Hey, sorry for the late update but here it is.

This is set in Baek Hyun's P.O.V.

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now...

Today I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. No, not metaphorically but literally.

The left side used to be my spot. It's like a kind of agreement we didn't talk about but just somehow agreed upon that the said area is mine while the other half would be yours.

I remember how I used to move around a lot during sleep before: Bumping and crashing on anything that's on my pad with me, even waking up in the middle of the night after falling on the ground with a loud thud due to rolling over too much. But that all changed when you moved in with me two years after we started dating back in my last year of high school and you were a junior. We're a year apart but sometimes, people mistaken me to be the younger one because even you look like a middle school student with your doe like eyes, usually braided hair and petite figure, your outlook in life and the way you perceive and think is rather mature compared to my mostly puerile personality.

We're actually a pretty messed up couple when we were younger. We don't even have much things in common and that keeps me wondering why did I fall in-love with you. That's also the reason why we went through a lot of arguments and fights even with little and lame reasons like when you wanted to watch Toy Story while I insist on Iron Man. But even though that was our case, the things I lack at were actually your strongest points and maybe, that's why we got to keep up with each other for nearly seven years.

Since when we started living under the same roof and shared the same bed, I started being cautious at night. Careful not to crush you while dozing off because I know you hate it when anything heavy would be added to your weight. You're the type that gets irritated easily and makes you look like you're always on your period. Ridiculously, I took delight with teasing you that to which you would only snarl and give me silent treatment afterward but it would only last a couple of hours because you would then come up to me with your childish beam like nothing happened and just like that, we'll be okay again.

But since you left almost a year ago, here I am now like what's common every morning now, waking up at your side of the bed.

I heaved a deep sigh as I forced myself to a sitting position with a throaty groan. My left hand smoothed the crumpled sheets and my eyes can't help but wander around the spacious bedroom that once used to be filled with our couple pictures and the portraits you used to paint. You're an art major and I can clearly remember how you would tell me during late afternoons when we're cuddling on the couch that one day, you would go to Paris and be a well-known painter. I would just then respond with a chuckle and say no more. Because even I know you have to fly away one day to chase your dreams, a selfish part of me wanted to keep you with me. Forever. But damningly, the supposedly forever didn't happen as the once colorful and lively walls was now nothing but painted white. The king size bed that had always been big and wide now became colder and broader.

Mainly because the warmth that I used to wake up to in the morning radiating from you is no longer here.

Our song (played) on the radio but it don't sound the same...

After preparing and dressing up like a lifeless zombie, the way it had always been for the past eleven months, I sluggishly walked out of my apartment building and hailed a cab. It's not that I don't have a car of my own. Being a twenty-six year old sales executive in a big company my own uncle own enables me to afford such luxuries but I no longer had the enthusiasm to drive that the car I purchased just a week before the painful break-up we had was just left rotting in the garage. I also didn't bother to check if it's still there or was carnapped as somehow, that auto brings back memories I long to forget to ease the pain. Simply because you were the one who personally chose the unit and the first one to ride on the passenger's seat; Just four days before you ended everything between us.

The taxi came to a halt in front so I took the initiative and got inside.

"XXXXXX events place." I told the driver with an exasperated sigh who seems to be in his mid fifties. He just cordially smiled and nodded.

As he pulled away, I longingly looked outside the cab's window and mindlessly gazed through the buildings and people we're passing by. It's another bright and busy morning in Seoul with people scampering on the sides of the street, hurrying to whatever business they have to attend to. I vividly remember that once, we were part of that crowd. Scurrying our way to the university at 7 am with our arms linked and fingers curled in a cup of steamy coffee we bought from the cafe' near our flat. It was those days I took for granted because if I had just known things would turn out this way, I could have walked slower. I could have pulled you closer and I could have took more time to finish the beverage before sending you off to class.

I could have savored the moment more of simply walking with you by my side.

A few more minutes of carefully driving and squeezing our way to the heavy traffic, the driver the radio and the music that blasted the moment he pressed the big round button just made all the emotions and memories buried deep in my heart resurface and play in my mind in a picturesque manner.

Like everything just happened yesterday. Like just a few hours had passed and not years.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains towards the sky
Never revealing their depth.

