A/N: Well, this is the first fic after my exams, so this might not be as good? I didn't write for a long time and you know, I lost my mind after the exams. XD And, let's just say that I am an for writing this fic. The inspiration is from something that I shouldn't know. I am just a full-time as you can see. Sighs. Anyway, I hope that you will like this or something. Don't forget to leave a comment below~! 

It’s been a month since Daehyun started going out with Yongguk. Just half a year ago, Daehyun was still with Yongguk’s twin brother, Yongnam. However, Yongnam just decided to end it with Daehyun suddenly without any signs or warnings to warn Daehyun of it. It happened so abruptly, Daehyun couldn’t even cry when he watched Yongnam leave.

Daehyun felt so lost, he didn’t know what he should do with life, what can he do with life or how is he supposed to continue when Yongnam left. It felt so normal having the elder beside him, everything was different when he left. He was so lost until Yongguk came to him.

When he stayed at home, just lying on the bed in his room, Yongguk was the only one that came over. Yongguk guided him back to his normal lifestyle. He admits that he treated Yongguk as Yongnam’s substitution at the beginning, it would be a lie if he said that he didn’t.

They have similar face, similar voice, similar personality, and that’s all that Daehyun needed at that time. Just let him escape from reality, he needed that for that moment. But then when Yongguk told Daehyun that he loves him, Daehyun found himself not knowing what to do.

He couldn’t possibly say that Yongguk is just a replacement, but rejecting him makes Daehyun fear that he would lose Yongguk too. He doesn’t want to lose anyone else. Yongguk didn’t force him to give him an answer. That’s the different thing Yongguk has from Yongnam.

Yongguk is caring, gentle, and Yongguk doesn’t force Daehyun to give him a reply immediately. Yongguk doesn’t talk much but his words make too much sense. Yongnam would be annoyed if Daehyun doesn’t reply but Yongguk just speaks quietly, even if Daehyun doesn’t reply.

It obviously wasn’t easy to let Daehyun open up to Yongguk, let alone asking him to accept Yongguk. But Daehyun stopped using Yongguk as a replacement, or at least tried to, after Yongguk told him his feelings. It’s not right to use Yongguk as Yongnam’s substitution, but it felt too wrong to use him like this after Daehyun knows about his feelings.

Daehyun took months before he is sure that he can put down his feelings for Yongnam and face Yongguk, or so he thought. He likes Yongguk, he knows, that feeling is there. Daehyun is sure that it isn’t just some other useless feelings.

Things were going on perfectly fine after that, until today. Yongguk sent Daehyun home and it’s normal that they just spend time holding onto each other at Daehyun’s house. Daehyun loves to spend some time just to cuddle together on the couch, that’s his assurance.

Only by feeling Yongguk can he be sure that Yongguk is here, right beside him, he didn’t disappear suddenly like Yongnam. Yongguk is still within Daehyun’s touches, not somewhere that Daehyun can’t reach out for. It makes Daehyun feels safer and Yongguk knows, so he lets Daehyun snuggle close to him, holding him near.

Somehow things turned out hot and steamy, and then one thing led to another so they are currently lying on the bed, all tired and spent. Yongguk brought Daehyun to the bathroom and bathed for the second time in 3 hours. It was when Yongguk finished dressing that he noticed the shirt on Daehyun.

“Whose shirt is it?” He asked normally and Daehyun looked down, the flustered look on his face for a moment totally gave him away. “It’s mine.” Daehyun replied since that was the first thing that came into his mind. He is afraid. After he replied Yongguk, he removed that shirt immediately, changing into another shirt. “It’s hot wearing that.”

Yongguk didn’t say anything and just behaved normally. “I will go back first, see you.” Daehyun sent Yongguk to the door and before Yongguk left, he grabbed Yongguk by his arm. “That shirt,” Daehyun started hesitantly. “is actually Yongnam’s”

It took lots of determination for him to admit it out loud like this. He is afraid that Yongguk will leave him this time round. But instead of arguing, Yongguk just nodded. “Noted.” That was the only thing he said and Daehyun felt his heart sink.

“Don’t worry.” Yongguk assured, knowing what Daehyun is feeling. “Good night.” He smiled, pecking Daehyun on his forehead before removing Daehyun’s hand that is still holding onto his. It’s different, the things that Yongguk did were different. Daehyun curled up in his bed, fidgeting and biting onto his fingernails, worrying and noticing the difference in Yongguk when he left.

