Part 1

“So Heechul-ssi, a lot of the members have expressed their disappointment about Hangeng’s absence…”

 I stiffened and looked down. My breath hitched. I didn’t like to talk about him. I didn’t like to be asked about him. I didn’t like to think about him. Mainly because it brought back all the pain, all the sadness, all the disappointment. It brought back the feeling of being deserted, alone with no one by my side. The feelings that told me no one cared.

 “And we know that you two were very close friends...”

 I nodded slightly. We were. We were the best of friends. Inseparable was our word. Nothing described us better. Some called us gay. We joked and played as if we were. But deep in our hearts, we loved each other. Whether we were indeed gay or if it was our strong bond, it didn’t matter. But we shared trust and belief that nothing could ever come between us. Nothing… Never…

 “Could you tell us a bit about how you felt? Or feel about this matter? E.L.F.s around the world are curious as to what happened. Do you still keep in contact with each other?

 I raised my head slowly and felt a reassuring pat on the back. It was Leeteuk. The one that brought me back (A/N: im not sure about this…just go along with it ;P) I looked at him and he gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and a nod. We had talked about this. It was time to let everyone know.

 I cleared my throat and looked at the host. “I don’t know if anyone will truly understand how I feel but ill try and make it as clear as possible.”

 The she nodded and urged me to continue.

 “Imagine this… You’re friends with this guy who you’ve known for 3 or 4 years. He’s your best friend. The only one that will ever truly understand you.  The only guy that you can ever be fully open to. The guy that makes you smile when you’re down, makes you laugh till you cry. You do everything together. You live together, eat together, even shower together…” I added with a small smile. “Imagine that you’re always with this guy. 24/7. And if you’re not then you’re texting him and calling him. You tell this guy all your secrets. You trust him more than anything and…”

 I paused and took a breath.

 “… you love him.”

 The host seemed a little taken aback at my sudden confession. I looked her right in the eyes…

 “That’s right, I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. We loved each other. We believed that nothing could separate us. Ever.”

 My eyes got watery but I couldn’t cry on camera. I bit my lip and blinked back my tears before continuing.

 “Now imagine this. One day, you come home from a late night recording, tired and looking forward to a plate of hot Beijing fried rice, but it’s not there. Nothing is. Neither is he” I laughed bitterly at the memory. “I remember trying to call out for him. But he wasn’t there. The kitchen was clean and untouched. His bed was made. His phone and keys missing.  I was too tired to do anything so I went to sleep after a glass of warm milk thinking he went for a drive. It was beautiful weather that night…”

 I saw Leeteuk give a faint smile, his eyes in a far-away trance.

 “I didn’t sleep well at all that night, always tossing and turning. I must have dozed off though because I found myself waking the next morning, to the sound of commotion. Worried whispers and stressed voices echoed around the dorm. I realised that I was sweating, not from heat but from the fear of not seeing Hangeng again. Something was up. I could feel it.” I broke out of my memories and focused on the host. “You know when you get that feeling that someone you really care about is in danger…? Or is hurt? I felt like that. ”

 Leeteuk sighed beside me. I looked at him and saw him on the verge of tears. He didn’t like this story either.  I continued. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay so i think its physically impossible for me to write a one-shot :L so im gonna post this in two parts...it might even end up in three parts... i dunno :p i'm so sorry that its so short :/ it wasnt supposed to be split...but if i didnt then it would have become the longest one shot ever...haha

comment comment comment!

and  subscribee <3