Jonghyun thought he would have no ways to get closer to Jinki until the day both of them were assigned as partners in this university project. His course-mates were all warning him about what not to do when he was with Jinki, and some even threatened to hit him ten times on the head if the wall Jinki had built around himself got stronger after this project. Jonghyun kept silent about how he was planning to pull those walls that Jinki had built down.

"So what songs do you want to make a piano mash-up on?" He asked as he searched for blank music scores at the drawers. "There are so many nice singers out there nowadays. Do you want me to list them out-"

Jinki's fingers suddenly moved swiftly across the piano keys gracefully, playing a chorus of a song out which was definitely not new to Jonghyun - it was one of his top ten played songs.

"Oh wow - I didn't know you listen his songs." Jinki's eyes seemed to be lit up at how Jonghyun seemed to know song too. Of course Jonghyun would know. "Nice choice too, this is definitely my favorite song of his."

Jinki looked so adorable when he had this satisfied look on his face and it was totally off the track, Jonghyun should really be focusing on the university assignment but who was Jonghyun kidding? There was no way he would be totally focusing on the assignment when Jinki was there, almost smiling brightly at him.

Jonghyun pulled a stack of empty music scores out as he made his way to the piano where Jinki was, and tried to be cautious as ever as he took the seat beside Jinki, not forgetting to leave an appropriate distance between them - he noticed Jinki's back stiffened slightly, but he made no actions to move away and that was great enough.

"Maybe we can do a mash-up of your favorite song and mine," Jonghyun smiled at his own suggestion as his own fingers moved to where the piano keys were and began to press at them where he knew would produce the chorus that he totally adored. Jinki turned to look at Jonghyun with his brown orbs as soon as he recognized what song it was. "You know this? Not new, but I still love it."

Jinki gave a small smile as he nodded and Jonghyun immediately felt like he was falling in love all over again with Jinki. He was really precious.
 

-

He wasn't surprised to see Jinki at the park that was well-known for its gorgeousness in the neighborhood but he still was, after realizing how many people were at the park. The park was simply bustling with crowds, and he felt his eyes hurting due to all the cameras' flashes that were going around. Tourists were taking photographs while speaking languages that he didn't understand, and bubbly children were running around with bright smiles on their chubby faces - all of those just screamed the word "crowd" and you would never see that word being in the same place together with Lee Jinki except for those times in the university when it was inevitable.

"Jinki...?" Jonghyun noticed how uptight Jinki looked, even when he haven't even entered the crowd. His vision was shifty as he bit his bottom lip nervously, and it wasn't hard to realize that Jinki was trying to search for something that was probably in the park. "Are you trying to look for something?"

He couldn't help but break into a small smile when Jinki bumped his forehead onto the streetlight pole that he had been leaning onto due to surprise. He watched with amusement as Jinki rubbed his forehead gently, casting an embarrassed glance at Jonghyun while he shifted slightly closer to the pole, hesitating about answering his question. Jonghyun waited for his answer with a small smile - he knew Jinki always took about twenty seconds hesitating before responding to his words.

He had been meeting up with Jinki frequently ever since the university project was assigned, and he was proud to say that Jinki felt more comfortable being around with him - the proof was he actually got to see Jinki's smiles more often when he cracked really cold jokes that probably only Jinki appreciated. Kibum's response was always the cold poker-face.

Jonghyun snapped out of his thoughts when Jinki's phone suddenly came into his sight.

"I got Cotton onto the ground when I was tying my shoelace earlier over here and she just went missing afterwards. She's most probably inside there."

Apparently, Jonghyun had learned from Kibum a few days ago that Jinki had named the rabbit he saved from the tree "Cotton". He could still remember how happy he got when Kibum told him the reason was most probably because Jonghyun had commented about how soft the rabbit was, just like cotton - and it had gone missing.

"Wait what? You mean she's somewhere out there in the park?" Jinki nodded his head lightly, with a worried look on his face. "T-That's just dangerous! What if she gets trampled over by all those people that aren't noticing-"

Jonghyun immediately cursed silently at his own stupidity when he saw how badly afraid Jinki had gotten afterwards with his words.

"I will look for her so don't worry okay? She will be safe!" Jonghyun cleared his throat awkwardly as he scratched the back of his head lightly and quickly turned to enter the park until Jinki tugged at the hem of his sweater's sleeve. By the look on Jinki, Jonghyun could only swallow deeply when he knew what did that implied. "You want to look for Cotton together?"