My chest tightened as I bit my lip; Trying my best not to shed a tear but nevertheless, a droplet of hot liquid trickled down my pale cheek. It was nostalgic. How the raspy and familiar voice of Edward McCain and the tune filled my ears.

Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

With the back of my hand, I wiped the tear that had escape. I could no longer remember the last time I heard that song. Eight, ten months ago? Perhaps a year already? I intended not to because that was your favorite song. Our song. And I don't want to feel the pain again remembering that unlike the previous times, you're no longer beside me listening to it.

Being in the music department back in college which is surprisingly not connected with the job I landed now, I loved music and somehow, I was gifted with the talent in singing that you would question me a lot why I don't audition to be a singer and enter show business. I would just answer you then with a shrug and that 'because I want to live a normal life with you' which in all honesty, is true. But as much as I love singing and music is as much as you don't care about it. That's one of the things we contradict at.

You love art and it's quite connected fundamentally. You were not only good at painting and sketching but you have your way with words as well. You were the poetic type, even. That you would write a poem dedicated to me on our monthsaries and publish them on the university's newspaper. But being a man of few words, I could only return those wonderful gifts from you with a smile and thank yous everytime. Until that one time during our third anniversary when I realized you had been doing too much and I'm being not affectionate enough so with a guitar at hand and nervousness filling my every nerve, I serenaded you in the middle of the school gym during your P.E class. I wasn't that good in English but Edwin McCain's I'll be was the song I think was closest to what I feel for you. I remember you seriously teared up after that and since then, you started listening more to music especially to that sole song that had been our jam together.

Another sigh escaped my lips when the song finally came to an end. For some reasons, it no longer sounded the same. Or maybe it was just me because everytime I listen to it with you before; warmth, love and passion would fill my heart but all I could feel now was emptiness, longing and pain.

When our friends talk about you all it does is just tear me down

'cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name...

I snapped out from my lonely trance when I felt my phone jiggling in my pocket. Wasting no time, I fished out the tiny gadget and picked up.

"Bro!" Lu Han, a dear friend from China and used to be my schoolmate back in highschool beamed from the other line. He mailed me the other day and said he's coming back here. Apparently with the digits used on his mobile number, he already arrived in Korea.

"Hey, bro." I answered half giddy as he is.

"Hmm, not in the mood." He retorted with a still positive vibe. "Come on, what's with the gloomy aura? Didn't you miss me?" He asked that sounded like a whine.

I snickered and shook my head as if he can see me. "I don't." I teased.

"Aw, you know you love me. And I love you too." He chortled. "Not in a homo way, though." He added when he concluded I might of being gay again. Who could blame me as well as the others who do that? He have this soft features like of a girl and he acts not so manly most of the times. But nah, he's straight as a ruler.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

And just then, another voice chirped from the other line. Three way talk now, I see.

"Hey!" Chan Yeol's deep voice almost startled me as it sounded like a Korean version of Morgan Freeman. Well, it resembles.

"I dialed Chan Yeol too." Lu Han stated the obvious.

Chan Yeol is my bestfriend and co-worker. We've known each other since we're in diapers and went to the same school from preparatory to college. He also live just adjacent to my apartment building so basically, we see each other everyday.

"So how was life guys? Kris is getting married next week. The gentle giant just got himself to some deep s**** getting a rookie model pregnant. He's taking responsibility though." Lu Han informed and that was the start of our catching up.

"...So how was (Y/N) now?"

Lu Han asked suddenly and I felt a lump immediately formed in my throat. It's been a long time since I heard your name. Of course it is and will forever be etched in my mind and heart but it just hurted me too much that I couldn't even bring myself to say it out loud. Chan Yeol and the rest of the guys in my circle of friends knew what happened to us so they never mentioned you knowing it will bring nothing but pain on my part. But since Lu Han resided in China for three years and contacted us again just a month ago, he never knew a thing.

"Oh, her? She's fine." Chan Yeol replied on my behalf followed by an awkward chuckle. He knows how I feel everytime you would be brought up. Call it stupid or gay but the mere mention of your name turns me sullen and blue no matter how good my mood is. So before I could hear Lu Han's reply, I ended the call and turned off my phone knowing he would just continue asking more about you and I'm afraid the healing wounds in my heart would just re-open and bleed again.

My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways...

