How it all started
Her betrayal...
We all have stories that we'll never tell.~
In this forest I ran… I ran as fast as I could possibly go but I was still too slow to catch up to her. The air was keen, almost too sharp to breathe, and it was beyond freezing. My head felt like it was being pounded by a hammer, while my bare neck was being drilled with acute nails. It was too dark to even see anything but I could hear her footsteps like a clock ticking and ticking, reminding me that my time is running out…
In the darkness the trees looked like figures watching me and mocking me because she was already too far out of my reach. I know; I know she is far ahead laughing at her own victory, while I’m still here lost like a child scrambling on the sharp thrones that were scattered across the muddy forest floors. They pricked me with no mercy but I could care less. I had to find her before it’s too late again…please just let me find you this time…
I let out a frustrated cry as I landed on my already bloodied knees and palms. Why? Why must she leave me chasing after her? Why must we play this game over and over again? WHY!? The outcome is all the same…it’s not like this is the first time I’ve been playing hide and go seek with her in this forest. Yet she never knows how this game makes me so depressed because it’s not a game at all…it’s a ing nightmare - a nightmare to constantly remind me that I have lost her forever.
FOREVER…
That’s a long time.
FOREVER...
A very, very long time
FOREVER…
A time too long to spend living in hell.
“Wait! Cyndi wait!” I screamed over and over as I pounded my bruised fist on to the forest floors, hoping she would slow down for me but who am I joking, it was no use.
“Don’t go…” I cried. “Please….don’t go…don’t leave me alone in this ruthless word…”
As my tears were streaming madly down my face, I felt wetness land on my feeble body. It was cold as ice, piercing into my body like hundreds and hundreds of needles. I chuckled, why am I not surprised? It always rains every single time when I scream in despair. Yes, every single time it rains blood just as I’m about to give up. Stop it. Stop ing me over. Stop making this nightmare more of a burden than it already is…
I looked up to the sky, the red crystal droplets swiftly fell, painting the whole forest a beautiful shade of red...everything; the flowers, the trees, the grass, the pain, the screams and the fear…We’re almost coming to the end aren’t we Cyndi…the sun is going to rise soon right? And I’ll have to part from you again by waking up and go back into reality…a reality without you.
I wasn’t too sure what I was feeling… As much as I detest this nightmare and how it replays itself over and over again every so often, I’m also grateful that I get to at least feel her again. In this forest, I feel her, I see her beautiful dashing figure, I hear her melodious laughs, I smell her alluring scent and most of all I taste the love that we both shared in the past... just by dreaming of her and knowing that she still exists makes me so jubilant I cannot even deny it.
“Mommy,” I heard a child call out.
That’s it. That’s it Donghae. That is ing it.
I got back up to my feet and started running again. I know perfectly well how this is going to end, how I am going to wake up screaming. But there is that sparkle of hope, hoping that this time I could make a difference. Hoping that I would be able to actually save her this one time before she jumps and drop all the way to hell.
I swiftly followed the child’s voice. My visions were blurred from my tears that were slipping from my eyes. My face was covered in fresh gashes created by the jagged tree branches while my throat was raw from all the screaming. But these are all nothing compared to finding her.
“Mommy, mommy…” the voice echoed again as it haunted the whole forest.
The ground beneath me started to shake severely and the Earth roared as if it was the end of the world. The cracks started to form and the forest floors started to spilt into pieces, opening up an unfathomable hole that swallowed up everything.
I sprinted faster and faster ahead. I cannot fail now. I need to get to her before everything ends and before I wake up for good. No matter how much I wanted to deny the fact that I was still so attached to her, I couldn’t. I have to admit I fell hard in love this time. Even though it has only been two short weeks she slowly became everything.
My body has learned on its own to yearn for her, to need her. She was my oxygen, my life source, my baby. They say being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. It’s true, I am brave for her. I am even willing to die for her.
Far up I see a clearing that was attached to a cliff decorated with flowers and trees. A clearing too beautiful and peaceful, it didn’t match the catastrophe that was happening. The sun shone brightly onto the clearing and a few humming birds flew. There she stood in her little red dress smiling and looking out to the ocean.
