Song Qian

It was the day we were going back to Korea and with every hour that our boarding becomes closer, the more of a wreck I become. A huge part of me is scared of how everyone I know in Korea will react once I finally introduce my son, Kai to them, add the fact that Kyuhyun does not even know that we have a son together. I can't imagine how i'm going to show up there and just be like "Hi Kyuhyun, by the way this is Kai and oh he's our son.” I wanted to internally kick my self but I just sighed. 

 “Unnie, are you okay?” Sunny asked, seeing as I’m about to sweat buckets.

”Yeah, I'm fine. Why? Do I not look okay?”

”Well, you look constipated.” She said.

I glared at her and turned my attention to the luggages that were being loaded in the car. I was making myself busy with double checking, triple checking and then quadruple checking everything— really, just anything to do that would keep my mind off of the dread of flying back to Korea with my best kept secret in tow.

"Gammy, you will visit all the time, okay?” I heard Kai's voice, breaking the trance that I put myself in. I looked up to see him being carried by my dad while my mom walks beside them. Mom's eyes were red from too much crying, while my dad didn't shed any tears, his face was engulfed in sadness.

Surprisingly, Kai wasn't crying at all. When we woke up this morning, he was the first one to jump out of bed, waking me up aggresively in the process, and demanding that I bathe him as soon as possible because he wants time to pick out his clothes so he'll look great once we land in Korea. I shook my head, Is my son actually thinking of his aiport fashion?

”I promise I will. Grandpa and I will visit all the time, we'll even bring Butler Li with us sometimes.” My mom said.

"No, Gammy! Only two people must visit! So sometimes, Gammy and Grandpa will visit, then sometimes Butler Li and Grandpa, and then sometimes Gammy and Butler Li. Only two people!” Kai exclaimed as he held out his two fingers close to my mom's face. Being insistent on Only two people.

"What? Why? Don't you want all of us to come see you, your mama, and auntie sunny?” Dad said, obviously confused by my son's demands. 

“I want everyone to come, but no one will feed the fishies in the lake!” Kai pouted. I laughed at his words, remembering what I told him last week about no one feeding the fish in the lake if everyone came with us to Korea. 

“Oh alright.” My parents chuckled in defeat as my Dad set Kai down on his feet. 

Kai ran inside the car after bidding my parents goodbye with a long hug and after showering them with kisses. My heart clenched at the sight but I tried hard to fight the tears that were about to flow. As my son settled in the car I turned to my parents.

"Mom, Dad... I just want to say that I'm so thankful for what you've done for me and for Kai all these years.” I said, choking back my tears unsuccesfully as they flowed down my cheeks. “I know it was selfish of me to leave him here and ask you guys to take care of him while I was in Korea.”

”Oh honey” My mom said as she hugged me. I felt my dad patting my back as I full-on cried. “Kai is our grandson, so really it was no problem for us to take care of him and you weren't being selfish, my dear. You were in Korea to make a better future for Kai and we totally understand that you had to do what you did.” My mom continued.

“And besides, it wasn't like you abandoned him. You flew back here all the time in those 5 years. I seriously think you were already on first name basis with the people at China Airlines and Korea Air.” My dad joked.

 I laughed at him as I raised my head. 

"Good joke, huh?” My dad said.

”She wasn't laughing because it was funny, dad. Qian Jie jie laughed because it was true. Imagine how shocked I was when I accompanied her before for the first time, everyone was casually calling her Qian and waving at her.” Sunny laughed as she joins us. 

“I'm just friendly for the discounts and free upgrades.” I laughed as I hugged all three of them.

”Ms. Qian and Ms. Sun, it's best if you leave for the airport right away, you might miss your flight.” Butler Li said, as we broke off the group hug that we had been doing. 

I turned to Butler Li and gave him a hug as well. “Thank you, Mr. Li for everything that you've done with Kai.”

”It was my pleasure to be of service to Young Master Kai.” The old man smiled as he bowed his head. 

"Mama! I gotta say bye bye to Li!” I heard Kai jumping out of the car and into the arms of Mr. Li

”Li Li, I'll miss you! Thank you!” Kai gave him one last tight hug before climing back to the car.

”Li Li?” I asked, looking a little confused. 

Äh yes, Young Master Kai used to have a hard time to say "Mister Li” so he decided to call me Li Li when it's just us. I guess it stuck with him.” Mr. Li said. I smiled at the thought of my son forming an unlikely friendship with the Butler that used to scare me when I was a child.

”Unnie, let's go,”Sunny yelled.

”Coming.”

I said one last goodbye to everyone before riding and closing the car doors. I knew it wasn't a final godbye, but since Kai is now with me in Korea, my vists will surely be drastically lessened and that part was what saddened me the most. I took one last look at our house as the car drove towards the bridge that connects our house in the middle of the lake to the main roads. 

It took exactly 5 minutes after we crossed the bridge when Kai screamed and cried. 

"Honey, what's wrong?” I asked, panicking. I looked over to Sunny who was also shocked but just as confused as I was. 

“I...I didn't cry in front...of...of Grammy and Grandpa and....Li Li...and everyone because...because I didn't want to make them think I'm...I'm sad to leave, but Mamaaaaaa, I'm so sad.” Kai managed to finish his sentence in between tears and started wailing loudly once again. 

I felt my heart tightening as I hugged my son who was crying non-stop. I also felt Sunny's arms around us, trying to offer extra comfort to Kai. As I looked towards the road and back at my son, one thought was persistent. Am I really doing the right thing by bringing him to Korea?