The water drops fill the air, the sounds fill the ear, the fresh fragrance fills the respiration system, and the fresh view fill the sight.

He really wants the moment happens forever in his life, it gives peace to his soul, it heals the wounds he got, it curves his lips into a smile. The cool air runs through his hair, tickles his body, how he wants it to happen forever.

“Lu?” A soft voice comes between the serenity, the voice he loves, the voice he always wants to hear. He turns his head and smiles to the beautiful figure he found standing in front of the door.

“May I enter?” She asks again.

“Sure, come here.” He answers, before turning again to face the window and throwing his sight to outside view.

“You love it so much when it rains, don’t you?” She speaks as she walks towards him and places her head on his small yet comfortable shoulder.

 “Of course, like I love you.”

“Will it fade away?” She asks without removing her head from his shoulder.

“The love? Maybe.” He answers calmly.

“It will?”

“Yes, when I have done with this life… So, as long as I’m still here, the love will still exist.” He smiles as he runs his index finger through her hair.

“You…” She gives a light hit to his stomach and laughs. But then she raises her eyebrows.

“Luhan, you are getting thinner day by day. Are you still on your silly diet?”

“Hmm?” Luhan touches his stomach, yeah, it is indeed thin. “Yes, I am.”

“Luhan, don’t do such a stupid thing! Look, you are really small!”

“But I’m still bigger than you, Jian.” Luhan smiles, but got another hit from Jian as reply.

“But your figure is just too small for a man. You are tall, but you are too thin. Come on, Luhan. Stop dieting. You are not fat.”

I really want to stop.

“I know. I will stop when the exact time comes.”

“And when is it?” Jian gives Luhan an interrogating look, she really hates Luhan’s idea for dieting since the beginning. He said that when he’s already in shape, and it’s really strange, but he doesn’t stop, until now.

 “I don’t know. Surprise?” Luhan shrugs, because he really doesn’t know when the time will come.

“I hate surprises.” Jian pouts and crosses her arm, walking further from Luhan

“Since when? I thought you love surprises.” Luhan says as he walks towards Jian, giving a back hug.

“No, I hate it. Now, you have to console me.”

“Ow? Someone is asking to be consoled after arguing?” Luhan giggles.

Jian nods, still pouting, “You have to pay.”

“Pay?”

“Let’s eat ice cream!”

“Ice cream? Jian, I’m on diet.”

“NO!” Jian shouts, “Forget about your diet, can you? You are really skinny! I do feel the pain everytime I see you! Can’t you understand??”

Luhan sighs and hugs Jian with all of his energy, Jian is right, he’s too skinny. He doesn’t have much energy just like he used to. But he can’t stop the diet. He just can’t, even though he really wants to.

“It is not comfortable hugging a skeleton. Let me go.” Jian says with a hoarse voice, she just can’t stand it anymore. Jian doesn’t know anymore how to make Luhan stops dieting. That scary thing had destroyed Luhan’s body slowly, she knows it. But maybe Luhan still thinks that Jian is just too oblivious to notice what is actually happening.

“I will not let you go.”

“Luhan…”

“I don’t want to let you go, please stay by my side, just a little bit more…” A small sobs can be heard between Luhan’s voice, Jian can feel a drop of water starts falling to her hair.

“Just a little bit more?” Jian asks, she knows what he probably means, but she’s just too afraid to even imagine.

“Just a little bit more…” Luhan repeats.

“I will always stay by your side. But please can you grant my request earlier? Please, Luhan.”

Luhan releases Jian from his hug, “Okay. Ice cream?”

Jian nods, Luhan smiles and grabs her small hand with his bigger yet skinny hand, feeling the warmth hers transfers to his.

≈

The colorful ice cream shop gives some color to his pale skin; it is warm, unlike his cool pale white house. He feels his cheeks blushing, thing that he hasn’t experienced anymore since his diet. Going to ice cream shop is really nice, and he hopes that he can taste the sweetness of the ice cream completely without throwing it out of his body.

“What flavor do you want, Lu?” Jian asks with a bright smile, happy because Luhan seems back to the old Luhan in their first encounter. The cute yet strong and happy Luhan.

“Hmm, strawberry?”

“Good choice! The strawberry ice cream here is really delicious, I will take the tiramisu one. You love tiramisu, right?”

Luhan nods, “And you like strawberries, don’t you?”

“Yup! Okay, I’ll take the strawberry and tiramisu ice creams.” Jian says to the waiter.

“Okay, miss. Do you want some toppings?” The waiter asks as he put 3 scoops of ice creams into different glasses.

“Of course! I want choco-roll and choco-wafer on top of my tiramisu, please. What about you, Lu?”

“Maybe two strawberries and chocolate sauce.” Luhan retorts, without taking his eyes off of the ice cream.

Only in 3 minutes, they have got their ice cream with them.

“Lu, enjoy your ice cream, okay? Don’t throw it out.” Jian says slowly, Luhan nods, and starts spooning his ice cream.

Sweet, strawberry is sweet. He hopes he can taste the sweetness any longer.

Another spoon, he still survives. Jian starts smiling, and starts spooning her tiramisu.

Another spoon, another chews, another gulps. He was going to smile when suddenly his stomach rejects the food he’s throwing in. He covers his mouth which erases Jian’s smile, stopping Jian from chewing.

“Luhan, can’t you try?” Jian’s voice shakes.

Luhan shakes his head weakly, and rushes to the restroom to finally kill himself slowly again. Leaving Jian who cries desperately.

Luhan throws all the contains which fill his stomach, until he could see crimson liquid and smell the blood going out of his mouth. Yet he still tries to throw everything out of his stomach. He cries, he doesn’t usually cry even though he’s hurting too much, but now he cries. It really hurts him, anorexia and hemophilia aren’t good, and it could be a great killer when it is combined. He’s been strong to survive for almost half a year with those diseases combined together. But now he feels that he can’t stand it anymore.

He puts his hand in his jeans pocket to find a paper and a pen that he always prepares. It seems silly, like he’s ready for his final time every time, in fact he doesn’t want to meet it too soon.

He starts to write some words with his trembling hand, eyes still letting go some crystal clear liquid, mouth still letting go some crimson liquid. He writes with all of his strength until he couldn’t write anymore. He could only hope that his writing is eligible to read before knocking the door with the strength that left and asks for a help with his minimum volume of voice.

≈

“Miss Jian She Yuan?” A man with neat uniform comes and squats to look at the miserable girl.

“Yes…”

“I just want to give you this paper, we found it at the place where Mr. Luhan died.” He hands a paper to Jian before taking off his hat. “I feel really sorry about it, miss. About his family, we are trying to call them now.”

“Thank you.”

“Our duty to help, miss. Excuse me.”

Jian nods to the cop who walks away, and starts reading the messy letter in her hand.