Theme music: Vitali Chaconne in G minor - Jascha Heifetz

“So can you explain it to me now?”

Jaejoong said, eyes boring into Junsu. The younger boy had been avoiding giving any explanation about the incident the evening before. And Jaejoong was not happy about it.

“Jae-hyung, there’s nothing to explain really.”

“Nothing? And you two were kissing like that? Have you been sleeping with him too?”

“…” Junsu looked away uncomfortably. He hated to lie to Jaejoong.

“OH GOD!”

The beautiful man groaned.

Junsu was about to open his mouth again, when he realized the appearance of an unexpected person. That was a tall, young, very handsome man, although he looked quite nervous. The person called as he walked towards Junsu and Jaejoong, “Junsu-ah, can I talk to you?”

Choi Siwon.

Junsu furrowed his eyebrows, cursing the day.

Jaejoong stood up, two hands in his pockets, walking forward to bar between Junsu and Siwon before the tall guy could reach to Junsu. He knew Choi Siwon and that guy’s unabashed interest in Junsu much all too well.

“What do you want?” Jaejoong asked in disinterested tone.

Jaejoong might be a musician and his face more beautiful than most men’s, but any wise person would know better than to challenge him. No one should take the muscles he had been working on for hundred of hours inside the gym anything less than seriously.

But Siwon, that afternoon, also looked very serious. “I want to talk to Junsu.” He met Jaejoong’s piercing, intimidating eyes with equally determined ones.

Interesting, Jaejoong thought in his head. There had been more than just a few occasions Jaejoong or Yoochun had to solve problems with Choi Siwon using the fists, and Siwon had always ended up losing. Yet the guy had never given up pursuing Junsu. Quite persistent Jaejoong must say, if only that energy had been used on something not so hopeless as Junsu’s love.

“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing to talk about between you two though,” Jaejoong smirked. “What about talking to me instead?”

Siwon’s face looked like he had just swallowed something bitter. Jaejoong stood like a wall between him and Junsu, and there was no way but violence to get to Junsu in this situation. But Siwon didn’t want another fight. Not that he was scared – he could do anything for Junsu, but fighting would only exacerbate the animosity Junsu was holding for him.

Looking over Jaejoong’s raven hair, Siwon could see some of Junsu’s beautiful, soft brown locks. Some strands were flying as the wind blew, and the sun made them look like golden.

So endearing.

Just right there and yet he could never get to touch them, to show them his love…

“Kim Junsu!” Siwon shouted. Jaejoong looked at him with wide eyes, totally taken aback.

People around them heard the scream and turned to look, but Siwon only shouted more loudly, “Junsu ah, I’m sorry, I was drunk that day and I shouldn’t have acted so inapproprietly. I regret it every minute. I…”
Jaejoong was immediately pushed aside. Soon, a displeased Junsu was standing in front of Siwon instead. Siwon smiled, “Junsu-ah, I…”

Smack.

Junsu delivered a tight slap onto Siwon’s face, the force of which turned Siwon’s head to the side.

“Don’t you have any better thing to do?”

Junsu said with restrained voice.

“Don’t you have anything else to do, but to follow me around day and night? Your life is only to waste?”

“Junsu-ah, I…”

“Don’t you dare call my name. It disgusts me. To the core.”

Siwon’s handsome face was distorted with hurt as he heard this. He turned his head slowly to look at Junsu, and saw in those mocha-colored orbs such anger and loathing that were completely in contrast with Junsu’s calm countenance.

 “Siwon, the likes of you disgust me,” Junsu continued in a voice full of contempt, “Living without any abilities, without any will, any dreams, and without even using your brains even just for a second. Why are you even living?”

Junsu took the piece of tissue offered to him by Jaejoong and started wiping his fingers with it, as if the mere contact with Siwon’s face skin was enough to contaminate his hand. His every gesture was so graceful, in total contrast with the hate in this voice, that it got everyone around them mesmerized and looking at every move he made.

Such grace of manners, such classiness in every gesture, in contrast with a strong heart and determination of Junsu had trapped Siwon’s heart in a maze of obsessive love, and now they stabbed into Siwon’s heart like gleamingly sharp blades.

“I do not want to ever see you again.” Junsu said.

Siwon couldn’t breathe.

Junsu turned away. Just a simple change of direction, but it looked like nothing would ever make him turn back to look at Siwon again.

Siwon knew that all hopes had died.

Junsu was waiting for Jaejoong in a large practicing hall. To kill time, he ran his fingers along the keyboard, playing tunes that came to his head on the spur of the moment.

He was playing a Baroque requiem when Jaejoong banged the door and rushed in.

“Hyung, you’re late,” Junsu said without turning back.

Hearing no response, Junsu turned around. Jaejoong’s face, normally healthily pink, now so pale as if all blood had drained from there. “What’s the matter, hyung?” Junsu furrowed his eyebrows.

