My heart started fluttering the moment he passed by. He looks downright handsome that people like him should be hidden somewhere. His mere presence sends shivers down my spine. I really have to thank whatever circumstance that gave Kwon Jiyong to life. I can’t thank it too much for choosing this lifetime for Jiyong and I to live in the same era.

 

 

 

If he weren’t around, my life would be terribly boring and jaded.

 

 

 

 

It would be nice if out of nowhere, he suddenly realizes that he likes me and would ask me to be his girlfriend. We would go on dates, hold hands together and we’ll introduce each other to our parents as each other’s other half and then when we’re ready, we would get married and have kids.

 

 

I would die happy if that even happens.

 

 

 

 

But it won’t.

 

 

 

 

It couldn’t.

 

 

 

 

For one thing, we are best friends. And best friends as he says so himself, “don’t date each other.” Thus, I am forever stuck in the friend zone. It’s not like I can complain, I should be grateful that I can be near him. 

 

 

 

 

 

Just as always, I was behind him while he was busy playing good boyfriend to his latest conquest Ahn Sohee.

 

 

 

 

I let them walk ahead, seeing as Sohee covertly sent me a glare. I sighed and pretended to buy myself a drink, when he looked back I signalled to him that he should just go ahead. He nods his head as I walk in a different route towards science building where he and I would be having our first class.

 

 

 

 

 “Dara-yah!” I looked back and saw Bom walking towards me, she was waving like a little girl and smiled brightly at me. “I saw Jiyong with his latest girl Ahn Sohee. Cheer up, Dee. At least it’s Ahn Sohee. The girl is from the architecture department she’s very intelligent and pretty, too.”

 

 

 

I smiled at Bom, “Seriously Bom, I’m not sad. I’m happy for him actually. I hope they last longer. They’re perfect for each other.”

 

 

 

“You should go out on dates and forget about Jiyong. He won’t ever date you Dara.”

 

 

 

I smiled at Bom, “It’s alright to be this way. He doesn’t even have to know that I have feelings for him. It’s fine that I’m in the sidelines watching him snatch everyone’s hearts including mine. All he needs to do is exist, and that would be enough for me. I’m happy this way Bom, I can’t ask for more.”

 

 

 

 

Bom didn’t look convinced, but I really meant what I said. It’s fine for me if he dates every girl in the university as long as it makes him happy. Then, it makes me happy, too. Basically, whatever makes Jiyong happy makes me happy. Cliché, I know. But that’s the thing, when you love someone, everything is bound to be cliché.

 

 

 

Being a good friend, Bom pestered me to go out on a blind this Saturday. She wouldn’t leave me alone till I said yes. I was reluctant, what if Jiyong would ask me to go out this Saturday? But Bom can be persistently annoying, she didn’t leave me alone until I gave in. Suppressing a groan as I opened the door of my classroom, I sighed warily, the seats were already full. I saw Jiyong waving at me, trying to catch my attention, he was pointing to the seat beside him. He signalled that I seat with him.

 

 

 

 

My heart did crazy summersaults with his sweet gesture. I felt myself smile. Times like this, I just can’t help myself but fall deeper for Jiyong.

 

 

 

 

“Took you a while, I was getting worried.” He whispered as soon as I sat beside him.

 

 

 

 

“Sorry, Bom saw me and started pestering me to go on a blind date.” I took out my notes and didn’t bother to wait for his reply, seeing as the professor already came in. Professor Taeyang, is without a doubt, the hottest science professor I have ever seen. Chances are, if I didn’t have a crush on Jiyong, I would be drooling all over Professor Taeyang just like every girl inside the class.

 

 

 

 

I was busy writing down the lecture when Jiyong suddenly gave me a note, ”Stop drooling over Taeyang. It’s creepy.”

 

 

 

 

I wasn’t drooling! I glared at Jiyong. “I wasn’t drooling. Stop distracting me and listen to him, this might be on the prelim exam!”

 

 

 

 

Once again, I tried my best to pay attention to Professor Taeyang when he passed me another one, “You do know that Taeyang is my friend right? I could just ask for the coverage of the exam.”

 

 

 

 

I scribbled furiously, “You and your connections, fine. You got my attention, what do you want?”

 

 

 

 

I heard him chuckle, “I just want to ask, will you really go out on a date this Saturday?”

 

 

 

 

“I already said Yes to Bom, so… Yep.”

 

 

 

 

He didn’t bother reply anymore. So I just paid attention to Professor Taeyang. Without me noticing it, the day already ended. Jiyong and I have the same schedule so normally, he and I would take the bus home together since we live in the same apartment complex. But since he would be going on a date with Sohee today, I was going home alone. Nothing new to that.

 

 

 

 

When I arrived at the building, his mom immediately saw me and smiled at me brightly. “Dara-yah, where is that son of mine?”

 

 

 

 

“He went out on a date with his girlfriend.”

 

 

 

“Oh, that Yoona girl?” Mrs. Kwon asked, clearly Jiyong hasn’t introduced his latest conquest.

 

 

 

“Aniyo Auntie, that was his girlfriend two weeks ago, his girlfriend’s name this week is Sohee, Ahn Sohee.” I said brightly.

