You couldn’t force any sound out of your mouth as you looked at him, his expression so fragile that anything can break him in any moment. Even if you tried, the muscles in your body refused to follow your orders to move. All you could do at the moment was stare at the paper in his hands and use whatever strength you had left to hold back the tears that threatened to fall any second.

“___________..”

His voice was getting worse with every word, and you could tell from his eyes that your silence was giving him the answer he didn’t want to hear. But what were you supposed to do? This was how it had to be, and you weren’t in charge of anything other than to follow what you had been told to do.

“Kyungsoo..” The longer you stared at his eyes, the harder it became for you to breathe. They stared right into yours, shaking and glossy. It wasn’t any easier for him to fight against his tears, either.

But your trembling voice was enough to answer his question.

“Hyung.”

The voice came from down the hall where you could barely see Sehun’s head popping out of the practice room through your foggy eyes.

“I’m coming,” Kyungsoo responds, keeping the stare on you for the next few moments before turning back without saying a word, throwing the newspaper off to the side as he did.

And that was it. All those years; all those years you spent with him, the most unforgettable years of your life. The promises made, the memories shared, gone just like that. Who knew it was so easy to break such an important thing? With every action he made, you had figured out his words without a sound.

Betrayed. I betrayed him..

Before you had realized, you had already walked your way towards the practice room occupied by the boys, and as you peeked in through the small crack of the open door, your heart felt heavy again. This was a job, and it had to keep going. The music continued to play and the boys proceeded with the choreography as if none of this had occurred. But the paper was present in the room, and you knew that it wasn’t news any of the boys missed.

Your eyes had shifted to Kyungsoo as he followed the steps with the other members. His face had never looked so concentrated, yet so blank and emotionless. It wasn’t an expression you could study. You had expected him to be angry at you and what you had done, but that wasn’t quite the vibe he was letting off.

What were you doing? You shook your head and backed away from the entrance. He wouldn’t want you here, not after this.

The sight of the door suddenly opening startled you as you pondered away, and you were met by the shocked eyes of Sehun looking right at yours. You look right back at him, waiting for something to speak through his lips, but the silence only grew above the loud music playing. You took a breath to start to speak, but before you could open your mouth to do so, Sehun had already  broke away from your gaze, shifting his eyes to the floor and made his way down the other side of the hall.

“Sehun..” you managed to mumble and it was enough to stop him in his tracks. But he only lets his head hang low before continuing down the path.

This is really it, you exhale through the lump in your throat as you backed away until you had collided with the opposite wall. You’ve lost them all, even the closest friends you had had, the friends that had been the reason you made it this far into your career. Kyungsoo and the others.. Everything you had done was all for them. You did it to make the happy, giving them the fame and the support they’ve been needing. They worked so hard, and with your help, they were supposed to be happy about it, right?

But they’re so hurt..

“_____________.”

It was your manager again.

“Ah, unnie,” you shake away the thoughts cluttered in your head as she approached you, “Is everything okay?”

“You still have a photo shoot and an interview today,” she instructs, dragging you away from the practice rooms and heading towards her office.

“An interview?” you repeat with the obvious fear in your tone, “Today?”

“Did you forget?”

“No, it’s just..” you pause, “with this whole scandal that just went public today..”

“Oh,” her steps begin to slow, “don’t worry about that. The whole interview is scripted, so there’s nothing on there that we wouldn’t know about.”

“Okay,” you mumble and end it there. You couldn’t argue with her about your schedule. Idol’s duties.

 

“Unnie,” you pop your head into the small crack of her office door, “is there a script for the radio show tonight?”

“No, actually,” she sighs, “the interview was cancelled.”

“What?” your head tilts, “What happened?”

“They didn’t want to have you on the show around this time.”

“Around this time?” you raise a brow.

“You have too many people around you because of this whole scandal thing,” she explains, “so they think it’s better to have you as a guest when it all dies down. Also, your repackaged album isn’t doing as well as the previous album so make sure you don’t cause any more trouble when you’re out or else it could be bad for you.”

And you thought three weeks was enough for people to get over this whole scandal. People were still all over you for that, and there were moments were you had already gotten used to it.

But the CEO was right. When EXO made their comeback, the sales went booming and did even better than their debut album. From what you could see, the boys had been practicing even harder for their promotion stages and of course, they were perfect every time. Their image took a turn, and it gave you the smallest bit of happiness seeing them at the top of the charts. This whole scandal really made a change in both of your careers as idols, except for you; it didn’t quite go down the same direction.

This radio show cancellation wasn’t the first in the past few weeks, and it knowing there wasn’t anything you can do to turn it back around. But this was your life now. Your idol reputation; this was the result.

