it is weeks (maybe months, he didn't remember) since they were stripped away from daehyun.

through his choked sobs and blurred mind, daehyun can remember his screams, his pleads, and their apologies, their shouts, their grappling hands reaching for him (it was so hazy, he couldn't remember exactly if it was real or not), and most importantly, the blood, the shrieks.

he can hear them again.

( is this sound of the rain, your voice? )

he nods weakly, to nothing, to his own question. he can remember the blurry headlights, the laughs they made, his own sing-song-y voice serenading one of them, making their maknae yell gay, and the eldest scolding him. he can remember someone shouting, another one warning them to cover yourself, another one shrieking, another one cursing, and then, the sudden heavy blow.

daehyun gulps.

he can't feel the rain, numbed by all the pain he's feeling right now - the memories, all of them, comes pounding down, hurting him in the most painful and agonizing way. all of those happy memories, all of them reminds him that he can't make those memories again, that he can't replicate them again, that they were now only memories, only sentiments from the past that he can't visit anymore.

he closes his eyes and clasps his hands tightly, gritting his teeth, banging his head against the concrete ground. he feels lightheaded, something crimson slipping in his eyes.

he smiles.

daehyun, we're so sorry, we've never meant to leave you, how we wish we never left you so suddenly like that

he looks at the sky, hopeful, struggling to lift his hands up, reaching for them. his mind clouds with the thought of yongguk-hyung i know you meant it thank you thank you for talking to me again -

the rain pounds hard in his ears, the sound mixing with yongguk's pleads, yongguk's apologies, yongguk's voice. he feels like they really were there with him, beside him, his hair, comforting him from the whole world, protecting him.

( is this sound that calls to me? )

 daehyun, we've never meant to hurt you or anything, i'm so sorry, we're so sorry, we were so selfish

the sentence alone made something in his heart crack, as he realizes that it was true, that those pleads means nothing, nothing comparable to what he has been through. "yes you were," daehyun croaks out, his palms, a loud thud resounding, followed by a painful groan. "you need to be sorry, you need to be sorry for leaving me alone here - "

daehyun-hyung, we swore we never meant this to happen

daehyun screams in frustration, pulling out his hair, clotted in blood and texture coarse.

he sobs, collapsing in a pile of wreck, screams, and memories, the rain drenching him, making his head spin, making the whole world spin, making him scream out in frustration, thrashing, turning, rolling apart - the rough concrete hurting him, digging in his skin.

"you all lie," he whimpers, curling himself, shaking because of the sudden realization, the painful reality, the whole thing. "you liars," he spits weakly, tightly clutching his own arms, his whole tears streaming down his face, muddled with the rain and the soft ashes the concrete traces to his face. "you say you didn't mean it, but you were happy to leave me alone here, alone, in this cold, sad, cruel world."

( will this rain comfort me? )

he can't stand it, daehyun can't stand their voices, pleading, begging for his forgiveness in unison, because he knows they were lying, they were happy leaving him alone, making him crazy from all of the pain, making him numbed in his own bed, making him immobilized from all of the harsh reality, making him cry, making him shriek, wail, and spiral down in his own agony.

daehyun, we never meant to

"you're lying," he spits fiercely, sobs wrecking his whole body. "h-how could you do this to me? i hate you all, go away, don't ever -"

you are everything to us, daehyun

daehyun breaks again.

he is weak, pathetic, he accepts their excuses, their weak pleads to him - he embraces the delusion, the lies, but still, his heart was frozen in ice, unable to budge from those delusions, unable to accept reality. he knows yongguk, youngjae, jongup, himchan, and junhong were dead, they were already gone, gone in that demented car crash, which sent him into weeks long of coma (he feels like it was an eternity), which made him break, to shatter into pieces.

daehyun, you believe us, do you

"yes," daehyun croaks, smiling tiredly, tears painting his face, the rain still pounding hard. oh, how he loves the rain, even though it was the cause of their death. in the rain, he can always hear their voices again, in this rain of sound, he can hear their voice, so vivid, so real, calling for him, comforting him once more, even though he was always angry in the beginning, they always calm him down.

deep down, he knows (that they were only delusions).

he never told anyone, but in the split second after the accident, he could move, he could stagger - and the sight paled him. yongguk was sprawled, limbs twisted in an awkward angle, dark blood covering his whole body. jongup's eyes were open, glazed, crimson bleeding from his stomach, his leg bone shattered into pieces. himchan's arm can't be seen, only his legs and feet, neck cracked, red pouring from the slit on his neck.

youngjae's back was broken.

junhong's arms was snapped off from his body.

he vomited blood, and then it was black for him.

( now, you remain as a broken fragment, that's deeply engraved inside )

his heart hurts, his mind hurts, his body aches, and he can't think clearly. their voice still bounces off inside his head, and it hurts - because he desperately wants to forget, he desperately wants every memory of youngjae, junhong, yongguk, himchan, and jongup to disappear - because when he thinks of them, the image of them lifeless, bloodied, and sprawled will always appear afterwards.

the rain pours, it cascades, as if it will never end, and daehyun can't help but to feel that way, because of his drenched hair, his drenched body, the thunders, and his tear, and the asphalt - it is forever embedded in his mind. he smiles pitifully, pathetically, wishing that their voices would just stop, because he knows that they can't be sorry.

they're gone.

dead.

the sounds of sirens could be heard in the distance, followed by several shrieks, muffled from the rain, by several thumping noises, his body lifted, dragged, the asphalt digging on his skin.

the tears still continues to fall.

he laughs.