Tensons rise between Niel and L'joe after the filming of the Star Cam episodes. OneShot
Foreword
“What is your problem? He won’t eat; he can’t sleep normally because of you. You know that right? I demand to know why you won’t speak or even look at him!”
Chapter 1: You've definitely got emotion aplenty in this piece. It's a bit disjointed and sometimes very erratic or jumpy but you definitely make the reader feel. Aside from a few minor grammatical concerns, it flow well overall.
The breakdown of both characters is hard to watch and it may be because I have no basis for comparison but they both have some very extreme reactions. Though I do suppose that heightens the emotional effect. And when L. Joe locks himself in the bathroom, it's damn heartbreaking. I rather do like Chunji's ire when he seeks out Daniel, which adds a bit of dimension to the mix. And while I do enjoy the way that you pull in all the characters, making them a coherent part of the whole, I feel that you definitely look over Ricky and Changjo to an extent. Granted, the latter gets some face time near the end, and I know the story is supposed to be focused on L. Joe and Daniel, but it definitely feels skewed.
Again though, it's a coherent piece with lots of emotion and the story is at least abstractly something one can relate to. Admittedly, that was unintentionally cruel of Daniel to kiss L. Joe on the cheek like that. And their obliviousness kills me. >.> Look around! *makes me want to pull my hair*
I suppose I should go check out the sequel at this point. lol To see what sort of character development blossoms in the next tidbit. On a side note, I do enjoy the way that you've kept Cap focused on L. Joe as a friend and leveled out Chunji's concern to be on par with that of the leader. It's very touching. :)
Chapter 1: I demand a sequel!!!! >_< aahahaha lol sorry didn't mean it ㄱ.ㄱ btw I LOVEEE this story.. But please,, please do a sequel for this.. Pretty please ~~*puppy dog looks*
Chapter 1: I L O V E thiiss!!! The capji is so so cute♥♥ i need more of them~ make a cute one shot or a long complicated but happy ending of capji please? ㅋㅋㅋ I'm asking too much aren't i?-_- but anyways, i do L O V E this story! Good job! And thank you for posting this♥
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