I didn't go home right away. Or rather, I couldn't.

I could not bring myself to get up from that bench, no matter how cold I was out in the freezing winter night air. Thoughts passed through my head at a thousand miles per hour, and I had no way to stop them. Sometimes one would linger, but I didn't appreciate when that happened- it made me question this relationship more than I was willing to, and I didn't like it one bit.

There's obviously something huge going on here, how has he been able to hide this from me for the entirity of our dating lives?

Someone has to know where he lives... But who?

At the moment, the only thing I could think of was to call Key. He's got to know something, right? Without even thinking, I whipped out my cell phone and started an outgoing call to him.

Waiting for him to pick up was almost as bad as waiting for execution... I didn't know what to expect, though. Would he know or wouldn't he? What if he got mad at me for prying too much? What if he just-

"Kai? Do you even know what time it is?"

"Hyung!"

"What?"

"Do you know where Taemin lives?"

Maybe it was the desperation in my voice that made him change his tone, but suddenly, he went from speaking in an irritated manner to being genuinely curious and interested in the conversation

"U-Uh, no. I don't, I'm sorry. I've never been over to his house before..."  he answered, sounding apologetic. At my sigh, he continued. "Try calling Onew-hyung. He's in the student council and sometimes has access to student profiles..."

"Okay. Okay, I will. Thank you so much, hyung. It was a big help," I gushed, hopeful that this lead would get me somewhere.

Before I hung up, Key's voice rung through one more time. "Um, if you don't mind my asking, though, can you tell me why? You sound really upset, Kai... Don't do anything stupid."

"I-I won't, I promise," I stuttered, unsure of how to answer his question. Should I tell him what's going on? Maybe he could help... "And everything's fine, really. I was just a bit worried, is all. He's never let me visit his home before, and his secrecy was making me worried. But it's fine." Then again, Taemin wanted to keep this a secret (even from me), so is it really my place to go blabbing about what I unworthily bore witness to?

"Alright. Call Onew, there's a chance that he'll be able to tell you something that I can't."

"Yep," I assured, hanging up the phone and sighing deeply once again. Wasting no time, I dialed Onew's number next and then waited just as anxiously for him to answer.

"Kai?" He sounded tired.

"Hyung, I have a question." I had to get straight to the point now.

"W-Wha- okay... Go ahead," he stuttered.

"Key-hyung told me to try calling you, because he didn't know anything about this. I need to know where Taemin lives. He suggested I ask you, because you might have some sort of access into student profiles and whatnot...?" I trailed off hopefully

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry, Kai. Adresses and personal business like that are classified and I'm not even allowed to see those. We're only allowed access to things like transcripts and course schedules. Why do you need to know?"

Why was everyone so nosy today? -Oh yeah, maybe because I'm being a nosy little prick right now, too. "It's fine, hyung. Sorry for bothering. There was just something I needed it for, but it's no big deal."

"Alright, if you're sure..."

I groaned in frustration without even bothering to pull the phone away from my ear or even hang up, for that matter. "How come no one knows?" I mumbled defeatedly.

"He just meets up with us at Jonghyun's house in the mornings to walk to school together," Onew answered, sounding confused at my tone of voice. "What's going on, though? If you tell me, I may be able to help you out a bit..." he suggested.

"Nah, really. It's all good, don't worry about it."

"Kai, I'm serious. If there's something going on with Taemin right now and I find out later that you'd kept it from me, I'm going to be really angry. So I ask again. Is something going on with my dongsaeng?"

I gulped. I didn't quite expect to be intimidated by this guy... Sure, he was the oldest of Taemin's group, but I'd never legitimately been afraid of him. Usually that was just Key and Minho who I was anxious around, but I'd never heard this out of Onew. "Nothing's going on, I'm just being irrational," I assured the older.

I heard him take a deep breath on the other end, and I was afraid that he didn't believe me. "Okay. I'm going to trust you. Don't betray that," he said matter-of-factly.

"Of course not. Thanks for your time... Have a good night, hyung."

I hung up faster than I ever had in my life. What kind of hole am I getting into here? What if this is too big for me to handle? Will I be able to rely on them for possible help later if they find out I'd kept this information from them? What's going to happen now?

With no answers coming up, I decided it would be best to just turn in for the night. I'd call Taemin tomorrow and talk to him. That gives me the night to think through my wording so he won't know I followed him almost all the way to his house tonight...

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day, I awoke only a little before noon. I couldn't help it, though; I'd hardly slept that night once I got into bed. I couldn't let my mind rest for a single moment- not with this situation I now have.

To be completely honest, I was a bit afraid to face it by myself. I almost regretted getting myself in this mess, but I quickly reminded myself that the only way for that to happen was if I had never gotten involved with Taemin in the first place- and if it's not a sin to regret being with Taemin, then I don't know what is.

There had to be a way to fix things.

I got out of my bed and looked down at it, to see blankets and sheets tangled up all over the place, and half the pillows on the floor- perfectly reflecting the way that I slept through the night. Groaning, I made my way over to the desk in my room and pulled out a sheet of paper and the nearest pencil. I needed to write something out. Get my thoughts organized.

Step 1- Find out what he's hiding

Step 2-

NO, that's not going to work. How can I know what to do after finding out what he's hiding until I actually know what he's hiding? This is so pointless. I messily crossed out what I'd written and then frustratedly crumpled up the paper, throwing it in the wastebin by the desk. What made me the most angry was that I couldn't just call him up and be like 'hey, so what were you doing with that 50 year old man last night? Oh yeah, and forgot to mention, I followed you home. So. What were you doing?'

Okay, maybe that wasn't the most frustrating thing about this situation, but it was definitely up there on the list.

The more I thought about it, though, the more I wanted to have never found out about this in the first place. I liked the way things were going. I wanted to go back to before I'd seen him in that shady street- before I'd even learned the secret about his parents. When everything was easy. When I didn't feel guilty about my own problems.

I want to go back to when-

My phone's ringtone blaring through my silent bedroom broke me out of my thoughts immediately, and I scrambled over to my bedside table to retrieve it, almost falling over myself in the process.

"Hello?" I answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Kai..."

It was Taemin's voice coming through the line. "Oh hey Taemin!" I said, breath caught in my throat but still trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Kai, I need to talk to you."

I swear, my heart just about fell out of my . Those words never meant something good in a relationship. Never. My hands became sweaty, wondering what it could possibly be that he has to tell me. Is he going to actually tell me what's going on? Will he tell me about his parents? Will he he tell me that he knows I followed him home? Is he mad at me? Will he break up with me?

"Kai?" he continued when I hadn't made any response whatsoever.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. What do you need to talk to me about?" I asked, sounding pitiful already.

"Can we meet up? I hate talking over the phone."

"S-sure thing.. Want to go to the coffee shop?"

I heard him sigh on the other end. "I'd rather it be a bit more private than that. Is your mom home?"

How do you get more private than a coffee shop with one employee that hardly gets more than 10 customers a day? "No, she's not home... Do you want to come over here?"

"If it's alright. I'm actually only a block away already. I will be there in 5 minutes..."

"Okay. Is everything alright, Tae?" I asked with a shaky voice.

It took him several moments to answer. "I just need to talk to you."

"Mm.." I mumbled in acceptance as I hung up the phone, my heart about to fly out of my chest it was beating so fast. I didn't know what to expect. I don't know what's going to happen.. I just... I'm in a panic, that's all. I just needed to calm down. Calm down.

It'll be fine. It has to.