Carry Me Home

Kris has quickly earned himself a reputation after debut—the boy with the face that would rival even the Ice Princess Jessica. He takes it all in stride, doesn’t say much about it, but he smiles as much as humanly possible in the upcoming months. There’s something about Kris’ smile that makes people want to smile back, or that’s what Joonmyun thinks. Lu Han says Kris’ smile makes him want to run away, but Lu Han is a brat and everyone knows he’s teasing. When Joonmyun is fretting over his brother group a thousand miles away, he needs only to look at the pictures of Kris’ wide grin, teeth flashing and eyes nearly shut from the force of it, to know that everything is alright. Kris’ smile doesn’t lie.

It takes a few months for Kris’ new reputation to take hold, but once it does it’s tough to define. Joonmyun sees a lot of different names for it.

Nice Guy

Sweet-talker

Boy to take home to mom and dad

Most likely to make you feel like a princess

But they all agree that Kris knows how to talk to a girl, and he’s not greasy about it. That’s perhaps the most stunning thing about it—everything Kris says is 100% genuine, from his heart. He doesn’t need to look someone in the eye to make them feel special, with his messages scrawled on small slips of paper—You’re beautiful—and responses over the fan boards. He makes girls flutter, touching their cheeks and staring through wide-eyes. Could it be true, does he mean it?

Joonmyun can answer that—yes he does. He means every single word, he thinks those girls are beautiful and perfect just the way they are. He says it as often as he can, trying to get across to the thousands of girls listening in, waiting for that perfect guy to come along and sweep her off her feet, they don’t need to change themselves. Certainly they don’t need to change themselves for him, and even if nobody else will say it he will. You’re perfect just the way you are.

It carries over to when he talks to the other members—when good natured teasing can sometimes take a turn for the worse, Kris is always the first to soothe the wounds. Hugs and sweet words only take people so far, but an assurance that you’ll always have someone to cling to helps. Joonmyun doesn’t realize how much they depend on Kris until he’s gone.

Family emergencies are unavoidable, and Joonmyun’s heart breaks for his friend as he leaves, bags only half packed but too rushed to remember his favorite hat. Too busy trying to reassure eleven frantic boys that he’ll be back soon, no he doesn’t need Chanyeol’s favorite sweater to remember him by, he’ll be back in a week tops, too distracted to even remember his toothbrush, the thing only winds up in Kris’ bag when Joonmyun shoves it in there himself. A week turns into ten days and Kris is suddenly going to Canada again, calling the boys up and trying to tell them through static and background noise that it’s only a slight change in plans, don’t worry about him.

Joonmyun’s heart breaks again when he sees Kris at the airport, taking precious time to pose with fans, signature grin plastered to his face. It’s the first time Joonmyun can honestly remember Kris’ smile being fake and it sends an arrow through his heart.

But life goes on. There are schedules to meet and dance routines to practice, Mandarin pronunciation which isn’t going to magically affix itself to Joonmyun’s awkward tongue. A week turns to three and there’s talk of going on without Kris, clearly he’s not ready to come back and Joonmyun wants to scream. They are one, they are brothers and Kris is hurting, they can’t just leave him behind. Too bad Joonmyun’s opinion counts for nothing. But finally, after more than a month, they come home from a grueling practice and find Kris’ shoes tossed haphazardly in the doorway.

It’s a tearful reunion, and Joonmyun is the first one to ask Kris, later in the only privacy they can get (squished in the shower under the pretense of saving water) if he’s ready to come back to them.

Kris smiles with tears in his eyes. “No,” he says honestly. “But I want to be here. I might never be ready but…it’s better than being anywhere else.”

“Even better than at home with your family?” Joonmyun blurts.

Kris laughs hollowly and doesn’t answer, but Joonmyun doesn’t need an answer. He’s come to realize that the roles have been reversed, and now it’s Kris who needs those kind words and someone to say that they will always have his back. Joonmyun brings it up to the members, tells them he knows they know this already but Kris is hurting, and he needs every kind word he’s ever loaned to them paid back, because that’s what friends do for each other.

It’s a slow process now, long hours of practice and shooting make nerves fray and ugly words come out again, but this time it’s not Kris who’s the first to play peacemaker. This time Kris holds his head in his hands and takes deep breaths, fighting back a meltdown of his own. This time it’s up to somebody else to be the first to make amends. Everyone starts to find new roles, not just Joonmyun—who can’t break up three fights at once no matter how hard he tries—but others too. Sehun starts showing surprising strength, their baby steps up and demands people go cool off and think before they talk for christ’s sake. Of course that comes with its own dark side, as their maknae breaks down in tears one night as a fight rages and tearfully asks if they’ll ever be okay again.

Joonmyun thinks that’s what breaks everyone. Sure, they tend to give Sehun the short end of the stick sometimes—force him to be their aegyo mascot and try to shove the chores off on him—but at the end of the day he’s still their baby, and if it hurts when Kris is broken it hurts even more to see Sehun sink to his knees and try to muffle sobs behind his hands.

Joonmyun is the first one by his side, trying to get him to drink some water and take a deep breath—not necessarily in that order—and Kris is quick to join him. He surprises everyone when he practically scoops Sehun up off the floor, stands him up and pulls him into what can only be described as a bear hug.

“It’s okay Sehun,” he says, rubbing their youngest’s back as he hiccups. “It’s only when you fight and manage to stick it out that you know how strong your friendship really is. We’ve made it this far, we can keep going. That’s what friends do.”

These are the times that try men’s souls, Joonmyun thinks is how the quote goes, and it’s never been more true.

Kris tells them that fans across the world are practically salivating, expecting their grand comeback. They think it’s a little silly but they are so ready for this that they’re beside themselves with excitement. It’s reassuring to see that people still know who they are, have stuck by them after all this time.

“It’s not like we disappeared,” Kris laughs when Joonmyun voices this. “We were still around.”

You weren’t, Joonmyun almost says.

But later they’re guesting on Sukira, laughing and having fun, and Kris comes out with the greatest response to a fan ever.

“Even if you don’t get taller, oppa will still love you.”

Joonmyun laughs as he thinks of the look on that girl’s face, and then freezes for a brief second, giddy smile on his face as he realizes that Kris is back. He’s home.

Later when they’re leaving and Sehun is still teary-eyed, Kris puts an arm around his shoulders and tells him to cheer up, they all love each other and that’s not changing any time soon.

“Now,” Kris says, rubbing Sehun’s arm, “Let’s go home and get some rest, yeah?”

Joonmyun smiles to himself and hides a light laugh. They’re going home.

(Of course I don't know for sure why Kris disappeared a couple of months ago but I was sure it was for a family matter. My head canon for this particular story is that somebody close to him died.

Also Kris' quote on Sukira, about the fan getting taller, is what inspired this. I realized then that he really doesn't come across as greasy like other idols can, and he's just very...well I can only describe it as sweet. Maybe it's my bias talking but there's something about Kris which makes me believe that he honestly means every single compliment he's ever given.)