Jaejoong swallowed. “Junsu ah… Choi Siwon… Choi Siwon OD-ed.”

“What?” Confusion swept through Junsu's eyes.

“Drug overdose, Junsu. They say it was intentional… Junsu-ah, they say it was a suicide attempt. He’s being treated in the Choi family’s hospital.”

 “Hyung… who…”

“Junsu, this is not a joke.”

Junsu’s face was pale like a fragment of the dead, dull moon. He felt nauseated, and fell down from his chair before he knew it.

“Su-ah!”

Jaejoong rushed over to catch Junsu in time. Junsu felt so stiff in his arms.

“Su-ah, what’s wrong? Su-ah, callm down, hyung’s here.” Jaejoong cooed, as his hand fumbled to find his cellphone. . It was nowhere to be found. He needed to call Yoochun for help.

“Su-ah, calm down. He’s being treated right now.”

“Was it because of me, hyung?” Junsu’s two hands were on his head. “I said I don’t ever want to see him again. That his life is just a waste.” Junsu said in a trembling voice. He looked up at Jaejoong with a pair of eyes that Jaejoong had never seen before, those like a child’s. “Hyungie? He committed suicide because of me?”

“Su-ah, it’s not your fault. Come on, do you want to go there to see what’s…”

“Uhnnnnnnnnn…” Junsu tried to muffle his screams in his throat.

“Why don’t they understand? Why doesn’t he undestand?” Junsu started jerking violently.

“I hate this. I hate this. Why don’t they understand? What is love? What does that even mean? Do I matter that much? What is it that they have to kill themselves for? If life something to be spent like that? Why is it so horrible?”

Junsu had got out of control and was hardly comprehensible to Jaejoong. Jaejoong could only Junsu’s back up and down to calm the smaller boy, while feeling cold sweat on his own back. This is not good.

“What’s happening?” The sound of the door sliding, and a familiar voice was heard. Changmin peeked in, with a beautiful girl next to him. Jaejoong looked up at the newcomers with a lost expression.

Changmin’s eyes traveled from Jaejoong to the small figure in Jaejoong’s arms. A strangely familiar figure. A second of stupefaction, and Changmin rushed over on his long legs.

“Junsu, Junsu, what’s the problem?” Changmin called.

Junsu did not realize Changmin was next to him. He continued to tremble uncontrolably. “Jae-hyung, Jae-hyung, Jae-hyung…” he called non-stop.

“Jae-hyung, I just wanted to tell him to spend his life in a meaningful way. Jae-hyung, I…Why were we even born? Is this some sick joke? Life is taken away just like that. Like Siwon took his own life. Everybody will die... Nothing of us will remain here. Jaejoong hyung why do we have to live such miserable lives? Live and die just like that? Like dirt and no one will ever remember us? Can we be anything more than that? I don’t want to live such a life, don’t want don’t want don’t want…”

Junsu kept on mumbling “don’t want” like a mantra. Changmin couldn’t breathe, hearing all that Junsu had just said.

Junsu looked miserable. Disheveled hair, and he was trying to cover his face with his hands. His body was cold and stiff.

Changmin felt his own heart beating so fast it hurt. He took off his blazer, and put it on Junsu. He then took Junsu in his arms, ignoring Jaejoong's astonished look. Changmin carried the smaller young man bridal style. “Yuri,” he looked to his side, at the girl accompanying him, “Go take the car, quick. We’re taking him to the hospital. Call Dr. Lee, telling him I’m coming and I need his help.”

“Which… which Dr. Lee, oppa?” Yuri looked up at Changmin with wide eyes.

“The director of Central Gangnam Hospital.” Changmin said frantically. “Go!” He yelled.

As Yuri quickly her heels to run, Jaejoong added, “Can I borrow your phone, Changmin-ssi?.”

Changmin eyed Jaejoong for a second. “Take it. Unlock.” He signaled with his eyes so Jaejoong would know to take the phone out of the pocket of the blazer on top of Junsu.

“Yoochun, Yoochun-ah, it’s hyung. Su is…”

Changmin couldn’t hear any of the conversation afterwards, even though Jaejoong was walking right beside him. All he could care about was the frail, trembling person he was carrying in his arms.

He walked so fast he felt the path he was walking rolling back and making him dizzy. The weight of the moment felt like nothing he had ever experienced in life.

End 17

A/N:

Errrr sorry Siwon fans!

So hopefully you understand some more of Junsu here.  (Much) more is on the way though. So tell me what you think!

The theme music, Chaconne in G Minor by Vitali (actually some say it's actually not by Vitali, but anyways!), is said to be one of the saddest pieces music ever. I hope you like it. And yes. It's played by Jascha Heifetz, the violinist. OH Heifetz is just amazing!