Everything That I'm Not

Chapter Two

“One Man Masquerade”

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Minhwan's family, the Choi's as Hongki had come to learn, were unlike anyone he'd ever met. As soon as he mentioned Wonbin to the couple in charge—Minhwan's parents, presumably—their faces lit up and they hired Hongki on the spot. No interview, no application, nothing. The formalities could come later, they'd said as they handed Hongki a pen and a notepad.

As long as he wasn't a convict or a debt collector, they told him when he merely stood and stared (as any normal person would), any friend of Wonbin's was a welcome employee of theirs. The logic, though somewhat silly in a professional sense, struck a strange chord in the back of Hongki's mind. He couldn't help but feel at ease with their words, though he later learned Wonbin had already called the previous night and filled them in on Hongki's arrival.

Which didn't diminish their kindness in the slightest, of course. In fact, Hongki was caught completely off guard by how willing they were to lend him a hand. Without any hesitation, they accepted him as part of the family, and it wasn't long before the former singer found himself scrambling in front of a crowd of hungry customers.

When he wasn't running back and forth between tables like a chicken with its head cut off, he was dodging questions from people who thought they recognized him from somewhere, but couldn't quite put their finger on why he looked familiar. Hongki couldn't deny the fact this unnerved him somewhat, but he also couldn't deny it surprised him a little that it took two whole days before someone eventually put a name to his face.

“Aren't you Hongstar? Can we have a picture? Please? It would mean so much.”

As Hongki stared at those three pairs of eyes—so full of excitement, hopefulness, admiration even—he couldn't help but be reminded of all the lies and deceptions his entire image was built upon. People looked up to him, admired him even, but this “Hongstar” character people saw, he didn't exist.

He was a lie. An illusion. Nothing more than a doll created by a company to be adored and idolized by everyone, yet loved by no one at all. A shell of who he was, cursed with the life of a one man masquerade. Even now, Hongki would wonder, what was his true face underneath the mask he'd kept for so long?

“I'm sorry,” Hongki managed out, watching as their faces fell, disappointment as clear as day in the eyes of those three young fans. Biting back the guilt that threatened to escape at the sight of their slumped shoulders, Hongki forced himself to keep his expression neutral. “You have me confused with someone else.”

With that, Hongki turned his attention back to the other tables, feeling a pair of dark, curious eyes upon him as he stopped by the counter to drop off a customer's check.

“Does that kind of thing happen a lot?”

Hongki looked up at Jonghun's question, finding the dark haired man leaning against the other side of the counter, eyes inquisitive and chin resting in the palm of his hand. His cool and collected demeanor seemed a bit odd in the midst of all the craziness of a packed restaurant, but Hongki would be lying if he said he didn't feel the least bit calmed by Jonghun's relaxed nature.

“What do you mean?” Hongki asked, eyebrows knitting together slightly in question.

“People asking you for pictures,” Jonghun explained, his wide and curious gaze indicating he hadn't the slightest clue about Hongki's history as a singer. “Does that happen a lot?”

“Sometimes,” Hongki admitted with a shrug, though it ended up looking forced and awkward.

“Huh,” Jonghun hummed to himself, his eyes narrowing the slightest fraction as if attempting to figure out the world's biggest mystery. “You haven't been here three days, and you're already more popular than I am. I feel like I should be offended, but I'm actually kind of impressed.”

Hongki couldn't help but look at him oddly, though a tiny smile started tugging at his lips. “Doesn't take much for you, does it? Are you also amazed by automatic doors and birthday candles that relight themselves?”

Jonghun grinned, his eyes crinkling with laughter. “Actually, I'm more amazed by revolving doors. You can go around and around all you want, and they'll never stop. That, my friend, is magic.”

Hongki shook his head, but couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his face. “You're ridiculous.” When Jonghun said nothing and merely continued grinning at him as if enjoying a private joke, Hongki's eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “What?”

“So I was right,” the dark haired male murmured, almost as if talking to himself. “You do have a nice smile. You should use it more often.”

