Hangeng sank down onto his knees, his body unable to hold him up any longer. He couldn't believe it, he had been too late. Heechul was gone from him forever and he'd never gotten to say his goodbye. Tears fled from his eyes and he didn't even care to blink them away. One by one they fell, the drops soaking into his jeans. That didn't matter, nothing did anymore. His light, his life, his love. Had been torn from this world. His body felt cold and he started to shake, even small sobs started to escape his lips. How was he supposed to continue, was he even supposed to? Life without Heechul existing, was is possible to live?

      Suddenly he felt a hand land on his shoulder, glancing toward it he saw Jungsu. The elder's eyes were red from crying and his body looked frail. Hangeng stared at him for a moment before the two hugged each other tightly. Jungsu's tears started up and Hangeng could hear his sniffling. Pulling away to look at the elder he managed a small smile.

      “I've missed you Hyung.” He said the words coming out in broken Korean. Jungsu sniffled again and just collapsed back into Hangeng, hugging him once more. After a minute Kangin came into the room to see the now silently hugging pair sitting together on the floor. He felt a knot in his stomach as Hangeng looked up and their eyes met.

      “Yah, what makes you think you deserve to be here?” He snarled. Hangeng blinked and shifted awkwardly, taken aback not having expected that question. Even Jungsu seemed surprised as he looked up at Kangin.

      “He was my everything.” Hangeng retorted while standing up, helping the leader to his feet as well. Kangin only scoffed and shook his head.

      “I don't believe that, if he was your everything you would have been here!” Kangin snapped. Jungsu walked over to him and gave him a look as if to say 'stop', he didn't though. Instead Kangin approached Hangeng his hands balled into fists, knuckles already becoming white.

      “The only person he wanted to see was you!” Kangin seethed. By now a Ryeowook and Yesung had congregated to the room upon hearing Kangin's voice growing louder. Hangeng felt a sharp pang in his heart as he stood not knowing what to say. The longer he remained silent the more threatening Kangin's look became.

      “Do you know how much he wanted to see you? Do you realize how much faith he had that you'd come! When you didn't show he gave up. It's your fault he's gone-”

      “Kangin Stop!” Jungsu screeched as he grabbed the larger man's arm. Just like that Kangin seemed to snap out of whatever it was that had taken over him. It was to late for Hangeng though who had broken into another fit of tears knowing that every word Kangin had said was true. As he stepped away from the others his back met a wall which he slid down. Pulling his knees to his chest he started crying again, curt hiccups escaping his lips as his tears streamed down his cheeks.

      Kangin bit his lip and looked to the floor, while Jungsu settled next to Hangeng trying to tell him everything would be okay. The words fell on deaf ears though as the Chinese man fell into a world of darkness. Nothing but a dull buzz sounded in his ears as he gazed at a screw on the floorboard.

While this was going on a collection of members had ended up in the room. Kyuhyun, who's eyes were a ghastly red, was holding Sungmin's hand as the smaller male tried to stop crying. Siwon stood at the doorway tears crisp in his eyes. Even Kibum showed up not being able to believe his old friend was gone. Not everyone had made it to the room yet, Eunhyuk was with Donghae who was an endless waterfall, and Shindong was getting Zhoumi and Henry from the airport.

      After some time everyone was in the room, some were sitting on the couch and others on the floor. Idle chatter passed between groups as they remembered some of their favorite things about Kim Heechul. Kyuhyun talked about when they used to stay up and play video games together in nothing but their boxers. Siwon talked about how he used to playfully argue with the elder while trying to get him to go to church. Kibum and Kangin chuckled about the good times they had while drinking. Zhoumi talked about how nice Heechul had been to him when he had joined SJ-M. Donghae and Eunhyuk talked about how even though Heechul may have teased them, he was always there if they wanted to talk. Ryeowook talked about how he'd praised his cooking and always thanked him for the good meals. Henry didn't have to much to say, but reminded everyone how awesome he was as lady Hee Hee.

     While everyone was laughing, and ignoring the tear stains on their cheeks, Jungsu glanced at Hangeng who hadn't moved from earlier. His body was stiff and eyes an unflattering red. He was breaking on this inside, his world now destroyed around him. He didn't want to come to terms with that fact that the loud, obnoxious, and arrogant Kim Heechul was gone. Everyone had tried to approach him earlier and bring him back to reality, but the task was harder than it seemed. Jungsu couldn't take that vacant look in his eyes anymore though. Getting up from his seat he left the room, a few members glanced at him, but nothing was said.