I panted and panted as I set a foot onto the safe grounds. Finally…I guess I’m not as useless as I thought. I neared her and I slipped my hand into her soft hand. She gasped in shock and her cheeks became rosy.
"My fair adorable sweetheart," I thought.
“You found me.” she whispered in adore.
“I would never let you go darling.” I answered back. God I miss her voice so much; it’s like music dancing in my ears.
I don’t know how to express my love for her in words other than the phrase that is constantly repeated among the people. I guess it’s just how having her by my side can make everything so much better. How she can cheer me up, how she can handle me at my worst and how she is always capable of making me forget my harsh life. After all, a normal guy with normal savings, how special she is compared to me.
We stood there a few meters away from the cliff, watching the ocean glistening in the sun light. Actually I was watching her while she watched the ocean. Her face was so beautiful no metaphor could explain. Just the way her brown eyes would sparkle, and the way her face would pull up into a soft smile. She was flawless and I swear I could die happy there.
The moment was so perfect and what I have yearned for so long. Just by having her by my side was priceless. It's been years since I last saw her. These dreams, though happens repeatedly, never go beyond me losing her in the darkness. Ths encouter was definately a first, whihch makes me forever grateful. She was irreplaceable, someone that I would not mind falling in love over and over again in life times. She was just my everything…And well, she was too good to be true.
“Mommy!!” the child’s voice yelled and suddenly she was pulled away from me.
“Mommy, mommy stay away from him.” The child warned with a chilling voice as he pulled the love of my life away from me.
This child was no normal child. He was faceless… He was small yet had a burning soul in him. Most of all he was a demon; a demon that made me lose Cyndi forever.
“Cyndi, wait don’t leave now,” I said as I reached out to grab her. A hint of fear rose in me; I don’t want to lose her again.
“No!” she shrilled in such a frightening voice. “Don’t hurt my child!”
I stood there, scared. I wasn’t trying to hurt her child, I never was.
“No, don’t go! I won’t hurt him, I never will. Just don’t leave please.” I pleaded hoping she would understand
“Mommy!!!” the child then screamed. “He’s dangerous let’s go!!”
“No, no, please don’t,” I pleaded once more and reached for her hands.
“Mommy!” the child shrieked again as he pulled the both of them back to the edge of the cliff. They were literally only steps away from falling.
“No,” I thought. “Please don’t make me lose her again.”
“Please Cyndi, please just don’t leave me.” I screamed with despair in my eyes. “I will take care of him, of both of you, and I will never ever hurt you guys. I swear on my life! Just don’t leave. I love you! I love you!”
I stared into her eyes that were supposed to be gleaming; however they were dark and they had a flash of hurt in them. Donghae, don’t screw this up again…You can’t afford to wait any longer, I told myself.
“Please, I have already made my mistake, it is a blemish that I cannot erase, and till this very day I am still paying for it. Just don’t leave; I’ll do everything for you. I’ll even tear the moon up for you if you want.” Now you must think I am just acting like those guys in cheesy dramas and this is all a sudden urge because I am promising her that I will take care of her and the child when really I hate that little demon with a burning passion. But I am not lying. I really will take full responsibility of that demon and learn to love him as much as I love her if that’s what it takes for her to stay. I’ve lost her once and I can’t lose her again. I love her too an extent that I guess you can call insane. But hey, who said that love was ever sane?
“No! Don’t hurt my child!!! Don;t hurt my child!” She screamed the sentence over and over again as she hid that demon behind her like I was some sort of murderer, and to all honestly her actions really did break me. Tears started to form in my eyes and yes, a man shouldn’t cry but I love her too much to care anymore.
“You don’t get it! You never will get it!! This baby…he is all I have left. Yet you’re still here trying to kill it. Donghae, don’t lie with those eyes. You will never love this baby!! Nor will you ever take care of him! Just go pick some other homeless girl up and ask her to replace me! I’m sure she’ll gladly accept it with all that you could offer. And when you both find out that she is pregnant, tell her to destroy her beautiful present and I bet she’ll say yes with no hesitation because she is like your little who will obey you. While I AM NOT, I repeat, I AM NOT YOUR ING THAT YOU CAN ORDER AROUND!!! ” She screamed these sinful words out of her beautiful mouth that I used to kiss.
