Yongguk paced back and forth in their apartment. He glanced at the clock again, the hands moving to slowly for his liking. He gritted his teeth, suppressing the surge of anger that swept through him. His phone remained blank in his hand. No messages, no new calls. Yongguk was worried; he felt that knowing feeling in his chest, the aching. He didn’t feel right. He was on the edge as he walked around the apartment. Zelo gazed up at him from the floor. His tiny eyes blurred with sleep, but starring worriedly at his Appa. The seven year old popped a piece of chocolate covered popcorn in his mouth, ‘Appa, what’s wrong Appa?’ Yongguk smiled weakly, patting his seven year olds head, ‘Nothing Junhong, I’m just waiting for Channie’. Junhong smiled, bouncing on the floor, ‘Is Channie-Umma coming home tonight?’ Yongguk smiled, picking up the seven year old, bouncing him in his arms as he laughed. He twirled him in the air, trying to erase the nervous twisting in his gut with his sons laughs. ‘He is Junhong, he should be on the way from the airport now, and he’s just a little bit late’.

   Junhong nodded, happy with the answer as he squirmed to be released. Yongguk smiled, kissing the blonde curls as he placed the child down on the ground to eat the chocolate mess they’d made. ‘Appa, I’m home’ Jongup popped his face around the door, that ever shining smile on his lips. Yongguk glanced at the clock, smiling at his 17 year old son. ‘Welcome back Guppie, have fun at dance?’ Jongup yawned as he stretched out his tired muscles, skin slick from hours in the studio. ‘Ne, Taemin-hyung says I’m getting almost as good as him, which I think is a lie cause we all know I’m better then him already’ Jongup smiled as Yongguk chuckled deeply, He threw a towel hitting the teenager in the face to stop him smiling. ‘Shower Guppie. You know Umma doesn’t like it when you stink up the living room’. Jongup laughed, dabbing at his face with the towel, ‘Isn’t Umma meant to be home by now?’ Yongguk frowned, attention going to the slow hands of the clock as his stomach tightened, he just nodded. Jongup chewed on his lower lip, gazing from his tense Appa to his little brother happily munching popcorn on the floor with chocolate covered hands. ‘I hope he gets back soon, I have something to tell him. And the social worker is coming next month for the two year visit’ Jongup sighed, looking down. The fear of losing his adoptive parents ever present in his mind. Yongguk rubbed his eyes tiredly, ‘It’ll be okay Jongup, and we won’t let them take you back there. Go shower, I need to put this little monster to sleep’. Zelo’s eyes widened as he dropped the popcorn, mouth open, ‘M-monster…?’ Yongguk crouched down, taking big steps, making his voice deeper then normally, ‘Yes…the tickle monster who tickles bold boys who don’t go to bed on time’.

             In a flash, Zelo was running from the room, squeaking as Yongguk roared. Jongup rolled his eyes, muttering about how childish his adoptive father was before heading for his shower. Yongguk straightened up, pulling his phone from his pocket. The screen lit up with a smiling Himchan, eyes sparkling as he cradled a five old Zelo in his arms, a shy 15 year old Jongup clinging to his side, hiding from the camera. Yongguk’s face split with the size of his smile as he gazed at it fondly. Remembering just how happy they were the day they got to take the two boys away from the orphanage after their father had been arrested for domestic abuse. Jongup still cringed away from touches and had nightmares; Zelo was too young to remember the environment he spent the first few years of his life in. Their mother had been a child hood friend of Himchan’s, one he’d grown up with and went to college with. Hyosung, a beautiful girl with a bright smile like Jongup’s. She was always gentle and caring; she just fell in love with the wrong man. Jongup had been 14 when Hyosung had moved in with Himchan, taking her two sons with her. Himchan had been out with the kids that day while she was sorting through divorce papers and assault reports when he’d broken in and beaten her to death. Himchan had been broken when Yongguk arrived at the emergency room. He’d refused to let anyone take the children from him; he fought tooth and nail for a year against Hyosung’s grandmother who turned her back on the girl. Since he had a more stable income and environment to raise the kids in, he won but had to have another stable person in the houses which lead to Yongguk finally getting the courage to ask Himchan to move in with him. Here they were three years later with two beautiful sons and a loving relationship, engaged to be married at the end of August.