I tucked the phone back in my pocket and rubbed my temples wearily.

To think how we ended this way was something I always ponder on but everytime I do, I only arrive to the realization that it's my entire fault. I was never the perfect boyfriend or even close to that but you never complained. Everytime we would bicker whether it's about serious matters or little things, I never backed down even when I'm at fault. I hated being dominated on and needless to say, I was the bad guy in the relationship. It's actually amazing how you managed to keep up with my crap for seven years as the many times I hurted you was already countless.

We went through many series of ups and downs. Getting busy in college almost broke us apart that we get into heated arguments more often than we were back in highschool. I was usually dead beaten with all the studying and so are you that the time we spend with each other as a couple grew lesser and lesser that I even went to the point of forgetting our anniversary. Twice. But all throughout that, you stayed.

When the fifth year of our relationship started, that's when things between us went downhill. I would go home later than usual and spend most of the nights splurging at clubs with the guys. I confess I even flirted with random s but never went beyond making out. But still, that's a form of cheating and I know I started being a jerk then that you apparently noticed. But everytime you would confront me or simply talk me to it, I would just brush you off coldly and sleep on the couch instead to avoid you. There are some nights I would hear your muffled sobs but never once I approached and comforted you. I admit that during those times I thought I no longer love you: The reason why I no longer wait for you in the morning to go to school together, why I no longer fetch you at your part-time job as a waitress, the reason why I no longer cuddled with you or brought you out to dinner and why I no longer say those magic words every night before sleeping like I usually do which is I love you.

I even remember that one time on our sixth anniversary when I had been caught up with working that the fact we have a dinner date went out of my mind completely. You waited in the cold for four hours straight but I never showed up. When I met you at our apartment when I went home later that night, your eyes were puffy and bloodshot. You were constantly sneezing and it was expected you would get angry. But instead of asking for forgiveness and taking care of a sick you, I only yelled back and even accused you of being inconsiderate and clingy. You only gawked at me while I, being egoistic and rather conceited, only turned my heels to leave. But then one of the moments I'll never forget in my entire life was when you hugged my back tightly and apologized. Apologized for nothing as I was clearly at fault but you were the one begging for me to stay. A sudden gush of guilt and an unfamiliar emotion washed over me so I did what you asked thinking it was nothing but pity. But now as I look back, I could have punched myself for being a major douchebag. It wasn't apathy but rather love.

I stayed because I love you, still the same and as strong as I did during those times when the wall that brought us apart as the years gone by was yet non-existent.

Caused a good, strong woman like you to walk out my life...

But after that night, I didn't even change for the better. I only became worst.

I would push you away when you would initiate skinship. I would often eat out and ignore your efforts on cooking for me even you too were busy being a freelance painter. I would reject your calls and reason I was busy when in fact I was just sitting at my office doing nothing. And many more hurtful actions that only brought you to tears. You even caught me kissing my secretary one time when you visited my workplace to surprise me with a packed lunch and maybe, that pulled the last straw because you actually asked for a break. A permanent one.

Dawn of realization of how much I'm madly in-love with you slapped me real hard that second you told me you're leaving for good. Your cheeks were tear-strained but the glistening determination in your eyes of living a better life without me was shining brightly that I could only watch how you pulled the luggage trailing behind you out my door. And with you, out of my life.

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made...

Now, no matter how I regret everything, from treating you badly and not giving you the love that you deserve, I know too well it's already a little too late.

Days passed since the break-up and you never picked up any of my calls, nor replied any of the thousand messages I sent. I deserve them, I know. But still I wanted you back so badly. But maybe I was really that prideful even in the end that after a week of not hearing anything from you, I gave up. Believing that you would soon show up at my doorstep and take me back, I played the arrogant one. I no longer bothered you and even acted okay even deep inside, I'm dying. When the student council of our university wherein we are both part of arranged a small reunion, I even flaunted my date in front of your face and boasted I'm okay, that I had moved on. The way tears brimmed in the corner of your eyes when I kissed her full on the lips a few steps away from you didn't escape my sight. And that even made me more big headed because right then, I knew you still love me. That you still care. That you've been itching to have us back together. That you would soon run back to me.

Only to be proven wrong.

