We just came back from a meeting with YG Sajangnim this morning. This week was supposed to be the release of the teasers for 2ne1's comeback but due to some glitches in some of our songs and concept, Sajangnim decided to postpone our comeback and just promote Hayi's album in the meantime. My mind travelled back to what happened this morning.

Looking at my members faces, I can tell that all of us are really disappointed. Our Blackjacks has been bombarding our twitter accounts asking us when will be our comeback. They even had an event where they tried to trend #GiveUs2ne1 but unfortunately its seems that they have to wait for a little longer. Our fans has been hating YG for announcing our supposed to be comebacks keeping our fans excited only to be dismayed in the end when he decides to move it to another month. Our fans were really hurt with the way YG is treating 2ne1. I've been lurking in twitter a lot so I know all their sentiments. YG will not be named King of Troll for nothing.

“I know you're disappointed right now girls but please don't be.” YG looked at us trying to read our faces.

“I'm sorry if you felt like you are being neglected and pushed aside. But believe me when I say that you    are as special as any artists here in YG.”

We were not able to hold our tears after Sajangnim told us those words. To be honest, all members have been feeling insecure with the way YG has been handling our careers.  With all the new artists that are bound to debut, we felt that YG doesn't seem to care for us anymore. Bom and I are turning thirty soon and time is not on our side. There are just so many things that we would like to do as 2ne1 and as solo artists.

“Quality has always been our Company's priority. I want your comeback to be the biggest this year. The plan is you're supposed to release a mini album but with all the threats I'm receiving from Blackjacks I've decided to make it a full album” We laughed at what YG said. It’s true though, YG's official twitter account is full of Blackjacks rants about 2ne1 not having comeback.

“Teddy will work hand in hand with other producers to create another masterpiece for you girls. We will still go with your scheduled appearances in concerts and shows, same with your group and individual endorsements. You can do anything that you want with you free time; you can go on a vacation but please coordinate your activities with your manager. We will be informing you if there will be new projects so please keep your mobile phones with you always.”

“You've done well on your Global Tour and you've made our family so proud. Take a rest for now, have fun with your family and friends. I want you to come back well rested, refreshed and with renewed energy. And by then we will show them why you are Korea's International Girl Group. We'll make another history with your comeback girls.”

Thanks to Sajangnim's words, all our uncertainties are gone now. We believe  and trust YG. People may say that he is the biggest troll out there but we believe him. After all we owe it all to him. Without YG, there will be no 2ne1. We bid Sajangnim goodbye and proceeded to leave the conference room. I was about to leave when YG called me again.

“Dara, can I have a moment with you please. I just need to discuss something.” I saw my members looked at me curiously. Bom glance at me as if asking me if I need reinforcement. I give her a smile telling her that I'll be okay.

“Neh Sajangnim! Girls you can go ahead or if you want you can wait for me in the cafeteria so we'll leave together after this.”

“Okay Dara Unnie. We will just roam around YG in the meantime. Just give us a call once you're done here.” Chaerin give me a hug before leaving. Minzy and Bom followed right after.

I sat at the chair opposite YG. We savor the comfortable silence that took over the room for a few minutes.

“How are you Dara?” Sajangnim asked me. I smiled at him trying to hide to emotions that are playing inside my mind.

“I'm okay Sajangnim!” I looked at him but all I can see is his blank expression.

“How long have we met each other Dara?” I don't know why he is asking me this but I still answered him.

“It's been nine years since I meet you Sir!”

Yes I've known YG for quite a long time now. Among the 2ne1 girls, I am the first one to meet YG. I meet him when he invited me here in Korea to have an acting training in his Company. To be honest, I got scared of him during our first meeting. He have this formidable aura that evokes fear from someone who comes across him. You know the saying never judge a book by its cover? YG is the perfect example of that.

YG may seem strict and heartless when it comes to business but if you'll get know him personally, you'll learn that behind that hard facade is a very caring and loving person. You may have seen him criticize me relentlessly during one of our practice in 2ne1TV and I'm sure that at one point you may have hated him for that. But believe me when I say that I have always been thankful to him. Do you want to know why? Had it not for him, I may have never realized all my dreams. If not for him, I don't know what could have happen to my family when we left Philippines and decided to live in Korea after my Dad left us. YG Sajangnim is my life saver. You know how people say that God send angels here on earth to guide us and change our lives? I believe YG Sajangnim is my guardian angel

I saw a warm smile spread on YG's face after I answered him.

