"You shine brighter than anyone."

☪☪☪☪☪

     Kim Himchan is merely just a simple person beyond the eyes of practically every single student around the campus, if not then, a peculiar individual as some of them would address. It’s not like Himchan wasn’t comfortable with new people around him, but it’s because his lack of ability to be able to voice out his opinions and thoughts, thus resulting to people easily classifying him as ‘boring’ or ‘weird’. In easy terms, he was mute.

     No, it never crossed his mind that this was the reason behind him being alone most of the time of every day. Also, it’s not like he resent the feeling of being alone. In fact he actually takes a liking on having time solely for himself, not giving care for what other people say behind his back. But sometimes, there would be days that he would feel lonelier than usual, resulting to him wishing that he could speak, wishing that he had someone to talk to and wishing that someone would listen to him in some way possible.

     The fact that he has an inability was slightly difficult to handle because people treat him differently, and not in a good way to add to the fact. No one would stop and listen to him. No one would bat an eyelash and care about how his day went. There was absolutely no one who knew who he entirely was. Himchan thought he was invisible to the others, just another wallflower blending in the crowd, and what’s worse is he might have just been reduced from ‘one of the crowd’ to completely ‘not noticeable background’. In addition to the dilemma, he also is constantly picked on by no good students who find enjoyment in other’s pain. Himchan makes it a point to fake a smile, and act like the insults weren’t slicing through his very sensitive core. Sure he was smiling, but inside of his thoughts, every single fiber in him is burning in vicious anger, sadness, and desperation.

     If he could have at least one wish, then he would cry out to be treated in a perfect normal state. Just like everybody else.

     Himchan sat in a far corner, his back against the wall, and his arms hugging his knees to his chest on the cold, cement floor of the rooftop. His eyes gazed at the night sky painted with an onyx and a slight tinge of a dark hue of indigo, stars shining aimlessly upon him. The blow of a slightly strong wind kissed him, thus making the man hug his knees even closer. Himchan took a deep breath and admired the beautiful scene of the skies. He always loved watching the stars because it makes him feel at ease. It was a rare moment where he was away from the stalking eyes and constant judgment of students that would pass by him every now and then.

     Suddenly, his eyes caught a blazing star raced through the night sky in which he immediately shut his eyes closed  and whispered a wish coming from the bottom of his heart. Even if he knows wishing upon shooting starts were just myth and fallacy he still did not budge and lose hope. Maybe his wish will come true the next day, or week, month or even years. He sighed and slowly stood up, putting his hands in his pocket, walking towards the door leading to the stairs. He took on final glance at the skies and showed a subtle smile.

     I wish for someone to notice me.

∞∞

     Bang Yongguk yawned as their literature teacher blabbered about the history of some language that he isn’t familiar of. Sometimes it makes him wonder why they were needed to force in momentary knowledge that would soon be forgotten in the near future, and also why someone would actually listen to the dead-tiring, boring lectures that the teachers would take time to discuss. He looked over to his right where a student was religiously taking down notes, writing down what seems to be every word that comes out of the teacher’s lips. How could such a student be so interested in this subject? He tried to look further in the notes and for a short moment decided if maybe he should borrow the notes just in case he will need it because a part of him is quite sure that he isn’t doing any good progress with his grades with this certain subject.

     “Yah, Student to my right!” Yongguk had no clue regarding the name of his classmate since he wasn’t really meticulous with learning people’s name, so he tried to call the other boy’s attention with his hushed whispers. The boy looked at his direction and gave a questioning look.

     “Can I borrow your notes after the class?” Yongguk’s eyes made sure that the teacher’s attention wasn’t in there are, otherwise they’d be fined with a behavioral report for talking in class. The other boy looked hesitant, but soon nodded at the request and gave small gesture of thumbs up to make sure that his classmate gets the message.

     “Kamsahae! I’ll return it in dismissal, alright?” Yongguk had a small victory dance in his head because maybe he might just pass the class with the notes that his classmate has.

