I can’t sleep tonight. The weather’s kinda cold because this is the last day of summer. I randomly opened the past album photo of mine. Uh yeah its kinda hurt and slightly shock when I saw him. Actually I just saw his and mine picture, or should I say I saw our picture when we were together? Or I think his picture when we were close. Yeah it is. Honestly, we were never together since the beggining. I mean, we were never tied by serious relationship like a lover or something else. We were just a really close friends, and I have one-sided love over him that time. Or did he felt the same?

My heart thump when I see his beauty smile on his precious lips. You know I still keep that feeling for you, Him– oh God my lips became dry as I say a half of his name. I just think I still can’t form and blurt his name out. It still hurt me a lot.

Kim Himchan, you know what I’d felt when you’re kept the distance between us that time? No, haha you probably didn’t knew what it felt like. When you’re step by step went away from me and left me dumbfounded that time, you know, I felt like the sky’s fell down over me. I felt like someone throw me away from the highest building in Macau. I felt like... lost the half of me.

Kim Himchan, I love you so damn much that time. Yeah, now it just disappeared slowly. I mean, I still love you. But my feel for you now wasn’t as big as before. Time erased all my memories away. I really thanked to the time that it sucsessed help me to erase you.

But, tonight, why did you just appeared in my mind? You are so lovely that it hurt. You are so pretty that it hurt. You are so...perfect just you are. I suddenly remember all our sweet memories and moment. Ah, Kim Himchan. I missed you that bad.

The sleep suddenly took me. I felt like my eye’s hurt. Of course, I without realized cried while seeing our photos, your photos. I wiped it softly from my cheeks then I slip my body inside the blanket.

I opened my eyes when I felt myself’s crying over him. Oh , is this a nightmare? Or is this a same beautiful nightmare as the couple days ago? Yeah, couple days ago, I...dreamt about Himchan. Its a very sweet dream actually, but as it Himchan with the kindness and sweetness of him, it hurt just like a nightmare. Why? Because it’ll remind me of him. It will opened the wide-already closed scar of mine. Kim Himchan, you gimme so much pain.

Oh Lord, it still 2 in the morning. And because of him, I couldn’t sleep anymore. Right, this is the first day of autumn. The leaves must be scale off beautifully this morning. No, I mean not right at this time, but it’ll be over nine or ten. I will go to the park then.

Uh yeah, the park. In the first day of autumn. You know what is it? Great! That just remind me of Himchan clearly. Because, that is the first time we got closer. Uhuh, in the park. When you lost your puppy. I went even crazy now. What should I do to tell you that I missed you like crazy?

Himchan, you know what was actually your fault? No? Of course you didn’t know because you are clueless as ever. Your fault is....I give you so much love and care but you haven’t done the same thing to me. At least you didn’t response me. Or I annoyed because you didn’t return my love. I knew it sounded like I was forcing you. But, no. I didn’t even asked you to be my lover. It’s my biggest mistake ever. I really regreted it.

Couldn’t you just....came back to me again? Is it wrong if I hope I could met you someday?

I know this i kinda lame, sorry ;;;;;;

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