It was 11am in the morning when I woke up. Ryeowook oppa, you're the one I've thought about first thing in the morning. I even dreamed about you and me, meeting for the first time during your concert.

And speaking of concert, I remember that it was the second day of your concert in Seoul.

I hurried and opened my laptop, and updated myself with what's going on. Sometimes, I envy the ELFs from Seoul because they get to see their bias in person and even stalk them. But as an international ELF, who lives in South East Asia, I can only rely on fanbases, twitter accounts and fan pages on Facebook. It , isn't it? But what can I do about it?

Ryeowook oppa, I've been wanting to meet you up close in person. I love you so much, even if I don't know you in person. But reading facts about you, it seems like we are getting to know each other in a different type of way. That's when I can even imagine that there might be a possibility that we might end up with each other.

Do you wonder why I have these kind of imaginations lingering inside my mind? It's because I'm a hopeless romantic, waiting for you to love me in return. Oppa, if you can only notice me even just for a while, I swear I would die.

Don't you know how crazy I am for you? I've been filling my Facebook account with pictures about you. Every gif or image I can find, I would save it in my laptop. I even dream of travelling in Korea, or end up working there. Who knows, with a blink of an eye, God will tell us that we are fated to love each other.

I remember the poem I wrote during my Filipino class. It's about you. In fact, everything I do, is always related or intertwined with thoughts of you. That's how much I love you. If only you knew.

"Some people tell me not to expect anything,

because you would make a fool out of me.

But why is it that my heart, despite all that,

is still here, loving you until now."

Tears ran down my face, as I remember those lines I've composed. Why do I'm even wasting my time because of you, when you don't even know I exist?

Why do I send tweets on your twitter account when you can't even find time to notice it?

Why do I fill my laptop with updates and pictures of you when you don't even have mine?

Why is my heart screaming your name when you don't even know who I am?

It's simple. I LOVE YOU, KIM RYEOWOOK.

There's something about you that no matter what reality tells me, regardless of there might be a possibility that you might have a girl soon, get married and have kids, still wants me to believe that I, ______ still have the chance. I will just wait for my heart to voluntarily quit, rather than to persuade myself on discarding my own happiness.

I know also when you love someone, you keep on supporting them. I love you, silly. Why would I be here in the first place? But then again, they say you should be happy, even if you're not a part of their happiness.

Does it hurt me right now? OF COURSE.

But what can I do? It's not like I can go to Korea, rush to you all of the sudden and say,

"Kim Ryeowook oppa! I love you. Will you be mine?"

I doubt that I'll hear a response from you.

I need empathy or a person who is sensitive to what I'm going through.

I did received some, until I saw this.

Oppa, I saw your performance with Kyuhyun oppa, Sungmin oppa and the rest of the members. At first I was cool because I wanted to see you perform, even with just a fancam.

Okay, it was awesome. Yes, you were handsome. But..

I saw you dancing with that girl, and you looked like you're enjoying it.

That should be me, oppa. Not her.

I wish I was that girl.

If only I could grab that spotlight and perform with you, it would be another dream come true.

But in the end, I got broken.

Because I'll never be that girl who would get the chance to interact or to have a skinship with you.

Why do I even bother dreaming?

I'm not skinny. I'm not a good dancer. Worse, I'm not as beautiful as her.

I'm desperate right now. I needed someone to talk to.

If only you can talk to me right now and explain everything to me.

"_____, that was all part of the show. You're still the one I love."

I imagine you saying those things to me while kissing me oh so softly before I can even breathe.

I closed my eyes, and let my thoughts ponder. Until I have to go back once again in reality wherein you are an idol, and I'm just an ordinary girl, hoping to be loved by you.

That only happens in fairy tales, but my heart is too stubborn to let you go.

I have other bias in other kpop groups, but they can never replace you.

It has lingered in my mind that you are my husband, and I'm your wife.

How beautiful can that be? You and I, have kids hugging and kissing us.

But about what I saw, I guess I have to erase it from my memory.

I even went to the church, asking God why is this happening.

I almost cried inside, while talking to my friend.

But I can't show how vulnerable am I.

I don't want to be a burden.

I don't want people to ask.

Because if I answer,

NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHY.

Fan girls might feel the same way right now, but some might criticize me.

"Stop being jealous! That's just a show!"

Blah blah blah.

Easy for them to say, especially when you're not into KPOP.

But can you blame me for loving this guy too much?

 

"This feeling is unstoppable, yet I'm the only one who could stop it.

I don't care what other people say, who are they to interfere?

I'm willing to love you, even if I know I would be hurt.

I WILL STILL LOVE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

JUST LOOK IN MY EYES AND YOU WILL SEE.

A GIRL WHO IS WILLING TO LOVE YOU ALWAYS."

Ryeowook oppa, I still believe in Fate and Destiny.

Because I love you for all eternity.

사랑해