I forgot about what happened a couple of days ago whenever I’m teaching, but when I’m back at the staff room or alone at home, I keep remembering the scene. I didn’t call him the next day because apparently, I’m more upset than I thought I would be. I want to calm down before I speak with Intae again.

Also, there was this little hope inside of me that he would call me first. At least to explain why he left without telling me.

Honestly, I’m really disappointed. Everytime the scene of him hugging that woman replays itself in my mind, I got angry, I don’t even want to look at his name in my contact list. This feeling is eating me from inside, and I could feel myself turning into a jealous monster. I don’t want this to go on for long, I just get angrier at the things I’m not sure of so I decided to give him a call, after I got home and debating whether I should for a couple of hours.

It’s midnight already, but he is usually up until later.

Surprisingly, my heart races faster at every ringtone passing.

At the fifth ringtone, the call is finally answered. I start breathing again. I don’t even realize that I’ve been holding my breath this while.

“Intae.”

“Teacher.”

“Seunghoon?” I put away my phone, briefly glancing at the dialed number. It’s Intae’s. “Where’s Intae?”

“Teacher, hyung-nim… He passed out just now, at the office.”

“What happened?!”

“I don’t know. I took him to the hospital. I think he’s still unconscious. I’m waiting for the result right now. Teacher, you should come here.”

“I’m on my way.”

12.55 a.m.

Seoul National University Hospital

I clutch the fabric where my heart is, because it is beating hard right now as I maneuver my way around the hospital. I immediately spots Seunghoon waiting at the lobby of the male ward. He stands up the moment he sees me.

“Seunghoon!”

“Teacher.”

“Um,” I wipe away the tears that are smudged all over my face and try to calm myself down. “Seunghoon, what happened?”

“The doctor said it’s his migraine. It had happened before, and it is worse this time because he hasn’t sleep for more than 24 hours prior the attack. The doctor also said that he’s to stressed out.”

“Is-Is he going to be okay?”

Seunghoon nodded. “Don’t worry. The doctor will give him a prescription, and he just needs a good rest. You can look at him now, but he’s still sleeping.”

I reach for Seunghoon’s hands with both of mine. “Thank you, Seunghoon.”

I enter the ward room and see his figure lying still on the blanket. His eyes are closed, his breath rhythmically calm. I heave a relieved sigh as I take the seat next to the bed. I reach for his fingers, they are a little cold.

Another tear roll down fom the corner of my eyes.

I never knew looking at him being unconscious can be so heartbreaking. It scares me, to feel his cold fingers and his body lyingstill. I want to see him smile and laugh at me again. To think that any of those could be gone from my life…

“You are such an idiot!” I cup my mouth afterwards to prevent myself from making noise as I burst into tears. My body shakes uncontrollably. I tightenen my hold on his cold fingers. He seems to be sleeping peacefully and here I am wrecking like a crazy woman. Intae, you meanie.

I heard soft door knocks so I scrambled to get my handkerchief and wipe my face clean. I look around when I’m ready, and Seunghoon enters the room and surprisingly, followed by a young woman.

I remember her. She is the woman whom I saw a couple of nights ago with Intae outside the building. Now that I see her face closely, I also remember her to be with Inate at the Fuschia Night Bar, the night Intae and I kissed for the first time. She is tall and slender, and seems younger than I remembered. She seems to be in her early twenties. She also looks genuinely worried.

“Hi. I’m Jang Inhye, Intae’s younger sister.”

Inhye and I decide to get to know each other and visit the cafe at the ground floor. We both drink coffee and sit together as she talks about Intae.

“The migraine, he has always has it, but it has never been this bad.”

I sigh. “He never tells me about it.” I have never asked either.

“He is always like that. He always keeps things to himself. The migraine must have come back because of the stress. He is quite moody these days, it must be because of our mother.”

“Your mother?”

“Honestly, I don’t regard her as my own mother. She left us when we were way too young. Intae oppa is different. He really loves mother. He was so happy, even when I told him not to, when mother suddenly gives him a visit a couple of weeks ago. Truth is, she isn’t just visiting. She just married a new guy, and she comes to Intae oppa to borrow money to pay off his debts.” Inhye rolls her eyes, which looks somewhat funny to me. She seems to be the optimistic, tough kind of girl, even though she is so pretty and feminine on the outside. She probably reads my mind as she briefly flashes me a small smile.

“Unlike me, Intae oppa looks tough on the outside, but a big softie inside. He was devastated to know that mother didn’t visit him for, well, him.” Inhye shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe because he knows mother first. Maybe my mother was loving and nice before, but I didn’t get to see any of that. For me, the moment I’m born in this world, I only have Intae oppa. I couldn’t care less about mother. On the other hand, oppa seems like he is still hoping that mother would come back to us. He thinks because he isn’t good enough, which is why mother isn’t coming back. He always blame himself for everything.” Inhye shakes her head.

