained Jiwon’s purple blouse.

“He doesn’t remember me,” Jungsu said in between his sobbing.

“I beg your pardon?”

‘Who doesn’t remember who?’ Jiwon wondered.

“Siwon doesn’t remember me. He lost three years of his memories, Jiwon. What am I supposed to do?” Jiwon was shocked. She hadn’t expected that. She wanted a clearer explanation, but she didn’t have the heart to add more to Jungsu’s misery by asking more questions. She just let her brother’s boyfriend cried on her shoulder. She can get the information from Donghee later. Jungsu’s condition was far more important.

 

 

OOOOO

 

 

Jungsu was glad that Siwon’s family was very understanding. It didn’t affect them much knowing that Siwon lost three years of his life. Siwon still remembered them. Jungsu did meet with Siwon’s parents the other day. All they did was to hug him and gave him a smile. Jungsu was grateful that they didn’t ask any further because truthfully, he was getting exhausted of crying. He felt as if he used up all the tears that his body produced.

Siwon was already discharged two days ago. Jungsu didn’t have the courage to go and see him after the day he found out that Siwon didn’t remember him. Jiwon had told him that Siwon was looking for him. She said that Siwon was hoping to see him when he was discharged. Jungsu had declined the invitation and asked Jiwon to make up an excuse for him. Jungsu knew if he went there, he will bring his hope with him and he was scared of getting his heart broken again.

Jungsu made his way to his kitchen to find something to eat. He was feeling a little bit hungry. When he opened his fridge, it was almost empty. All that was left were three eggs, expired milk, carrots, half bar of chocolate, and the remains of food from yesterday. He sighed. He took the milk and the food remains and threw it into the garbage. He then rummaged through his cabinets and was relieved to find a packet of instant noodles left. Bless whoever created instant food. He cooked the instant noodles and fried the eggs.

After he finished eating, he readied himself to go grocery shopping at the nearby supermarket. Looking at the condition of his fridge just now, he seriously needed to stock some food or he will end up starving. He prepared a list on what to buy and made his way to the supermarket.

An hour passed. Jungsu was browsing through the aisle displaying chocolates of different brands. Buying chocolates was not on the list, but he figured he wanted something to munch on later. The half bar of chocolate at his fridge will not be enough to satisfy him. Besides, he finished taking all the stuff in his list and he did have extra money left. What harm could it do to him?

Jungsu thought too soon. He was too busy picking on what chocolate he wanted to eat that he didn’t paid any attention to his surroundings and bumped into something hard. When he finally realized, he was already on the floor with some of his groceries spilling from the basket in his hands. He picked up the groceries that had fallen and tried standing up.

A hand was shoved in front of his face. He automatically grabbed on the hand without looking at the owner and used the hand as a leverage to stand up. When he was on his feet, he vaguely registered that the hand was somehow familiar. Like he had held the hand a thousand times before. He trailed his eyes up and looked to the person to thank him. What he saw made him stumbled a few steps back.

“Siwon!” Jungsu exclaimed.

“Hi. I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Did you hurt yourself anywhere?” Jungsu then realized that he actually bumped into Siwon’s chest.

“Uhh, n-no. I-I’m fine. It’s okay,” he stammered. His heart was racing and he couldn’t bring himself to look Siwon in the eyes. Maybe it was wise for him to not look at Siwon. If he did, he would see how Siwon was concentrating on observing him.

“Did I really hurt you?”

“Huh? No, I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” Jungsu assured, still trying to look at something else other than Siwon’s figure.

“I didn’t mean that. What I meant was did I really hurt your heart? You’re avoiding from looking at me and you weren’t there when I was discharged from the hospital.” This time, Jungsu looked up. Siwon’s voice sounded so…sad. If there’s one thing Jungsu can’t handle, it was Siwon being sad. He can never bear to see Siwon upset.

“N-No. It’s just that…I…umm…” Jungsu was at loss of word.

