TWO
Iyakan Mode
"Move on.. Be Strong.."
Sitting alone in a beautiful coffeeshop, those words are the only thing plastered on my mind.. The scent of strong but warm coffee filling my lungs as I inhaled heavily..
"Move on?"
After what had happened with two of my most beloved, my mind refused to think anymore.. Feeling so empty yet so blank.. My eyes doesn't sting anymore.. I don't hear my heart breaking anymore.. I.. I don't feel anything anymore..My oldest brother asked me to come visit them in Jeju which I accepted..
"Maybe.. This is the best.. For all of us.."
I couldn't help but blame myself for being too blind and insensitive.. But then.. What can I possibly do if.. Just in case.. I did notice their feelings for each other.. I thought I would do the same.. I'd ask them for the truth.. They'll tell me they love each other.. They'll say that they didn't mean to hurt me.. Then I'll leave them alone.. Just like what I did now..
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My older brother was kind enough not to ask me what happened when I came back HOME.. Wet due to the rain and with nothing with me.. NOt a single thing.. Not a single coin.. He knew I was broken and did what he thought I needed the most.. He hugged me tight.. Tight enough that my eyes started to swell again..
"Yunho Oppa.."
"Ssshhh.. I know.. I know.." With only a few words coming from my older brother, my entire body started breaking down again.. My voice cracked as my throath was dry from all the crying.. My head dizzy because of the coldness of the wind and my wet clothes.. My eyes red and swollen.. I must have looked ridiculous.. Pathetic. Pitiful.. Broken..
"I thought He loves me.."
"She was my bestfriend.."
"I n-never thought.."
"I was so dumb.."
"I didn't notice.. I..I.."
A few more hics and sobs after I calmed down still enveloped inside my brother's strong and warm arms.. His presence giving me the security I farely needed to stay sane..
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It's fortunate that it was summer.. I didn't have to go back to Seoul immediately for school.. I still have time to move on.. Right.. MOve on.. and Forget.. Hope that everything is nothing but a nightmare.. Hope that my bestfriend would still be my bestfriend.. Hope that my Idol never became my Boyfriend.. And stole my bestfriend..
I lied my head down on the coffee table staring at the cute mug in my hand, filled with my favorite drink.. Headphones, blasting through my ear..
I don't feel bitter anymore.. I was just afraid that maybe I did lose my bestfriend back there at that moment.. I knew WE won't be able to act the same anymore.. We won't be able to talk the same anymore.. I just.. feel... nothing..
My fairly still beating heart had calmed down, I guess..
"Maybe it's on Coma.. Hehehe.."
The thought drew a smile on my face.. Maybe it is.. on Coma..
I inhaled another lungful and sat straight up.. Pushing my hair to the back of my ears, my favorite song started to play..
"Why did I end up falling for you?"
(Doue kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou)
"No matter how much time has passed"
(Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto)
"I still thought you were right here"
(Koko ni iru to omotteta noni)
"But you've already chosen a different path"
(Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi)
This song.. It never failed to make me smile.. So beautiful yet the message was so heart breaking.. Very.. Very appropriate for me right now..
I started to feel my eyes warm up again.. But I couldn't help but smile..
"But still, even if I'm nowhere near you anymore"
(Soredemo kimi ga boku no soba hanareteite mo)
"I'm praying that you"
(Eien ni kimi ga shiawase de iru koto)
"May be happy for eternity"
(Tada negatteru)
"No matter how much that would make me lonely (no matter how lonely)"
(Tatoe sore ga donna ni sabishikute mo (sabishikute mo))
I feel a hand wiping my tears.. With my blurry vision, I saw the outline of my brother..
"You're crying again.."
That was all he said.. I know he's worried about me..
"Sorry.. Just a little more Oppa.. I'll get over him.." I gave him a small smile.. Hoping that it would reassure him.. I wiped my tears with the sleeves of my sweater.. Sniffing a little..
"Aren't you cold?" He asked with his concern filled voice..
"I don't feel any cold.. Don't worry.." I assured him..
"Even though you're heart is feeling cold, doesn't mean that you're body doesn't.. Don't get accustomed to it.. I don't want a cold hearted sister.." He stood up and wrapped me again in his embrace.. I leaned to him, letting him baby me and take care of me just like when we were kids..
"Thanks, Oppa.."
"No prob, sis.. But seriously.. You have to stop crying.. You're face had been swollen since last night.. It's funny.." He joked..
"That's mean.." I pouted and hit his moobs..
"Hehehe.. By the way... Your friend.. Changmin.. He called me this morning.. Asking if you're with me.. I told him you're not here.." He said while rubbing my hands..
"You didn't have to do that.. Changmin-ah's a friend.."
"A friend? Not YOUR friend?"
I sighed..
"A friend.."
