I slowly watch the huge drops of rain pelleted at the exterior window of my old car parked in the middle of the empty parking lot overlooking the Han River, with my clenched throat, trying my best not to shed a tear as memories of the past start to conquer my head.

I stare down at the year-old notebook in my hands, the front cover partially torn off. It was my companion for a year now. I take it everywhere I go.

I take a deep breath before I flip it open. For a while, all I did was to stare at the words. I’m scared to read it. I don’t want to feel all those long forgotten feeling again. I don’t want to have all those memories come back. I don’t want to think about something I was trying so hard to forget.

But I did.

My hands start to tremble as they brush my brown hair, begging myself to calm down. All I want is to forget everything.

No.

I don’t want to forget everything. I don’t want to forget about her. All I want is to forget this pain, the pain that's been torturing me for over a year now. I want to go back in time and do something to save her.

Could I possibly do that?

I sit there, my eyes stuck elsewhere, wishing everything would get better. I had never felt anything close to the pain that is drumming so hard in my gut