It was three a clock in the morning and L’joe was in the kitchen fixing a snack. He was too restless to sleep. ‘I’m so stupid’ he thought while putting the finishing touches on his sandwich. Niel hasn’t so much as looked at him since they finished the star cam episode. He meant it when he said he loved Niel but there’s no way Niel would know that. For all Niel was aware it was just a joke. So why was Niel avoiding him. ‘I probably made him uncomfortable’ L’joe thought putting the sandwich in the refrigerator, not feeling hungry anymore.

L’joe went back to his shared room with Chunji and quietly climbed into his bed making sure not to disturb the other. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get Niel out of his head. The moment the cameras were off Niel put as much distance between them as possible. Frustrated L’joe slammed his fist into his pillow without thinking. He just wanted to go to sleep.

“Byungie” Chunji called sleepily.

‘, I woke him up. He’s gonna kill me’

“Byungie, come here” he called again. Knowing it was better not to fight it L’joe got up and walked over to Chunji’s bed.

“What’s wrong with you, why won’t you just sleep? You’ve been in and out of this room at least five times.” Chunji complained rolling over to face L’joe.

“I, I just can’t sleep” he admitted “I’m sorry I woke you up, I’ll sleep on the couch” he whispered not really knowing what else to do. As he turned around Chunji reached up and grabbed his wrist. He knew something was wrong, L’joe could fall asleep anywhere.

“Do you want to talk about it” he asked siting up, finding L’joe’s eyes in the dark.

“No, I’ll be fine tomorrow” he sighed “Don’t worry”

Chunji let L’joe walk out the room. He wanted to press further but he knew L’joe better than anyone and knew he was too stubborn for his own good. L’joe walked into the living room and laid on the couch. He wanted to tell Chunji but didn’t know how he would react.

‘I give up, my life’

L’joe just stared at the ceiling and stopped trying to fight the thoughts that wanted to invade his brain. The next morning Chunji was the first one up he wanted to check on L’joe only to find him sitting at the table with an energy drink. He went and sat beside him.

“How was your sleep?”

“What sleep” within seconds he could feel Chunji's stare burning into the side of his face just waiting for him to turn and look at him. After a few minutes L’joe finally turned to face Chunji.

“I…” the second he spoke Ricky, Niel and Changjo came walking in.

Chunji watched as L’joe smiled brightly and said good morning as if nothing was wrong. Everyone returned his greeting except for Niel who continued to the kitchen to get something to eat. Once Cap was up they were told the schedule and began their day as usual until they finished their music bank performance. During the mini fan meeting, L’joe and Niel were seated together. L’joe tried to do their normal goofing around fan service, but every time he tried to hug him or even just touch him. Niel would move away and make it look playful but L’joe could see in his eyes he didn’t want to be near him and it hurt.

After the fan meeting the ride home couldn’t be described as anything other than awkward. Niel was sitting in the passenger seat usually talkative, now quiet as ever. L’joe, Chunji, and cap are in the back of the van, L’joe staring aimlessly out the window exhaustion seeping through his very being. Chunji could only watch in silence as L’joe slowly broke down from the inside out. L’joe was so deep inside his thoughts he didn’t notice he had started crying. Shocked Chunji brushed away one of his tears causing him to notice and frantically try and wipe them away before anyone else noticed.

‘I don’t know how much longer I can take this’

Once they made it back to the dorms L’joe did his best to put up a tough act so no one would worry and soon starting a movie with Changjo and Ricky.

Niel was in his room pacing back and forth. He couldn’t decide who he was more pissed at himself or L’joe. He’s just couldn’t take it anymore. He could deal with his feeling for L’joe when he did fan service with the others. He wasn’t jealous because it helped him keep a tight rein on his feelings, constantly showing him just how far out of reach he was, that is until recently. L’joe has been clinger with him than usual. At first he was doing okay with it, but then the fan service starting pushing his limits. L’joe just seemed to stick to him. He would play with Ricky for a little while but not to long for fear of Changjo. No one was that stupid. But instead of going to Chunji L’joe would come to Niel, and Niel couldn’t take all that affection knowing it wasn’t real.

L’joe’s had finally managed to fall asleep or rather he out after being awake for over twenty four hours. Ricky and Changjo had also fallen asleep in each other’s arms as well. Soon Chunji and Cap came out of their rooms to check on them.

“He’s finally asleep” Chunji whispered as Cap came closer.

“What been up with him?” Cap asked slinking his arm around Chunji’s slim waist.

“I’m not sure but it’s nothing serious” Cap squeezed his waist.

“Liar, I saw him crying in the van. Chanhee what’s wrong with him” Cap asked again worried.

“Relax, I really don’t know, he’s just slowly losing it.” Chunji admitted resting his head against Cap’s chest.

“You’re the closest to him, how do you not know” Cap said

“Hey, I take offence to that. I’ve been trying to get him to talk to me but he’s too ing stubborn. What about you, do you know what’s wrong with Niel because I know he has something to do with it.” Chunji countered poking Cap’s chest.

“I don’t know either”

“Ha” Chunji taunted sticking his tongue out. Cap grabbed his chin and kissed him.

“I know, I know, but something needs to change.”

“We’ll just have to give it a few days to see if anything changes” Cap nodded in agreement. Chunji let go of Cap and walked over to the couch. He nudged Changjo and Ricky until they woke up.