Months passed but you never called. Every night I would spend an hour or more sitting by the couch; waiting and praying you would barge in the door with your usual bright smile and announce you still love me and you want us together again. I would then run to you and welcome you home with open arms and lead you to our bedroom that had been tranquil and dull since you left and help you put back your belongings on your part of our shared closet. And we would then start anew.

But that never happened.

I would just end up hitting the bed right after with nothing but a broken heart and a faltering hope.

More weeks gone by and I haven't heard from you for quite sometime and with that, I knew it was over. We're over.

And it haunts me everytime I close my eyes...

I shut my eyes close and like always, vivid images of you flashed before me: 

A smiling you, a frowning you, a pouting you, a laughing you... A crying you.

And once again I felt another sting in my heart.

The feelings and the flashbacks running in my head feels so surreal that in my mind, I could clearly hear your melodious giggles; I could still feel your subtle touches; how your slender fingers fit perfectly on the gap of mine; how your shallow breathing tickles my earlobe when you would snuggle closer to me at night; I could still smell your intoxicating scent of strawberries and faint vanilla; I could still taste your lips that was mostly tinted with the cherry flavored balm you use and over all, I could still feel your love engulfing my whole being and it uplifts me.

But then, no matter how real it feels to the point that the strong swirl of emotions overwhelm me, they were nothing but memories that would fade away once I open my eyes. It would be gone, along with the spur of the moment euphoria it brought by taking a stroll down our memory lane; To our once blissful and glorious history that I had clearly messed up.

Too young, too dumb to realize that I shoud have bought you flowers...

Realizing we couldn't pass the traffic jam anytime sooner, I asked the driver to finally drop me off as my destination is already just a few blocks away. Handing him a more than enough payment for his service, I gave him a small smile in response to his cheeky grin and amused thank you before getting out the cab.

I inhaled the not so fresh morning air filled with mixed aromas of coffee and baked goodies from the Bakery nearby dominated by the unpleasant smell of smoke coming from vehicles crowding in the highway. With a slight frown and little discomfort, I started my way to the sidewalks while solemnly taking my time to get a view of the city and realize some new buildings are being constructed from the once vacant lots around.

Since you left, I somewhat isolated myself from the outside world. I did nothing but bury myself with loads of work and the only time I would expose myself to the natural environment is when I would catch a taxi to my office and walk back inside my apartment building from the porch. And if I hadn't mention, I also stopped going to clubs that in fact, Chan Yeol is the only one among my group of friends I'm still hanging around with now and that's because we're office mates. It's indeed a boring lifestyle I'm leading now considering how I'm a party animal back then but I just lost all my desire and energy to do the things I once loved. Because if only I had knew, I would have gave up all those nights wasted at the bar and just stay at home with you instead. That way, we could have been still together.

Strolling around the not so familiar pathway, I stopped on my tracks when my eyes caught a bunch of fresh and colorful flowers exhibited from one of the boutiques present in the line of stores on my side.

A flower shop.

A painful stab of loneliness and yearning pricked my heart when I stood still and stared at the lovely array of blooms displayed from the window's glass. I remember how you were fascinated with flowers that you even attempted to grow a rose back in your Freshman year as a college student but being busy in the university and your part-time job as a waitress in a restaurant near our school, it withered not long after.

I was never showy and giving flowers or specifically, roses, were never my thing that even you would hint on me every Valentines that you would want to receive one like most of the girls in our campus does, I never gave you. Not even on our anniversaries or your birthday simply because I found them too cliche'. That guys giving girls flowers are too common that it already lost its significance but now, I realized I was just an insensitive, close-minded boyfriend to think that way back then. Because even giving flowers are rather much a coarse thing to do by boys, it's still a meaningful way to show your love and girls would never get tired of them.

How I wish I realized it sooner.

...and held your hand.

With another sigh for the umpteenth time today and an empty heart, I took a step to resume walking when the door to the shop opened and a young couple, probably highschool sweethearts that pretty much reminds me how we were before walked out hand in hand. They were giggling merrily as they passed by and like my eyes have a mind of its own, I followed their direction and let my gaze linger on their intertwined hands until they disappeared when they took a turn in an alleyway.