“So you are hurt,” Siwon frowned. He took one of Jungsu’s hands and held it gently.

“I’m sorry. I know apologizing won’t change the fact that I can’t remember you, but right now, that’s all I can do. If you let me, I want to hang out with you. What I said at the hospital, I was serious. I want to start over and be your friend again. Do you still want to be my friend?” Siwon asked.

Jungsu was thinking. There are a lot of things running through his mind. A lot of what ifs and maybes. Even so, there was already one dominant decision in his head. He was being serious too. Even if he was reincarnated, he will never let the chance of being Siwon’s friend slipped through his fingers. It was lucky enough that Siwon survived the accident. And it was good enough that it was Siwon’s initiative to approach him and suggested that they start over. Even if it’s just being friends.

Siwon being alive and noticing his existence was enough.

As an answer, he nodded his head and shook Siwon’s hand. Siwon smiled and Jungsu felt the world become a little brighter. He smiled back affectionately.

What he didn’t know was that Siwon’s heart was beating a little faster than normal. What he didn’t know was Siwon thought Jungsu’s smile was much brighter. What he didn’t know was Siwon felt tingles when they tightened their grasped.

Jungsu also didn’t know that he just made Siwon a very confused man, as a result of experiencing all those little feelings.

 

 

OOOOO

 

 

Jungsu didn’t think it was possible, but he found himself falling for Siwon all over again. Not that he had stopped loving Siwon, but based on their predicament of being friends again (since Siwon still didn’t know the real status of their relationship), he felt as if he was brought back to the first time when Siwon had courted him.

Just like what they had planned to do, they started hanging out together, as friends. Though, people might mistake that they are actually dating, seeing as they go out together every single day. Jungsu felt that bubble of happiness filling his entire being when Siwon was by his side again. He thought back on what Donghee had said to him. Something about nothing can take away the memory of them being in love with each other. He made a resolution.

He was going to get his Siwon back.

It doesn’t matter that Siwon doesn’t remember him. They can always make new memories together. What he should really be focusing on is to help Siwon find it in his heart that he had once loved Jungsu. Jungsu was determined to make Siwon fall for him all over again too.

What Jungsu did was very simple. He became himself. No holding back. His personality was what made Siwon fall for him in the first place, right? Siwon loved him for being him. Referring to that fact, Jungsu had it easy to win Siwon’s heart.

He started doing the little things that he knows had made Siwon crazy for him. He did stuffs that he knew Siwon adored. He became what he was when he was with Siwon. They spend almost all of their time together going to places they had frequently visited when they were a couple. Jungsu also told Siwon about their past. How they first met, how they became friends (Jungsu never got tired telling Siwon all their past memories), while omitting information regarding their romantic relationship. Jungsu wanted Siwon to fall for him naturally, and not based on that they were lovers before.

Siwon turned from being confused to being comfortable and honestly, familiar. He felt everything that he did with Jungsu was right. That being with Jungsu was his fate. So, it wasn’t a surprised that one day Siwon contemplated whether he was falling for Jungsu. He looked back these past few months and found himself always thinking of Jungsu. He got his conclusion.

He is in love with the beautiful, angelic male. And he planned on confessing.

 

 

That weekend, Siwon prepared a date. A special date at the restaurant that Jungsu always brought him to. He booked one of the private rooms that the restaurant provided and began planning which food was supposed to be served and what music should be played.

He called Jungsu on Saturday evening and told him to dress nicely and that he was going to pick him up at 7.00 pm. Jungsu agreed, but couldn’t help and wonder what it was about. Regardless, he wore something he thought was nice and waited for Siwon. When Siwon picked him up, he noticed that Siwon was kind of…nervous? But, what for? He didn’t ask.

Once they arrived at the restaurant, Siwon took hold of his hand and led him to one of the private rooms. Jungsu could only oblige and kept his curiosity to himself. They had a romantic kind of dinner (at least that was what Jungsu perceived, what with all the candles, the dim atmosphere, the bottle of wine) and both savored the moment thoroughly.

