Fate
Heaven Reborn“Jagiya, where are you?”
I slowly crawl further out along the branch, glad for the thick summer leaves that hide me.
“I give up. Please come out.”
Biting my lip to stifle my giggle, I peek down through the leaves as he creeps beneath me, looking around. Stealthily, he puts his back against the tree trunk, waits a few seconds, and s his head around.
Unable to restrain myself, I lock my hands and feet around the branch, letting myself fall so I hang from it like a monkey. “Got you, oppa!”
He jumps and tries to turn around to look at me, but ends up falling face first over an exposed root.
“Oppa! Are you all right?” I ask, hurriedly dropping to the ground and picking up my skirt to run to his side.
“I’m fine,” he assures me, pushing himself up onto his knees. With a wry chuckle, he adds, “It’s nothing I’m not use to.”
As he begins to stand up, I offer my hand. He hesitates a second before taking it and letting me help him to his feet. Somehow, he manages to trip again, accidentally pushing against the tree before catching himself with a hand on either side of my head.
My hands instinctively cover my face, my heart skipping a beat at the feeling of his body against mine. I squeeze my eyes shut to try to control it but to no avail. He doesn’t move or speak, simply placing his hands over mine to lower them, keeping my body pinned with his.
I open my eyes to find his golden eyes looking down at me, flitting across my face as if he’s searching for something. I try to move my hands, but he retains his grip, gentle as if he was holding a live bird despite its firmness. He guides my hand to his chest. Under my palm, through the silk of his robe, his heart beats out a tattoo that echoes my own, making me blush. One of his hands finds my cheek and cradles it so I look him in the eyes. As he slowly leans closer, my eyes flutter shut. I feel his breath a second before his lips, soft as ripe summer peaches, brush against mine in the barest of touches.
When I feel them leave, I keep still, hoping. He doesn’t keep me waiting long, his mouth meeting mine again with more confidence. Sweet and slow like honey dripping from the comb, our lips move in perfect rhythm with each other. I can’t feel the rough bark at my back or the ground beneath my feet; only him. And it’s heaven.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
The voice that breaks into my mind is empty of reprimand or hurt, but it still makes me frown. I hadn’t done anything wrong. And why did I feel like I was being rocked? I was standing, wasn’t I?
“He made us swear; maybe he was afraid Jonghyun was wrong-”
“He wasn’t,” the first voice says, his tone gentling as he continues, “It’s her.”
I move my head away from the intrusion, into the warmth by my side.
Arms suddenly tighten around me, bringing me even closer to warmth. My eyes fly open and I find myself staring into those golden eyes.
I know him.
“Haeyoung-ah, are you feeling all right?” he asks, looking down at me in concern.
I freeze as I recognize him as the prince. My supposed betrothed. But...wasn’t he just kissing me under the tree? “Please put me down,” I ask quietly.
He does so, but instantly takes my hands, scrutinizing my face. “Are you sure you’re all right? You’re still shaking.”
Shaking my head, I try to pull away, still confused. “Please, go away.”
His hands slowly release mine. “Haeyoung...”
“We didn't get a chance to tell you. She doesn’t remember you, hyung,” Kibum explains gently, stepping closer to us to put a hand on the prince’s arm.
“What?”
“None of her memories have resurfaced yet. Give her more time. She has been gone over 1,000 years.”
“Then why-”
“You know Father better than I do.There’s something else too.”
“Can I go back to my room?” I interrupt, focusing on Kibum to avoid the prince’s face.
“Of course.” Kibum wraps an arm around me. “Hyung, I’ll come to your chambers to explain everything after I get Hae- her to her room.”
I glance at the prince’s face long enough to see the hurt and confusion there. I look away. I don’t want to feel that tickle of recognition. It’s not true.
He must have nodded because Kibum starts guiding me back through the halls. Kibum is unusually quiet, but I can’t bring myself to say anything either. As much as I crave distraction, I’m not sure I’d be able to focus on anything. All I keep seeing are those golden eyes.