I smiled bitterly to myself as I turned away from them and continued my pace with the image of the young lovers still playing in my mind. They look happily in-love and the way the guy grasps the girl's hand makes it seem like he's holding the most delicate thing in the world. Like it's the most fragile thing there is and the way the girl smiled at the interaction screams contentment. And that made me think, maybe that's also why you always wanted to hold hands with me although I tend to shrug you off most of the times because I'm not into skinships. Being a couple, of course some physical contacts are normal for us but for some reasons, I no longer held your hand in public the way I did when we were newly dating.

Contriteness gnawed in my already remorseful heart when I remembered how you would sulk when I'd coldly ignore your attempts on grabbing my hand while we're walking during our dates. I would even walk ahead of you to ignore anymore interactions because I felt that's not even needed. We've been together for years and those times I admit I no longer felt the spark when I would kiss or hug you although the care and love was still there. With that, I thought I had fallen out of love with you totally so I started to keep my distance. But as time passed, I learned in a very painful way that not even in my nightmares I thought of that I was wrong thinking that way. Terribly wrong.

Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance...

Flashback:

Beep... beep... beep.

I bit back a curse as I looked at my vibrating phone to find your name flashing on the screen. I hissed and stuffed the gadget back in my pocket trying to ignore it the same way I'm doing for the past whole hour but since it wouldn't stop ringing, I took it out brusquely and rejected your call. A deep frown was painted on my face as I typed a short 'I'm busy' for a reply and as soon as I was informed the message was sent, I turned off the phone and placed it in the counter like it's nothing valuable. Just then, Chan Yeol who was just done using the comfort room returned and sat beside me.

"What's with the straight face dude?" He asked loudly, his voice battling with the booming music as he motioned the bartender to come over. "One gin and tonic." He ordered before turning his attention back at me.

I shrugged as I finished my second bottle of beer before popping a corn chip in my mouth. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" He scoffed. His eyes then landed on the relented phone lying on the table and that's when I heard him sigh. "It's about (Y/N) right?"

That's not a question.

I gave him a curt nod before my gaze fixated on a lady dressed in a tight fitting dress and been eyeing me for who-knows how long already as I noticed just now. I sent her a flirtatious wink which she reciprocated straightaway. I smirked and raised my brow up cockily, I think I just found my perfect target for the night.

"You know, you should give her a call. She's been contacting you the whole day. She even texted me awhile ago and she's worried. She's asking if you're alright."

Chan Yeol's deep, husky voice interrupted me from my train of thoughts and I turned my focus back at him.

"First, I already texted her. She's been calling me non-stop it's annoying." I snapped. "And second as you can see, I'm alright. Definitely fine." I answered coolly and took a sideways glance at the latter who's still ily grinding on the dance floor, still staring at me with a rather seducing look.

"Bro, you are my bestfriend but you had been away for a week but this is where you would head straight at?" He questioned, making him sound like my mother when she's nagging but his tone was tinged with worry. "Go home. She misses you." He continued and whispered the last part as if he's my conscience eating me up that somehow worked because I felt a spurt of unexplainable emotion flicked in me that didn't last long when I saw the girl from earlier heading my way with a glass of margarita at hand and her hips swaying seductively as she walked.

"Look, man. One week in Jeju and all I did was work my up with boring papers and seminars. I need a break." I muttered as I shot him a second long boring look before standing up. "I want to enjoy the night." I simpered and my dry lips as I made my way to the girl who eagerly met me half way and instinctively wrapped her arms around my neck but not before I heard Chan Yeol heaved another sigh and a faint:

'regret comes at the end, my friend'.

(Should have) take you to every party 'coz all you wanted to do was dance...

I was dragged back to reality when I realized I already reached my destination. Tightening the loosened tie around my neck and finger combing my hair that went disheveled with the windy weather, I stepped in the building.

“Name, sir?” The what seems like receptionist standing in the doorway asked as she shot me a professional smile to which I just responded with a half hearted one.

“Byun Baek Hyun.” I answered mono toned and glanced at my wristwatch. I'm neither late nor early.

She nodded as she flipped sheets on the guest list and stopped on a page. She looked back up at me with a smile as she spoke.

“The second room to the left, Mr. Byun.”

I becked my head twice before making my way to the direction she instructed and soon enough, I was standing in front of a wide door and taking a deep breath, I pushed it open.

