It’s pretty ironic how your darkest days always seem to be the sunniest in reality, I think to myself. I glance over the edge of the roof, at the miniature version of the school grounds. It’s empty now. Everyone’s in class, luckily for me.

      I wonder if my teacher’s even noticed. I scoff at myself. That stupid old hag probably doesn’t even remember my name. I lay on the ground, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. I don’t want my last few moments to be sad. But just as I think it, an old memory comes to me. I try to block it, but it plays itself in my head. It was a spring day, just like today. Actually, it was just about two years ago now. We were laying on the grass, looking at clouds.

“Hey Eli, you know I love you, right?”

“I love you too, Kevin.”

“Tell me about what we’re going to do after high school.”

“Well, the day we graduate, we’ll board a plane. Maybe to the US, who knows. We’ll find a place that will accept us. Then we’ll get a home, probably not big. But we’ll be happy.”

      I roll my eyes at the memory. Yet somehow, my stone heart pangs in sorrow.

Why am I sad? These are my last few moments. Eli doesn’t deserve to be in my final thoughts. Besides, he’ll be the one suffering when he sees that I’m dead. He deserted me once- now it’s my turn.

  I get a bit of joy out of that.

      But I loved him.

      Shut up! I yell at myself.

      I miss Eli. His smile, his laugh, everything. 

      But I scared him away. He couldn’t put up with someone as messed up as me, he said so himself. Besides, he loves someone else now, and a girl at that. I didn’t mean anything to him then, and I sure as hell won’t mean anything now.

        I look at my watch. Five minutes until lunch. I should start getting ready. I don’t want to make a scene. I don’t want to seem like an attention , which is somewhat ironic, seeing as how I’ve been trying to reach out for years, to no avail. 

      The warm spring wind grabs my shirt, lightly tugging me forward. I’m too tired to resist it anymore. My feet float up to the top of the ledge. The sunlight hits my face, yet part of the warmth I can’t even feel. I feel water flowing down my face. It runs into all the cuts 

 that I usually cover. But not today. I want everyone to know. Each one has a story. This one, was made with a pen being jabbed in my face. That one, by a pair of scissors she lunged at me during one of her rages. That welt, made by the belt. Under my shirt, I can feel my bruises.

      I’m not angry at her anymore though. I’d be angry if I had me as a son too. 

      I regret ruining her life.

      If only I could have found a girl I liked. But no, I had to fall for Eli. Just my luck. 

Stupid me thought I could tell my mom anything.

“Mom... You love me, right?”

“Of course, Kevin. Why would you say that?”

“Even if I wasn’t like other guys?”

“Darling, what do you mean by that?”

“What if I liked guys?”

She laughs a little too hard.

“Kevin! You funny boy you. You are quite the jokester.”

“Mom, I’m serious. I found a boy I like, -no- love. And he loves me back,”

She stares at me in utter belief. She begins to cry. Then suddenly, she lunges at me, and slaps me before I can respond.

“You are a disgrace.”

      I look at my watch. Two minutes. My eyes are puffy, I’m sure. I can never be good enough. I look down at my feet. I inch forward, each minuscule step carefully calculated. My toes dangle over the edge now. I close my eyes. The wind provides me the last push I need. I’m falling. But I’m not. I open my eyes. I’m really flying. Flying away. I’m free. I smile, for the first time in ages. The light warms my face. I’m aware of a throbbing pain throughout my body. I blink, and I’m suddenly on the ground, face-up. The bell rings, and students pour out. I hear somebody scream, and I see lots of people surrounding me. The pain is overwhelming. I know that it’s almost over. My eyesight is darkening, my eyelids getting heavier. I hear a familiar voice screaming my name, yet the effort to try and match the voice to a face is too much. The voice shakes my shoulders, which jolts my eyes open a bit. 

Eli.

       I don’t even care. It’s too late for you, Eli. It’s too late for all of you. I close my eyes, and breathe out one last time. I’m floating above my body. His bleach-blonde spiky hair is blocking my face. He screams at someone to go get help. I can see that his eyes are red and puffy like mine, or what used to me.

Goodbye, Eli.