Jinki nodded his head as he nibbled on his bottom lip gently, but his eyes couldn't hide his fear when he took cautious glances through the gates and to the park where crowds were at.  

There was no doubt that Jinki was going to be really afraid, Jonghyun didn't think that the brown-haired was able to even enter it - but he seemed like he really wanted to, since Cotton was really important to him. Jinki probably felt responsible that Cotton had gone missing and wanted to have a part in finding it back but he was just so afraid, Jonghyun could tell.

"Hey, hold my hand." Jonghyun smiled reassuringly at Jinki who leaned closer to the streetlight pole instead when he outstretched his hand towards him. "Don't be afraid, Jinki. It's a way of giving you courage, you see? Don't underestimate such small action! It helps a lot, really and although it sounds quite absurd but it really works-"

Jonghyun felt his heart at the back of his throat when he felt Jinki's fingers brushing against his palm lightly before shifting it so that their hands were gently pressed together.

"L-Let's look for Cotton together now, okay?"
 

-

Jonghyun wouldn't forget how tightly Jinki was holding onto his hand as they walked through the crowds that were so overwhelming for him. He looked so insecure and exposed, yet still so anxious for Cotton's whereabouts as his eyes shifted around anxiously - he would move closer to Jonghyun whenever they passed by an especially huge and noisy group of chattering people. That moment, Jonghyun felt he was all that Jinki could rely on and he felt the need to protect him even more. It wasn't just for this afternoon; Jonghyun was going to protect Jinki every now and then.

He immediately pulled Jinki closer who flinched badly after a man accidentally walked into him. His hand was more tightly held by Jinki's cold hands and he could just feel how afraid he was - he knew Jinki needed reassurance more than anything this moment.

"If anyone dares to hurt you, I will fight them off okay? Don't be afraid," Jonghyun whispered softly after noticing that Jinki's vision was shifting back and forth from the entrance of the park to the people around nervously. "I will protect you, Jinki."

-

The wide smile was inevitable when Jinki's head fell onto his shoulder lightly after falling deeply asleep with Cotton safely cupped in his cold hands gently. His face looked so peaceful and relaxed, unlike the usual times when he would always be so nervous and afraid of his surroundings. Jonghyun shifted his vision onto Cotton - the small rabbit was nuzzling its small head against Jinki's hands, trying to get attention from its owner who was sleeping.

This small lucky animal was finally found to be under one of the park benches, having a fun time rolling under the shade. Jinki was so relieved that he broke into such a wide smile and quickly took Cotton into his hands after releasing Jonghyun's hand-

Jonghyun looked at his hands afterward; those hands that had held Jinki's ones so tightly.

So this was the feeling of giving all your care to somebody that you wanted to protect so dearly of because he's just simply so endearing and precious. Jonghyun once thought that liking Jinki would be a tough road due to all the walls he had built and he was correct in a way, this wasn't an easy road but Jonghyun definitely felt that this wasn't a road that he would want to give up halfway on because Jinki was worth it.

He felt a surge of heat rushing into his hands and his grin just couldn't get any wider than before at the thought of how he held Jinki's hands for an entire hour. He just wanted things to keep the way they were, everything in life was so pretty this moment and he could see how close he had gotten to Jinki already.
 

-<3-

Jonghyun entered the ward as quietly as he could, with a small bouquet of sunflowers held carefully in his hands. He looked at the sleeping figure on the bed, and took small steps till he could see her asleep face clearly which was so pale. She looked so sickly and fragile - it broke Jonghyun's heart at this sight as his fingers brushed the cheek of hers gently after resting the flowers at the table beside him. His light action awoke her unintentionally - but still Jonghyun always felt really relieved whenever she opened her round eyes.

"Why are you here? It's so late already, you should have come tomorrow - oh, these sunflowers are really pretty," Her voice was strained and soft as her cold fingers held onto his ones, in such a way that it just gave Jonghyun a warm feeling. "They must have cost a lot-"

"I picked them from the field so they are totally free," Jonghyun broke into a small chuckle when she made a disapproving face at his small attempt of cracking a joke. He had missed the past when she would always at least, pinched him on the cheeks when he cracked a joke that was really weak as she shook her head. And apparently, she couldn't do all that now - she was too weak to even sit upright and finish a meal. "... Mom, I missed you. How was your day today?"