“Go to bed” Changjo nodded without, grabbed Ricky’s hand and went to their rooms.

“Should we wake him” Cap asked hovering over L’joe.

“No, just pick him up and, put him in the bed” Cap slowly walked to his room with Chunji in tow. After L’joe was tucked in they stepped back into the hallway to talk.

“Are you going to sleep with me tonight or watch over him?” Chunji thought for a minute before he answered.

 “I’ll sleep with you, if I go in there I’ll just fuss over him, and what he really needs right now is sleep.” With that being said they went into Cap’s room, climbed into bed and went to sleep.

It’s been a week and nothing changed at least not for the better. L’joe barely sleeps and from what Chunji notices barely eats. He stays in the practice building and dances till he can’t move trying to distract himself from his own thoughts. Niel is no better, he eats and sleeps normal but he barely talks.

“Ok, I’ve had enough” Cap yells startling everyone. He couldn’t stand to watch this anymore. “What the hell is up with you to? Whatever it is needs to be fixed” Cap continued looking between L’joe and Niel who hadn’t so much as flinched.

“Hyung what are you talking about. Everything’s fine” Niel said with a bright smile walking over to L’joe who was sitting on the couch, giving him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. Shock was written all over L’joe’s face as Niel walked to his room as if nothing happened, as if that wasn’t the first time they’ve been within three feet of each other in over a week.

L’joe was clearly taken back by what just happened and everyone noticed. As Chunji motioned to move toward him, L’joe ran to the bathroom locking himself in. He the water in the sink as well as the shower. Then he curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor and started to cry.

‘What kind of was that? If he’s trying to break me then he ing succeeded.’

Hearing the water turn on Chunji and the other were worried and rushed to the bathroom only to find it locked. They tried to get him to open the door but the door never opened.

“He’s crying” Chunji said gripping onto Cap’s shirt. He could hear the faint sounds of his sobs through the running water. “Ahn Daniel” Chunji said with malice seeping through every syllable. He ripped away from Cap’s grip and slammed open Niel’s door making him jump off the bed in surprise.

“What the” he stopped himself as he saw the glare Chunji was giving him. There wasn’t time to do anything before Chunji yanked him to his feet by the collar.

“What is your problem? He won’t eat; he can’t sleep normally because of you. You know that right? I demand to know why you won’t speak or even look at him!” Chunji jerked him closer his anger flowing off him in waves.

“I love him OK! I love him and I couldn’t take it. The fan service ed with my emotions too much. The line between what was real and what wasn’t were becoming to blurry. Pushing him away was the only way to get him to stop.” Niel said in a blur of words and tears. Chunji took a deep breath to calm himself.

“You’re…an…idiot” Chunji released Niel pushing him on the bed. “He loves you” Chunji watched as the words sunk in and Niel eyes widened.

“Wh-what” Niel couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Think about it. Byunghun has never said I love you to any of us but you. Not even when joking around. It’s obvious, the way he looks at you the way he jokes with you. He was just too scared to say anything, and now you’re both hurting when all you needed to do was talk to each other” with that being said he left the room wanting to check on L’joe. Niel laid on his bed as he let Chunji’s words sink in.

‘What have I done?’

Changjo had managed to get the bathroom door open without breaking it, but couldn’t move an inch after laying eyes on L’joe.

“What’s the matter Changjo, is he alright” Changjo only shook his head. L’joe was far from okay. He had stopped crying but he was curled up so tightly it was amazing he could still breathe. His nose was running and his face was red and swollen. It was heartbreaking to see him like that.

Changjo finally got up the courage to crawl closer to L’joe, and saw that his hands were turning purple he was gripping his knees so tight. He tried to move his hand but L’joe only pulled tighter.

“Byunghun please, let us help you” Changjo pleaded as L’joe opened his eyes. He slowly looked around and saw the others standing at the door looking worried. Giving in he relaxed his grip. He didn’t say anything as Chunji turned off the water and Changjo help him to his feet, thankful when the left him alone in his room.

L’joe was lying in his bed, eyes closed but unable to fall asleep. He heard his door open but didn’t move. He assumed it was Chunji coming to check on him.

“L-L’joe” he eyes shot open in surprise and closed them immediately after to stop his head from spinning.

“I…I” Niel stammered

“Just tell me what I did wrong. I’ll never do it again” he pleaded.

Niel took a deep breath and gathered up his courage. “Do, you love me?” L’joe in a breath completely blindsided by Niel’s question.

“What, are you talk-”

“Don’t lie, please just yes or no” L’joe looked away from Niel.

“Yes” his answer saw simple and he waited for Niel’s rejection.

“I really am an idiot” he climbed into L’joe’s bed and wrapped himself around him; burring his face in L’joe’s chest. “I’m sorry” L’joe froze not really sure what saw going on. All he was able to think about was Niel’s body pressed against his.

“Niel” no answer “Niel, what are you doing? Let go.” He tried to push him back but Niel snuggled closer.

“No” his answer was fierce and absolute.

“Niel, please I can’t handle this”

“NO! I’m sorry I pushed you away. It hurt to be so close to you but know I couldn’t have you” Niel whispered.

“What, this isn’t funny Niel” Niel raised his head and his eyes staring into L’joe’s.

“I love you too” to prove it he brought his lips up to meet L’joe’s in a soft yet demanding kiss.

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