Slow jazz music playing, sounds of laughter and mumbles, distant utensils clacking and bright lights are what greeted me the moment I pushed the door open. The people are busy with their own worlds that the presence of a new guest went unnoticed which is something I prefer more than garnering their attention on a time I don't even feel like smiling.

As I looked around the place, a faint smile swept across my features. The ambiance, the look and the way everything was designed, it was all so you. I remember how you love dancing and ballrooms but being the opposite, I would always turn you down and refuse to be your when your girl friends would invite you to a party. But even so, there was a time I accompanied you because there was no more lies to reason out how I couldn't be with you on that. How big of a jerk I am but if only I could turn back time, I would take you to every party until your own feet gives up. I would have do that, because that's one of the things that makes you happy but I never gave you.

Now my baby's dancing...

With a heavy heart and constantly reminding myself things will turn out fine, I took a step forward and that's when I caught the sight of someone that effortlessly took my breath away.

There, in the midst of the crowd was the girl I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my lifetime with. Wearing a cream colored plain dress and matching plumps, she's gracefully moving her body rhythmically with the music and needless to say, she stand out from the rest with her simple elegance and like she always does, she swept me off my feet with the stunning smile she's wearing that would make the lights on the chandeliers above dull and lifeless.

You.

I took another deep breath as I took your beauty in that I hadn't done for a really long time. Your once long, brunette locks that was usually braided or tied up in a bun is now amber colored and cut short up to your shoulders. You look more confident swaying your body to the beat and as if time stopped, everything else got into slow motion. The rest of the crowd and the things present was nothing but a blur and you were the only left in full color. It was as if it's just you and me. Like how it was before. My breathing hitched when you plastered another dazzling smile and this moment, it was killing me not to run to you and have the feeling of having you right back at my arms. How not to call on you and cry out loud how I miss you and how I badly want to feel how it's like to have your lips against mine again.

Unconsciously, I took another step closer and as if on cue, you stopped on your tracks and looked my way. My heart skipped a beat when your eyes finally met mine and they were the same dark hazel orbs that would stare back at me when you would wake me up in the morning; the same one that I would look at before sleeping at night; the same eyes that showed me love when words aren't needed; and they were the same eyes that cried liters of tears because of my foolishness and the same one that feigned sadness and mirrored sorrow when you left that fateful day on a sunny morning last May.

Our gazes locked for a while and there was a tad bit of surprise evident in your features that didn't last long when your lips curled into another smile as you bowed down to acknowledge my presence and it hurts how you were treating me with nothing but formality now. But nevertheless, I gave you a small smile before looking back at your eyes and getting drawn to them again.

Staring at you like this made me forget that we're close to being strangers now. Like the past didn't happen and it's still you and me against the world. As if the past eleven months was just a nightmare and I'm finally awake now. And I could have continued thinking that way if not for the guy who came up to you and encircled his arms around your tiny waist like how I used to do. You broke our eye contact with that as you averted your gaze at the newly arrived male and smiled warmly before slipping your hand onto his.

...But she's dancing with another man.

My heart clenched with the sight and it took all my will-power not to approach you two and pry him away because technically, I'm no longer in the position to do so. You shot me a brief look and an unreadable kind of smile, somewhat apologetic, I guess as you bowed politely and turned away with him to resume dancing to a starting song.

Like my heart was being snatched away from my ribcage and mercilessly thrown on the ground only to crash it more, I painfully watched how you s your arm on his torso while the other one gripped on his hand and you two slow danced to the music while gazing lovingly at each other. It could have been a sweet, romantic sight to everyone on how you two look good with each other and the fact his skills was matched up perfectly with yours in dancing but to the case of the ex-lover who's still helplessly in-love and living in the past whom was no other than me, that scene was nothing but heartbreaking. It reminds me of us seven years ago during our JS prom when we danced to Jim Brickman's Destiny, completely oblivious to everything happening around as my eyes was all set on the timid you that had no idea how gorgeous you were on that pink ball gown and cunning tiara clipped on your straightened waist length hair. I could remember that night in perfect clarity and it was one of the most beautiful moments we had: the first and the last time I danced with you that way.

“Baek!” My ears perked up and my head automatically whipped to the direction of the voice and found Chen, one of the mutual friends we have and used to be my singing buddy as he too was gifted with an undeniable talent on that, waving at me from not far off with his trademark toothy grin. Giving you one last glance, I padded my way to their table and greeted everyone sitting there with him that I don't even know who.