Was that it? Was our love only one sided? And to her, was I just a man who ordered her around like a toy? I cherished her. I gave her everything I could ever offer. And this is what she tells me? What is all this ing bull?
I stood there speechless unable to think of words to calm her down. Everything depends on what I say now. Whatever I say is the key of her coming back to me for leaving me forever…but what was there left to say? I have already told her countless of times that I love her, and I will gladly accept whatever it takes to keep her by my side.
“I love you!!” were the only words that I managed to scream out. Like I said I don’t know how to express the love I have for her other that using the phrase that is being constantly repeated among the people; I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions. But this time, it seemed suitable. It was simple and straight forward. I love her…
“Don’t you dare to tell me how much you love me,” she stared through me with a piercing gaze. “Because I know you don’t…you never did.” she whispered out the last line with doubt as if she herself knew it was too obvious of a lie as well. However, as much of her statement was false, it crushed me and pushed me to my limits.
I couldn’t believe she even had the courage to tell such an ugly lie that everyone knows is not ever possible. I loved her with all my heart. I still love her with all my love…and when I heard her say that, I heard my own heart break into pieces. Was it even possible? To hear your own heart break?
She looked up at me again, this time her eyes were glassy and tears rolled down her flawless face... her eyes were still beautiful, too prefect to not fall for. However, they were filled with shame. Seeing her like that even pained me more and I felt so useless…suddenly a flash of determination washed over her eyes. Wait…I know this look too well…fear rose in me as I realized that my body has already started to sprint towards her on my own.
Just as I was about to reach her, only steps away, her face pulled up in a sorrowful smile; the kind she always gives as she says her goodbyes. Her hands looped around her child and embraced him tightly as she suddenly jumped off the cliff herself and fell into the unfathomable darkness. The ocean that we were earlier looking at had vanished… just like her, and was replaced with a fire. It glowed with glory and roared to life as her tiny body and her demon’s sinful body fell into hell and burned into ashes. Yes… nothing more but ashes.
This is it Donghae. You’re never capable of saving her… you can never protect her. All you ever do is watch her grieving, watch her hurting yet never having the ability to console her. You’re only another burden to her; another painful burden that she cannot abandon…it’s always the same. You’ll never fully understand how much pain she is under… Donghae wake up; wakeup from both this nightmare and the past because she doesn’t need you. She never did.
I stood there staring at the inferno ahead of me. I was speechless. I was motionless. I did not know what to do.
“Lee Donghae,” an unfamiliar voice boomed behind me.
Slowly I turned around and saw an old man standing in front of me. He looked so wise and sincere. His silky white robe was draped on his shoulders. He was dressed with simple luxuries giving him an elegant look. I studied the unfamiliar man, I’ve never met him despite the fact that I’ve had this nightmare for an innumerable of times, and that was when I realized that he was floating slightly above the ground.
Interesting, I thought to myself. But honestly, I really don’t care anymore. I am exhausted and I just want to go back into reality; back to my little apartment. Back to my colorless life…I’ve had enough for a night.
“Do you want to go back?” he asked me with a soft deep voice.
I didn’t know who this man was but I didn’t care. This is all just a nightmare; a nightmare that I will soon wake up from. I looked up at him with my despairing eyes.
“Yes…” I whispered. My voice was hoarse and it burned to even speak. “Another day is waiting for me…sir, and I am going to wake up soon.” I turned around to take my leave. It’s only a matter of seconds now and this is all going to be over. Donghae stay strong.
“Do you want to go back?” the man asked again but I kept on walking. The man has heard me already; I did not feel the need to repeat myself.
“Back to the past, where you both were in love.”
I froze. What? What is the ing man saying? I felt my blood turn cold at that instant. What the is this? Another joke? Another game? Don’t I look wrecked enough? I clenched my fist and my knuckles turned pale.
