Unobservant

The Cracking Mask

OKAY SO, My parents took away my cat from me without my consent Sunday May 12, 2013. I loved that cat so much. She meant the world to me. SInce then, I've been in a y mood and I don't talk to my parents, exit my room, or eat. I'm so freaking mad and upset and sad. So my dad noticed that I've been this way for a couple days now and he thinks I'M BEING BULLIED. This makes me so angry. I know, it's nice that he cares, but THE FACT THAT HE COMPLETELY IGNORES THAT ON I CRIED FOR 8 HOURS STRAIGHT ON MAY 12TH IS SO WRONG TO ME. It's not like I locked myself in my room and cried in a corner. I CRIED IN FRONT OF HIM, LOUDLY, IN HIS CAR, FOR 5 OF THOSE 8 HOURS. The fact that he can dismiss any pain I feel that is caused by him and take it with a grain of salt is so disgusting. ANY PAIN HE OR MY MOM CAUSES TO ME ISNT LEGIT PAIN TO THEM. THEY JUST THINK IT'S AN ALTITUDE.  Like c'mon man. I shouldn't need to tell you that I miss and love my cat. I shouldn't need to remind you that you took my cat away from me. GOD DAMMIT. I SERIOUSLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY MY PARENTS HAD KIDS MY MOM IS AWFUL AND INSULTS ME DAILY. When I cried the entire day SHE YELLED AT ME FOR CRYING. SHE TOLD ME TO SHUT UP AND STOP CRYING OR ELSE IM GROUNDED. SO I STUFFED MY ENTIRE FIST IN MY MOUTH TRYING TO STOP AND SHE YELLED AT ME THAT IM BEING A MESS. I TOLD HER I WAS TRYING TO STOP CRYING AND SHE JUST GOT ANGRIER AND ANGRIER WHICH IS WHAT I WAS TRYING TO AVOID WHEN STUFFING MY FIST DOWN MY THROAT. THEN WHEN I GAVE HER A ONE WORDED ANSWER TO HER 'YES OR NO' QUESTION LATER ON SHE YELLED AT ME FOR NOT TALKING. IM SO ING DONE WITH MY FAMILY. I REALLY REALLY WANTED AN EXCUSE TO STAY HERE BUT I CANNOT LIE TO MYSELF ANY LONGER. I HATE THIS HOUSE AND MY CAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT I LOVED AND ALL THE DEBT IN THE WORLD CANNOT COMPENSATE FOR MY HAPPINESS AS SOON AS I AM 18 I AM MOVING AWAY FROM THIS RACIST, IST, HIGH-TEMPERED, IGNORANT, SELF=CENTERED BULLIES. I AM GOING TO ADOPT MY CAT (i pray every night for her happiness and that she will be able to live unadopted until i am 18) AND MOVE FAR FAR AWAY. I CANNOT STAY HERE ANYMORE. 

PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO SAY PITY STORIES ABOUT HOW MY LIFE IS A LOT BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLE. PLEASE DO NOT COMPARE MY SITUATION/LIFE WITH ANYTHING OR ANY ONE ELSE'S STORY. THESE ARE SIMPLY MY THOUGHTS THAT I NEED OUT OF MY SYSTEM. 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
leejinkioppa #1
Chapter 1: I don't know how to make you feel better because that really does . My parents are practcally the same and I honestly cannot wait to move out of here, and not only here but out of florida maybe a different country. Did you cry while writing this? It feels sort of relieving to be able and just explode in words. I do it too. I'll pray that you'll be able to adopt your cat as soon as possible. I don't really have much that keeps me going anymore but if I did, I wouldn't ever want to lose it. You don't have to reply o this. Whenever I make blogs like this, I just feel slightly irritated when someone comments in which I would have to reply but I feel thankful to those who care but just a little too tired to reply. Whenever you feel like there are too many emotions inside you like this come on here and just explode again and again until you've had enough and you can rest.
leejinkioppa #2
and I wanted to tell you I'm here for you Renae. Even if I can't be a physical shoulder to cry on I still want to be there for you.
leejinkioppa #3
Hi, I'm Saara, and my A/C is broke and I live in Florida so everything is really annoying and hot.
My depression started too, back when I was eleven. It had been building up through elementary. I know how it feels... to have people leave you, but back in elementary I just thought, "Oh yeah, it's my fault anyway... after all I'm weird and we didn't have much in common." I would take it out on my self. After switching schools right after getting out of 2nd grade I hadn't had a real friend until sixth or seventh grade.
And in seventh grade we (as in my family) lost our house. Or the bank took it, whatever. I refused to go to another school because I was scared of starting over. I was so shy, I would let people take advantage of me and I think I still do. Anyway my depression began around that time and I tryed to talk to my parents about it once which only made them laugh at me, "You think you have enough reason to be depressed?" They made me think I myself was even more of a fool.
I'm tired honestly there was a time I was ready to commit suicide. I didn't cut but at that moment I was so ready and ok with it, and if Samar (my most beloved person in the world who is my cousin) had not been in town that day, had not driven four hours away to come see me that weekend and had not stopped me, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
I know I don't have a panic disorder because I am no longer afraid of such things. But I want to go to the hospital or a clinic or whatever and see if I have something or anything because I am too tired and I just want a goddamn excuse.
I help my *friends* too much actually. Because after going through deep deep depression my life motto has changed. It's something like always keep everyone smiling even if you're dying inside. It's not like I matter anyway.
Anyway I wrote this long comment not because I wanted you to feel like some people have it worse than me lol no and I probably don't anyway. I wrote this because I sincerely care about you
Back to Top ↑