Christmas music had begun to play on the radios again.  Jung Min loved Christmas, it was something widely known amongst his fans.  Despite everything that happened that year he still was getting excited about everything.  He had decorated the house and even placed Eungi in a cute Christmas outfit.

That day he was out just enjoying his city when suddenly he overhead his song.  He stopped, it was everyday is like christmas. A realization hit him and tugged at his heart.  He listened to the lyrics and felt the tears sting at his eyes.  It was too cold to be crying again.  He tried to keep the tears in.  But the memories came flooding back to him.  Everything he had tried to put out of his mind.  Hyung Jun. 

You ended up looking at me with that nervous stare
I look at the earth in front of me with a shy stare
I can also feel the nervous outstretched arms
Just like that your staggering appearance

He was reminded of the early days of their relationship when they were finally admitting their feelings to each other.  Hyung Jun had seemed so uncertain, he was so confused about his feelings since he had been convinced he was as straight as a nail. But he learned, even those could be bent with the right pressure.  Jung Min's love for him had certainly changed his attitude.  When Hyung Jun finally expressed his feelings towards Jung Min he had just that.  His cute maknae had become even more cute.

Hmm-very cute I really like that appearance
Even in my sleep, sometimes I see you so I laugh
Again I feel very uneasy so if we are together
My days are Christmas everyday

Just as these lyrics expressed in that moment he imagined Hyung Jun and laughed lightly while wiping his tears.  He was so fond of that memory.  That uneasiness he had expressed he had felt it 10 fold since then.  He wondered if Christmas would really come this year. 

That shy smile is to me is very pretty
In my arms you look at me with warm attention
I can also feel your beating heart
your appearance just posing like this

He closed his eyes and smile had spread across his face at the reminder of the steady heart beat he remembered so clearly.  Perhaps if he just held onto these memories the warmth in his heart could returned.

He had opened his eyes briefly and for a second he thought he may had seen a mirage of the very face that was going through his mind.  That shy smile, the beauty of it, but looking down.  He kept his eyes closed until the end of the lyrics and gently sang the lyrics "neoleul saranghae".

He smiled and hummed along while he opened his eyes until it caught in his throat.

Hyung Jun was there, in front of him.  Well not exactly, he was some distance away.  But what he saw....

Hyung Jun was with Jimin.  They had been on a date.  That smiled that Jung Min remembered so clearly less than a minute before was now plastered onto his face while he looked at this girl. 

The twinkle in Hyung Jun's eyes and the adoration.  He had recognized that look.  He was the reason for that look.  He felt his heart being ripped out.  How could this happen?  Why when he was beginning to accept everything did he have to see this?

His throat seized and he began to cough as tears flowed down his face.  He couldn't breathe, the world was coming in around him, suffocating him.  He tried desperately to breathe through the coughs but it was no use.  The coughing continued until he felt like he would throw up and then suddenly black seeped into his vision and his body dropped to the ground.