“Wow nine years! Time sure passes by so fast right? So Dara, I will ask you again, How are you my child?

 The moment I looked at him, I didn't see Yang Hyun Suk – the YG President. All I see is the man who acted as my father when I transferred to Korea. I saw the man who treated me like his own child. I saw the man who believes in me when I almost stop believing in myself.

“Appa...” I bit my lips trying so hard to stop the tears from falling in my eyes. I felt YG enclosed me in a warm hug. That moment, I felt like I am a little child bullied at school and YG is my father trying to comfort me. I let out all the pains that I've kept hidden inside so as not to be a burden to other people.  Crying is really the only way our eyes speak when our mouth can't explain how things made our heart broken. He didn't utter any words. He just keep on running his hands behind my back trying to ease the pain that I am feeling. After I calmed down I decided to tell him everything.

“Appa, Jiyong and I broke up. He ended our relationship already.” I saw his face become serious after hearing that. I saw anger flashed in his eyes before he perfectly hide it in his poker face.

“We had a fight when I visited him in Japan and last night he sent me an SMS telling me that we're over. This break up is unlike our previous break ups though; we've ended it and its final.” I decided to spare him the nasty details that happened in Japan. 

“I've seen how Jiyong has drastically change Dara and I've seen how many times he'd made you cried. You are both special to me and I am saddened that your relationship has come to an end but if it’s the only way to stop Jiyong from hurting you, then I'm happy you’re free from him now. Cry all you want now, mourn for the love you've lost, but bear in mind that this is not the end of everything. Take a rest Dara. I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling right now but always remember that we are always here for you. It may take some time but one day everything will make sense.” I cried some more after hearing YG's advise to me. I felt like a big burden has been lifted from me. Somehow I felt so much better after telling YG about my failed relationship.

“Thank you Appa! This means so much to me.” I hugged him one more time before standing up from my seat.

“I'll try my best Appa, I'll try.” I smiled at him then bid him goodbye. When I step out of YG's office, I was welcomed by my crying members who obviously eavesdropped during my talk with YG. They went to me and we huddled ourselves for a group hug. We are all crying together standing outside YG's office.

“You are not alone in this Dara Unnie, we will always be here for you.” Minzy, our adorable maknae tried to comfort me. I looked at them one by one and my heart constricted, this time not from pain but from pure joy. I am indeed blessed. I have these wonderful girls who have always stand beside me through thick and thin. I am not alone anymore. I have my girls who will always be there for me. I have these awesome girls who have accepted me for who I am. My girls, they are more than just my group members, more than just a friend. They are my sisters and sisters always look out for each other’s.

We went to our dorm and decided to stay there for the whole day. Chaerin declared this day as the day where we will all cry and mourn for my failed relationship. We decided to have a movie marathon of saddest love stories ever. We are seated together in our living room, crying over the heartbreaking scenes in the TV while eating all those high in calorie foods courtesy of Bommie. Just for this day, screw diet, screw Hwangssabu. Our eyes were sore and puffy when we finished watching all the movies. I think I am dehydrated from too much crying after that. We retired to our rooms and call it a night.

Alone in the confines of my room and without the girls presence, the pain started to sink in again with thought of my Jiyong ending our relationship.  Frankly speaking, I really have no idea how to deal with the fact that there's no more Jiyong and I, no more us. I badly want to close my eyes just so I can stop my eyes from crying and sleep just so I can temporarily forget everything but my body is not cooperating. So I stand in the middle of my room and look around it. How can I forget him when everything around me reminds me of him? How can I forget him when he has given me so much to remember?

I saw our photo album in the cabinet near my bed and decided to check on it. I have always been a fan of taking selcas and making scrapbook is one of my hobbies. So every momentous event in our relationship is documented in my scrapbooks. These scrapbooks they are my treasures. They are made of hard work and pure love.

I pick up one of the album labeled “Our Many Firsts”. I lifted the cover and I was greeted by an image of a smiling Jiyong and me holding an ice cream on a cone. The photo was decorated with different stickers and beads. I smiled as I read the caption below the picture. “Our first ice cream date. I never knew that ice cream would taste so much better when you're sharing it with the one you love.”

I moved on the next page and I saw two Lotte world tickets and sticker photos of Jiyong and me. I can't help but smile when I saw how we looked so silly in those sticker photos. We were making wacky and dorky faces but in one of the photos, we were caught on cam kissing each other on the lips. The caption says “I forgot I have fear of heights when you held my hands and told me fly away with me – best roller coaster ride of my life ever.”

