He hears the good news during Monday’s practice.

“Due to prior commitments, Leeteuk will be taking leave to fill a temporary position in a chamber orchestra,” Kris announces right before they transition into Ravel’s Bolero, “we wish him the best in his endeavors and hope to welcome him back very soon. In the meantime, auditions will be held for clarinets throughout this week.”

After Kris dismisses them for the afternoon, Baekhyun runs to grab the clarinet from his car. He’s just getting to the theme in Bolero when Chanyeol barges into the rehearsal hall.

“Are you all right?” Chanyeol asks, slightly breathless.

“Yes,” Baekhyun answers, confused, “why?”

“I just thought I heard someone screaming,” Chanyeol admits sheepishly, “must have imagined it. What are you doing here still? Kris let us go ten minutes ago.”

“Practicing for the clarinet auditions,” Baekhyun says.

“Oh,” Chanyeol laughs, “I remember—on my first day here, you were asking to switch into woodwinds, right? But Kris said there wasn’t a spot or something.”

Baekhyun nods, “but now that Leeteuk’s gone, they’ll need someone to fill in one of the clarinet chairs. Kris can’t refuse to let me transfer now.”

“Cool,” Chanyeol grins, “mind if I sit and listen?”

“Suit yourself,” Baekhyun shrugs and continues playing from where he left off; after the last note, he turns to Chanyeol, self-conscious, “so, how was it?”

Chanyeol tries valiantly to smooth his grimace into a smile, “it was very,” a pause, “sharp. You really hit some high notes there.”

Baekhyun smiles brightly, “I’m having a little trouble with the lower register but I think I’ve nailed the higher ones. But that’s what practice is for.”

However, the gods are merciful and Chanyeol is saved from another performance by Kris’s timely arrival.

“What are you doing to my instruments?” Kris demands, eyes frantically searching the vicinity for damages.

“I’m practicing for the clarinet auditions,” Baekhyun tells him proudly.

Kris has the good grace not to flinch (too) visibly, “Baekhyun, I’ve told you: you can’t switch.”

“Why not?” Baekhyun asks petulantly, “Leeteuk left so now there’s an empty clarinet chair and you’re looking for a clarinet player. I really don’t see the issue here.”

Kris dons a pained expression, “look, Baekhyun, you’re simply,” he hesitates, “better suited for brass. Really, the trumpets would be lost without you,” when Baekhyun moves to protest, he plows on, “I’m afraid I cannot let you transfer. That’s my final decision on the matter. I’m heading out now and I suggest you two do the same.”

Baekhyun sullenly watches as Kris struts out the door, all the while cursing the assistant conductor under his breath. He packs his clarinet away with more force than necessary and shoves the sheet music haphazardly into his bag.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says softly, grabbing his arm, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out. But Kris is right, you are a fantastic trumpet player—so why are you so keen on switching into woodwinds?”

Baekhyun feels his cheeks coloring from embarrassment but since Kris is never going to let him transfer, he figures there’s no point in hiding his (less than musical) motives anymore, “for the girls.”

Chanyeol laughs and slings an arm around his shoulders, “those ridiculously pretty ones who always seem to hang out together?” Baekhyun nods, “why didn’t you just say so? Don’t worry, buddy. I’m a natural-born charmer. With me as your wingman, you’ll be on a date with one of them prestissimo!”

To his dying breath, Baekhyun will claim that Chanyeol’s easy confidence hoodwinked (witchcraft, he cries) him into placing his future happiness in Chanyeol’s (unworthy) hands—which of course is a gargantuan mistake.

As luck would have it, when they arrive for rehearsal on Tuesday, the hall is empty save for three girls chattering by the piano; Baekhyun recognizes Taeyeon and Tiffany right away but it takes him a moment to remember that the pianist’s name is Seohyun. Chanyeol takes this as a sign that the universe is on their side but Baekhyun is not one to count his chicks before they hatch. Still, he follows Chanyeol as the taller boy swaggers up to the piano.

“Hello, ladies,” Chanyeol says in what he probably thinks is a very suave manner.

Sadly, it just comes across as immensely greasy in reality.

Baekhyun’s instincts are telling him to abort right now but then Taeyeon smiles at him in recognition and he feels his resolve melt into a lovesick puddle.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t addle his brain enough to spare him the humiliation when Chanyeol waggles his eyebrows at Taeyeon and whistles, “damn, girl, your brass is fine.”

It takes all of Baekhyun’s willpower to not wilt on the spot as he drags Chanyeol—who winks at the girls, “remember ladies, trombonists do it in seven positions”—bodily away from the piano. And that’s his excuse when Kris inevitably asks him why he couldn’t stop himself from killing their new trombonist. To be fair, Chanyeol’s putting up a good fight but Baekhyun has the anguish of a loveless eternity on his side so, really, it’s a matter of time before he gets his hands on Chanyeol’s future-ruining neck.

“Is Tuesday ing cursed?” Kris seethes as he attempts to pull the two apart, “first Sehun tries to impale Kai with a bow and now you’re trying to bludgeon Chanyeol to death with a mouthpiece. Is there a Fight Club thing I should know about?”

“He,” Baekhyun begins but finds that words fail to express his ire.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Chanyeol cries desperately, “I was only trying to help!”

“Help?” Baekhyun’s voice rises hysterically, “you’ve destroyed any chance I had at happiness—oh my God how am I ever going to show my face in front of them again,” he buries his face in his hands, “I just want to crawl in a hole and die.”

And it just degenerates into blubbering apologies and melodramatic angst from there; Kris desperately wishes he had brought painkillers as he feels a headache creeping forth. Again.

Suho, man of truly unfortunate timing, decides to walk in then and ask, “what’s going on here?”

Kris glares at him accusingly, “I don’t know. But I’m not dealing with it anymore. They’re your problem now. If you’d just discipline your kids, this would’ve never happened.”

“My kids?” Suho looks at Baekhyun and Chanyeol who are huddled together on the floor, “but they’re not even in strings!”

But Kris is no longer in the room and Suho thinks, not for the first time, that retirement is looking like a very, very good plan.