"And here we are with South Korea's number 1 girl band, Girls Generation!" The buzzing MC announced gleefully as the applause and cheering's from the fans boomed throughout the echoing stage arena. 

"So Nyeo Shi Dae! So Nyeo Shi Dae! So Nyeo Shi Dae!!!"  The fans chanted wildly, as if they were chanting some religious prayer. 

"Quick, quick! Everyone move!" One of the backstage technicians shouted as everyone hurried to get off and on stage. 

It was just another MAMA award ceremony that was being held in Seoul. 

Although MAMA is very competitive music award ceremony, we treat it like any other ceremony since we come here so damn frequently. 

And of course, for this awards ceremony, the entertainment act would be us: Korea's number one girl group. 

We all had to walk through this insanely bright and narrow hallway that leads to the stage.  It was so goddamn bright that you can literally see your reflections from all of the glossy makeup that our faces were smothered it. 

We then passed by a couple of rookie bands who were so nervous about their acts on stage. 

"Oh my god, I'm so nervous! We can't mess up!" 

"I hope we'll gain more fans by  our performance!" 

I secretly smiled to myself as we whizzed by them. They were amazed to see the nation's number one girl group gliding right beside them. 

Ah, I remember our first MAMA performance... 

"Oh my god, is that Girls' Generation?" A voice perked out right behind us. 

I assumed it was one of the rookie band members that said that since no backstage assistant or technician would even give a damn about the artists who were performing. They were all being overworked and stressed to make sure that everything goes right.  

"It is! It's them" 

I took a quick glance behind me to see one of the rookies pointing straight at Yoona, who was smiling back at them. 

Oh Yoona, no wonder why you're the image of this band. How can you smile all the time? 

I honestly would've gave them the finger and continued walking, but they can clearly read our faces that we do not want to take a picture with anyone at this moment, so they just waved hello.  

As soon as we stepped on stage, we can see all of the work that was happening behind the curtains. 

Swarms of stage technicians swept through the stage, trying to make everything run as smoothly as possible.  

"Get on stage right now!" One of the stage managers bellowed as we quickly hopped up the steps. 

Where else do you think we're going you bozo? To the bathroom? 

I gave him a dirty glance, but then realized that the stage manager probably was under a hell of a lot of stress. He looked like he didn't sleep for the last 48 hours. 

, these heels are killing me. Why can't we do a concept where we just go bare feet? 

As soon as we were all standing behind the curtains, the last minute checkings occurred: 

"Taeyeon your microphone is too not on correctly!" 

"Tiffany, you forgot to put on your tiara!" 

"Sooyoung, hurry up and get on stage!" 

Ahhh...Typical stage stress 

"Jessica, your hair is sticking up!" One of my hairstylists exclaimed.  

What? We spent nearly an hour hosing my hair with hairspray! 

She hastily walked over and patted down my bangs. 

There was more shouting and commands, however, I could barely hear anyone's voice over the large roar from the crowd. 

I'm probably going to go deaf by the age of 30... 

But despite the stimulating screams and exciting cheers, I kept thinking about my last text with Krystal: 

"Jessica! I have vacation for a couple days and so do you! I want to go to New York to see the Yankees game! Can you come with me? Please?" 

I was way to exhausted from my busy schedule and would honestly rather stay home to rest. As much as I wanted to spend time with my sister, I just couldn't bear to bring myself back on the airplane to New York.  

Won't it be easier to bring her friend Victoria alone? 

I mean, she loves going to New York and probably won't mind spending time at an American ballgame. I already went to a baseball game with Krystal last year in San Francisco. 

"Girls' Generation! Girls' Generation!" The fans chanted loudly as the curtains were about to unfold. 

I began to stretch a little, to avoid any cramps throughout the performance. Getting a cramp is one of the worst things that could happen to you when you're performing on stage. 

I looked around and saw the other members mustering themselves up too.  

Tiffany was busy practicing one of the dances moves at the end that she keeps messing up and Taeyeon was practicing some of her lines. 

"kuhareo wah jushil tenkayo" She kept repeating. 

"-jushil tenkayoooooo" 

I then wiped some of the sweat from my fact, not realizing how under hydrated I was.  

When was the last time I took a sip of water? 

I grabbed one of the water bottles nearby and gulped nearly half of it. I think it  I took Yuri's water, but I didn't really care.  

That girl was too busy texting and flirting with her girlfriend, Son Ye Jin. She could care less about me taking her water. 

I then tossed the water bottle to a nearby stage assistant and wiped the water residue on my shirt like the slob I am, despite the expensive fabric material. 

It's paid from the company so whatever. 

"Get in position girls! Anyone who's not in Girls' Generation, get out!" Our main manager demanded as people scrambled off stage. 

Ugh. I know our manager has a really tough job and all, but he yells literally at everything. Whether he's in a meeting or on the phone, he's always barking orders like he's in the marines or something. 

The other members and I then got into our positions for I Got a Boy.  

Hooray, our 34869th performance for I Got A Boy... 

"Girls! You're going to be live in 5...4..." 

Ugh, why do I always feel nervous when they count down? I mean, I've done these concerts like a hundred times already. 

"3..." 

Am I afraid of messing up or something? Why am I getting nervous?  

I shook my head a little, trying to ease my anxiety. But that tingling feeling won't drift away. 

"2..." 

I then looked at Hyoyeon on the left of me, who was busy trying to fix a strand of her blonde hair.  

She doesn't seem nervous at all.  

None of the other members seemed nervous at all. 

So why am I? 

"1..." 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" 

My iPhone hummed obnoxiously, as I pried open my eyes. My heart began to race as I snagged my phone underneath my pillow. 