When the dessert was served, they started talking.

“Siwon?”

“Hmm?”

“What is this about?”

“What this?”

“This dinner. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like this is more than dinners between friends. It feels almost…like a date,” Jungsu whispered the last part. For the nth time that night, Siwon took a hold of his hands again.

“What if it was?” Siwon countered.

Jungsu froze. Was it for real? Did he succeed in making Siwon fall for him again? He wanted to response with another question, but he didn’t. Instead, he blurted something stupid.

“May I go to the toilet for a while?” Jungsu mentally face palmed himself. Siwon was taken aback, but nonetheless nodded his head. Jungsu slowly got up and made his way to the toilet. Once in, he headed for the sink, opened the water tap, and splashed his face with the cold water.

‘Idiot Jungsu! Of all the things to say, that’s what you came up with? I must be out of my mind leaving Siwon hanging like that. Oh God, what will he think of me?’

While Jungsu was busy reprimanding himself in the toilet (which luckily was vacant or people might think him as a crazy person), Siwon was thinking what he had said wrong. Was he moving too fast? Was he being too forward? Did he offend Jungsu from the way he approached him?

A sudden thought came knocking on his brain. Siwon never felt so incredibly stupid in his whole life. He knew he had forgotten something. He had failed to take into consideration that Jungsu might not have the same feelings as him! Oh no! What had he done? This could affect their friendship. Then, another thought struck him like lightning bolts. Was Jungsu even into guys? What if Jungsu already has a girlfriend? Was Jungsu so disgusted that he had to go to the toilet? Wait, Jungsu’s too sweet to act like that. But, there’s a possibility Jungsu felt very uncomfortable.

With that in mind, Siwon stood up and planned to confront Jungsu to ask (or beg) for his forgiveness. Just when he had walk two steps forward, Jungsu’s phone, which was on the table, rang. He halted his movements. Siwon knew it was wrong and a total breach of privacy, but he couldn’t deny the urge to see who would be calling his Jungsu at this time of night. Yes, his Jungsu.

He back tracked his footsteps and picked Jungsu’s phone. His hunch was right. The screen on the phone displayed a name that provoked his jealousy. It was a male’s name that he had never heard Jungsu mentioned before. Not only that, the way Jungsu wrote the name made him felt threatened.

Youngwoonie ~

What’s with adding the syllable –ie and the cute little wave to this person’s name? He thought he was the special one. He thought from all Jungsu’s friends, he was the only one Jungsu added the syllable –ie behind his name. He was sure Jungsu didn’t call Kyuhyun as Kyuhyunnie or Sungmin as Sungminnie or Jongwoon as Jongwoonie. What made this guy a different case? When he came back from his musings, he noticed the phone had stop ringing. The first thing he did was to go to Jungsu’s phonebook and searched for his name. When he saw how Jungsu wrote his name, his smile stretched and reached his ears. He felt special again.

Siwonnie^^ <3

Ha! The way Jungsu wrote his name was much cuter than the way he wrote for that Youngwoon guy. His name even got an added bonus of having a heart beside it. Siwon was too happy that it completely slipped his mind on how he was planning to go and meet Jungsu in the toilet. He sat back on the chair and admired Jungsu’s wallpaper. It was a picture of both of them from a month ago, with the background of a beautiful sunset. He unconsciously tried to find other pictures of them together and found himself clicking on a folder entitled Siwonnie & I.

He scrolled through them as his smile never left his face seeing all the pictures of them together from a few months ago. But then, his smile quickly disappeared when he encountered pictures of them he had never seen before. And the date of the pictures was from about one year ago. The scene of each pictures were different too.

It was…intimate looking.

There were pictures of him kissing Jungsu’s forehead, Jungsu kissing his cheek, Jungsu snuggled up in his embrace, his arms wrapped around Jungsu’s waist as a lover would do, Jungsu sitting on his lap, and a lot more.

