1.THE DAY OF THE RECKONING

Im not in any way interested in attending that reunion party, still eyeing the silk envelope on my office table, I scowled. The invitation arrived this morning, and Im not even surprised, I've heard about it from my friends and Chanyeol's all but excited about it . I'm invited to a reunion party the card said, and it's making me sick.

 

What's in our reunion party.

1. A night to reunite with my old group TAEKXI, and it's the only thing Im anticipating.

2. A night to meet our enemies from long before. Mind you, they're too many. And my stomach did a somersault at the thought of seeing them again.

3. A night of endless bragging about each other's imported bags designers clothes and other things that I considered rubbish (tell me what to brag.)

4. A night where in i will be forced to wear something a bit flashy. (and Im still undecided about it.)

5. Taemin. A night where in after 8 loveless years of my life I'll get to meet Taemin again. 

 

8years, because the last time I saw him is that one night 8years ago. Hell, it didn't even last for 10seconds.

 

Who's Taemin? Taemin is my-one-and-only-forever-will-be love of my life. And up until now he remains clueless about it. And maybe he will forever be clueless about it.

 

And I will come see him? Should I be excited or not? Will he attend or not? Should I attend or not? He loves me, He loves me not? 

 

I didn't know reunion party could be this disturbing. I let out a deep sigh as I let myself fall back into my seat. I wish I could just go home and bury myself in my bed. And by the way, I'm Choi Jinri, 24, not-really feminine but I assure you, I'm not homoual.

 

I own a little inbetween-cafe-and-bakery in Myeongdong (. Not good. So I might as well do my exit everytime career topics would arise.)  with the help of Chanyeol, and i wouldn't call him my bestfriend. I am happy. And I am single. All because of Taemin. Lee Taemin. 

 

--

 

"Thinking of him again?" I was awoken from my trance, remembering that Chanyeol is in the room with me. I glared at the person sitting in front with a smirk on his face, and I decided to just ignore him.

 

"Are you going or not? Should I?" my expression, from a glare turned into an expectant one as I seek for advice.

 

"We go together. Okay?" He said sounding a bit comforting, and stood up before patting my cheeks and turning around. 

 

"Chanyeol.." i whined, I'm still not sure about it and my friend right here is all too sure to attend. 

 

"See you later. " he even ignored my protest, and i watched him vanished from my sight. 

 

Park Chanyeol is my friend, since fourth grade, He went hiatus for 4 years, in being a part of my life but returned soon after saying we're stuck together for the rest of our lives, and when I stared at him like he's an insane person, he added "as friends."

And so with the help of our parents, we came up with a plan of managing this bakery. He's a great friend I'll say, but a womanizer indeed. 

 

Now back to my dilemma, maybe i'll just reconsider Chanyeol's proposal. 

 

--

 

2. THE DAY I MET HIM

He doesn't possess the good looks that Heechul have. He wasn't even talented like Onew, and not charismatic like my friend Chanyeol but still I find Taemin so appealing. And whenever I take a look at our previous class pictures, I still wonder why I developed that silly crush on him. 

 

I am 7 and he's 8. He's my classmate starting 2nd grade. He's skinny, tall, dark and blind. Kidding, just wearing spectacles that time. Raven-haired in a weird hairstlyle. 

 

I don't even remember talking to him, we're not friends. and there are 3 things that I'm sure of. 

1. Our parents are friends (All the parents in our class are.)

2. His name is Taemin. 

3. I have this silly crush on him.

 

I don't remember talking to him that time cause both of us are of shy nature. And I wonder how the hell did I came into the conclusion, that at a very young age, I already like him. But he's not my first crush, Dongho is, and that's another story.

 

Family problems forced us to reside in Busan, and because it's unexpected I didn't have the chance to bid goodbye to everyone, not that I made alot of friends who would care anyway.

 

 I returned after a year, and they treat me like a transferee. And I met Taemin again. And the pompous Chanyeol, the ever-so-boastful conceited seatmate of mine, a transfer student whose mother immediately developed closeness with my mother. And I couldn't say that I'm forced to make friends because Chanyeol is so ing handsome, but on top of that he's too full of himself, but he's handsome and touchy-feely, and sadly I'm drifting closer to him, and by the way I don't have a crush on him. 

 

3. OF LARVA, EXAMS, STARCRAFT, MUSEUMS AND VEGGIES. OF LIPSYNCS, HAMMER AND LOVE LETTER.

 

An afternoon in our 4th grade I found myself walking with Taemin, alone, leading to the back building. To get larva. For the life cycle of the mosquito project. And how I ended up going with him, I don't know. 

 

"You put down the pot, I'll get the larva okay?" I asked smiling a bit as I glanced sideways at him while walking towards the said building. 

 

"Of course not. You get yours I'll get mine." looking at him in disbelief, i chuckled when I saw him smiling sheepishly.

 

"Yah! You're kidding right?" he nodded in response that my face split into a wide grin. 

 

I didn't know Taemin is like that. Witty. Or I do know, but the thing is he's deemed shy. He doesn't like talking to girls just because he's uncomfortable. But by now, He's turned from a lanky student, to our school's hearthrob, with a lot of girls competing for his attention. 

