Gerald's POV

! ! ! This cannot actually be happening, here I am, holding onto my girlfriend's hand. I just told her the one thing in this world I wish I can take back. I just told her that I'd been seeing another girl. I don't even know why I did it. Kim was more than enough for me. I can just look at her and everything else won't matter anymore. Like, just her smile could have removed my need for anything else... But in New York, everything kind of changed for a moment. Kim was tired from work, she had been taping in the Philippines non-stop and she had to segway to the airport almost immediately, she was tired and worn out and all she wanted in between the tour stops is sleep, rest. I wanted to tour, have fun, travel. And Bea was-- well, she wanted to do all the things I wanted to do. So we hung out, in different places. Different places. I want to blame it to the adrenaline of being in a strange city, to being an unknown identity to most people there. When we got back to the Philippines, I became rather cold to Kim. Maybe it was something I realized, that she couldn't fulfill some of my needs that Bea could. What Bea and I had became an ongoing affair, one I ended immediately after the photos of us together surfaced on the internet. I explained them to Kim, and she believed me. She trusted me so much and I guess I took advantage of it; and now, I must pay the consequences. But is there any way for me not to?

And now tears are welling up in her eyes. I knew I'd feel gutted. I hate seeing her hurt; but if that's so then what the was I thinking?! I don't even know. Right now I just wish I can go back in time and resist whatever ing thing I gave into. I don't even know if I even actually liked Bea, or why I went for her. It's just-- dumb. That's what it is! And if I lose Kim because of it-- no. I won't lose her! I can't. I gripped onto her hand, waiting for her response...

"Are you kidding?" She said, with her nose wrinkled as if thinking this was all just a horrible joke.

"No. I'm not. I wish I was..." I really do wish I was, can I just go back in time and change this?

"Oh..." She said, moving slowly away from me... no, Kim, come on.

"Kim... Kim," I said slowly, "You have to know how sorry I am! You just need to know that I wouldn't ever even think of hurting you on purpose--"

"Who's the girl?" Who? How am I gonna-- how will I tell her without hurting her even more than I already have?! I mean, I hid the affair from her, and when the photos surfaced, I actually lied to her to cover up my mistakes... I hate myself so much right now.

Shame. All I am feeling right now. But I have to tell her. "Bea..." Here we go, I'm going to lose her, aren't I?

She began to do that thing she does to stop herself from crying, she bit her lip and nodded slowly... That's what she always does when she's sad. The one time I saw her be this devastated was when I was rushed to the hospital after having a seizure, she was scared and I've never seen her so miserable...  and I cannot forgive myself for ever doing this to her, consciously. I know that if she chooses to break up with me me, I deserve it... but I can't lose her. I don't want to. I don't even know what to say, what to tell her to make it all stop. I just knew that the very first time Kim fell in love, the guy broke her heart... and now I am here, holding on for dear life to have a chance to fix the heart I just broke myself. The heart I spent years piecing back together, was again worn out because of me. I cannot stand it. I had to say something.

"Kim, I'm so, so sorry... It just--", It just what? I don't even know. "It just happened. Please don't be mad", I blurted out with a pleading voice.

There was silence. It felt like eternity. She wouldn't speak, and we were both unable to move. She just kind of stood there, blank, trying to be aloof, trying to act like it wasn't hurting her... but I knew it was. Kim wasn't one to yell out what was in her mind, but I knew anytime now, she will explode... if I don't do anything.

"Kim, please say something." I said quietly... not expecting the words she said next.

"We're done." She said, unable to look me in the eye. No. NO. Dear God, please... No. I held onto her hand firmer than I've ever held onto it before. I cannot let her go. No.

"Kim... please. Come on..." My lips were quivering "Don't do this." I said with tears welling up in my eyes. This cannot be the end-- she pulled her hand away forcefully, stood up and walked away from me, slowly faced me and uttered again, "It's over. Get out." I don't even know what to do! How am I going to fix this bull?! I don't want to lose her! God, please, don't make me lose her!

"Kim, it didn't mean anything! We just--" I get more stupid as we get deeper into this conversation--

"You just what?" She said loudly, here's the anger. "Did you her?" I was dumbfounded. That was the first time Kim ever asked me something so direct, and with such a forceful tone of anger and sadness. How was I going to respond?

"Kim!" I said, not knowing what to say.

"Did you her?" She asked me again. This is not good.

"Kim, come on..." I couldn't answer her. I don't even know why I did! Why I got myself into such a horrible situation.

She looked at me with burning anger, "Get out! Get out of my house!" She yelled louder than I've ever heard her yell before.

"Kim, it didn't mean anything! I promise you!" It really didn't, another chance... please.

"It always means something." I couldn't respond... I know I've hurt her deeply, and I might not be able to fix things this time.

"Get out of my house!" She pushed me towards the door, Kim has never been so imperative, but I was not ready to let her go just yet. I grabbed her arm to hold onto her, but she got angrier. "Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me, don't you dare talk to me ever again! Get out of my house! Get out of my life!" These words. I cannot do the things she told me. Not being able to touch her? Not being able to hold her hand? Not having anyone to call in the wee hours of the morning just because I want to have someone to talk to or someone to make me smile? Not being able to see her laugh at my silly jokes, anymore? Not having her in my life? I cannot. I began crying like a baby, I know I'm an ugly crier but I didn't care anymore. I cannot imagine my life without her, not anymore. This cannot actually be happening to us, this cannot actually be the end, right?!

"Kim... please... let's just start over. I'll do anything... Just don't do this, please..." I said with tears streaming down my face uncontrollably.

"Leave." She said more calmly... but I couldn't move. I didn't want to. "Leave or I swear I'll call the police! Don't make me do this! Go. Now." I didn't want to, but if some time for her to think can help us resolve this, then maybe I had to go.

"Kim, I am so sorry." I said slowly, not knowing what was in store for us, but I had to give her what she wants. I went out of her house and closed the door... but I wasn't ready to leave just yet.

I leaned on the door, not knowing what to do. After about a minute of total silence, her sobs echoed. And I wanted to run inside and hug her and try to nurse her broken heart but I knew that it wasn't something I could actually do. I broke her heart, and I deserve to have mine broken as well. After 20 minutes, her sobs stopped. And that was my cue to go home and wait for things to unfold.