should I be afraid?
no reason
song: 4minute - domino
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A thick fog was covering the night sky, hiding the stars from the population but the weather was still comfortable.
Her skinny arms were hanging on the cold metal barrier, her legs swinging slowly in the air, she sat with her forehead on the cool metal while her hands moved gently to her lips, she brought the small piece to her lips, taking a long breath of the handmade cigarette.
The thin substance smoothly moved down in and lungs until she released the rest of the smoke, forming a large "o" as her neck rolled back to let the fume evaporate in the air. She let her body fall softly on the floor as she kept staring at the sky like she was searching of something.
She repeated her gesture, her hand moving to her lips routinely, constantly she let the small object fill her lungs with tobacco. The glass window sliwed slowly near her and closed soon after, quietly a person took place next to her, clenching her legs against her in fear.
" Are you afraid? ", said the person next to her in a whisper. " Should I be? ", she asked. Her head turned, she stared at the other person, waiting for an answer. " Should I be, Hyuna-yah? ", she insisted.
Gayoon had known, since the first day, since her first try, she should have not tried. It was a year ago, maybe two, at a party she was dying to go to, gathering the whole private collective of people hard to talk to. After weeks, she had finally got the precious key to the world she had dreamed of being apart of: an invitation. She recalled how excited, how impressive she was by this simple piece of paper, on which few words were written: a date, a number, a place, an hour.
She had personally choose her outfit for this night, after spending hours in front of her wardrobe, a black knee-length dress with bright spangles on its shoulders, a thick burgundy line marking out her chest with black and burgundy high heels as well. She had wore her most precious and beautiful earrings with a thin silver necklace.
" How do I look?" had anxiously she asked to Jihyun, who had smiled widely at the sight of her, a glint of jealousy in her eyes soon replaced with pride. " You look totally gorgeous, " had she said, following Gayoon to the dorm's room "but be careful with these people. Have fun, Gayoonie ! "
She remembered how the party was so sumptuous in means of ornmentation, food and ambiance as well. She had danced, talked to people and drank carelessly, freely as if nothing could touch and she remembered how she had loved this world which seemed to be made for her.
She couldn't remember the circumstances of the night, she couldn't clearly recompose the situation that made her try cigarettes. Perhaps, someone had handed her the product, perhaps someone had put in while they were both drunk, perhaps she deliberatly took it from someone. All she could clearly remember was the sensation she had felt and the quick addiction she had fall into.
At first, she had thought she would smoke only to follow the trend, only to be accepted in the world she had tasted at the party, to let people know she could be a cool person, she could be like us and she deserves to be like us because, at the beginning, she thought she was born to live in this world: fame.
But as time went by, she became dependant to this little piece, a constant need was creating into her soul, her body when the day was tough, when her work seems unbearable. And Gayoon had several times found herself smoking instead of taking extra practices, instead of going out with the girls.
She had ,for a long time, hiden her secret, whether in fear of disappoint her friends, whether because she couldn't admit she had became addicted. And when she let out her secret, few weeks ago, she clearly remembered the pain she had felt- how could she forget?
It was a terrible fight, the most hurtful and the bigger they had ever had. The air was thick, filled with tensions, disappointment until it exploded. She couldn't recall who had first broke the silence, who first screamed but she could clearly remember, detail Hyuna's face when tears streamed down her face, Sohyun's anger in her eyes and Jiyoon's disappointment while Jihyun as a leader had tried to calm everyone down, to restrain everyone's feelings.
" This is all my fault, " suddenly said HyunA, still sitting legs crossed next to her. " I knew this party was a bad idea.. Aren't you afraid of this thing, Gayonnie? Aren't you afraid of what we're going to do? Aren't you afraid? ", she added quietly, a sigh leaving her plump pink lips as the other woman sat slowly, her cigarette still hanging between her fingers.
The glass window sliwed once again but the door was left open this time, and Gayoon knew the older woman of the five of them was standing, leaning against the wall. " I don't think I'm afraid. "
Quietly, she stood up, threw the cigarette away and slowly, she approached the person sitting next to her. " You know we'll love whatever happens. Give them time..Gayoonie. ", said Jihyun softly while Gayoone sent her tender smile, followed by a relieved look.
As the leader got inside their dorm, closing the door and the curtains behind her, Gayoon hugged her coworker and friend from the back, letting her head rest on her shoulders. " I'm not afraid of what could happen, because there's you, there's all of you with me. " HyunA giggled a bit as she leaned more into Gayoon's hug.
Kissing her shoulder lightly, Gayoon smiled widely as she stared Seoul, lights brightly illuminating the city . Mentally, she promised herself to try to stop her addiction, for HyunA, her health and for 4minute.
" There's no such reason to be afraid when you're there. "
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TADA ! please leave feedbacks, thank you ♥ author-ssi
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