Even though it hurts to death. I can't remove you, who's stuck in my heart. - Shinee, Quasimodo

What is this? I feel my hand goes numb and hurt. And my nose feel so dry and stuffy. So tired. I feel so exhausted.

Slowly, I open my eyes. I look around and all I see is white room, IV drip, oxygen tube and Taemin. I don’t really remember what happened last night. I just felt my chest hurt so bad when I breathe. The last thing I thought about was Seunghyun.

I remembered all those pain last night.

Seunghyun.

“Hyung, are you alright? How’s your feeling?” My little brother raised up from the seat next to my bed. His expression is unreadable. His brown eyes look tired, I can see the bags under his eyes.

“I’m fine Taemin-ah, I’m sorry I made you worry about me.” I felt bad, I’ve always been sick. Taemin, he’s been through a lot. I felt sorry for him.

“Please be healthy Hyung. It breaks my heart to see you this way. I can’t lose you too, not after we lost Umma. Please” His crystal clear tears run down his face.  “I just want you to be happy. But Seunghyun hyung always makes you sad.”

His little hand brushed my medium blonde haired. He gave me small smile before he called the doctor. When Taemin left, I thought that I need to clear my mind and rethink about it.I got hospitalized, I don’t think Seunghyun cares about me anymore. The last messages explained a lot.

I heard the door opened. Taemin came into the room along with Doctor Kim and Nurse Park. “Jiyong-ah, how are you feeling?” Doctor Kim checked my pulse and oxygen capacity. “Like… Always… I felt dizzy, and my chest is really hurt. My left chest I mean.” I said to the Doctor Kim and he still examined my body. “Hmm… This could be your pulmonary. Did you remember the last time I talked about?” “About, my pulmonary disease cannot be cured, it can be managed. Like since I psychosomatic , I just have to keep my mind… Happy…” “Did you feel depressed or sad last night? It can trigger asthma attack, coughing and shortness of your breath. Then I will use several kinds of medications to treat the symptoms and complications, okay? Just make sure you don't overextend yourself, especially your mind. Get well soon Jiyong-ah, ne?”  I just nodded because honestly, my mind isn’t working properly now.

“See Hyung?! I don’t see the point of what to say, like being so into him? I mean Seunghyun Hyung, I think it’s pointless to think about him like crazy, but he doesn’t think about you… at all!” so, Taemin is scolding me now. It’s actually so cute. His eyes became more round and he pouted, a lot.

“Ne, ne… can you just stop talking? My head hurts Taemin-ah. Ah, what time is it?”

“it’s six a.m. are you hungry? Yongbae Hyung said he will be here at 8.” The angry Taemin turned to angel again. I just can help but chuckled.

“no, no… I think I just need to rest a little. Can you bring me my phone?”

“ne. here.”

I checked my inbox and nothing. Seunghyun didn’t text me at all. I sighed sadly. So, he doesn’t care about me now? For real? It hurts so bad because I love him to death.  It’s always been him, always him. Six years love turned nothing.

I decided to text Seunghyun

Hyun, I got hospitalized last night. Where are you? Can you come here please? I need you too you know.

Sent…

Please God, give me sign if Seunghyun still loves me . even if it’s just a little.

I put my phone on the table next to my bed. My nurse will angry if I didn’t rest and kept playing with my phine.

“Taemin-ah, don’t you go to school? It starts at 8 right? Don’t you dare to skip it!” I glared at him. I noticed Taemin pouted and puffed his cheeks.

“Uhm… Well, I just have to wash my face here and brush my teeth too. Minho Hyung will pick me here.” Taemin said as he avoided my eyes.

“Minho… comes?”

“Hmm… he will be here in a minute.”

When I heard Minho names, I couldn’t help but think about Seunghyun. Minho is Seunghyun little brother. Although they’re brothers, their personality is quite opposite. I can see in Minho eyes, he loved Taemin so much. I’m glad, my brother is so happy about that.

I heard knocking in the door, it’s Minho.

“Jiyong Hyung… Are you okay? I apologize on behalf of my brother, Hyung.”

“I’m okay Minho-ah. I understand. Don’t make those kind of face okay? I hate it.” I felt sorry for Minho.

“He didn’t come home last night. And I can’t reach him yet. Don’t be so stressful Hyung, I’m sure Seunghyun Hyung will call you in time. Just think about your health first.”

“Okay. Thank you so much Minho-ah. Take care of my little brother for me okay, I trust you.” I talked to Minho as I reached hand and placed it on top of my hand. He gave me gentle smile that quite similar to Seunghyun smile that I miss the most.

“Don’t worry about it Hyung, I will.” Minho answered while he took Taemin’s hand and walked out from the room.

“Take care Hyung, I will be back soon.” Taemin waved at me and smile. Looking at my brother brings me my happiness aside of Seunghyun presence. I loved to see Minho and taemin. For once, I feel that someone actually can love you forever. 

i heard my phone buzzing. I took it immediately.

It’s… Seunghyun.

I’m busy.

That’s it? Seunghyun said he’s busy. So, I don’t really matter anymore. He doesn’t love me anymore.

I felt like my body goes numb. Like my chest feeling tight and my heart pounding, notice the sweating or feeling of being light-headed, dizzy. There’s a knot in my stomach. I feel abandoned, unworthy and lost.

It hurts…

~~

Yuhuuuu... this is the update, its kinda short ne? so please tell me your opinion, comments are love <3

P.S: based on true story XDD

enjoy~

-Ringo :)