      Jungsu headed down the hall and kept walking till he was outside of Heechul's door. The room where the diva had stayed in for his last days, and taken his last breath. He had caused to much of a clamor at the hospital and he was allowed to be set up in his real room. Jungsu pushed open the door and looked around the room. A drowsy Heebum greeted him by nuzzling on his legs. The leader looked at the cat and smiled leaning down to pet him. Straightening back up he walked over to Heechul's window and cracked open the blinds so the room could receive a little light. Looking around the room that had gone untouched he noticed the drawer next to Heechul's bed was cracked open. He was almost positive it hadn't been earlier, but decided to discard that fact. Walking over to it Jungsu pulled it open to reveal a drawer of letters. His eyes widened in surprised and he sifted through them finding only 13 letters one for each member, except Hangeng. Taking the letters in hand he went back to the room where the others were. Silently he passed out the letters taking everyone by surprise.

      “These were in Heechul's room?” Kangin asked as he looked at the handwriting for his name, it certainly belong to Heechul. Jungsu nodded and sat down finally inspecting his letter. The envelope seemed thicker than the others and he wondered why. The small clamor had gotten Hangeng's attention as he notice he was the only one without a letter. Standing up his knees popped from being so stiff, the others didn't notice as he came and sat on the arm of the couch.

      Siwon was first to open to open his, only to find there was more than writing. No the envelope was full of pictures of he and Heechul throughout the eras. Quickly everyone started to open their letters seeing each contained a letter and pictures. Jungsu still didn't open his though as he noticed Hangeng, and the broken, pained look in his eyes. Eventually the Chinese man got up and headed out of the room, walking to Heechul's. Upon reaching it he felt tears welling in the corners of his eyes, almost finding it hard to believe he was still able to cry after how much he had earlier.

      “I'm sorry.” He said in his native tongue, before repeating in again in Korean.

      “I'm sorry, Heechul.” Now the tears were falling again, all the memories this room held were rushing back to him. His knees felt weak as he walked around the room letting the memories replay. After a moment he sat down on the bed and let out a small sigh.

      “I'm sorry I didn't make it back in time. Kangin is wrong though, I love you more than anything Heechul. I know I kept out of contact, but every time we spoke I felt as though I had betrayed you by leaving. I couldn't bring myself to apologize for going without warning, and I can never forget that broken look you had in your eyes when you caught me leaving without a goodbye. You told me then and there that you would love me no matter what, I want to believe it to be true. In your final hours though you waited for the man who didn't show. Did you lose feeling for me, I wonder. I know I'm the worst, I just wish I could have seen you again. I want to believe that you still loved me, I just wish I knew.” Hangeng stopped talking into the empty room and buried his hands into his face as he could no longer think of what to say.

      Hangeng stayed in Heechul's room long into the night wishing he could know what the elder's feelings had been even before death. Little did he know that sticking out from the mattress the corner of an envelope was visible.

      This would go unnoticed though, and Hangeng would eventually head back to China. Slowly lives would go back to normal and Heechul would become but a memory. For years Heechul's room would go untouched, everything left in it's proper place. The envelope gone unnoticed and the contents unread, until finally Jungsu himself decided to empty the room. He managed to stumble across the letter, then he found himself having to make a decision. Should he give it to Hangeng? The man seemed to have been able to move on, wouldn't this just make things worse again? With a heavy heart Jungsu kept the letter, but did not read it. He told himself he would give it to Hangeng when the time was right, but who knew when that would be.

      What was held inside you might ask? Nothing, but a story of a love that never died even though both sides were met with various obstacles. One of which happened to be death, and in death a promise was given.

I will love you forever, forever and always.

No matter where our paths may lead.

Know that without you, I will never be complete.

So once I'm gone, please don't mourn me.

And don't worry.

I'll be watching and waiting for you.

Just as you did, all of those years.

Hangeng you are

My everything

My absolute

And even though I'm gone

You are mine

So know this.

I will always

Love you

~

an/ This is not allowed to be posted anywhere aside from here, if you see it reposted please contact me and tell me.

Also if you enjoyed please comment!