first
dream's echoes
Jinki stared blankly at the cracks on the ceiling. He just didn't want to think. If he wasn't in this trance, he would've thought about how old those cracks were there and how they probably appeared. Maybe it was the time when they kept hitting, wrestling and kicking each other just for fun; the day filled with laughter.
Or maybe it was those times (which happen quite often), when he hits his head repeatedly on the wall remembering how much he screwed up; those days filled with regret.
Jinki took a millisecond to adjust his head on the pillow. The comforting arms of his blanket embracing him. Those were the days that he didn't want to remember. Those days where he lost himself. Those days where he hated himself. Those days when he couldn't find himself worthy to be the leader.
Honestly, Jinki thinks he at being the head of the body. He's scared but he knows he can't show it. This is why he chose his bedroom as his escape from everything, like going to heaven after years of purgatory.
Jinki slowly closed his eyes, like the sun setting after a long day. Just when Jinki had the sense of calm, he heard bits of glass shatter on the floor and there was a loud grunt followed by squeaking of doors and the hastened creaks of the floorboards.
Jinki knew the day wasn't going to end so easily. Screams that were thrown could be heard from his wall. When those went through his ears they were only sentences of anagrams; nonsense.
That's what Jinki wanted to think of it, nothing but just s playing a prank on him and they were just playing around. He wanted it to be anything but serious.
He opened his eyes when he felt cold sweat running down from his forehead, as if all of this were a dream. But the noises were still heard and he knows it wasn't. Furthermore, it's been a month. He should probably start getting used to it. But he just can't. What Jinki thinks is totally different from what he does.
He strips the blanket off and grabs his headphones with his clammy hands. He returns to the blanket's embrace and slowly listens to the melody. Today was the day Jinki was supposed to give up. He knows it's messed up to, because, well, he's the leader. But he doesn't find that a good reason anymore, he accepts that he is a coward.
Truth is Lee Jinki, the leader, couldn't take it.
Yes, he did try for 28 days. But it was just too much for Jinki. He his lips, which were still swollen from Kibum's punch the other day. No it wasn't the pain that stopped him; it was much more than that. Another shriek. Jinki closes his eyes tightly, leaving it from the ceiling above. He inches closer to his blanket. The words of the song smoothly came out of his mouth. He tried to concentrate, but then the wave of lyrics was lost in the sea of screams.
Soon, a tear falls. The rest of his face turns crestfallen. Mommy make it stop. Nausea comes to Jinki like a thunder bolt. It struck him so hard, the pain wants him to fade away.
The memories rush to him no faster than a second. The sweet laughter, the contented sighs and the euphoric smiles. But they all dissolve into nothing, a feverish argument, a grunt, a dying scream, and a bloody knife. Jinki opened his eyes once more. He had the sudden urge to call her.
He left his bed and grabbed his phone. Looking out the window, the phone started ringing. But after 3 rings, Jinki wasn't surprised, it switched to voice mail. And the air was filled with his mom's honey-sweet voice. "Sorry I can't take your call right now, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Please do, leave a message after the beep."
Beep.
"Mom, I miss you. I hope you're doing great there," Jinki paused and took a sharp breath. "I love you."
Yet, the voices still haven't stopped. Neither did his tears.
-----
29 days before
His hands within his jean's pocket and the wind patting him softly against his skin. He danced a little bit while his mouth whistled; the air filled with made-up tunes. Jinki didn't have any reason to be happy. And sometimes we don't need reasons, and we don't need answers to be happy. He didn't care about whatever might come by. Nothing can ruin his day.
Walking around the neighborhood, has always been Jinki's routine. And it always made him slightly more satisfied. It's those walks were he (as cliche as it sounds) thinks about his life and he sees how far he's come. He only sometimes looks at the flaws of things, and in those walks he doesn't bother. But most of the time, he just takes in the beauty of everything.
Finally, on the porch of the dorm. His shoulders become a square and he is somewhat stiff. He knows the role he has to play. The moment he comes in, the silence grasps him. He sighed.
"Guys, wake up!" He pauses to take his shoes off. "Come on! We have a schedule in like 30 minutes. You know how Manager hyung never likes it when he is welcomed in this house with some teenage boys with only towels to cover them."
Jinki goes to every room, first to the oldest then to the youngest. Jonghyun woke up instantly, talking about how he should check his online accounts. He was rambling about stuff that Jinki didn't even try to listen, but nodded in agreement anyways.
Kibum, Jinki wasn't surprised, was already showering. Jinki didn't need to sweat for him.
"Kibum, please do cook already. I'm hungry." Jinki snickered so Kibum's 'beauty shower' (as he calls it) would be ruined. He left right away after the last syllable was said and power walked to Minho's room.
Minho was a bit of the average level of the game. He always screams, well more like muttered, "Mom! 5 minutes!" Jinki doesn't understand after 4 years living together, Minho still can't seem to remember that his mom's not here. But Minho referring him as a 'mom' indirectly, made Jinki secretly warm. After a whole lot of shaking and rolling, Minho always ends up on the floor. When he's fully awake, Minho just grabs anything from his closet and puts it on.
Taemin has always been the heavy sleeper. He shakes his head at the memory of him still showering, while the rest of the members were already on the couch; waiting. Jinki cannot decipher how to wake Taemin up yet. But it seems like only Kibum can wake that kid up. No matter how hard he tries, his efforts are wasted.
The start of today has been going on swimmingly.
Good things just never last.
author's note;
I hope you guys are enjoying this so far.
and like the next chapter will continue what the hell happened
that made our little dubu act this way.
so please continue reading :D
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