“Bro, nice seeing you again.” He exclaimed as I took the empty seat beside him. The last time we saw each other was probably almost a month ago when he personally came by my office to hand me the invitation for this event.

“I never thought you'd be here.” He spoke again, this time in a serious tone and I felt the mood suddenly dropped but I still managed to give him a smile.

“Of course I'll be here.” I murmured with a forced smile and just then, everyone fell silent when a girl whom I later discovered to be Min Yeon, your bestfriend since college, came up the stage and stood in front of the mic stand.

I remember how she used to be your all around buddy during our university days and it's ironic how you two were polar opposites but you stick with each other like glue. She was the chic type who rejected half of the school's male population and reigned as the school's Ms. Photogenic two years in a row while you were the demure, quiet girl who would mostly be found at the library reading meter thick books. But even so, she loves and treats you like a real sister that she even slapped me and kicked me on my groin that one time you ran to her crying because you saw me hugging a girl and interpreted it in a wrong way. She was some sort of your protector as well in the school when I'm not around so you never became a target of bullying which was a serious case in our university and I owe her for that. I also remember she hooked up with Chan Yeol before graduation but because they say they are so much alike, their relationship was boring and it wasn't long when they both decided to end it but in a friendly way. In fact, from what I heard from Chan Yeol was that they still text and call each other once in a while.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, wait. Everyone in this hall are basically friends of my sister, not blood related though, so it would be fine to just drop the formalities, right? I'm Min Yeon by the way and I'll serve as your MC for the day.”

She announced zealously that made the crowd cheer along with her. Well, still the bold and vigorous Min Yeon I know.

“First of all, I would like to thank everyone in here for attending this special event. I know some of you are already bored since the supposedly twelve noon starting time had been delayed for an hour so let's make it up to you guys, okay?” She continued with her energetic voice echoing through the whole chamber. “So let's please call on to break the ice, Mr. Byun Baek Hyun!” Another wide smile swept across her face as she called me and I felt my heartbeat accelerated. It's pounding on my chest and if it isn't obvious, I'm nervous that I stayed frozen on my spot for a few good seconds before Chen patted me on the back and gave me a light push enough to make me stand up with a jolt. I lowered my head slightly as I made my way to come up the stage while unwittingly rubbing the back of my nape sheepishly; an action I only do when I'm on pins and needles.

“Hey, Baek!” She greeted genially as if we just bumped onto each other on a hallway and not the fact we're in a place escalated from the rest and that all eyes are on us.

“Hey.” I mouthed, not bothering to add a sound as it wouldn't make any difference if I do and with the nervousness piling up at every cell in my body now, I don't think my throat could even produce a single word.

Her eyes turned into crescents as she giggled and faced the anticipating audience once again. “You see here is a good friend of mine, Baek Hyun and otherwise known as Baek.” She pointed at me with her palms open. “He played a very important role in my bestfriend's life and I can tell he was like my male counterpart who was always there for her through thick and thin.” She explained and the way she said all those makes it seem like she was reminiscing our good old days when you and me, with her being the third wheel most of the time were inseparable. She took a deep breath as familiarity radiated from the dreamy look flickering in her eyes that quickly disappeared when she spoke again. “He's a wonderful person in and out and today, let him astound you with one of the many talents God blessed him with.”

The crowd erupted into cheers as she moved aside and I came face to face with the mic stand and the waiting crowd. My eyes wandered around as I took a hold of the mic and all I see are a bunch of familiar faces but what caught my eye was you who was seated on the front row just a few steps away and I can't help but gulp nervously. I can hear my heartbeat thumping loudly against my chest and I've never felt this way before, at least not at a time like this. I was always confident with my talent and performing, no matter how large the audience is no longer makes me jittery but here I am now: heart pounding and palms sweating.

I tousled my hair as I looked solely at you. Being in a band during college years along with Chan Yeol, the times I performed on a stage was already countless and everytime I do, you were there watching and cheering like a normal fangirl and not as my girlfriend. That's one of the things I love about you how you were so supportive of the things I love and I always found comfort staring at you while singing because the way you would stare back at me conveys a message along the lines of 'you could do great like always' and 'I would just be here supporting you all the way'.

