"Excuse me, miss?" I said as I approached the nurse's stand.

"Yes, what can I do for you?" Taemin's nurse asked me politely, her eyes filled with pity as she looked at my tear-stained face.

"Well... Well, I just heard that you weren't able to get ahold of his uncle.. I was just wondering if... I mean, maybe I could go get him if you gave me his address?" I asked hopefully, wringing my hands together while I knew my friends were still watching me sympathetically from the waiting room.

The nurse sighed. "I'm sorry, I can't disclose that information to non-relatives, seeing as the patient is still a minor." I frowned and looked down. "I really am sorry, if there was something more I could do, I would. But we have the police working the case now. If all goes well, he should be released from ICU and able to receive visitors around this time tomorrow," she continued.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but nodded my head anyway, making my way back to the waiting room. I sat back down between Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

"What just happened?" Onew asked from the other side of the waiting room.

"I just went to ask her a question..." I answered. "She said he'll probably be out of ICU tomorrow... and that they have the police working the case... Whatever that means..."

I noticed how everyone else looked just as confused as I felt. "Kai-" Key started, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. I knew what was coming. They were going to want to know what happened. I would have to tell them the truth. Everyone would hate me again. D.O reached across Chanyeol's lap to grab my knee, sensing how nervous I became all of a sudden. "What do you know about this?" Key finished finally- exactly the question I had been expecting and dreading.

"I- I- well..." I stuttered, almost tempted to lie about everything. But that wouldn't help Taemin get better. No, this situation required the utmost truth. "It's..." But that didn't mean that I couldn't avoid certain parts of the story so they wouldn't completely hate me. "Well, today- this morning- he asked to come over because he had to talk to me about something, and he looked really upset and scared to say whatever it was he was going to tell me... Then.. I had seen what was in his backpack while he was taking a shower. And I found lots of... of different kinds of drugs... So, when he got out, I confronted him about it. I asked him why they were there and he said they weren't his and that he wasn't doing drugs... And then we got in a fight.. I said some pretty mean things, and he ran out of my house." There. I didn't say anything about the accusitions and using his parents against him..

Key sighed deeply, looking like he was struggling with himself. "Okay..." he said, finally. "But I definitely think you should have handled that differently."

"Is it my fault?" I asked desperately, directing the question at anyone who would listen to me. "Is this really my fault?" I was turning to look at everyone in the eyes, pleading silently for someone to tell me that this wasn't my fault.

"No," Onew sighed. "No, it's clear Taemin's had some problems before, so I don't think a few harsh words from someone would make him want to... do whatever it was he did today. I just.. I never expected this out of him- have we been bad friends?" he asked, looking up at his group. "Should he have noticed he was a dealer? Should we have noticed he was selling.. himself?"

"How could we?" Jonghyun asked, still crying. "How could we have known? I thought I knew him- this is just too much."

I was taken aback- were they thinking of abandoning him just because of these secrets? Did they just want to give up and label him as a bad kid when they'd been through so many good years together? "Wait, you guys aren't going to.. to just.. leave, are you?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Minho asked.

"I mean, you sound like you're talking about him as if you're angry with him- like... like you're going to just leave just because things got hard," I clarified, daring someone to say agree with it.

"We're not leaving, Kai," Minho spat. "Get off your high horse. We've known him since we were kids. Who are you to say that we'd just ditch our best friend right now when he needs us?" Minho's mother put her hand on his arm to stop him from standing up, and his father sent him a stern but sympathetic stare.

Suho stood up and placed himself between me and Taemin's friends. "That's enough. Do you really think arguing will solve anything right now?"

Key looked like he was about to send back some biting reply, but instead he bit his lip hard and glared, releasing a deep breath to calm himself down. I was thankful he didn't do anything.