I turned around sharply, and glared at the man. “Don’t ing mess with me and my feelings. What the bloody hell is there to even go back to? To torture myself even more? She never needed me…I was just another burden to her, nothing more!”
“Even now, look at what she had just done! Jumped off a cliff with her little demon. Bloody hell that little piece of wasn’t even born when she was alive! And what was I to her? NOTHING! N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!! Just a person that could provide her a place to stay at, who could also substitute that demon’s irresponsible father!” I screamed out every thought that ran through my head. I could not control my own temper and I know how stupid I must look right now, throwing a tantrum over a nightmare that wasn’t even real.
“No Donghae, son, you don’t know everything from the past, there are other truths that you are oblivious about. I am not messing with your feelings, I would never do so. Instead I am giving you a chance; consider yourself lucky because not everyone gets a chance offered by heaven.” He said calmly, the total opposite of my rage. “I know how much you love her, I know the story all too well. However, you have been misjudging all this time. Your views are biased due to your ignorance. So allow me to ask you one last time, do you or do you not want to go back?”
I stood there rooted to the ground…I was speechless. If I really have been ‘misjudging’ all these years then what was the truth; the candid truth? Was there even a truth?
“Yes…” I whispered before my brain had the chance to fully process the situation. “Yes. Yes! Yes!! I want to go back!!” I yelled realizing after I had done so. I was so eager to go back to her, my heart dominated my brain. I was so excited to feel her presence again, to feel her on me again, I did not hesitate to agree…please don’t disappoint me now… don’t say this is all just me dreaming.
“This portal will lead you back into the past.” The man pointed to his left where a gleaming circle was swirling in the middle of the air. “It will show you the truth you have desired and the only rule is, you are not, and I repeat, not allowed to change anything or fix any mistakes that you have made. You may only observe as the whole story replays itself in front of you. Other than that, you are allowed to rewind, pause, fast forward, and replay the story as many times as you like. There is even an end button but please note that once you press that button, you will be sent back into reality and this offer will no longer be valid.”
I took a step forward immediately. I need her. I want her. And I could not wait any longer to see her again. I might as well just keep living in the past and never come back to reality…
“Last reminder, this is not just a dream. This is a chance that you have earned because the heavens have been very pleased with your sincerity. True love doesn’t happen that often, and when it does never let it go. You did not choose your fate, It was chosen for you. So this is your chance now, to love her for the very last time. But unfortunately, you may not stay in this portal for the rest of your life…it will soon expire after the gods believe you've had enough to glimpse. Have a safe trip and hopefully you’ll find the candid truth of the past you both shared.” With that the elderly man had disappeared, and I was left alone with the swirling portal.
I slowly walked up to the portal and stopped right in front of it. It was so luminous just like the sun, too bright to be looked at directly. Why was I hesitating? Nothing was here to hinder me yet I felt so scared. I felt so timid. I fear that everything is built from my very own imagination and I just might wake up alone in my apartment again. I don’t want to wake up alone. I don’t want to wake up to a reality without her…
“I need you” I whispered and I took a step forward.
“Sorry for being selfish…I just…I miss you…and I…sorry for this selfish pain but…it’s worth it. My love, wait for me.”
I stepped into the portal and the light rays engulfed me as it swallowed me up. I am ready and I no longer fear. I love her with all my heart and nothing is able to stop me from getting to her because love has no limits, love is blind…I am blind for her, I am brave for her. She is my world and I will do whatever it takes just to protect her and cherish her.
“I love you,” I whispered as I slowly closed my eyes.
4 years ago:
“Shh…it’s okay now. I’ll be by your side.” I softly consoled her, holding her tormented figure in my embrace.
“…What did I do to deserve this…? How…how can god just do…this much damage…to him?” she choked out, too mournful to even speak properly.
“Heaven’s got a plan for him…”
“What about the…child…?” she sobbed. “I already lost of family for keeping this baby…”
“Shhh…just…just trust me…”
~~~
After a few hours, she finally fell asleep.