     “What’s your name? So I can easily return it.” He whispered to the brown-haired boy and he noticed that the other fished out a small notepad and scribbled down something. He tore the paper away from the pad and passed the note to Yongguk. Unfortunately, halfway through the process their teacher caught them and threw a fit on how they were being disrespectful.

     “I certainly did not expect this action from you, Kim Himchan!” The old woman snarled as she tapped the ruler on her desk, giving a fair warning that if they keep this up, they might just get detention, or something. Yongguk rolled his eyes the moment the woman had her face turned back to the dusty chalkboard. He looked to his right and bowed his head, apologizing to Himchan, apparently, for causing him trouble. Himchan just nodded once more and carried on with writing down notes.

     Yongguk noticed the piece of folded paper that was passed to him previously and he opened it slowly. Reading the contents he decided that he might have just found a new friend.

     I’m Kim Himchan. You don’t need to return it so soon. You can have it over-night. Please take care of my notes. Thank you.

∞∞

     Himchan felt a small sense of happiness when his classmate, Yongguk, talked to him. Opposite from him, Bang Yongguk is quite a star in his school. He would be the perfect example of a character that walked out of a romance novel and such. Ladies and even some men would swoon over him, but Yongguk isn’t the type to take notice of other people. He’s more of an introvert, which adds to the mysterious demeanor that every student wants to break through. It’s not like Himchan was attracted to him or anything, but he was having a jealous admiration towards the young man.

     Himchan was now currently walking to his apartment, when suddenly a group of his upperclassmen and some of the same year approached him and forcefully grabbed his wrist, dragging him along in some alley that he is not aware of. He obviously couldn’t cry out for help, nor could he ask them why and where they are going to take him. They violently pushed him, causing him to tumble down the ground, his head against the ground surrounded in dirt.

     You see, this is the part that Himchan hates the most. If insulting wasn’t enough for his peers, then physical contact would do them some good. Since Himchan wasn’t half as strong as them, in fact he was frail, and skinny, thus he was always a subject for harassment. This part of his inability has been always kept a secret, otherwise he’s be beaten relentlessly by the students that have taken an unreasonable resent towards him.

     “We saw you talking to Yongguk-oppa! Look, you need to learn that you’re below every one of us, got it?” A lady said while darting out a vicious glare, her hand gaining momentum of force as it was going toward Himchan’s face. The latter prepared himself, shutting his eyes closed, for the sting of pain that would touch his body soon, but to his surprise, he experienced none. He slowly cracked one of his eye open to see Yongguk having a firm grip on the lady’s wrist with a disappointed look.

     “Y-Yongguk-oppa! It wasn’t I who started this thing!” The lady murmured, beads of sweat forming on her forehead from nervousness, supplying Yongguk with a lie she sure hopes will be believed.

     “Stop this now. Leave!” Yongguk threw her wrist down with much force. The lady’s yes widened and bowed apologetically before running for her dear life as the other students follow her.

     Yongguk’s eyes caught a sight of a young man on the laid on the ground, his palms covering his face. Yongguk walked towards him, and propped himself up with his knees. He placed his hands on the other one’s back and yet he felt him flinch in trauma. Yongguk couldn’t help but feel sorry for the man.

     “Y-yah! Are you alright? I won’t hurt you, I promise.” He said softly, hoping that the other boy would trust him. After a few moments, the boy removed is palms away from his face and Yongguk felt himself tense up as he found out it was the student from the class he had earlier that day. “Himchan!” He called, and immediately rushed closer to his side, helping him to stand up on his own two feet. He dusted off some of the dirt that accumulated onto Himchan’s clothes and gave out a warm smile.

     “Can I walk you home? I’m worried about you.” If there is one thing that Himchan is in awe of Yongguk, would be despite his popularity, his heart is filled with kindness. Himchan looked for his notepad and fished out a pen and started to write his reply as quickly as possible.