His mother had been hospitalized for two years, and Jonghyun always visited her on the weekends. In the past he visited her every single day, but she didn't approve of his actions and insisted that he should spend the weekdays wisely resting and doing things that he loved, and if he really wanted to see her, make it weekends. Jonghyun reluctantly agreed - visiting her on the weekends was really scary, he could see how fast her condition deteriorated in just one week.

Cancer, he really hated the fact that cancer caught up to his mother who was so important him.

"It was interesting, Tiffany and Jessica were dealing with this new patient that refused to sleep unless they kissed him goodnight." Jonghyun raised an eyebrow at what his mother had just said. The patient must be so brave to actually do that, he was pretty sure that Jessica wasn't someone that one should annoy. "He practically fainted when Jessica kicked the foot of his bed, thrice. She even glared daggers at him afterward,"

See? This was what he was trying to say - was it even possible to see any nurses that would kick at their patients' beds?

"How was your day then, sweetheart?"

"Nothing special today but I helped Jinki to search for his missing pet rabbit yesterday, he was so happy when we found it back and grinned so brightly. And happiness is contagious Mom; you get what I'm saying? It has been quite a tiring day yesterday until I ran into him, Jinki." Jonghyun smiled sheepishly when his mother just looked at him with eyes that held many questions. His mother did know about his crush towards Jinki - yes, she knew clearly that he played for the other team and was so accepting that it was still unbelievable to Jonghyun. "Mom, do you know those special feeling that will be bubbling in your heart when you realize that your heart has another important person living inside? I felt it yesterday and I really just want to have the ability to freeze time that moment even if I know he might not feel the same-"

Jonghyun stopped his words when his mom's wrinkled and old hands closed around his hands as tightly as she could, and gave him an understanding smile. That gesture wasn't unfamiliar to Jonghyun - his mother would always squeeze his hand tightly whenever she felt uncertainty, weakness, fear and whichever feelings that was low from her son who was usually optimistic. It was to give him courage and really, his words to Jinki at the entrance of the park weren't baseless and it was because through this way it really worked.

"I know Mom; I won't give up that easily."

"From your descriptions of him to me, Jinki really sounds like a kind person and regardless of what he was afraid of, sweetheart, respect that and give him the space that he wants alright?" Jonghyun nodded his head at his mother's soft words. "I will love to see the both of you being a couple; Jinki can help to balance out your rashness at times. It will make me feel safe, knowing that there will be someone to hold my son back when I'm gone-"

"Mom, we are not going to have this conversation about how you are going to leave again. We promised."

"Sweetheart, let me finish my words this time. You know that maybe it's fated for you to meet Jinki so that I can leave in peace knowing that in the future, my son will get someone great and that the person will take good care of him in my place." Jonghyun could only shake his head as his mother smiled sadly. She always talked about her leaving this world - Jonghyun hated it whenever she brought this topic up. "You're lucky to make so many precious friends who care about you, being so perfect and even meeting Jinki but do know that Mom isn't the same as you, I'm not that lucky and my time is really limited, sweetheart."

"My luck is contagious-"

"We will see if it really is, sweetheart."


 

-

Apparently his luck really wasn't.

Three weeks later and his mother was off the road to depart from the earth, so suddenly, minutes later after Jessica helped to pull the pink cotton blanket that Tiffany bought over her frail body. The poor nurse got so surprised and called Jonghyun with her trembling fingers immediately. Her gibberish words weren't clear enough for Jonghyun to understand anything but her crying got Jonghyun putting all the cruel puzzle pieces together - it told him that his mother passed away after fighting with lungs cancer for so long.

His mother left him.

"I really loved talking to her, she's such a pleasant person and she actually knitted a small bear for me when it's my birthday." Tiffany spoke softly with her red eyes stinging, her fingers sliding gently across the bed that had gotten vacant. Her usual low temperature was gone, her usual kind smile and pleasant personality could no longer be felt and be seen anymore. She was one of the best person that Tiffany had ever encountered - she treated him and his mother like her family. "I'm sorry for your loss, Jonghyun. She's really an angel in human form,"

Jonghyun couldn't answer her - he felt this lump in his throat and he just couldn't speak at all. Jonghyun could only grab onto white scarf that his mother had knitted secretly for him so tightly, desperately trying to feel the last traces left behind on the scarf from his mother. There was none, and everything in the ward just kept on reminding him how his mother was really gone. The room never felt that cold before with Jessica crying at the couch that she would always sit at while talking to his mother and with Tiffany who was slipping his mother's favorite pink blanket into the huge bag that contained all of his mother's belongings.