And then, in a quieter voice, “A couple of days ago, oppa was so drunk that I have to drive him home. Still, he was so stubborn! He wanted to get back to work even though I have to beg him to just rest at home. Only when I cried, he listened to me.” Inhye sighed.

A couple of days ago, Inhye is the woman I saw with Intae outside of the company building. The moment I knew, a sense of relief surged through me. At the same time, I feel so foolish that I got upset for no reason when Intae was going through a tough time. I feel guilty, and incompetent. He probably didn’t want to burden me with his troubles, but that must be because I haven’t been that trustworthy to him.

Inhye smiles at me. “Oppa talked about you sometimes. I really want to meet you because he has never been in a serious relationship. I’m sorry if he’s a little, well, ignorant,” Inhye laughs a little, “but he really isn’t that experienced in a real relationship.”

I shake my head and give her an assuring squeeze in her hand. “He’s an amazing person. I’ve never realized that better than now.”

Inhye’s smile widens. She seems relieved and proud at the same time. “I’m glad you think so!”

-

Next Day.

It was Sunday morning. I came to visit him again. His friends were there; Janggeun, the CEO of Duble Kick Entertainment and Simon and Jisu, talented musicians who often works with Intae. Inhye was there too. We said ‘hi’ to each other for a while, and then they left. Inhye and I help him to pack his stuffs because he gets discharged today. Intae still seems a little weak, his lips even look pale so I decided to stay with him for the day.

As we get to his home, Intae pretty much stayed in his bed most of the time. I woke him for his meals and his medications. I tuck him back in his bed afterwards. He was a little warm by the evening, he might had caught a slight fever. He told me to go home, that he would be fine on his own, but I wait by his side and make sure I keep his temperature down. I felt partly relieved, to see him sleeping peacefully, but I also feel anxious. I want to see him well again. Fast.

3.50 a.m.

I couldn’t sleep. I took a short nap a while ago, but it wasn’t long until I woke up again. Intae is still asleep. I put my hand on his forehead. The heat had gone. I am glad that it isn’t a bad case of fever and it went away pretty quick. I lean againts the chair next to his bed and continue to read my book. A few moments later, I see him stirring out of sleep from the corner of my eye.  I put down my book and patiently wait until he is awake.

“Yoonyul,” he calls me. His voice is hoarse, but he immediately looks refreshed and energized. I could tell that he has had enough sleep and is completely recovered by now.

“Intae, do you need something?”

“Yeah, just-” he looks to the side and grabs a glass of water that I prepared by the nightstand and downs the whole content.

“How do you feel right now?”

Intae puts down the glass and looks at me patronizingly. “Why are you still here? And why are you still awake?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“That doesn’t matter now.”

“Of course it does to me! I’m worried...”

Intae softly sighs. He stretches out his hand, wanting me to accept it. I do so, and then he slightly tugs my hand towards him. I walk to his bed and sit right next to him, our bodies facing each other.

“Did I worry you a lot?” He asks me.

I nod.

“I’m sorry,” he says gently and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I shake my head at him.

“I’m sorry... For not being there when you’re having a hard time. I should have asked when I first sense it.”

“It was my fault anyway. For everything.”

“That’s not true!”

Intae smiles, a bittersweet one. “Did Inhye tells you anything? Everything, perhaps?”

“Well, she told me about your mother.”

“My mother,” Intae lowers his gaze and chuckles bitterly. He is clearly hurt whenever he is reminded of his mother.

“She’s... She was loving. Was. That was the mother that I miss so much. I don’t know. Something happened along the way. Maybe it was the neglect by my father. Maybe she was sick of living that life so she left us. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I become successful, she would be proud of me. She would want to be my mother again. But I guess Inhye is right; I was just being delusional. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t make at least half the money I have now, would she even look at me twice?” Intae chuckles bitterly and adds,

“It feels as if she doesn’t even care. But if I admit it, I just... I don’t know what to do.”

I feel something tightening inside my chest. It’s my first time to see Intae so dejected, so broken. I am too used to seeing him being confident . It hurts me.

“Intae...” I gingerly cup his face with my hand. He slightly looks up and stares at me with such sorrowful eyes. “Sometimes people just... They just forget the things they should remember.” I caress his face along the jawline.

Intae smiles at me, but his smile looks painful to me.

“What do I do without you?” He asks, his voice almost a whisper. I could see his eyes starting to water, and the sight shreds my little heart to pieces.

I shake my head at him. Seeing how painful he is right now, my face frowns on its own. “Intae, this is long overdue, but I want you to know that I’m so glad that you didn’t give me up. If you did, it would be my greatest loss. I knew I treated you badly in the past, telling you that ‘I hate you’ countless times, but what was I thinking? I love you, Intae.”

Intae just gazes back at me with his teary eyes. He wordlessly thank me through his gentle gaze.

I lean closer to him, and gently bury my lips onto his.

[Author’s Note] /sobs/ Intae, let me love youuuu........ ;A; Anyway, thank you for reading!