As we turn the corner, something bumps into me, Kibum’s arm keeping me from falling.
“I’m sorry. Kibum, are you all right?” that someone asks. “And you? Are- Haeyoung?”
I look up at the mention of that name again. I barely have enough time to get the impression of feathery black hair and a handsomely childish face before Kibum pushes me forward.
“Not now, hyung. I’ll explain later,” he says as he hurries me around the man.
I look over my shoulder before we turn another corner, feeling another strange click of recognition. When we’re out of sight, I ask, “Who was that?”
“Another of my brothers, Donghae,” Kibum replies. Looking down at me, he asks, “Are you really all right? We weren’t expecting you to faint.”
“I- I think it was just nerves.”
“Did you remember anything? After seeing hyung?”
I hesitate. I don’t even know if what I saw was a memory or a dream. What is real or what is not is becoming so blurred.
Realizing Kibum is still waiting for my answer, I shake my head. “Nothing. Kibum.”
“Yes?”
“Is any of this true? This is the rest of my life?”
He sighs, stopping and resting his hands on my shoulders. When I meet his eyes, his says, “It is, Lilly. I know it doesn’t make sense and it’s scary. Hell, I’d probably scared out of my mind and a crying mess if I were you. You’ve got guts, girl. Keep holding on to that and it’ll be all right. Here’s not too bad a place to live and you’ve got me and Minho and Taemin and Jonghyun. Chanyeol and Kris have been wanting to see you again as well. You won’t be alone.”
“And the prince? What about him? Why do you all keep calling me ‘Haeyoung’? Why am I supposed to have and remember memories that aren’t mine? I don’t understand!” I clench my hands, trying not to lose it.
“I know’s it’s frustrating and you’re tired of this answer, but I can’t tell you right now. Hopefully soon, but not now.”
He’s right. I am sick of being told ‘not now.’
“It’ll be all right,” Kibum repeats, starting to walk again.
When we reach my room, Minho and Taemin are waiting there, worried looks on their faces.
Kibum shakes his head and opens the door for me.
When he tries to follow me in, I put up a hand. “I just want to be alone, please.”
He nods and steps back outside.
Ignoring their muffled voices as they grow farther away, I shuffle across the room to sink onto the bed. I finally let my body take control, allowing my hand to touch my lips that still tingle with the ghost of that kiss. I can still feel everything, but it’s almost as if I were the ghost, just an observer. I look around the room, my hands leaving my lips to caress the bed covers, the wooden bed frame, the soft material of my clothes.All my senses point to this being real, but if I’m scared. If I let go of that hope of this being fantasy, what more can I hold on to? Why should I hang on?
A glint of metal catches my eye. It’s Minho’s dagger from earlier. An idea slithers into my mind, foolish but tempting. Slowly, a strange detachment spreads through me and I stand, giving in. Walking to the table, I pick up the dagger, looking at it. It’ll do.
“It’s just a dream,” I whisper to myself, shivering at the feel of the chilly metal against my palm. The only sound is the dull pounding of my heart in my ears. “I’ll wake up when I’m cut myself and it’ll all be over.”
As my muscles tense in preparation to slash the blade through my skin, something strikes my elbow sharply and causes the dagger to fly from my hands, skittering across the floor.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Minho asks fiercely, grabbing my other arm and shaking me.
I look into his dark eyes so full of worried anger and down to my hand, surprised to find a small line of red. Lifting my palm to show him the thin cut I’d managed to make, I say, “I bled.”
“Of course you bled! That’s what happens when a knife meets skin!”
As the realization sets in, my legs lose their ability to support me and I would’ve fallen to the ground if Minho didn’t catch me against him. “Lilly? What’s wrong?”
“This really isn’t a dream, is it?” I ask quietly, my heart now thudding as ominously as a death toll. “You’re not supposed to hurt in dreams...I’m never going home, am I?”
He remains silent.
My arms involuntarily wrap around his waist as I bury my face in his chest, shaking as I try not to cry and fail. My family, my home, my friends, my dreams, all useless, lost.
