The sky was dark, heavy clouds looming low and effectively blocking the rays of the sun. Early afternoon looked like late evening and the harsh rain that poured from above was dense and heavy. The atmosphere was right for the occasion; cold stones on the ground a sad reminder of what was, rather, who was. The stones stood proudly in uniform arrangement, like an army of soldiers lined up for battle. Each plot held interesting stories and hid many secrets, yet here they were all the same in the end. Former existences were buried in wooden boxes, 6 feet below the surface. Some stories behind the solemn names were forgotten…and some written in history.

Today, Kris was revisiting a story he never wanted to forget. He walked quickly, long legs taking him to the spot he knew well; the place where his lover was buried exactly one year ago. Today was the anniversary of his death and the mark of Kris’ misery. To many, one year’s time would be sufficient to heal a broken heart. For Kris, it felt as though time had stopped on that dreadful day. The wounds which tormented his heart were still raw and vain regret was still eminent in his mind. When Kris finally reached the site, he fell on his knees, hands trembling as he placed a small bouquet of baby’s breath near the head of the grave. Then, he replayed in his mind what had been haunting him the past three hundred and sixty five days.

“Lay, I’m home!” Kris called as he entered his apartment, taking off his drenched coat. It was raining cats and dogs outside.

Silence filled the air and Kris called again, “Lay? Are you here?”

At that, Kris was tackled from behind and tumbled onto the plush sofa which cushioned his fall. “Happy Birthday, Babe!”

Kris grinned, turning back quickly to see the dimpled smile he loved so much.

“Is it my birthday?” He shifted his body to face his boyfriend and leaned in for a chaste kiss.

“You forgot, didn’t you,” Lay accused when they pulled apart, a playful pout playing on his lips.

“You know I don’t really care to celebrate my birthday,” Kris said nonchalantly, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, I do,” Lay retorted matter-of-factly.

At that, he got up and disappeared into the kitchen. Kris stayed in his seat, waiting expectantly for the boy to come out of the kitchen with a home-baked cake topped with candles, just like he did every year since they started living together. As he predicted, Lay walked out, carefully holding a frosted cake and singing the classic celebratory song. Kris got up and walked towards him as he placed the cake on the dining room table.

“I made chocolate this year, I hope you like it!”

Kris cupped his boyfriend’s face in his hands tenderly, “I like everything you do.”

Lay sighed dramatically, “You’re so cheesy!”

“You like it, though.” Kris said with a smirk.

Lay ignored his boyfriend’s comment and urged him to make a wish and blow out his candles.

“What did you wish for?” Lay asked after he blew the 24 flames.

“If I tell you, then it won’t come true.”

Kris had wished that he could spend the rest of his life with Lay. He was planning on proposing soon, but his boyfriend was clueless. Kris could not understand why at that moment, he was afraid of the possibility of losing his lover, the thought was random and had never occurred to him before.

Kris did not realize that hot tears were mingling with the cold raindrops on his face. Happy memories tended to cause him more melancholy than content. What tormented him most was that they could have had a happily ever after if he had not messed things up. Kris ran one hand through his blonde hair and looked up into the sky, squinting as rain splashed onto his face.

“K-Kris?” Lay froze in disbelief when he saw his fiancé publicly displaying affection on another man in the center of the shopping mall. His bags dropped and he began to shake. Kris panicked when he heard the familiar voice and quickly turned to see Lay’s shocked and hurt expression.

“I-It’s not what you think-“ Kris was cut off when Lay abandoned his belongings and ran out of the mall. The guilty male paused momentarily in his spot, still taken aback by the accidental revelation, but snapped back to reality and ran after his true love.

“Lay! Lay! Wait! Please listen to me!” Kris called in a futile attempt to stop him. His calls turned frantic when he realized that his fiancé was running into traffic on a crowded street. He vaguely remembers the sounds of cars beeping and seeing Lay getting hit by a car which could not stop in time.

“Lay!” Kris called inaudibly. He does not recall when he lost his voice.

Then he saw police cars and heard ambulance sirens. He does not remember how he ended up in the emergency vehicle with his fiancé, holding his hand as he lay in critical condition, loud sirens still sounding deafeningly. He cried and begged forgiveness of his fiancé; he only wanted one chance to make things better. The thought of the possibility of losing Lay after betraying him was his worst fear at the moment. He repeated his apology like a prayer, hoping the unconscious boy could somehow hear him.

It was too late.

Kris chuckled sarcastically to himself when he remembered that Lay’s worst fear was to die unloved. Fate was cruel sometimes, he thought. He knew that he loved him more than anything else in the world and after that fateful day, he could not even look at another with desire again.

The only problem was that Lay would never know that.