 

 

 

Mrs. Kwon sighed wearily and had a faraway look in her eyes, he never did approve of any of Jiyong’s ex girlfriends. “Aigooooooo. That foolish, foolish kid, why can’t he just choose you instead? You’re far better than any of his ex-girlfriends!” She exclaimed. I have heard that from everyone already. My friends, his friends, his parents and sometimes even random strangers would think that Jiyong and I fit perfectly well with each other.

 

 

 

 

But I’m fine where I stand in his life. I would eventually get over Jiyong and move on, and forget about my feelings for him. If we ended up together and broke up at some point, then everything between us would be awkward. Besides, I can’t force him to love me the way I want him to love me. That would only cause me misery.

 

 

 

 

So, instead of me wanting to be his girlfriend (sure, I want to be his girlfriend), I would rather stay as his bestfriend and have all the perks of being close to him rather than end whatever we had if ever we became a couple and break-up.

 

 

 

 

“Auntie, his girlfriends weren’t all that bad.”

 

 

 

 

“They were!” She insisted. “Remember Kiko?” I can remember her very well. In fact, who wouldn’t remember her, she and Jiyong was practically making out every chance they would get. It wasn’t until Kiko told me to leave Jiyong since, according to her, “Jiyong feels awkward whenever we make out and you’re around.”

 

 

 

 

Later on, Jiyong broke up with Kiko and he even gave me a beany to apologize. “She wasn’t that bad Auntie, she  . . .” I couldn’t find the proper word for her. Jiyong’s mom snorted in disgust.

 

 

 

 

“Don’t bother building up their image Dara, nothing you say or do can make me change my opinion towards his girlfriends. Dara, I know you love my son, why can’t you just be with him instead?”

 

 

 

 

Because he is my bestfriend.

 

 

 

 

Because he can’t ever see me that way.

 

 

 

 

Because he would never willingly choose me.

 

 

 

 

Because I would be forever his best friend, never girl friend.

 

 

 

 

But I won’t tell that to Auntie, “Auntie, It’s fine this way.” I said vaguely.

 

 

 

 

“She’s right Omma it’s fine this way.” Jiyong came out of nowhere and hugged me from behind. “I didn’t know you gossiped behind my back omma, I’m hurt!” He faked getting hurt, I tried being free from his hug but he just held on tightly. His prank is still not finished.

 

 

 

 

“Aigoooooooo. When will you introduce your latest girlfriend to me?”

 

 

 

 

Jiyong shook his head in annoyance. “We broke up today.” He let go of me and kissed his mom.

 

 

 

 

“Well, that’s a shocker. I was planning to buy some groceries but since your home early you do it instead.” Mrs. Kwon gave him the list and some money. And since I had nothing much better to do, I came with him. Since he would take forever to be in the groceries, for one thing, he barely knows what to buy.

 

 

 

 

 

We were pushing the cart when my curiosity couldn’t take it anymore. I glanced at him while he was eyeing some junk foods. He sighed and looked at me.

 

 

 

 

 

“Go on, I know your dying to ask already.”

 

 

 

 

“Normally you would be with the girl for a week before breaking up. What gives?” I asked. He looked pissed off about something.

 

 

 

 

“Sohee called you a .”

 

 

 

 

“Well, doesn’t all your girlfriends think that?” Well it’s true. Whenever they look at  me sticking close to Jiyong I would see contempt so strong that I could practically see the kind of torture they would want to give me if they were given a chance. Especially when Jiyong pays attention to me instead of them, if looks could kill, I’d probably be 6 feet below the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He looked guilty, “Well, that was the first time someone voiced it out. Besides, they should know that you and I are a packaged deal. I won’t go on to the gory details on what she said about you.” He didn’t have to, I already know. “I tried explaining to Sohee, but she made me choose between you and her and I chose you.”

 

 

 

 

 

I felt my heart jump up and down with unbridled happiness. I looked him in the eye and smiled. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I know, but I want to.” We continued shopping in companionable silence. With him walking beside me, close to me, I am happy. My head was spinning with too much love and giddiness.

 

 

 

 

 

The feelings I have always felt for Jiyong wanted to burst out of my chest. The secret words I have written in my diaries wanted to be said aloud before everything would be too late. Slowly, I am wanting more. And soon enough, my heart might yearn for more that Jiyong can never, ever give.

 

 

 

 

 

“Jiyong I . . .” He glanced at me and the words I wanted to say slipped my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

“What is it Dee?”He was looking at me strangely, waiting for me to say something. He was holding cheerios but I just shook my head.

 

 

 

 

 

  Jiyong . . . Kwon Jiyong, what would I ever do when one day, I would lose you?

 

 

 

 

“Never mind.” I said quietly. He doesn’t have to know. I don’t want to burden him with my feelings. I could tell him now, but that might end our friendship. I can’t let that happen. I just need him to be next to me, where I can see him, talk to him . . . just as always.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll just let my feelings for him stay secret. The love I would always have for Jiyong would always be unrequited. 

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I hope you liked this. I know its another sad story. I'm just can't seem to get myself out of depression. Ha! I shouldn't even be this way. *le sigh 

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