     “You don’t have to trouble yourself. I can go home safely.”

     Yongguk wondered why is it that Himchan had to use a notepad as a mean of communication, but he let it pass and grabbed Himchan’s wrist gently.

     “I insist, don’t worry about it.” Yongguk said in a low voice that ignited tiny sparks inside of Himchan’s system. He looked at Yongguk and mouthed a sincere “Thanks.”  and wrote down the address of the building of his apartment.

     Yongguk smiled that elicited an assurance that everything will be alright and that Himchan should just relax.  The walk didn’t take a long time because the building was just a block away. Himchan bowed his head as a sign of thanks and quickly gliding his pen across a page note before Yongguk was about to leave.

     “Do you want a cup of tea or maybe coffee? It’s only to show my gratitude.”

     “Sure.” He agreed and let Himchan lead the way to his unit.

     The afternoon stretched as Yongguk stayed longer in Himchan’s apartment. The two were awkward in the beginning, but that atmosphere was soon vanished out as they were conversing uniquely wherein Himchan would write down his thoughts on a notepad, and Yongguk would just read and listen. For the first time ever, Himchan actually felt acknowledged by someone, he felt an interest toward him. Slowly, he was soon having a sense of attraction toward the other man, thank god he was mute, otherwise he’s be giggling like an idiot at the moment, much like a main character from a romance movie would.

     “Does that always happen?” The raven-haired man asked Himchan regarding the physical violence that he saw earlier on. Himchan can’t say the truth, because he’s pay the price if he did. He knew he had to lie to conceal the truth that he is a constant subject for the violence. But Yongguk’s eyes which were filled with concern melted away the thought of having to tell another lie. He knew he could trust Yongguk. Even if they only had a conversation less than five times with the man, he can easily tell that Yongguk is a man of sincerity.

     “Honestly, It does. But I’m used to it. People like me are seemingly ‘below’ everyone else according to them.”

     “That’s bull. You’re special, and don’t you forget that!” Yongguk gave him a pat on the back and took a sip from the coffee that has already cooled down. Himchan smiled at the statement. Yongguk does make him feel special; any words from the man could uplift his spirit in a snap.

     “It’s getting quite late; I need to go home myself.” Yongguk finished the last of his coffee and bid the other man a small good-bye.

     As Yongguk was walking through the long stretch of road towards his own house, he couldn’t help but think how tough it must be for Himchan to handle his life every single day. This afternoon he was able to dig out small traces of Himchan past. Yongguk learned that he wasn’t born mute however; he was traumatized by an unfortunate car accident that took the life of his parents and sibling, thus leaving him to be the only one alive in his family. It explains the scars that Himchan has around his body, and it explains why he chooses not to speak anymore.

     He feels like he should be the one to protect him. And just like that, Yongguk finds himself hooked with interest towards Himchan. He wonders what his favorite color is, what type of food he does not like, and also wonders how Himchan’s voice would sound like. Just like that, Yongguk decides to be with Himchan as much as possible.

∞∞

     Himchan was once again gazing at the night sky wherein the stars shine unusually brighter than yesterday. He smiled to himself as the soft wind touches his face leaving it with a slight tingle.

     “Umma, were you able to hear my wish yesterday? It’s funny. I never thought that wishes would come true. Thank you so much!”

     He felt happy as his eyes landed on that certain star that was shining brighter than the rest. He looked around and bit his lip, trying to hide his smile from nobody in particular.

     “Yongguk. That star is Yongguk.”

     Sometimes, in times wherein we are desperate for help and when we are in dire need of comfort, there would always be that one person that would stand out from the rest and will be the one who will take care and give you all of the comfort you need, that one person who genuinely find you important and would do absolutely anything just to bring a smile to your face. Himchan now knows that Yongguk is the one that would make him feel at ease. Even in that small moment when they were just talking, he knew that he was intently listening despite his inability to speak. And whenever he is with Yongguk, he knew that he was protected from all of the odds that would come in his way.