"Here, have it." Jonghyun felt his fingers grabbing onto the bag that Tiffany just zipped so tightly and he bit back a sigh at the way she looked at him, she was really worried. She had been looking at him that way ever since his mother passed away and he hadn't dropped a single tear due to shock. He just couldn't cry; his emotions seemed to vanish all of a sudden. "Call us when you've reached home, alright?"

He closed his eyes when Jessica suddenly came running forward and pulled him into a tight hug along with Tiffany. They were like a genuine family after all these years with all those laughters and memories they had shared - this friendship was definitely not ending even if he wouldn't be coming to the hospital anymore.

"Stay strong, Jonghyun."

 

-

Jinki was seated there again, with the usual blue book flipped open on his laps and he would always be looking at it with an unreadable expression. Jonghyun caught a glimpse of him smiling at it as he took a seat at the bench that was close enough for him to see how Jinki's expression was. He wasn't hiding behind this time - he wasn't in any mood to and he just wanted to see Jinki so badly. It was actually comforting to see that he was smiling.

Jinki didn't see him until seconds later, and Jonghyun was too tired to even push a smile into his face. He only nodded his head in response which Jinki reciprocated in return lightly, his small frown on face indicating that he felt something was off about Jonghyun - it was the first time Jinki ever approached him. Jonghyun was ping the bag slowly when Jinki stood beside the bench that he was sitting on, and the white scarf came into his sight immediately.

"She insisted on finishing this scarf even if I told her that it's time to rest,"

"I lost someone who is the most important to me today, Jinki." The bag was fully ped and everything that was once in the ward came into his mind. His mother's clothes, favorite books and her necklace that his father gave were there. All of his mother's possessions were there, and every single of them was kept into this bag - the tip of his nose had a sour feeling when he thought about how his mother every single existence was so easily kept away, just through this bag. It was just unfair. "My mother is finally done fighting with lung cancer, Jinki."

Jinki stood there with parted lips, and Jonghyun wondered for a brief moment if he was trying to push himself to say any comforting words - if he was, Jonghyun really didn't need it.

"I'm fine, Jinki. I really am."

Jonghyun forced a dry laughter out as he started to show Jinki whatever that was packed inside the white bag carefully by Tiffany. Jinki's face didn't look convinced; his eyes still flashed clear concern.

"Look at these, it's her favorite clothes. I'm just not going to see her wearing them anymore and it doesn't hurt, Jinki. I'm not lying and look at all these photographs that she always kept by her side? I don't have to go through with the embarrassment anymore when she decided to show the photographs when I'm still a wimpy kid to Jessica and Tiffany who kept laughing. Although she can't hold my hands anymore, I still have this scarf that she had made for me to feel her warmth again, right? Why should I be sad and scared that she's actually-"

Jonghyun couldn't get to finish his words.

The fact that his mother had passed away started to sink into his mind and everything just started to be so wrong. The scent of his mother started to linger in the air once he ped the bag and it was as if that his mother was just right there but no way in world would that be true - the thought of that just clenched Jonghyun's heart so tightly that it just broke. On his way here, everyone on the streets was behaving like everything was normal when no way it was, Jonghyun just lost his mother but this huge incident just seemed so small in this world. He felt it to be so unfair that everyone got their lives to be perfectly normal when Jonghyun just lost a huge part of it.

He felt unfair that it had to be him who lost his mother.

"I love you, sweetheart." She smiled as she planted a soft kiss on her son's hand. "My son never fails to make me proud."

A shaky sigh just came out of his lips instead and he lost all control over himself to even continue words and all of a sudden strained sobs followed with tears that just started to escape unstoppably - the emotions that he had locked away in the ward were just suddenly released over here at Jinki's presence. He felt so afraid suddenly, after knowing that his mother was really gone. The feeling of having no one to rely on, Jonghyun felt as if all of his support was gone-

Jinki's cold hands grabbed onto his ones unexpectedly - Jonghyun looked at the brown orbs that were looking back into his eyes that showed gentleness and care, first time without the fear of touches.

"Mom's giving you courage, so don't be scared and stay strong alright?" She smiled as she grabbed onto her son's small hands, squeezing it tightly as he blinked back his tears. "Silly boy, why are you crying?"

Jinki could only tighten his grip on Jonghyun's hands as he watched the other cry even harder at his actions. Jonghyun took a quick grateful glance at Jinki before breaking into more tears; he could literally feel his heart breaking while their grips on each other's hands just tightened as seconds passed.

- T B C - 

A/N: I'll reply the comments soon ;;