Hongki offered only a roll of his eyes as a response, but as he returned to work, the smile he'd smothered came creeping back onto his face. He returned to his apartment that night feeling lighter than he had in months, though by the time he fell asleep he was already wishing for the next morning to arrive.

---

The next several weeks passed by before Hongki even realized how quickly the days were escaping him. Being around Jonghun and working for the Choi's was like breathing in fresh air for the very first time. For the first time in who knew how long, Hongki felt as if he'd finally taken a step in the right direction.

Minhwan, a high school student who was set to graduate the following spring, was a softhearted kid with a gentle smile that resembled Old Man Choi himself. He was easy to talk to, and it quickly became clear to Hongki that Minhwan looked up to Jonghun, as made obvious by the way he spoke to him with only the utmost admiration.

However, whenever Hongki mentioned Wonbin, Minhwan's eyes lit up and a genuine smile stretched across his lips so widely it was a wonder his cheeks didn't hurt. It was clear to Hongki that Minhwan respected Wonbin, admired him even, but when asked about what kind of relationship the two had with each other, Minhwan would only smile, as would Jonghun, but neither would tell Hongki anything more.

“You can't really describe their friendship to people,” Jonghun explained one day when Hongki wouldn't drop the subject and continued to pester the dark haired male about it. “What they have is something people would give anything to get their hands on. Putting a label on it would just make it seem so trivial.”

With that, Hongki left the matter as it was. Though he didn't quite understand what Jonghun had meant, he let it go and didn't bring it up again.

Before he knew it, the sunshine filled month of June had drifted into an even sunnier, hotter July.

During that time, Hongki and Jonghun became practically inseparable.

The former singer had gotten to know all sorts of things about his new, dark haired friend. He learned Jonghun's birthday was just five days after Hongki's, a fact the singer tried to hold over his head but instead ended up with a thoroughly amused Jonghun who laughed at him and asked if he should start calling him ahjussi.

He learned of Jonghun's fondness for anything movie related, discovering he'd watch damn near any movie known to man, even if it was terrible. Apparently, according to him, the presence of a good companion was enough to make any movie, no matter how cheesy or poorly written, worth watching. Hongki nearly fell over from the corniness.

He also uncovered Jonghun's weakness for iced coffees, learned of his interest in fashion, and even learned about the band he'd formed with Minhwan and a couple friends. Though they were only local at the moment, Jonghun was certain they were going make it big in the music industry. Once they found that last missing link, as he put it.

Hongki didn't have the heart to tell him fame wasn't everything people made it out to be.

“So, what's your story?” Jonghun asked on a hot and humid summer evening, eyes curious and expectant as he took a seat across from Hongki inside a late-night coffee shop.

Though it was only a little past ten o'clock, the streets had thinned out considerably since the bright and sunny day. The coffee shop was practically empty, leaving only but a handful of customers.

“I don't really have one,” Hongki said, resisting the urge to sigh as he thought about his abrupt departure from the company. He hadn't so much as sung a single word since he left, and he wondered for a brief moment what Jonghun would have said, what he would have thought had he known Hongki had given up the very same dream Jonghun was trying to make for himself.

“Oh, come on. Everyone has a story,” Jonghun pressed, though his voice was gentle and not the least bit demanding.

Hongki raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? Then what's yours?” He challenged, watching as Jonghun smiled and shook his head, his eyes gleaming devilishly.

“No way. You are not turning this around on me. I asked you first. I want to know, who is this Hongki person? Average working class man by day, crime fighting superhero by night? I'm thinking you're a masked vigilante. I'm getting close, right?”

Hongki snorted. “Not even.”

“No? And I was so certain,” he replied easily, that carefree smile still on his face as he sipped as his coffee, leaning back in his seat and occasionally glancing out the window. The silence, though usually unsettling when Hongki was alone, was somehow comfortable when he was with Jonghun. Like he was surrounded by a warm blanket.

Why was that, he couldn't help but wonder?

As the lull in conversation continued, Hongki brought his elbow atop the table and rested his head in the palm of his head. He looked out the window for a brief moment, taking in the sight of the few lone pedestrians before his attention was drawn back to the man sitting in front of him.

Choi Jonghun.