Yongguk didn’t kiss him on the lips, he knew that Daehyun likes it better on the lips and he always kissed him on his lips before he leaves. Yongguk didn’t look back today. Yongguk only said that he noted what Daehyun said, meaning he already knew it before Daehyun admitted it. Yongguk’s smile is ugly, unlike his usual gummy smile.

All the differences swamped in Daehyun’s mind and he was to the point of trembling on the bed from the fear of Yongguk leaving him. That thought disturbs him, it scares Daehyun thinking that he will lose Yongguk. Deciding that he needs to explain himself, give excuses, anything is fine as long as Yongguk doesn’t leave, Daehyun left the house, bringing along that shirt.

His mind was so focused on finding Yongguk and making things better that he didn’t even feel the piercing coldness of the rain. Autumn is nearing and the weather is starting to get cold but Daehyun needs Yongguk to be okay. He hurt Yongguk and he hates that thought.

Yongguk didn’t expect to see Daehyun standing outside of the door, totally soaked from head to toe. He left because he didn’t want to say things that he will regret. He will get into a fight with Daehyun and say things that he shouldn’t, hurting both of them, if he stayed. But Daehyun appeared outside his apartment, not even bothering to bring an umbrella with him.

“I missed out this shirt when I was throwing his things away.” Daehyun muttered and it’s half true since he forgot about this shirt, only throwing other things away. Half true because he is only planning to use this as an excuse, even though he doesn’t like giving excuses.

Ignoring what Daehyun said, Yongguk pulled the shivering Daehyun into the house and went to grab a towel for him. When Yongguk came out, he found Daehyun in front of the trash can with the stove on. The shirt was placed above the flames and Yongguk rushed over, removing the shirt from Daehyun’s hand and threw it into the sink.

Since the shirt is already soaked, it didn’t burn that well and Yongguk just dried Daehyun up after he turned off the stove. “Are you an idiot? Can’t you see that it’s raining? Don’t you know that it’s going to be very cold since the season is changing?” Yongguk grumbled and Daehyun just stood there, looking down and biting his lips to stop the tears.

“Go and bathe before you catch a cold.” Yongguk ordered but Daehyun hugged Yongguk tightly. “I am sorry, so please, don’t leave me.” Daehyun sobbed and Yongguk just pushed him into the bathroom. “Whatever it is, let’s talk after you showered.” He said, closing the door behind him.

Yongguk knows that Daehyun still has Yongnam in his heart, he knew but he thought that maybe things will get better as time passes. Maybe this has always been a one sided feeling. He shook his head, stopping himself from continuing from there.

It has been a long time since Daehyun went into the bathroom and Yongguk sighed, making his way to the bathroom. He definitely wasn’t expecting Daehyun to be sitting in the tub still fully clothed, furthermore, with the tub filled with cold water.

Daehyun looked up and Yongguk saw the tears still streaming down his face. “I am sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Yongguk just pulled Daehyun out of the tub, his patience running low, turning the shower head on with lukewarm water as he tried to warm Daehyun up.

“I know, I know that so stop crying.” Yongguk mumbled. “Let me have some time to cool down, will you?” Yongguk sighed as he dried Daehyun and covered Daehyun’s body with one of his thicker hoodies. Daehyun’s going back to the state where Yongguk found him in his room and Yongguk made a promise to not let Daehyun go back to that state.

Pushing Daehyun onto the bed, Yongguk pulled the covers up since Daehyun must still be feeling cold. “Just sleep okay? I won’t leave.” Yongguk assured, pecking Daehyun on his lips this time. It seemed like Daehyun’s temperature is slightly higher than normal but Yongguk couldn’t possibly put another cold towel on Daehyun when he is still cold.

Yongguk only went into the room when it was late, he needed some time to think about this. Daehyun is indeed burning up and Yongguk sighed, climbing onto the bed. “Yongguk hyung…” Daehyun groaned. “Sorry.” Yongguk brushed away the tears. “It’s okay, I am right here.” Yongguk assured even though he had been trying to assure Daehyun since just now.

He knows that Daehyun will over think since he is afraid of being left alone, but he didn’t expect Daehyun to just rush over like this. “Aish, what am I going to do about you?” Yongguk grumbled, turning to back face Daehyun as he slept.

The next morning, Yongguk woke up first and prepared breakfast for the both of them. He decided that he should act normal for the both of them. He doesn’t want to hurt Daehyun but it really bothers him a lot.  Time will dilute the feeling, Yongguk will get over this and face Daehyun normally again.