"I want to go home," I whispered to Baekhyun beside me, who nodded his head and leaned behind my slouched back to send the message to Chanyeol, who delivered it further to D.O, who then got up and grabbed Suho's arm. He turned around and saw the look in D.O's eyes, nodding his head and grabbing his car keys.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I mumbled to everyone else in the room, my head lowered as Baekhyun and Chanyeol led me from the hospital on either side of me and to the car. I'd stopped crying a while back, but now I just couldn't seem to bring any sort of expression to my face. I was helped into my seat in the car before Suho drove off, leaving the hospital in the distance behind us. I didn't look back.

"I think he tried to kill himself," I whispered rather quietly, thinking that they at least deserved to know that much.

I heard a few deep breaths, but no one responded. I noticed Sehun beside me grimacing at the news, but not knowing what to say. I sighed too, crossing my arms over my chest and directing my attention out the window. There were small flurries of snow, and I knew that tomorrow- Christmas day- would look beautiful.

And yet I would not be enjoying it. I'd have to ditch my mom on Christmas to see if Taemin was out of ICU and accepting visitors. But what if he didn't want to see me? No- stop thinking things like that!

Suho pulled up right outside D.O and I's apartment complex.

"Do you want to come over, Kai?" D.O hyung offered, turning around from the front passenger seat to look at me.

"Can I?" I asked hesitantly, not wanting to sit alone at home while my mom was at work. I'd rather be with my friends because if I was alone, I don't know what I'd do, and that honestly scared me.

D.O nodded. "Of course," he said, still looking at me with a worried look plastered across his features. I would have rolled my eyes if I didn't so appreciate his intense concern. I sighed as we all exited the car and made our way up to D.O's apartment. "My parents are out shopping in the city so we have the place to ourselves for a while."

He unlocked the door and walked through, holding it open for all of us. Once inside, we all hung up our heavy winter jackets and then stood around in the front hall. I could tell they were all waiting for me to say or do something, but i didn't know what I should be doing. I didn't actually want to do anything, but I could sense my friends' growing uncomfortableness with the situation.

"Can I get anything?" D.O asked with a sympathetic half-smile, breaking the awkward silence for me.

I shook my head.

"You sure? Are you not hungry? Thirsty? Cold?"

"I'm okay, hyung," I insisted weakly. I was definitely hungry. I was thirsty. And I was cold. But I wasn't going to do anything about it- I had no motivation. And I felt bad having them all do things for me just because I was too distressed to do it myself. "I just want to sit down."

"Sure," D.O replied, leading the group to the living room. "Want to put on a movie? I have lots- it could be a good distraction...?" he trailed off in question.

I nodded, and when asked what I wanted to see, I replied with a simple "I don't care."

I found myself sandwiched between D.O and Sehun while Chanyeol set up a movie that I didn't pay attention to the name of. I already knew I wouldn't be focused on the film, but I did sincerely appreciate their efforts.

Surprisingly, even though I couldn't focus on the movie, I didn't drown in my own thoughts like I had predicted, either. It was like a peaceful reprise from my oppressive mind as I let my gaze wander over my friends' faces rather than the television screen. Seeing them this worried even while trying to take their own minds off of things made me feel special and appreciated.

It's not that I'd forgotten Taemin and all that happened with him, it's just that I subconsciously decided that my heart needed a moment to heal, so I would put it in the back of my mind for now and enjoy the time I had with my friends. I didn't think of anything at all during the duration of the film, I just stared at the wall right next to the tv and emptied my thoughts entirely. By the time the ending credits rolled by, all traces of my previous episode were gone. I was sitting calmly on the sofa with my knees pulled up to my chest and snuggling comfortably into the cushions.

"Do you want to play a video game?" Sehun asked, directing his question to me from his spot on the floor in front of the couch as Suho stood to put the movie disc back into its case.

"I'll watch," I answered in a completely normal tone, surprising not only those around me at my calm demeanor, but myself as well. And I'm not sure why, but for the rest of the evening that we spent together, I was entirely relaxed. Eventually, the others grew accustomed to my change in mood and didn't find it odd anymore, and that was the point that I truly started enjoying myself and their company.

It wasn't about me getting over things- not at all- it's just that I figured- maybe I just need a break.

Now, I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but I suppose.. I'll figure it out, but not today.