Dear god, Krystal! She's okay! 

I anxiously unlocked my phone with my fingers shaking with impatience, but was met with disappointment.  

It was Tiffany.  

"Jessica-I'm going to be at the Philadelphia airport this afternoon at 4:45. I know you weren't expecting this but I need to tell you something in person." 

I dishearteningly threw my phone on the mattress and sighed loudly.  

. I told Tiffany not to follow me here.   

I then rose from my mattress and wandered outside my dinky and dark bedroom. I forgot that I crashed at a motel last night. This was the only thing that I could afford since I didn't bring a lot of cash with me. I mean,  I do have my credit card with me, but I don't know if the banks in South Korea are still working. 

I placed my arms on the grimy railing and stared straight up at the sky, like I was expecting an answer from God about Krystal. 

 It was cloudy and raining: perfect weather to suit this depressing voyage. Even though it's only 10 am, it looked like it was already nightfall. 

What does Tiffany want to show me that's really important? Isn't she suppose to be staying at her sister's house? 

I shuffled back to my room and gathered my backpack. My backpack only held the things that I have with me: my wallet and iPhone.  

I swiftly signed  my name out from the main desk at the motel and quietly walked away.  

Not many words were exchanged between me and the main desk guy except for "sign here" and "thank you". 

I then walked through the main front doors but heard something that I hadn't expected at all: 

"Is that Jessica Jung?" 

I turned around and glared at a group of teenagers  gawking at me while waiting inside the lobby. 

. How do they recognize me in this dreaded outfit and little makeup? 

"It is! It's Jessica from Girls' Generation!" 

I then bolted out from the motel without any warning and tried to make myself through the busy streets of city of Philadelphia.  

"Hey, wait! Ms. Jessica Jung!" A male teenage fan yelled after me as I escaped.  

But I was far more quicker than he was. 

I quickly bypass all of the walking pedestrians, despite their rude comments, but was stopped at a busy intersection. 

Crap! No! 

I pressed the crosswalk button numerous times, but my attempts were futile.  

"Geez lady, you only need to press it once." A tall bald man with a jean jacket and baseball cap murmured.  

He stared at me like I was some crazy woman that escaped from an asylum. But I don't blame him. I hadn't showered in days and my hair is a gigantic mess.  

I ignored the man's comment and kept pressing the button, hoping to avoid this chasing fan. 

"Yo lady, chill with the button," Another obnoxious pedestrian stated, "We all have to go somewhere, ya know!" 

Ugh, if only you people understand. 

"Jessica!"  

I turned around and saw this fan, panting behind me, gasping for air. 

"Oh, so that's what she's trying to run away from? Her boyfriend?" The bald man smirked as the crowd of people laughed around me.  

Well isn't this nice? I'm getting make fun of on the streets on Philadelphia. 

The teenage fan stared at me in disbelief, as if I was a ghost or something. 

"I can't believe it...you...you survived.." He whispered in astonishment.  

The crosswalk finally turned as  the crowd of pedestrians and I hurriedly cross the street. 

"Oh wait, don't leave!" The fan pleaded as I quickly speed walk away. But I was soon doomed to the same fate of facing another busy street. 

Dammit. 

"My name...my name is Thomas! But you-you can call me Tom!" He introduced as I continued to ignore him. He then stared at me in amazement.  

"I'm Thomas Lee! I'm a South-Korean American like you!" 

Tom was a tall, but pudgy teenager with spiky black hair. He was wearing bright over-size yellow glasses and a baggy red sports jacket that nearly drops to his knees. He looked like a typical male fan to me that I've seen during fan meetings.  

But this was definitely not a good time to meet a fan. 

"I can't believe...I can't believe.... a Girls' Generation member is here!" He whispered as he tried to catch his breath.  

"You're-you're here! Right now! In front of me! 

I gave him a quick smile and then moved a couple of inches away, to show him that I'm not in the mood to talk to any fans. I've done this many times when I was getting stalked by a bunch of fans, which worked almost all the time. But Tom didn't get the signal and moved even closer to where I was standing. 

Ugh, can you please go? I'm not in the mood to deal with any fans... 

"Everyone said...The news...it said-" 

, don't say it....I don't  want to hear it... 

"-it said that the whole arena in Seoul was inflamed from the bombing-" 

Oh my god, please don't say it... 

"They announced that everyone in the arena was dead-" 

Goddammit! 

"-Are you done eye-goggling me?" I interrupted.  

"Wh-what?"  

"I am clearly not dead! Now shut up and leave!"  

There was never a time when I was ever mean to a fan. Even when they shoved their phones at my face and pummeled me on the ground at the airports, I never had the heart to reprimand them or yell at them. 

Not until now. 

"Can't you see that I want to be alone right now?!" I screamed as I turned away from him. 

Tom looked away sadly. You can see how humiliated he was from being yelled at by a famous Korean pop star.  As horrible as I feel,

I just needed to be away from everyone at the moment. 

"Please leave." I stated in a more calmly voice. 

"I'm...I'm sorry Ms. Jung" Tom croaked in a weary voice as he walked away in disappointment.  

The crosswalk then finally turned, which thankfully allowed me to part away from Tom. As I was walking down, I took a quick look back to see Tom walking back. 

Poor guy, it wasn't his fault... I just didn't want to be reminded of what happened. 

I sighed and peeked at my wrist watch:  

11:34 pm. It's going to take me at least three hours to get to the airport by train, so I should get going.  

I then looked back one more time to see Tom, but his bright red jacket disappeared into the crowd and was nowhere to be seen.