         Yongguk’s heart clenched as the minutes ticked by and Himchan didn’t step through those doors. He wanted nothing more then pull the younger blond into his arms and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe because two weeks was too damn long. The knowing feeling in his stomach was killing him as he listened to Zelo chatter to himself while dressing and Jongup’s soft singing in the shower. He sighed, ‘Where are you Channie?’ Yongguk moved to the kitchen, flicking the lights on. Himchan would want something hot to drink when he came home. Yongguk smiled, he always hated sweet thing but Himchan loved them and Yongguk loved the second hand taste of hot chocolate and marshmallows on Himchan’s lips when they kissed.  The soft pale pink blush that caressed Himchan’s cheeks when Yongguk would laugh and wipe a smudge of cream or marshmallow off his lip. He was always cute despite trying to be manly; it’s what Yongguk loved about him. ‘Appa, can I help making Umma’s chocolate?’ Zelo tugged at Yongguk’s jeans with his tiny hand, smiling softly. Yongguk smiled, not having the heart to send the young boy away as fear for Himchan gripped him. He sat Zelo on the counter, handing him a spoon and the marshmallows. ‘Be a good boy and stir the chocolate so it melts. When it bubbles you can make a smiley face out of the marshmallows’ Yongguk kissed the seven year olds head. His eyes alight with concentration, tongue lolling out slightly as he stirred delicately. Yongguk leant against the wall, admiring his youngest adopted son. He had Himchan’s stubbornness and cuteness. Yongguk’s gaze drifted to the clock for the hundredth time in the past hour, heart thudding as the hands hit midnight. ‘Lucky it’s a Friday night’ Jongup said nervously, drying his hair with a towel. Yongguk nodded in response, taking the towel and gently massaging Jongup’s scalp with it. The teenager tilted his head back to gaze at his Appa worriedly, voice a whisper, ‘Is Umma okay? He’s never late’. Yongguk ran a hand through the teens soft apple scented hair, soothing it into place, ‘Don’t worry Guppie, his flight probably got delayed in Tokyo’. Jongup searched his Appa’s eyes, gulping as he saw the fear and doubt in his Appa’s warm brown eyes. He warmed his muscular arms around his Appa’s thin waist. ‘It’ll be okay Appa, Umma is strong and he loves us. He’ll be home soon’.

           Yongguk smiled bravely, admiring the determination and strength in the teen’s eyes. Himchan was his idol, even when he lived with his real Umma and Appa. Jongup had attached himself to Himchan’s hip the moment he met the man. Himchan was there when the screaming started; he was there to patch up the bruises and cuts, to dry the tears. Yongguk would forever have the night when Himchan came home with a screaming 8 year old Jongup shaking in his arms and Hyosung with her three month old Zelo beside him. Jongup had a black eye. Himchan had stepped in and received the worst. Yongguk could still hear the little whimpers in his mind from when they’d gone to the hospital to get the gash on Himchan’s arm stitched and had surgery on his fingers after they broke while protecting Jongup from his Appa. Himchan had smiled and kissed a teary eyed Jongup goodnight before he let Yongguk convince him to go to the hospital. It was understandable that Jongup feared for the male he’d named Umma. He was Jongup’s savior. He never let a hand land on the boy after that night, or on Zelo. He always answered the phone calls from a crying Jongup at three am when he should have been resting for work but it never stopped him. It was why Yongguk had fallen in love with him. His compassion, his big heart, his beauty and his brains. Himchan was an angel in his eyes, one that never failed to amaze him. ‘Why don’t you and Guppie go watch up? Umma loves that film and I’ll be in when Umma’s home, ne?’ Yongguk ruffled the teens now dry hair. Jongup nodded happily, talking softly as he coaxed a sleepy Zelo off the counter and into his arms. Zelo latching on to his brother, asking sleepily, ‘Guppie, where’s Umma?’ Jongup threw a sad glance at the door before turning a smile to the seven year old and bouncing him to make him giggle.  Yongguk cupped the hot chocolate in his hands, ignoring the burning heat of Himchan’s favorite mug as he placed it in the microwave so it was ready for Himchan’s arrival. A dull buzzing sound made Yongguk slam the door slightly. He chuckled at his own stupidity as he grabbed his phone from the counter. He felt his mouth go dry as relief as he gazed at the name of the caller, thumb stumbling on the screen as he clicked answer.

        ‘Himchan? Himchannie?’ Yongguk called softly, his voice filled with hope. He wanted to hear the others deep chuckle, the rasp of his voice fill his ears but he was greeted by slight static and shouts. Yongguk’s heart stopped as the sounds of sirens filled his ears, jumbled shouts from far away that he couldn’t decipher. ‘Himchan! Baby, please if you can hear me, answer me baby, please’ Yongguk begged, hand shaking as it gripped the phone. The sounds kept filling his ears as he waited, waited for a cough, a sneeze, anything. ‘Y-Yong….Gukkie…’ a weak voice cried out on the other end. Yongguk’s heart clenched as he closed his eyes. ‘I’m here Channie, it’s me. Where are you baby?’. He could hear Himchan’s ragged breathing down the phone as he swallowed tears, ‘G-Gukkie, I’m sorry I’m going to be l-late…’ Yongguk smiled weakly into the phone, ‘its okay baby, you’ll be home soon…I have your favorite hot chocolate ready. And tomorrow Dae is going to take the kids and we-‘. ‘Yongguk’ Himchan’s pained voice cut him off, ‘I’m not…I’m not going to make it home G-Guk’. Yongguk scoffed in denial at the younger’s words. His stomach twisting, heart beating painfully as he gripped the counter with his free hand, ‘W-what do you mean you wont m-make it home?’ Yongguk bit his lips as the shouting grew louder, ‘Sir, stay there, keeping talking sir, we’ll have you out in a minute!’ Himchan’s sobs could be heard through the line, soft and pained, ‘T-there was a c-crash…G-Gukkie, I…I can’t feel my legs Guk. I-I can’t k-keep my e-eyes open for much longer. I j-just needed to h-hear your v-voice Gukkie’.