Gladly, Yunho Oppa didn't push it any further.. Oh right.. I forgot.. Yunho is the owner of a resort in Jeju.. He's the owner and the manager.. He's 7 yrs older than me but he's got no gf.. I was starting to think maybe he's gay.. But if I voice that thought out.. He'll kick me out of the resort.. Even though i'm his sister..
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"Miku!!! Get up and have breakfast!!" Yunho banged my door like there was fire going on.. Clutching my head with a pillow, I groaned.. I got up and opened my door.
"Is there a fire or something? Why are you banging my door, Oppa? It's too early in the morning.." I whined while he dragged me out of my room to the living room with a stupid grin on his face..
"Make yourself Useful Dongsaeng.. I need a help with the resort.. And I know you'll be glad to help me,right?" He said while he pushed me to sit..
I only sighed again and looked to the ocean.. The cold breeze coming from it was relaxing.. The sound of the waves were the only thing I could hear.. There were only a few people in the beach.. Some were surfing.. Sun Bathing.. Or whatever.. I sighed again and focused on my plate and started eating..
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I was in the Cashier's sit.. All throughout the day.. It's almost afternoon.. The Sun beautifully setting and merging with the fascinating wide ocean.. The breeze colder now.. I wrapped myself Yunho's jacket while staring at the sunset.. I saw Yunho's ridiculous looking but warm cap and wore it.. It was a Donald duck. Everything was good..
"Good Afternoon... We're hoping if you have an extra room.." A familiar voice.. A dreadfully familiar voice came from my back.. I prayed.. I terribly and deeply prayed that it wasn't who I thought it was.. But then.. As they said.. Prayers are useless against the inevitable.. I didn't turn.. How could I?
"FOr how many people, Sir?" I tried to make my voice seem different.. Fidgetting with the computer in front of me, trying to look for availabe rooms..
"Uhhmm.. For two persons, please.." He said..
The pain, I thought I won't be feeling again as long as I was far away came back.. Stinging my broken heart.. Wasn't the pain I felt that time wasn't enough??
"A room for two.. Here are the keys.. Room Number, 305.. If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to call us.. Thank You for staying.." I laughed hypocritally in my mind.. Tears smearing my eyes one again.. Holding my head even lower, I inhaled a lungful to calm my nerves..
"Jae.. Come on.. I wanna go to the beach!!"
'Oh God.. Are you punishing me for the sins that I've done?' Have I not suffered enough? Am I not broken enough??
"Miku.. You can go to the-" I am utterly the most unfortunate person in the world.. It was all going fine, Yunho Oppa.. Why'd you have to call my name and appear like that...
Yunho was stunned/shocked that the two persons that broken my heart was standing there.. Infront of the Counter.. Holding hands.. Obviously happy together.. Infront of the Crying and suffering me,. It waS quite obvious that they've moved on.. That they have forgotten about me..
"Miku.. Go back to your room.. Now.." Yunho Oppa commanded.. I mouthed a small thank you to him before leaving the counter..
"Wait! Miku!" Jae tried to grab my wrist but my brother was fast enough to slap his hands away..
"Get away from my sister, bastard.." Yunho hissed at him.. I held unto my Oppa's arm..
"Oppa.. NO.." I whispered to him.. My tears falling already..
"Miku.. I.. Look.. I'm sorry.. But I really did loved you.." Jae said.. Regret evident in his voice..
"Miku.. please.." I heard Jamie plead to me..
"Please what?" I kept my eyes glued on the floor.. My nails already digging on my brother's arm but he didn't flinch..
"I... I'm so-"
"I know.. You both are sorry.. That YOu two didn't mean to hurt me.. That you both LOVED me!! Yeah.. your love.. You didn't want to hurt me.. Right.. (Sob) BUt what do you think I felt when I found out that you've been lying to my face for almost 4 months?!! Wasn't I hurt??
You were my bestfriend.. I told you everything about me.. You were the first person that I talked to when I realized I was in love with Jae.. You were the one who told me to confess.. You.. (sob) You.. You should have had told me.. Instead of letting me find it out myself and making me feel like an idiot.. I would have understood.. I would have broken up with Jae.. If i knew.. I should have let you two be together.. I guess.. You just didn't trust me to let him go right?" I said.. Finally looking at her with hurt in my eyes..
"No... That's not it, Miku.. I.. we.."
"Let me guess.. YOu planned to tell me soon.. SOON?? When the hell would that be huh?? You two have been cheating behind my back for 3 months and you're telling me SOON?? It must be.. My fault too.. I.. I.. I didn't notice... I didn't feel the difference... Maybe I was.. Too blind to see that you've been suffering with me for all this time that we've been together.."
I can't help but blame myself for all this.. If I wasn't just annoyingly.. SELFISH.. Maybe I still have my bestfriend.. Maybe this wouldn't happen.. I wouldn't have to feel soo.. Betrayed..
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