'Hyung don't do that, it makes you seem stupid.'

'Hyung stop eating that, you are getting so chubby.'

'Hyung don't say that, it's childish.'

'Hyung don't wear that, it's awful.'

'Hyung don't act like a child, it's not very fitting for a leader.'

Simple words, simple sentences, simple good intentions.
But to Jinki they were like painful stabs through his small quivering heart. With every word, every scoff and every eye rolls, a small piece of him would shatter in million pieces and the darkness of insecurities would engulf his being as whole. With every discontent filled sentences of s, his smile would fade, the twinkles in his eyes lost long ago. He was slowly fading; his soul was getting fainter and fainter until there was barely anything of old Jinki left.

Jinki was not Onew, not even close. Whenever he was to be Onew, his wide, crooked teeth showing smile was back, firmly plastered on his face, hiding all his worry lines. His eyes would turn into slits, hiding Jinki's lifeless eyes. Onew was supposed to be happy and bubbly 24/7, Jinki didn't need to be and wasn't.

No one noticed when or how this whole thing started off, okay maybe Jinki did but he wasn't one to point other's mistakes and pinpoint their wrong doings. It probably started with s being concerned over his constant trips and falls, they only wanted their hyung to be safe so they rebuked him for being too clumsy. At first Jinki too would laugh it off, a tad bit touched that his dongsaeng's cared so much. He finally felt loved and being part of a family, happy to belong. But soon the rebukes and advices became more of a constant thing to his daily life. It was as if all he ever did was wrong, all he ever said were wrong things.

Slowly, Jinki's once always smiling face turned to a grim one that forgot how to smile. His lips that once used to always stretch into his goofy wide grins, now stayed unstretched. His eyes that used to always stay as happy crescents were now dull and lifeless, yet no one noticed. No one even knew that Jinki was slowly slipping away, slowly fading away. They didn't notice how his sleeves were always too long and how he would always run off to the toilet right after he ate anything or how his food intake just became smaller and smaller. No one noticed how sometimes it was hard to wake him up, how he was always tired and could barely even keep himself standing during their dance rehearsals, everyone blaming his sangtae for the mistakes in his dance steps. No one noticed anything, not until it was too late.

As Jinki's lifeless body fell on the floor, the loud thud was muffled by the loud music that boasted throughout the whole practice room. No one even noticed that their leader was not dancing along with them any longer, each too busy concentrating on their own dance moves. Taemin was the first to notice the sprawled figure of his hyung as he halted after his part was done. Smiling to himself, thinking that Onew Sangtae struck again, he crouched down next to his hyung and ruffled the older guy's hair. No reactions.
The other members were finished with their parts as well and the only sounds resonating through the room were four heavy breathings, four and not five.

Jonghyun crouched down in front of Jinki and turned him around, just to see his sunken yet serene face. Key gasped as he finally saw his hyung's pale and colourless face that can be seen even through all the makeup that Jinki had put on ever so carefully to hide his lifeless disposition.

'Hyung?' Taemin uncertainly said, poking His hyung's cheek ever so cautiously, he felt that if he wasn't careful enough, the face of his hyung would crumble down right in front of his eyes.

Jonghyun shook Jinki's shoulder, Key's hand grasping on his own tightly. He shook again and again but no response.

'I think he's fainted, check his pulse... I hope he doesn't get a concussion or something.' Key mumbled, worrying his lip with his teeth.
Jonghyun obliged and tried to find the pulse on Jinki's neck but when he found nothing he sighed exasperatedly and reached for the elder's wrist but was stopped by the tightly fit long sleeve so he motioned for Taemin to help him roll it up for him.

Everyone in the brightly lit room gasped as the leader's hand came into view.

'What the is this?'
'Oh my God!'
'Oh God no!'
'!'

Taemin's hand slid away from Jinki's and he fell on the ground as his legs gave up on him. Key's grasp on Jonghyun's t-shirt tightened until his knuckles were as white as Jinki's face. Minho just stood there with a dumbstruck expression on his face, a hand clasped on his mouth.
Jonghyun was the first to move. He slowly grabbed Jinki's wrist ever so carefully as he looked for a pulse. His face slowly became pale as he could detect a barely there, fading pulse.

'Minho, call an ambulance. NOW.' he screamed as he cradled his leader's head on his lap and slowly rubbed his shoulders, deliberately stopping himself from looking at his wrist.

'Why? What's wrong with him... Jjong.. .’ Key wailed as his knees too gave away and he was sprawling in a sitting from next to Jonghyun. He carefully touched the wrist and looked for a pulse too and when he found it, a small sob left him. Minho, the one to be never losing his stoic face was pacing as he fumbled for his phone in his bag. When he finally got it, he punched the number and in with a shaky voice gave the details of their whereabouts to the helpline operator.