“Did you sleep well? Sit down and eat something.” Yongguk said when he felt arms around his waist. “I am sorry, really sorry. I don’t know what to do when you left, it felt as if I couldn’t see you anymore. I don’t like that feeling, I like you. Hyung, it’s not him that I need, I only need you.” Daehyun mumbled and Yongguk just removed Daehyun’s arms to turn around.

“Do you know that you sound more like you are reminding yourself than assuring me?” Yongguk replied and Daehyun shook his head. “Hyung, it’s not that. Please, believe me.” Daehyun bit his lips when he felt a sharp pain in his abdominal area, letting out a shaky breath. “Let’s just eat oh? I won’t leave you so don’t worry.”

Daehyun grabbed Yongguk by his arms, looking up at him. “That’s not it.”  Daehyun groaned. “Do you not like me anymore?” Daehyun asked softly, looking down. “I am sorry for hurting you more than making you happy, I am sorry that I am always so late, I am sorry that I treated you as a substitution at first, I am sorry for not assuring you like you did to me, I am sorry for always being on the receiving end, I am sorry for hurting you even when I love you.”

“That’s why, I will let go this time. I won’t cling onto you anymore, hyung. If it means that you won’t hurt because of me, I will leave.” Daehyun whispered, holding his tears in. “I wonder, if it will be different if I noticed that you were hurting so much because of me. Only if I noticed it earlier, my feelings and that you are hurting because of me, then will things be different?” Daehyun’s hands slipped from Yongguk’s, turning to walk away from him.

It was when he is out from Yongguk’s apartment that he let his tears run down freely. It’s okay, it’s okay as long as he doesn’t hurt anyone anymore. He will just have to get use to being alone, it’s better than hurting Yongguk himself.

Another sharp pain in his abdominal area sent him to the floor. Daehyun clutched onto his chest as he tried to remove the suffocating feeling and curled up into a foetus shape. “Yah, what’s wrong?” Daehyun looked up when he heard a voice and he noticed that it’s Yongguk. “I am going home.” Daehyun replied and Yongguk rubbed his face in frustration.

“You moved underground?” Yongguk groaned and picked Daehyun up, helping him back into his own apartment. He hated it when Daehyun is in that state, it’s irritating how he made Daehyun went back to that state himself. “Look, it’s not that I don’t like you anymore, I am jealous okay? Why are you always so dense with this kind of feelings?” Yongguk grumbled, embarrassed about being jealous.

“I loved you, and I still love you. I am just jealous about how Yongnam held such an important part of your life and I can’t.” Yongguk admitted and Daehyun started crying. “I am sorry for being so dense. I will try to understand your feelings more from now onwards. You are also very important to me, that’s why don’t be jealous anymore.” Daehyun said softly before he leaned onto Yongguk.

Not knowing what is wrong with Daehyun except for him being sick, Yongguk brought Daehyun into the room. “Where are you not feeling well? Do you need to go to the hospital?” Yongguk asked but Daehyun just bit his lips, not being able to reply from the pain in his stomach. “Never mind, I will send you to the hospital.” Yongguk informed after he saw the state Daehyun’s in currently.

Yongguk was right beside Daehyun for the whole time, grabbing onto his hand and squeezing it from time to time when Daehyun cursed from the pain. Yongguk only let go when the doctor did his things and he grabbed Daehyun’s hand again when the doctor is done.

Now, they just have to wait for Daehyun to finish the IV drip connected to his wrist and they can go back. The medication gave to Daehyun made him very drowsy and he dozed off quickly on Yongguk’s shoulder, hand still in Yongguk’s.

Yongguk just patted Daehyun’s head gently, staring at the kid while he is sleeping. Daehyun is so pure and innocent, he doesn’t know much about love, Yongguk shouldn’t have gotten jealous and hurt the both of them. “Sorry that I hurt you.” Yongguk apologized and Daehyun shifted a little, still not waking up.

When the packet of IV drip is finished, Yongguk carried Daehyun to his car and drove them back. Since the doctor told him to let Daehyun rest more, Yongguk didn’t wake Daehyun when they reached but instead, he carried Daehyun to his room and pulled the covers up to keep Daehyun warm.

Just as Yongguk was about to leave the room, he heard Daehyun’s voice so he turned back. “Thank you for always holding onto me.” Daehyun whispered and Yongguk smiled. “Arraso, just rest and get well quickly.” With a small nod, Daehyun went back to sleep peacefully and Yongguk smiled sincerely for the first time after the previous night.