     Himchan went down with a light feeling and was able to sleep soundly with only one person occupying his mind.

     The next morning was quite dull for Himchan as he was walking to his seat in the classroom. He sat down, still feeling drowsy when suddenly, he heard his name being called and turned to the direction of the voice.

     “Channie-ah! Thanks for the notes!” He noticed that his notebook was in a perfect condition as it was laid on his desk. Just the sight of Yongguk made his feel a whole lot better.

     Himchan slightly tilted his head, noticing a peculiar nickname that escaped Yongguk’s lips. The latter noticed Himchan’s confused stare and said “I chose that nickname!  Isn’t it cute?” Yongguk chuckled lightly and soon ran his hand through Himchan’s hair, messing it up lightly. The other one looked around as the wondering stares from the other students were specifically darted at them. He felt himself tense up and pulled Yongguk’s hand away.

     “Yah, don’t worry. I’m here to protect you.” Yongguk winked as he whispered those words against Himchan’s ears, leaving him with a cold goose bump as opposed to Yongguk’s hot breath.

     “Alright.”  Yongguk saw Himchan write and gave him a small grin and soon set himself back to his own seat as the teacher started to lecture.

     Yongguk let his own mind drift away with never-ending thoughts about Himchan. It only took a simple action, a smile, a gesture, or even small notes that sparked unfamiliar feelings inside of Yongguk’s heart. There was something about him that he wanted to protect and hold dear to his heart away from all the negativity. The moment he met Himchan, he didn’t even think that he would be this important to him, and yet Yongguk thinks that he can’t bear to be parted from him.

     Is this love?

     Absolutely not, or so he says to himself. He just found Himchan a bit more special than the rest. A bit a lot more genuine and sincere from the crowd that has been indulge in worldly vices. His train of thoughts was cut off as a piece of a folded paper in the shade of a pastel pink was laid atop of his desk.

     From : Himchan

     He quickly opened it and read through the message with a feeling of happiness welling up inside his body.

     Is it alright if you come by my apartment tonight? You don’t have to if it’s a trouble.. I just want to hang out.. or something. Sorry?

     Yongguk signaled an ‘okay’ sign toward Himchan’s direction.

∞∞

     That night, Himchan felt a little nervous, and he does not have a reason or an idea as to why he felt his heart beating a little bit faster every time Yongguk would appear in his mind. The doorbell rang and he felt like his chest was about to burst as he opened the door which revealed Yongguk looking a little too perfect for him to handle, he didn’t bother letting Yongguk in, but instead he excitedly grabbed hold of Yongguk’s wrist and ran towards the steps leading to the rooftop of the apartment building, where there laid a piece of a neat cloth and a couple of pillows. Yongguk found the preparation and the tiny details about Himchan completely charming.

     “What did you want to show me?” Yongguk asked, sitting himself on the ground beside Himchan and subconsciously lacing his fingers in between Himchan’s hands. The latter pointed upwards and Yongguk took notice of the studs that were shining above them. Soon after, a small notepad that was adorned with a simple design of sparkling stars which was placed in front of Yongguk, and he momentarily pulled his hands away from Himchan’s in order for him to see the contents of the pad. He opened it and read silently, the atmosphere between them wasn’t in any way awkward or cold. As he turned to the first page, he felt Himchan’s body lean against his, the other’s head resting on his shoulders.

     “I’ve always loved looking at the stars for reasons that I think of them as not just stars but a thought beyond that.”

     “I thought to myself that maybe those are the people that have passed and are in heaven already, and as they shine it means that they’re watching over me. It’s like they’re saying that they finally in a happy state.”

     “Or maybe sometimes, those are the possibilities and chances that are waiting to be grabbed and wished for.”

     “Also, they appear as the representation of people that shine the brightest.”