The name seemed to roll right off the tongue, yet as Hongki gazed at the man who'd been so quick to call him a friend, the former singer couldn't seem to find the words he wanted to say. Hongki's eyes wandered from that pitch black hair atop his head, his fingers itching to run themselves through those dark strands and find out if it was just as soft and silky as it appeared.

Hongki's eyes drifted downward, past that sharp angle of his nose and his unblemished skin before lingering on that defined jawline of his for only the briefest of moments. Hongki's gaze drifted once more, his gaze drawn to the small portion of his exposed collarbone peaking out from underneath the shirt that was just a little too low-cut for Hongki's sanity.

Swallowing thickly and ignoring the fiery jump in his pulse, he forced himself to bring his eyes upward, finding Jonghun staring back at him curiously, eyebrow raised and the corners of his twitching as if to form a smile.

“You still there, space cadet?” Jonghun asked, clearly fighting the smile that so badly wanted to stretch across his lips.

Hongki felt a flush crawl up the sides of his neck at being caught staring, praying to any and all superior beings in the heavens his embarrassment didn't show on his face.

“Yeah, I was just thinking,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair and willing himself not to say anything stupid. Why was it that whenever Hongki was around Jonghun, Hongki lost all ability to form coherent thoughts?

“What about?” Jonghun prompted, raising his eyebrows.

“You and Minhwan don't look anything alike,” Hongki blurted out, watching as Jonghun stared back at him, seemingly taken aback by the sudden comment. Though the smile remained on his face, Jonghun's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he rested his arms atop the table.

“Why would we look alike?”

Hongki blinked at him. “Aren't you guys related?”

“Biologically? No,” the other replied immediately, not at all bothered by Hongki's inquiry. When the singer said nothing and merely stared at him, Jonghun offered an explanation. “We might share the same last name, but I was adopted. His parents were close with my mom ever since high school, so when she passed away, she left me to them.”

“What about your dad?” Hongki found himself asking before he could stop himself, watching as the expression on Jonghun's face shifted. It was very subtle and hardly noticeable, but there was a definite change in the smile Hongki had grown accustomed to seeing in his eyes.

“Not exactly a family kind of man,” Jonghun replied with a shrug. “He was gone before I was two.”

“Oh. I'm sorry,” Hongki apologized, albeit somewhat awkwardly as he ran a hand through his hair once again.

Jonghun gave him an odd look. “Why? You didn't run him off. Besides, it's kind of hard to miss what you don't even remember having.” Hongki opened his mouth to respond, but hesitated a split second later, to which Jonghun responded by peering at him curiously. “What?”

“There's no way you can be that cool with it.”

“Maybe not, but it is what it is,” Jonghun told him as he shrugged again. “I'll admit I was curious about him when I was little. That's only natural, right? I don't know. I guess one day I realized there wasn't much of a point in looking for him, so I just... didn't. Besides, I already had a family. Blood relation means nothing to me if they never bothered to stick around.”

Hongki took his lower lip between his teeth before he responded. “I'm sorry, I—”

“Hongki.”

Hongki blinked at the mention of his name. “Yeah?”

Jonghun leaned forward, the look in his eyes still swimming with that same gentleness Hongki had grown so accustomed to. “Stop apologizing. It really gets under my skin when people incessantly apologize for things they have no control over.”

As Jonghun offered a smile, Hongki couldn't help but smile back at him.

The way this man looked at life was something else. He didn't seem to be bothered by much, and he never seemed to raise his voice at anyone. He was gentle with his words, yet his point was still heard loud and clear. He was open, honest, and didn't appear to like hiding things from people.

It was then, Hongki realized, that he admired Jonghun. Everything about him was everything Hongki wanted to be, yet the more time he spent around him, the more Hongki realized how potent his attraction for him was becoming.

He was falling in love, but after keeping his heart locked for so long, how was Hongki supposed to surrender the key to someone who could just as easily break his heart in two?

These were the things Hongki found himself at war with as he eventually drifted off into sleep late that night.

---

A bit of an abrupt end,
But I wanted this out before I went to sleep.
I apologize for disappearing.
I've been sick as a dog these last couple months.