I’m not going to lie and say it has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Seunghyun actually get’s to visit every now and then. I don’t get to see him for very long however, and that’s where it gets hard.

            Sometimes he is able to call me and that’s nice. He tells me about the hard work he is doing and I feel so bad for him but he always responds with a positive attitude. He says he has never been so physically active in his life. I try to “aigoo” or whatever for him but he brushes it off and tells me it’s good for him. He’s really changing but I guess it’s in a very good way.

            I am not your typical girl who falls into a depression the moment her boyfriend leaves for an extended amount of time. It’s hard, and I miss him with all of my heart, but I also have my boys to fill it back up.

            Jiyong-by doing what I love, I help us both. I distract him from his work and he distracts me from my thoughts. Caralene has been with him a lot lately and I am pretty sure there is something going on between them, but I can never be quite sure. He doesn’t seem to do public displays of affection. Either way, I don’t mind being the third wheel. Caralene was my friend first.

            Caralene is now modeling for YG with a steady schedule. Jiyong was right, she does have a great look for sports ads. He wasn’t just trying to get with a girl, he actually has a good eye. We also hang out a lot. Most of the time when Kayoto is not with Seungri and Caralene is not with Jiyong we all go out with each other to shop. It always helps lift my spirits. I got paid very well for Famous Idol, Hidden Lady. Since I lived on a budget for so long it was easy to make my pay check last two years.

            That and I have also been doing more acting work on the side. I have since had some very small supporting roles. Foreigner roles are getting very popular in dramas now and I can actually credit myself to that.

            Seungri-his playful attitude enables me to have fun even when I am feeling my worst. He also helps jolt out any bad vibes by screaming at me when he practices his English. “______! You like this color? This color is good color for the wall, yes! I think it is good color. Keeps good feelings. All the time!” He has taken up interior designing in his free time. He is remodeling the dorms. I don’t know where he finds the free time, or the energy…but he always manages it somehow.       

            Daesung-In my free time-which is all of the time-I like to spend quality time with him. I finally got around to watching his drama. We watched it together whenever he was not tending to band related things. This helped take up a lot of time considering he is patient enough to pause it after every line to translate it into English unlike Seunghyun.

This is how we worked on his English. I had the subtitles so I could check him but I wouldn’t let him look. He would have as long as it took for the character to speak to watch it but then he had to look at me. He is not a fast reader so I knew he couldn’t cheat.

He is practically fluent now. He just needs to work on his reading comprehension skills and he is good to go as one of Big Bang’s best English speakers.

And Youngbae-my big brother. He would listen to me any time I couldn’t manage to distract myself. It is so funny to think about how our relationship started out. He was always pestering me and although I never hated it, it always got on my nerves because I could never quite understand what his deal was.

Now he is the best big brother I could ever ask for and I couldn’t ask for more from him. Whenever I feel down, I know his comforting hug is only a phone call and a block away. I cant count how many times he has had to make me hot chocolate in the middle of the night while he has listened to me complain about my cramps and emotions.

He truly deserves an award.

I finally managed to take a trip back to the states to visit my Mother. She is so proud of me. She bought so many copies of my drama and has handed it out to practically everyone she knows and/or meets on the street.

She carries copies around with her. It’s really ridiculous. She’s like that one Mom who has to show all of her children’s photos to anyone she manages to corner, except instead, she just hands out box set DVD’s of korean dramas no one has ever heard of before.

I told her I wouldn’t be offended if she downloaded it online illegally but she insists on buying the $200 DVD packs. She claims it’s because she wants to support me but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly because she still doesn’t understand how a computer works.

Seunghyun’s mother actually accompanied me on that trip and they even shared a mother’s day out without me while I visited Tilly and Carly. I was nervous about that, but on the plane ride home, Eommoni had nothing but good things to say about my Mother.

On the few occasions that Seunghyun has been able to come visit, he hasn’t been able to visit for very long (or alone for that matter). He is usually visiting on business terms and is accompanied by another soldier. Man, does he look good in a military suit, but I digress.

Much like his family and cultural values, he respects the rules of the military to the highest degree. This means that no matter how badly we want to see each other, he will not break the rules of the military or abuse his status as an idol to have quality time with me-and I respect that.

But it .

I have made it this far though and with only a month left, I’m sure I can make it all the way.

                                    .                       .                       .

“Do you want to go get dinner before we pick up hyung?” Daesung asks from my couch as I get him some water from the fridge. “He’s not officially out for another three hours anyway,” he says. He came over to my apartment to hang out for a little bit because I have been overly anxious all day and I can’t seem to calm down. “Maybe you will feel better if you actually eat something,”

“Or I might puke…it could go either way,”

“Or that. Listen, you need to eat something,” he gets up from the couch and walks on over to me in the kitchen. “We can’t have you fainting when you finally see him. Let’s get some make-up on you and get you dressed up real nice for when you see Seunghyun, okay?”

“Fine,” I sigh. He takes me by the hand and drags me into my room. He places me on my chair in front of my vanity and places his hands warmly on my shoulders and looks at my face with me in the mirror. He’s like my gay best friend but he’s not. He’s just really into skin care (something else we have bonded over these past two years. My skin is flawless now thanks to him).

He knows his way around make-up better than I ever could also-not because he is a drag queen in his free time (because he is not), but because he’s a kpop idol. I suppose he picked up a thing