 

And as I watch him carry the pot while he watch me getting those wriggling animals, with afternoon classes staring at us from the window sill, I can't help but think that maybe this is meant to be.

 

Now Chanyeol on the other hand starts messing around. I am baffled absolutely when I woke up one day at the sight of him in my room. And I found out that from that day onwards, I should just might as well be used to it, because our families are closer than before. Which means it wouldn't be the last time that i'll find Chanyeol eating, playing or doing whatever in our house. He even chased me up into our bathroom and I am going nuts.

 

By the way, I did mention that Chanyeol is handsome right, and because he's my friend, I tend to be possessive, so when I found a love letter addressed to him on his bag, I flushed it down the toilet. No I am not jealous, I just find those girls annoying. 

 

--

 

---

After that wriggler moment, the should-i-call-it-friendship between Taemin and I improved. He's approaching me now. Isn't that great? I mean, I am still sane to go around screaming out loud all my love (not really) for Taemin. Unlike other girls who're too proud to boast about their feelings for him.

 

Taemin on the other hand seems nonchalant about it, the fact that every girls are after him, and I admire him for acting like he's not the most handsome guy in this school, very humble indeed.

 

***

 

"Good job Sulli. You got  a perfect score for this exam. "

 

 Now that's something, our teacher just praised me for being the highest in our exam, But that's not the case, the thing that Taemin and I are the remaining students that time is really the big deal. And he even congratulated me as well, just as the both of us went to the next subject together walking sideways, and it's not awkward. Taemin could be very awkward around girls, he's shy, I guess we're just really comfortable with each other now, don't you think so?

 

---

 

 

There are many other things I did, for him to notice me, and he did. but the thing is he thought I'm just one of the boys and I realize that one night when he threw his arms around my shoulder asking if I could play starcraft. I almost almost ask Chanyeol to teach me how just to be close to Taemin, but  I'm not really good at video games. I even ate vegetables because we cook it, and I am not an avid fan of green leafy vegetables. Then another thing as signing up as a tour guide in our museum just to have an extra time with him. But still, after all of this subtle moves, my feelings for him should not be discovered, i don't want to be included on the list of girls who're head-over-heels for him. 

 

There are many times that he just have to do something incredibly stupid that made me like him even more. like lip-syncing while looking at me, man, I'm trying hard not to think silly thoughts just because. Duh. What does that even mean? 

 

Just before our graduation. I made up my mind, that I'll confess to Taemin and give him a hug. Guess what? It never happened.

 

 

3.THE DAY I KNOW I FELL FOR HIM. HARD. 

This wasn't any ordinary day in our tenth grade, we're all tired because of the school exhibit, and apparently, all of us are at our wits end, and anytime, we'll burst our bubble. Unluckily for me, I got on my nerves when a fight between me and my annoying classmate erupted. It's not really a fight, but that classmate of mine just have to badmouth me, and I hate it. 

 

Crying on the wall with Jiyoung, my bestest friend, beside me, he passed. 

 

"Is she crying?" 

 

"Yes." It was Jiyoung who answered his question.

 

"Why?" he asked, and in my mind I must have started flipping tables because of too much happiness, because Ladies and Gentlemen, Lee Taemin is asking why I am crying.

 

 Im trying hard that time, not to look up and smile, but I did anyway, because he just started singing and dancing, and my lips curled up into a smile. cause he really is cute that time. and couldn't help it. does he like me the same way that i like him?

 

Everytime he would answer Sulli, whenever he's asked who he likes makes my heart would flutter, even if I know he's just joking. Whenever he cheered for me, he didn't see me suppress my smile. Those little things keep my hopes up, that maybe, Taemin likes me too.

 

4. THE DAY HE BROKE MY HEART. THE DAY I GAVE UP

 

Basically, Taemin was linked to many girls but I know better, that he was shy, and I thought he'll never have the guts to court a girl. 

 

It was Valentines day, and everything was peaceful. And I'm hanging out with my group TAEKXI, manning the booths that was created for Valentines day. It was tiring but great not until a certain someone was said to propose to someone. 

 

I thought that Taemin courting Minzy is just a rumor but as I watch him that day talking to his friends (Chanyeol is included of course) how they will execute his plan, I realized it's not. And I know better than to listen to them and so I walked away but not far enough for me not to see them.

 

The moment for them, seems too perfect, I'm standing under that crowded building, eyes never leaving the centerstage where all of it was happening,  and everything outside is peaceful. But my heart inside is shattering, falling into pieces, as I watched Minzy nodding, and everyone is happy and smiling. Except me. I wished, at that moment, that there really is background music for everything that is happening to me.. It would be..

 

"I saw an angel, with a smile on her face, when she thought that I should be with you, but it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you."

(You're Beautiful- James Blunt)

 

Dramatic. And I'm stuck there staring. I couldn't help it, but I congratulated myself, I didn't cry. After the scene, I went back to where they are, smiling, my true feelings hidden. 

 

Finally, like almost everyone else, he already have a girlfriend, and I thought he never would have one unless it's me. I guess I'm too delusional. Minzy is very lucky, what did she do in her past life to be this lucky?

 

I waited for him for 9 long years.

He wasn't really for me.

He'll never like me. Not as someone more than a friend.

And I'm giving up.

 

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