It was then that everything dawned on Siwon. Everything he felt finally made sense.

Jungsu and him weren’t just friends.

They were lovers.

 

 

When Jungsu came back after calming himself in the toilet, he saw that Siwon’s posture was rigid and he wore an unreadable expression. Jungsu immediately sensed something was wrong, but he decided not to act on it yet. He slid back on his seat and turn to face Siwon. He was ready to talk about their relationship. He organized his thought and carefully planned the words he was going to say.

“Someone called you just now,” Siwon informed monotonously. Jungsu confirmed to himself that something must have happened if Siwon’s tone was anything to go by.

Nevertheless, he replied with a thank you and unlocked his phone to see who had called him. “Oh, it’s Youngwoon. Great, he must have forgotten his keys again.” Jungsu guessed he has to postpone what he wanted to say to Siwon to tomorrow then. “Siwon, this was a lovely dinner and a wonderful night. But I have to go now. I promise that I’ll make it up you. How about we meet up tomorrow and then we can talk ab–”

“You lied.”

“I’m sorry?” Jungsu stared at Siwon. He heard the two words clearly and was astonished from where Siwon had the idea to accuse him of that act.

“You lied to me. We aren’t friends, are we Jungsu?”

Jungsu’s heart dropped. His mind could only processed one action that can serve as a defense mechanism. He ran out of the restaurant as fast as his feet allowed him to. Siwon was just as startled, but he was quick to get on his feet and chased Jungsu. He knew the other customers were looking at them, but he didn’t care. He needed to catch up to Jungsu.

Outside, a few feet away from the entrance of the restaurant, stood Jungsu who was panting. Tears started to build up in his eyes. He was sure Siwon was going to hate him now. What had he done? He should have been honest from the start. That way, he may save both of them from the inevitable heartbreak.

He heard footsteps behind him. When he looked over his shoulders, he saw Siwon running towards him. He started picking up his pace and ignored Siwon’s call for him to stop. What’s the point anyway? Siwon was going to scold him and tell that he didn’t want to be associated with Jungsu anymore, right? He refused to hear those words coming out from Siwon’s lips.

“Jungsu, wait!” Siwon managed to capture his wrist and tugged Jungsu to face him. Jungsu couldn’t hold his tears and let them run down his cheeks.

“I-I’m s-s-sorr-y,” Jungsu sobbed.

Siwon, who was still trying to catch his breath, inquired, “Hey, what are you sorry for? If anything I should be the one apologizing to you. You’re the one who’s crying. Please, stop. I’m not mad or anything.”

“You’re not? You’re not angry that I withheld this particular information? You said it yourself, I lied to you.”

“Okay, my bad. Let’s use a different term. How about you weren’t entirely honest with me, alright? Now, shh. Don’t waste your precious tears for something like this. You didn’t let me finish just now. If you had stayed a little longer and listen to what I have to say, you wouldn’t be crying like this.” Siwon brought Jungsu into his arms and embraced him tightly. “What I was going to say is that, if I had known, I would have confessed to you much earlier.”

“W-What?” Jungsu stop sniffling.

“You heard me. I love you, my Jungsu. I have been for these past few months. Other than my family, you were the strength to keep my faith. You had this aura of trustworthiness whenever I’m in your vicinity. Although I only lost three years, to me, that’s a lot. It’s really upsetting that I couldn’t remember. I didn’t even know that a close cousin of mine had gotten married and adopted a little boy.”

“Are you talking about Joonmyun? He married Yixing, didn’t he? If I’m not mistaken, their little boy’s name is Joonxing. He’s an adorable kid.”

“See? Even you know. Three years ago, I didn’t think he was serious about marrying someone of a different nationality. When he introduced me to his boyfriend, I honestly think they won’t last. Now they are happily married and I can see that Joonmyun is…glowing. For lack of a better word. The point is, it’s frustrating that I couldn’t even remember this important event. Most of all, I was frustrated for not able to remember you. When I first saw you at the hospital, my heart told me that I needed to remember you. That’s why I was so sad that I didn’t get to see you after that or when I was discharged.”