Minho stiffens at first, but his strong arms come up to hold me and his hands my hair. As my sobs slow, in his low, soothing voice, he asks, “Is our world really that horrible? Jinki hyung wasn’t bad, right?”
I take a few gulps of air to answer. “I just want to go home. I’m not Haeyoung, whoever she is. I’m not.”
“Would you believe me if I showed you why you are?”
I pull back to look at him, confused. “Showed me why?”
“Come on.” Keeping a protective arm at my back, Minho leads me back outside and through the back hallways to a door that he knocks on.
“Just a minute,” comes a hurried reply, followed by some scuffling. Jonghyun, now in clothes like the others, opens the door and smiles when he sees us, but that smile disappears when he sees my still wet face. “What happened?”
“Reality finally hit her after the little fool cut herself,” Minho answers, his sympathetic tone taking away most of the sting of his words.
A slightly hysteric giggle escapes my lips at the irony of his using ‘reality’ to describe this impossible place.
“What? Hang on.” Ducking his head back inside the room, he says, “Sorry, beautiful, but I have to take care of this. I’ll make it up to you later, ok?”
A light ‘humph’ sounds and a few seconds later a lithe woman with swollen lips pushes past us, still pouting.
Minho pulls me into the room, shaking his head.
Jonghyun rushes to my side after he closes the door and takes my hand. It’s stopped bleeding now, but this doesn’t stop him from looking at me with sad eyes. “Why?”
“Dreams can’t hurt you,” I explain quietly.
“This is why I think she needs to know. Everything,” Minho adds, steadily meeting Jonghyun’s surprised face.
He glances between the two of us before giving a frustrated sigh. “I guess so. Better for us to be banished with her alive than with her dead.”
“What?” I squeak, alarmed and shrinking back into Minho.
Jonghyun sighs again, a gentler sound this time. “Mianhae, Hae-...Lilly. I didn’t mean to scare you; we won’t let anything happen to you. I just meant we might get in trouble for doing this, but if that will keep you from hurting yourself, I’ll do it.”
“Then again,” Minho says. “We only swore not to tell her. He didn’t say anything about showing her so we might be able to get out of it.”
“Why would you get in trouble?” I ask, letting him lead me over to a low table and making me sit.
“Our father thinks telling you anything about your past life will either make you reject hyung completely or drive you mad.”
“That’s comforting.”
“I think he’s wrong. You’re much stronger,” Jonghyun tells me, turning his back to me to go to a large cabinet.
After rummaging through it, he places a darkened bronze basin decorated with tiny tigers on the table and then sits across from me. Stretching out a hand, he takes mine, wrapping and tying it neatly with a piece of cotton cloth.
I wipe away the few escaped tears, my curiosity cracking through my still aching heart. I feel Minho step closer, watching over my shoulder.
Jonghyun takes a nearby pitcher and pours water into the basin. Looking at me one more time, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Slowly, he stretches a hand over the basin and traces signs on the water’s surface, barely making a ripple.
At first, nothing happens. Then, from the center of the basin, a small drop of black appears. It lazily swirls through the water like ink, echoing the lines Jonghyun had drawn until the surface is a maze of smoky black lines and clouds. Putting his hand over the water again, Jonghyun makes a shooing motion with his hand. The cloudiness washes to the edges of the bowl to form a silver-lined ring, but my eyes focus on the center, where more colors are blooming in bursts.
I lean closer, frowning when the picture is completed. “But that’s just my reflection.”
“Is it?” Jonghyun asks, keeping his eyes closed and his hand over the basin, a sheen of sweat starting to appear on his face.
I look again. The face definitely looks like mine, maybe a little paler and thinner, but still me. But then, the girl smiles at me. I touch my own face to be sure I’m not. My eyes dart up to Jonghyun.
“Watch and listen, lost daughter of the Earth,” he says in a deep voice that echoes with thousands of others, opening his eyes to reveal clouded irises. “To the tale of your fate.”
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