I groaned and grabbed another can of beer, this is my fifth one by now…I should really stop but my thoughts are overwhelming me too much.
Because honestly I have no idea what to do…I don’t know how to fix her, I don’t know how to help her, and I don’t even know what I can do for her. Everything just isn’t right…
She stumbled in front of my door this afternoon, soaking wet, burning with a high fever, begging me to help her out; despite of that, she was beautiful. She didn’t say anything else, just kneeled on the ground and cried.
At first I was as scared as hell, and so confused but I couldn’t just leave a poor unknown girl on the streets all alone can I? So I invited her in and made some soup for her while she took a hot shower. Well actually supposed to take a shower. However, she just sat on the tiled floor in the spacious washroom, staring in to space while the tears streamed madly down her cheeks. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach, rocking back and forth as if she was trying to tame something inside of her?
I walked into the washroom, worried, and cranked the heat up, hoping she would at least be warm if not cozied up and attempted to console her. She seemed so beaten up, so insanely broken…what happened to her?
“Aren’t you cold?” I worriedly asked.
“He left us…”she seemed to be talking to herself.
“Take a shower it will warm you up.” I coaxed again, hoping she would listen to me.
“Baby…what we are gonna do…?”
I signed. So I’m just oxygen huh? That’s lovely.
“Why don’t you come for some hot soup first?” I tried again.
She lowered her head while the muffled sobs filled the silent room.
This girl is seriously hopeless…I grabbed a blanket, wrapped her in it and turned the heater on to the highest temperature, brought her dry clothing and left her alone.
I glumly sat on the couch and watched some unknown movie that was playing- possibly romantic or mystery- sipping my bear as my mind was occupied with her untold story.
What possibly could have this beautiful young girl gone through to make her seem so fearless yet broken at the same time? How much courage did it take for her to knock and just cave in right in front of a stranger? There were so many unanswered questions that definitely needed to be answered later on. At least she’s lucky that I’m not a or a e, people are dangerous these days…
Sifting back into reality, I realized I was taking a long swig of my alcohol. The boring movie ended a while ago and was replaced by cheesy drama that I didn’t even bother taking a glance of. I swiftly got up to check on the unknown girl.
As I walked up to face the hard wooden door, I knocked lightly. However, just like expected there were no response. I cracked the door ajar and I saw her still curling in to a ball in the corner but this time she was fast asleep with her tears were still streaming a river.
I gently wiped her tear stained cheek, not wanting to wake her up. She was mostly dry by now, and silently, I wrapped her in my arms and carried her to my crowded bedroom.
Damn this girl is even so beautiful when she’s asleep, who ever had her must be so lucky…I’m no e or molester, but I couldn’t deny the fact that she was a gorgeous women, I still am a man of course.
I settled her on to the bed and wrapped the blankets around her. Tucking one strand of hair behind her ear, I whispered. “Sleep tight okay? I know I don’t have too much to offer; after all I am just a normal man with normal savings, but you can stay here as long as you like…” I sighed, why am I being so kind to this stranger that I barely know? “But yea, just umm, try to be happy? Well try to be okay... if not happy…like just...uhh yea...whatever just sleep…” I grumbled, tongue tied and mind blown at my emotion affections.
I closed the door gently and went back to the couch and my beer.
"I havea feeling that this will unravel into something extrodinary," I thought to myself and slowly drifted to sleep on the couch.
Hello everyoneee
THE STORY LINE HAS CHANGED SO IF YOU HAVENT READ THE NEW FORWARD, GO NOW!
anyways....I have finally updated... but honestly it took a lot of effort...
My AFF was a little screwed and now it is very screwed
everything doesn't work in edit mode my main body doesn't even show
(freaked me out I thought everything went to waste. But then thank God I've got it saved on word -the reasons why you use that, it doesn't screw up as much)
so now when i update i have to send the story to my ipad and then post it up here
Anddd I have a feeling that it will screw my new I pad up as well..
so let's HOPE it doesn't or else I don't know what other way to...
Whatever hope you guuys like this first chapter
MERRY BELATED AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR :D
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