Jungsu brought their hands together and nuzzled his cheek into Siwon’s hand. “I love you too, Siwon. I’m happy that your heart didn’t forget us. Donghee was right. Nothing can take away the memory of us being in love. I love you so much.”

“Well, I guess my confession had more than succeeded. Can it still be considered as a confession though? Aren’t we technically still in a relationship? We didn’t break up or anything, right? I’m still your b–”

Jungsu cut Siwon’s rambling with a kiss. Again, he felt like crying. He missed the way Siwon’s lips moved against him. He missed experiencing the fireworks he felt whenever their lips touched. He missed the way their kisses made him melt and fall for Siwon over and over again.

For Siwon, Jungsu tasted like heaven. The way their lips moved in perfect synchronization made him breathless. He knows the notion is ridiculous or plain cheesy, but Jungsu brought him to a whole new height. He may not be able to fly, but he definitely felt himself soaring to a point of being able to touch the sky. Jungsu was just that amazing.

They parted reluctantly to take a breath of air. Siwon, however, was not able to resist that long. He captured Jungsu lips for the second time that night. And the third. And the fourth. And so on. When his addiction to Jungsu’s lips cease, Jungsu ended up with red and swollen lips. Jungsu pouted at his lips’ condition and Siwon gave one final peck on it. They tightened their hold on each other and both felt that their heart had finally went back to where they belong.

Their peace was suddenly disrupted by the sound of Jungsu’s phone ringing. Jungsu let go of Siwon to answer it.

“Hello? Oh, Youngwoon! I’m sorry. Can you give me ten to fifteen minutes to reach there? Okay, sorry again,” Jungsu ended the call.

“Who is he? Who is this so called Youngwoon?” Siwon pursed his lips feeling irritated. Jungsu was supposed to pay attention to him only.

“He’s my neighbor, Siwonnie. He forgot his keys again. Me being the kind neighbor that I am made and kept a spare key just in case this thing happens. This is actually quite often, now that I think about it. Come on, take me home Siwon,” Jungsu tugged on Siwon’s sleeve.

“No,” Siwon responded stubbornly.

“Why?” Jungsu raised one of his eyebrows.

“Tell me something first. Why did you save his name in your phonebook in a cute manner? Why did you add the syllable –ie behind his name? I don’t recall you doing that with Jongwoon, or Sungmin, or Kyuhyun. Why is he a different matter?”

Jungsu could only stare at Siwon unblinkingly. He didn’t know whether he needed to be annoyed or amused at Siwon’s childish attitude. He chose the latter option and laughed.

“Siwon, are you seriously asking me that?”

“Yes.” That made Jungsu laughed even more. His boyfriend is too damn cute sometimes.

“I wasn’t the one who wrote it that way, baby. Youngwoon did it when I asked him to save his number on my phone. I didn’t find any need for me to change it.”

“Well, I do. If you don’t want to change it, I’ll change it for you.” Siwon took the phone without waiting for Jungsu’s consent and changed two names on Jungsu’s phonebook list.

Youngwoon

Siwonnie^^ <3<3<3

“You’re funny when you get jealous at the littlest thing, Siwonnie. You don’t have to worry. My heart is yours. Besides, I think Youngwoon got the message not to flirt with me when you threatened to break his fingers the first time you met him,” Jungsu clucked his tongue.

“I’m not jealous. It’s called being protective. You can never trust people too much. I hope he still retain that message in his head then. I would really hate to make my threat a reality.”

“Right. Whatever you say, baby. Since we got that resolved, would you mind sending me home? Youngwoon has been waiting long in front of his house. I don’t want him to catch a cold. You can come with me to make sure he doesn’t do anything. How does that sound?”

Siwon happily complied and made a mental note to reaffirm the reminder of not flirting with Jungsu to this Youngwoon guy.

 

 

OOOOO