     “That same night wherein you first walked in to my apartment, I noticed a star that shone upon me as if it was made especially for me.”

     “ I never really took living seriously ever since that accident, but because of you, I regret just merely existing.”

     “You. Bang Yongguk is the star that is mine. You can laugh, but this is what I think.”

     “I love you.”

     Yongguk stopped abruptly and looked right into Himchan’s glassy eyes, he noticed the tears that have already stained Himchan’s cheeks. He swiped his thumb across his cheek, wiping the tears away. Himchan noticed Yongguk who opted to say something, but soon closed his mouth with the lack of words to string together.

     “Himchan-ah..” Yongguk paused and collected his thought for the last time. He looked right into the other man’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t love you. I-I’m sorry.” Yongguk’s voice was about to crack. He didn’t want it to end up this way. Himchan immediately wrote a new note and gave it to Yongguk.

    “I don’t expect you to.”

     “I don’t love you, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t, right? Just give me more time, alright?”

     “You don’t need to force yourself. I understand.”

∞∞

      That was the last time that they spoke ever since that night, as far as Yongguk could remember. It was five days after that incident, and he’s been dead worried because Himchan hasn’t been present in classes for about a week. He was hoping that today, Himchan would show up and they could talk normally once more. He did miss Himchan, but falling in love was out of the picture at the moment.

     “Bang Yongguk?”

     “Present.”
“Kim Himchan?”

     “Absent.”

     “Still?”

     The woman in front of the blackboard tilted her head, curious on the sudden continuous absence of Himchan but soon carried on with the checking of the attendance.

 ∞∞

     Yongguk didn’t know why but he was in front of Himchan’s unit, contemplating whether he should ring the doorbell or not. After walking in small circles, he finally decided to ring it exactly three times. The door knob wasn’t turning even after a good ten minutes, so Yongguk decided to just swing the door open, hoping that it wasn’t locked, and good thing that it wasn’t.

     He desperately searched for Himchan, hoping that he’s inside the apartment because he is dead worried about the other man. When he entered the kitchen, it revealed a pale Himchan laid on the floor, and eyes completely shut. Yongguk rushed to the other man’s side as he felt his heart pound madly against his chest, unsure of what to do. He felt the extremely high temperature of Himchan’s body, and was shaken beause the other man as barely breathing, almost lifeless. He didn’t think twice but carry Himchan and rush the man to the nearest hospital.

     “Are you a relative of Himchan-ssi?” The man, Dr. Park, pushed his glasses as he read through a pile of Himchan’s records.

     “N-No, I’m a friend.” Yongguk just answered even if he isn’t sure of what to say at this rate.

     “Are you aware of his condition?” Dr. Park’s eyes met with Yongguk’s confused stare.

     “P-pardon?”

     After an intensive discussion with the man before him, Yongguk finally knew everything there is to know and every single detail that Himchan has managed to conceal. Himchan has been battling a disease ever since the accident, and the worst part it, Himchan is in fact running out of time.

∞∞

     “You idiot.” Yongguk muttered to himself, indirectly darting it to Himchan who was still unconscious on the hospital bed, with monitors beeping all around them. In the corner of his eyes, he noticed a small flinch that moved in Himchan’s hands and his eyes immediately sparked with hope. He saw Himchan’s eyes crack slightly open and he can’t help but keep himself in a calm state.

     “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked with a stern voice, hoping that Himchan isn’t getting any overwhelmed. Instead of a reply, he just got a scared stare from the latter and mouthed several ‘I’m sorry’.

     “If I didn’t barge into your apartment, you would probably have been dead by now.” Yongguk said non-chalantly and he could see a tinge of guilt spread across Himchan’s face. “Don’t be sorry. I promised to protect you didn’t I?” He said, as he gently cupped the brown-haired boy’s face, and placing a chaste kiss after.

     “I did say I can fall in love after all.”