                 Yongguk felt his heart stop, his world shattering at his words. He tried to swallow back the tears as they started to spill down his cheeks, the world spun around him and he couldn’t seem to process the words. ‘N-no. Himchan, this…this isn’t funny, this isn’t happening. Please baby, just come home’. Himchan laughed weakly, coughing a horrible wet sound that let Yongguk with the image of his precious angel on a road coughing up blood, alone and hurt. ‘Bbang, I l-love you. More t-then anything in the world baby. I’m s-sorry but it h-hurts Bbang. I...I can’t breath v-very well anymore, a-and I’m drenched in b-blood…I t-think it’s m-mine…my side is numb…’. Yongguk sobbed loudly, knees giving out as he slid to the ground, listening to Himchan cry softly on the other line. ‘We’ve nearly cracked the frame. Sir! Sir! Keep talking, we’ve nearly got you. We’ll get you home Sir!’ a voice yelled as Yongguk heard the crunching off metal. ‘Baby, my angel. Himchannie just hang on, their nearly there b-baby. I l-love you t-too. Forever, remember? Hang in their Himchan, don’t you dare c-close your eyes…’. ‘Appa! Appa, what’s wrong? Does it hurt?” Jongup collapsed beside his crying Appa. His small eyes wide with terror as the strong man sat sobbing into the phone, eye red with tears, chest heaving. ‘I-is that G-Guppie?’ Himchan’s voice was soft and slow, breathing short. ‘I-it is’ Yongguk sobbed softly, wrapping an arm around the teens waist. ‘L-let me say g-goodbye to him…’ Himchan’s voice was barely a whisper as Yongguk numbly handed the phone over to his son. He watched as Jongup’s eyes widen, lips quivering as he attempted to hold back tears. His voice broken and lost as he whispered softly, ‘I love you to U-Umma’. Yongguk ran a hand through the boy’s hair, attempting to take away the pain as he shut his eyes. The teen was shaking, repressed sobs raking through his small frame as he listened to his Umma talk and grow weaker by the second. ‘I f-forgive you U-Umma, D-don’t go to sleep on A-Appa’ Jongup begged, the light in his eyes dimmed to nothing as he handed the phone back to Yongguk. ‘B-baby, take care of t-them… Himchan sobbed weakly, his words croaky and sore sounding. ‘A-always Himchan. I won’t let a-anyone hurt them. J-just stay with me, p-please’ Yongguk tried to cover his sobs with his hand as Jongup buried his wet face into his neck, whimpering.

          ‘I l-love you G-Gukkie…’ Himchan’s cries got louder, his breathing more desperate. ‘Himchan! Don’t!’ Yongguk sobbed his words incoherent. ‘If…if I c-close my e-eyes…I c-can s-see you Yongguk. Y-you’re holding me a-and it’s okay n-now…t-the pain isn’t so bad h-here’. Yongguk felt his heart breaking at the little bit of peace in Himchan’s rapidly fading voice. ‘I a-am there. Y-you’re going to be okay Chanchan, y-your hair is so soft as I s- it, y-you can….close your eyes n-now baby…I’ll c-catch you’. Jongup muffled his painful sobs into Yongguk’s shoulder as he shook his head, body trembling against his Appa’s own shaking body. ‘

           Mhm, t-this is n-nice. Its w-warm here, the p-pain is g-gone Guk. T-thank you for s-staying’ Himchan’s voice was fading, coughs filling the gaps between his words. ‘I’ll always s-stay C-Channie, okay? I love you, always baby’ Yongguk sobbed, waiting for a reply he never got. He could hear Himchan’s soft breaths slowing down as the phone drifted from Himchan’s ear. ‘Sir? Sir? Oh god, the blood…it’s every where! We’re losing him! We’re losing him!’ someone screamed. Yongguk let out a scream of Himchan’s name as the soft breaths stopped. Siren wailed in the distance, mixed in with shouts and cried but no belonging to the one voice he wanted to hear the most. The line went dead as Himchan’s phone fell from his cold hand and hit the ground, a cracking sound filling Yongguk’s ear as he dropped his own phone. ‘H-he’s g-gone…’ was all he could muster the courage top say as the tears streamed down his face. Jongup buried himself in Yongguk’s embrace, sobbing his heart out as his Appa held him loosely. Yongguk was numb. He couldn’t stop playing Himchan’s words over and over again. His world had shattered within the fifteen minute phone call. Fifteen minutes to say goodbye to the person he was due to vow his life to. Jongup’s sobs fell on deaf ears as Yongguk lost himself in the world of loud sirens, shouting and an angels rapidly fading voice in his head. The phone rang but he didn’t move to answer it, too numb to even cry anymore. The door swung open as a sleepy Zelo rubbed his eyes, too tired to see the tears as he handed the phone to his Appa. ‘For you Appa, some man calling about Umma’. Yongguk nodded as the youngest rested against the teen and fell back asleep. ‘Yeoboseyo?’ Yongguk croaked out. ‘Bang Yongguk? We’re calling about a Kim Himchan……’