Taemin just sat there, quietly taking in the whitening lines that painted Jinki's wrist. Most were white and fully healed but some were still healing and a few were freshly made, one looked so red and so angry that it must have been done the night before. A small suspicion clouded his mind and he crawled closer to the leader, took his other hand on his lap and carefully rolled the sleeves up, more evidence of self inflicted harm presented to him. His gasp was louder than before as he could clearly make out the words that the lines spelled.

Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Unwanted.

His leader's hand slipped away from him as he sobbed hard, his whole form shaking. Key, who also saw the writings, wept into Jonghyun's shoulder. He could not take it anymore; his heart was breaking in two to see his leader like this, so he just hid his eyes.

'Guy's they are coming in a few minutes and they told us to...' Minho's gasp reverberated through all of their souls.
'What the is the meaning of all oh this?' He shouted as he kneeled and picked up Jinki's wrist. As he traced the words, his heart ached for his hyung.
'Why?' was the only thing he could ask.
There was no answer. All four of them sat around Jinki's lifeless body, all too shocked to do
anything.

'They said that we should try to regain his consciousness, it's not too good for him to be unconscious in such cases. I think we should...' Minho trailed off.
Jonghyun nodded and said,
'What do you think we should do?'

'Maybe we should sprinkle water on his face? I've seen it in movies before?' Key quietly got up to get his water bottle. This time when he sat down, it was right next to Jinki. He opened the bottle, dampened his fingers and sprinkled it on Jinki's face. Nothing. No signs of any motion. Key's face seemed to resemble that of a scared little five year old. He grasped Taemin's hand as his tears flowed down.

'What if...'
'Don't say it hyung. Nothing's going to happen to him, nothing, arasso?' Though Taemin tried to sound firm and strong, the slight wobble in his voice gave him away. Both he and Key cried in each other's embrace.

'Hyung, should we try slapping him?' Minho's was low and there was an alien tinge to it. He never sounded so broken and helpless before in his life. Jonghyun nodded his head and raised his palm slowly slapping Jinki's cheeks. Still nothing happened. Just when he sad about to slap harder, the door to their rehearsal room flew opened and someone shouted,
'Is the patient here?'

Minho quickly took the initiative and shouted,
'Yes, he's here. Hurry up, his condition doesn't seem too good.'

'Get the medics and the stretcher over here.' the person bellowed at someone outside the door.
And then it was all a bit of blur for the rest four as people in uniform rushed past them, pushing them away from their leader. They saw through their tear soaked eyes, how they gave Jinki CPR and when it didn't work they got their heart defiblirator out and Taemin squeaked.

'No! He'll be hurt.' he tried to lurch forward and stop them from administrating the electric shock on his hyung but was stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping around him.
'Minnie it's for his own good. It won't hurt him.' Jonghyun tried to reason with him without any success. Taemin thrashed around and started screaming as the paramedic with the two square handles in his hands shouted clear and took them closer and closer to his hyung's pale bare chest. He winced as the two square parts came in contact with skin and Jinki's whole body lifted up like a rag doll, all four of them did. Jinki looked so much like a doll that they were worried that he won't be able to take the electricity jolts that were meant to help with his heart beat. They huddled together in a group hug to block their views and cried. What happened to their forever strong leader? How did he end up so broken?

'Mr. Lee's situation is getting worse. We need to get him to the hospital as soon as possible. At least one of you should come with us.' One of the paramedic's voice finally made the other four look up.
'We're all going.' Minho said with conviction and key nodded his head as an agreement as did Jonghyun. Taemin cautiously took a peek of his hyung's figure being hoisted up on one of the stretchers. More tears slid down his cheek. His hear was bleeding seeing his hyung so vulnerable and broken. What led to this? Was it due to the cuts on his wrists? Did he lose too much blood? Why did he even...
His thoughts were put on a hold as Key ushered him to follow the people who were carrying Jinki away. His heart stopped as he saw one of his leader's hand slipping off the stretcher a d swaying like a dead man's hand, the only colours left being the freshly cut wounds on his wrists. A weird strangling feeling took Taemin's breath away. He clutched onto Key's hand like a drowning man clutches onto straws. His whole body shook as he put word to his fears.
'U..uumma.... Wh..what if he... What if he...'
'Don't say it Tae. Don't say it. Nothing will happen to him. Do you hear me? Nothing will happen to hyung. He's strong.. He'll hold on..' Even to his own ears, Jonghyun's voice sounded unsure.
Key hugged Taemin tighter and the four followed their hyung's broken figure.

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I LOVE YOU..Annyeong :D

Oh my God...lately all I can do is write angsty ficcs :(

I must really be upset about something or the other :/

anyyyywayyyy.....who's seen the dream girl video?? ONEW LOOKS HOT...TAEMIN LOOKS MANLY.... MINHO...HIS FACE...I DIED...AND KEY...DIVAish MUCH???? AND JJONG LOOKED LIKE THE MADHATTER.....CUTE <3

ah and this...this just made me lol..

LOOOOOL......very helpful indeed :D

O.O <3

WAE? WAE SO ADORABLE??

I'm hungry now......let's share Jinki <3

that is all.....