∞∞

     Every single day of the week, Yongguk would make it a point to visit Himchan in the hospital  and occasionally brings him some food to eat or just a pack of stories he narrates to him with full of enthusiasm, but Yongguk feels a prick in his heart because Himchan has been putting off pounds as each day passes, and so did grow weaker and weaker each passing moments. This day was different from the previous ones. It was Himchan who decided to start a story.

     He handed Yongguk a paper with the hue of orange and he decided to read through it as Himchan’s eyes watched him lovingly. Yongguk held his lover’s hand.

     “I’ve been thinking lately. Ever since the accident, I wasn’t afraid of death. I thought that it was just another stage that I have yet to pass. But now I think otherwise.”

     “Now that my time is almost up, I can say that as I slowly inch closer to death itself I find myself being afraid.”

     “It’s not because of the pain or the sufferings that it will bring me but because for the first time, I finally have something to lose. I finally have a reason to live.”

     “You are my reason.”

     Yongguk felt the tears choke him up, and his heart completely fell, shattered, and everything that you can describe as Himchan’s hand fell lifeless upon his own. His whole body shook in terror as he realizes that it’s finally over.

     If only he could stretch the moments that they have forever, then he wouldn’t have to worry a single day about being apart from Himchan. He let the tears flow freely as he held Himchan’s hand firmly, saying his ‘I love you’s” again and again, hoping that Himchan lived to hear him say it. It was too late for him, he placed one final kiss on Himchan’s cold lips.

     “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

∞∞

     It’s been three months since Himchan have passed and there Yongguk sat at the rooftop where memories of Himchan would flow within him. With the notebook that Himchan has given him on the same place, he read through the contents and felt most of his heart tug at the pain and the beautiful moments that they have shared before everything was over.

     At the last page, he took a deep breath and closed the notebook. To his surprise a piece of an old paper fell down from the crisp pages of the pad and Yongguk raised his eyebrow, curiously opening of what seem to be an old letter that he never had a chance to read.

Bang Yongguk a man I thought who wouldn’t even shake me one bit.

As you read this letter I want to let you know my thoughts. You are a wonderful person, and I understand why I completely fell for you. It’s funny because I cannot express myself, and yet you were able to elicit out all of the things that I’ve been hiding. I have yet to tell you one thing, but I’m not sure if I should tell you. Maybe in time you would understand why I tried to hide it from you. I didn’t want to see you get hurt, or anything like that. I’d like to remember you as the bubbly, optimistic rather than all gloomy.

You aren’t just wonderful outside, but inside as well. It’s not just a hollow thing, however, you wonders consume and fills anyone’s live you touch and I have been lucky to be touched by you.

There may not be any flowers that do not wilt, but I am glad I met you in the season you bloom the brightest.

-Channie [I still don’t find this nickname cute, but you think otherwise.]

     Yongguk smiled. Maybe it was meant for him to read this letter after Himchan has passed, because now there is more depth and meaning to every single word that was written on it. He did love Himchan, and hence, he will never love like that again. He looked at the night sky and his eyes glinted at a certain star that shone brightly, directly at him. He tried to reach for it, because he knew who that star was.

“I thought to myself that maybe those are the people that have passed and are in heaven already, and as they shine it means that they’re watching over me. It’s like they’re saying that they finally in a happy state.”

     Himchan’s words appeared in his head, and he knew that they were never parted; Himchan is always with him, watching over him.

∞∞

Author's Thoughts:

Hello! How was it?

*hides behind a bush*

Huhu, I hope that it didn't . I mean, My brain is asdfghjhgfd.

I hope that..you guys really liked it!

MUTE!CHAN IS THE CUTEST HEAD CANON FOR ME I SWEAR. 

and ASDFGHJK WHO HERE ARE FROM N.Y.?

I hope you guys have fun at the L.O.E. later this day! If ever you're going.

Thanks for readin'! 

Comments and Subbs are loved.