The next page got my heart beating so fast. How can I forget this one? Neatly arranged in this page is the music sheet where Jiyong wrote his first ever love song for me. “Butterfly”. I have memorized every lyrics of the song by heart. Every melody will forever play deep within my soul. I cried so hard when I saw the caption that Ji personally wrote. “My Dara : Like a butterfly, you got me blinded by your beauty. A fragile butterfly that you are, I will always protect you and love you forever – Your Jiyong''

Every pages I lifted, memories of our past keeps coming back together. Our smiles, our laughter, I can  clearly hear them ringing inside my ears. The hugs, the kisses, I can feel them like it only happened yesterday.  All those bittersweet memories keep flooding my mind. I badly want to hold on to those memories but all those are just in the past now. I wish I could turn back time so I can go back to the times when everything between me and Jiyong is all about rainbows and unicorns. But sometimes we gotta accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be.

I opened my closet and scanned the things inside. Arranging my closet has always been a therapeutic refuge for me every time I am feeling restless. But I guess this one won't work this time. As I check the things inside my closet, memories of Jiyong and our past keep flashing in my mind. Every piece of articles inside my closet reminds me of the happy times we used to have. I took out the plaid blue shirt and hugged it tightly. This shirt is one of the many couple shirts that we have. He gave this to me on our fourth monthsary. I remember I wore this when we went to Japan to start our promotions there. I remember how Jiyong told me to always think of the time when we were enclosed in each others arms whenever I wear this shirt.

I saw the Balmain red jacket with the rolling stone print at the back. He gave this to me telling me  how this red jacket will always remind us how passionate our love for each other is. And these limited edition Louboutin sneakers, he told me that wherever we go, we will always find the way back into each other’s arms. I grab the red fedora hat, and I can almost hear him telling me that every time we wear this, we are always in each other’s head. How can I move on when your fingerprints are still on my heart, your voice still resonates down to my toes and your smile lives in my eyes? How can I move on Jiyong?

When I was awakened from my reminiscing, I was startled when I noticed that I have unconsciously separated all our couple items. I looked at my closet and I can't believe that what used to be a full packed closet now turns into an almost empty closet. I only noticed now that most of my clothes were from Jiyong. I realized now how Jiyong has largely influenced my life.

Ever since we started our relationship, my life has always revolved around him. Everything about me especially in my career  has to be approved by him. My clothes, my hairstyles, my concept - the stylist has to have his final approval. My projects especially my solo projects I have to gain his final nod. All those dream projects that I have to let go just because he was so jealous with the guys I will be working with. All those people that I have to avoid just because he gets too possessive of me and wants my full attention all to himself. All those time, I allowed him to take control of my life because I love him so much. I allowed him because he is my life.

An idea suddenly pop-out on my mind while looking at our used to be couple items. I went out of my room and went to the stockroom to get a large box. One by one I put all those things inside the box. Every item I put inside, I felt like a part of me is slowly dying. Every item I put in the box, a beautiful memory is rubbed out of my memory. By the time I close the box, I felt like my heart has stop beating. I am crying, I am saying goodbye to a part of my life. I am saying goodbye to the four years of my life with Jiyong.

I lie on my bed fully exhausted from today’s activities. It’s going to be another sleepless night. I will lie awake again thinking what went wrong. I hope life is like a computer, so when you made a mistake you can always backspace. When you want to remove something you can always delete. And when you want to completely forget everything you can just restore to original settings.

But then, this is real life, and in real life we can't do rewind or fast forward. Lying in my bed I realized that a long term relationship doesn't always promise an endless happy life. Before my eyes close to finally succumb to that much needed sleep. I let myself utter a little prayer “Lord, please let everything be okay.”

 Author’s Note: I was crying while writing this chapter especially during YG’s part. I have always believe that Dara have a special spot in YG’s heart. (Hello, girl from Mars ^_^)

Again thank you to all my subscribers and new readers. It brings so much joy to me every time I read your comments. It motivates me in coming up with new plots and updates. Keep the comments coming (they’re my vitamins). Big thanks for those who have upvoted this story although I don’t know what upvote does to a story.

This chapter is dedicated to all the shippers who are mature enough to support our biases even if they may not end up with the one we’re shipping them with. (But deep inside I’m still praying for le OTP !)

 linlin_10 ^____^