Another day.

It was getting very tiring, and you were getting very sick of it. You were sick of it all, sick of all the pain the bull. You wanted to be strong, you didn't want to feel so weak and useless, but every time you tried, every effort you made. You were just pushed down again. You couldn't even explain the will power you had to have to force yourself to live another day.

Many days, you were close. Close to ending it all. It was so easy, just one more slit and you will end it all. But, you always found a tiny reason to say no. Different reasons for you to live.

But today was excruciating. Today you wanted to feel weak, today you wanted to give up, today you wanted to let go. It seemed like the easier option. The wrong option however,  but today you didn't care.

Climbing into the bathtub, you let the water run, it was a feeling unexplainable. You would feel instantly calmed when hearing the water run, seeing the water fill up the tub. The next part. You reached into the box containing your penknife and towel hastily. Today you were more than usually urgent, urgent to get rid of the pain. You didn't want to let more and more unhappy thoughts fill your head. 

Pulling the penknife over your wrist, you felt instant relief as your pain was numbed. It felt so much better, and you wanted to feel like this always. Usually, the feelings lasted for a few hours, but today, you'll never feel pain again. The thought of that was comfort, and for the first time, you didn't cry. You were actually emotionless.

And unlike the other days, you couldn't find any reason to stop yourself. You didn't think of your family, you didn't think of your friends, you didn't think of your future, your dreams, your hope and you didn't think of myungsoo. 

So, with one final breath, you closed your eyes and slit your wrist one last time.

The penknife dropped to the bottom of the tub.

Today Myungsoo was happy. He had gotten off practice early, because Sunggyu was in a good mood. The first thought that came to his mind was you. As he hummed to himself, he opened the door to your house with the keys you gave him. He wanted to give you a surprise. Peeking in your bedroom, he realised you weren't there. Confused, he searched the house for you, and saw the lights were on in the bathroom. He knocked on the door but opened it after you didn't respond.

The flowers from his hand fell to the floor as the sight of you greeted him. As much as he tried to scream, no voice was able to come out. It was as if he stopped breathing for a moment, as if the earth stopped rotating and everything came to a standstill. Forcing himself to face reality, he wasted no time and fumbled with his phone as he grabbed a towel and called for the ambulance.

As reality hit him hard, tears streamed down his face as he sobbed uncontrollably. He really wanted to wake up from this bad dream. He wanted all of this to just be a nightmare. He tried so hard to pull himself together for you, but he couldn't just sit there and watch his beautiful girlfriend look so limp and lifeless, as blood dripped out from her wrist. He prayed so hard for you to be alright, as he pressed the towel to your wrist, mumbling incoherent words.

The beeping sound of the monitor woke you. You blinked your eyes a few times and saw myungsoo's head on your body. You scanned the room and realised you were in the hospital. You survived. You mentally cursed yourself, as you realised that myungsoo was probably the one who found you. You didn't want him to see you in this state. He didn't deserve this.

Your shuffling and light movement woke myungsoo up. He opened his eyes and seeing that you were awake, immediately pressed the nurse button for assistance. You noticed that his eyes were swollen and red and his cheeks were stained with dried tears. He didn't deserve this, really.

There was a moment of silence, before myungsoo spoke. "___________," he forced out.

You turned your head away from him, refusing to see the hurt you caused him. "You don't deserve this, just leave me, go away please." you begged him.

Hearing no response from him, you expected him to walk out, or to release all his frustration on you, but what happened next surprised you.

Myungsoo enveloped you in the most heartwarming hug you ever had, "You don't deserve this, _______!" he cried, as he hugged you tighter, but also careful to injure you further. "You reall don't.." he sobbed. Seeing him cry and seeing him so helpless, tears escaped from your eyes as you felt so guilty and hurt that you didn't think about him before doing this to yourself. You had always been selfish, thinking of yourself, but you had never thought how he would feel if you left him.

"I.. I'mm sorry..." you managed to choke out as you cried even harder and completed lost it infront of him. Myungsoo swiped your tears away, and managed to make a smile. "You'll be okay _____, you'll be okay." he comforted and your back gently, and kissed you lightly on the cheek. 

You smiled back at him, and noticed the flowers on the table that he had brought earlier. You were so foolish, you thought no one cared, but he had always loved you.