Maybe that's why I'm nervous as heck now because things are no longer that way. It all changed. You, me, us, and even how dreadful it is, I can no longer expect for things to go back to how it used to be.

Inhaling deeply and gathering all the courage I could grasp at the moment, I jerked my gaze to Tae Min, one of your cousins and the closest to you who was sitting in front of the piano just beside Min Yeon and gave him a nod as a go signal. Surely, his hands starting doing wonders at the instrument and the soft, harmonic sound of it started to fill the space.

I clutched on the mic tighter and closed my eyes. I let all the memories we had replay in my mind and soon enough, I started humming along the tune and the lyrics of the song escaped my lips. I remember how my teacher in third grade used to say that the probably hardest situation is when you aren't allowed to laugh at a very hilarious situation but with where I am now, I could fully tell him that no, the hardest situation there is is when you aren't allowed to cry even you have all the right to do so. Simply because you just can't.

My grip on the mic tightened as I reached the bridge of the song where the lyrics are basically what I was aching to tell you all this time...

“...Although it hurts I'll be the first to say that I was wrong... It was my entire fault, if only I had been a better person... A better man.

Oh, I know I'm probably much too late to try and apologize for my mistakes. But even as many would agree that everybody deserves a second chance, it just no longer apply to me. I had missed a lot of opportunities and fate just eventually ran out of it and so as your patience. It's just a little too late. I'm already a little too late.

But I just want you to know... But I still want you to know.

I hope he buys you flowers, That I hope he would buy you flowers. Not just on your anniversaries or your birthdays but on a regular basis. Because a wonderful girl like you undoubtedly deserves special bouquets of roses every second of everyday...

I hope he holds your hand... I hope he's the kind of man that would hold your hand without being asked to. A guy who would lace his fingers on yours even the whole world is looking... Someone who would be proud and man enough to do that...

Give you all his hours when he has the chance. I hope he's the type who would take every opportunity to be with you even at his most busy schedule. Someone who would choose you over clubs and paper works...

Take you to every party, someone who wouldn't think twice on accompanying you to every events you are invited to...

'cos I remember how much you love to dance. and I hope he's someone who would drag you on the dance floor and sway with you because he knows how much you love to dance... Or rather, someone who would wholeheartedly appreciate the things you like.

Do all the things I should have done when I was your man..." and simply, a guy who would do all the things I should have done when you were still mine...

Slowly, I opened my eyes and let go of the mic. The whole room was silent and not even a deadened whisper could be heard. The people, including you was looking at me with an unreadable expression. Somewhat feigning sadness as what I just sang truly fit on that category. I know that the song I chose is not applicable for this occasion but the lyrics of it contained all the unspoken feelings I long to tell you and I just want to be able to confess it to you even for the last time.

Not even a second later, the audience bursted into a low sound of clapping at first that turned to vociferous series of applauses in a blink of an eye. Some took the initiative to stand up and soon, everyone was on their feet cheering and throwing compliments on the singing skill I just showcased.

I gave them a slight bow and locked gazes with you again as I straightened up. This time, my lips curled upwards into a sincere, warm smile. Not a forced or a faux one because after I let all my hidden emotions flow through that song, I figured it's time to let go. It doesn't mean I no longer love you or that I'd quickly find a replacement for your position but I just want to show you that I'm happy which is not a lie. I am. I'm happy because you are. You're in a better state and I couldn't ask for more. Seeing you with that bright aura makes me feel relieved that you've been living a great life and with that, I also want to leave you a picture of a genuinely happy looking me etched in your memory. Not a pained boy who was broken behind the shards of a smiling mask. Because even it hurts so much there was a moment I thought I couldn't withstand the pain, the selfless part of me knows too well that you made the right decision of finding a better man that you deserve.

Giving you one last look and the best eyesmile I could muster at the moment, I walked down the stage while doing my best to bottle up all my emotions inside; Careful not to let them burst out.

It's hard.

Hard to hold back the tears, hard not to cry when you have every reason to do so...

But I can't.

You probably have no idea how it's killing me to restrain myself when I was at the verge of breaking down but I have to hold it all in.

Because I know now's not the right time to cry.

No, not even a single tear.

...Definitely not on your Engagement day.

Fin