You glanced at the bright side for the day: you had no more schedules for the evening, so a night full of rest back at home in your dorm awaited you. The drive back to the apartment building was a bit of a pain especially during the rush hour.  But the traffic only delayed the trip for an extra fifteen minutes. It wasn’t like anyone was waiting for you at home anyway. Not anymore.

“Miss,” the driver calls for your attention as you stared blankly at your iPod, scrolling through the songs.

“Hm?” you bring your head up to meet his eyes through the rear-view mirror.

“There’s a crowd at the entrance,” he points to the front of the building as the vehicle slowed on the road, “Do you want to go through the back?”

You stretched your neck out to get a good sight of the mob yourself, and it didn’t seem too bad in your eyes. There were only around ten people, maybe a few more, but it didn’t look like a problem. You were used to it, anyway.

“No, it’s alright,” you smile through the reflection, “Here’s fine.”

“Alright,” he nods, following your orders before pulling up right at the front of the building where they all gathered.

You thank your driver just before you step out of the car where the endless murmuring of the group greeted you. Camera shutters went off but it seemed a bit off today. The eyes you felt on you gave a different vibe, and it almost felt uncomfortable to be walking within their lines of sight.

“E-Excuse me,” you mutter, trying to push through the few of them that stood in the way of the door, but they didn’t seem to hear you. But it wasn’t too loud, how could they miss that? Whatever the reason, the door stayed inaccessible.

“Um, I said exc-“

“Yah,” one of them spat, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“What?” your head throws back at her tone, “I’m going up to my dorm. Can I get through?”

Whatever this girl’s deal was, you had to keep out of trouble for the public. Even the slightest change in tone could be the end of you.

“You shouldn’t be living here anymore,” another one blurts out from the side.

“Yeah,” a different voice this time follows, “How dare you stay here after what you’ve done!”

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re-“

“Don’t play dumb!”

You hadn’t even realized, but the girls had surrounded you and your back had come in contact with the cement wall off to the side.

“Let me go home,” you defend, troubled with having to keep your tone as kindly as you could.

“This isn’t your home!” the first one was yelling now, and her hand finds its way in the air to shove your left shoulder, causing it to slam against the cement.

“What are you doing?” you narrow your eyes at her, “This is ridiculous.”

“Get away from Kyungsoo-oppa already!” a couple of them were angered in unison, and this led the rest of them into inaudible bickering that you wanted absolutely no part of. You hoped that they would calm down after saying whatever they wanted to say to your face but it only got worse as the others caught on the shoving and pretty soon you were powerless against them.

“Yah, you can’t- Stop!”

You tried to make them stop but your voice was irrelevant now. So this is what it’s come to, you manage to laugh in your head. You should have seen this coming too, actually. After all, the scandal was meant for them to see.

“Omo!” you hear a faint squeal from someone farther back into the group and all the other girls curiously turn to face the opposite direction.

“Excuse me, but-“

The familiar voice caught your attention too, and with a swift turn of your head, you had locked eyes with the man standing outside the circle, waiting for a path to clear up towards the doors.

“Kyungsoo-oppa! Oppa!”

You both stared at each other wide-eyed; none of this interaction expected at all. You tried to force the muscles on your face to let you speak but before that could happen, his eyes had already moved away from yours.

“I need to go inside now,” he gives the rest of them his usual warm smile while they stepped aside, making way for him inside the building, gawking at his presence.

That was it. That was all. He had seen you there, struggling to get through the girls that had bullied you away from the door, but that was all he could do: stare at you and keep going without even saying a word to you, much less help you. He had already disappeared into the building, and the girls had gone back to their chatting and jittering while you stood there, still trapped by the wall of girls preventing you from moving.

“Come on,” EXO K’s manager was the one to pull you away from the crowd, finally letting you into the building as the girls kept their vicious glares at you even through the glass doors.

You sigh and whisper a thank you to the manager before heading to a different elevator up to your floor.

He still hates me, you repeat to yourself as you walked in to the empty apartment. Even after all their success, he still hates me.

You throw your numb body onto the couch, just letting your weight sink into the cushions.

When was this all going to end..

 

“Okay, take a break,” the instructor sighs a load off his chest while he heads to stop the music, “We’ll do another song in half an hour.”

“Okay,” the boys chant as they try to catch their breaths before dropping dead on the cold hardwood floor.

“Ahh,” Sehun whines, finishing the last drops of water from his bottle, “I’m so tired.”

“Me too,” Chanyeol follows, causing a thud on the floor as he sits down, finishing his bottle as well, “and I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Baekhyun spat and the other boys laugh, still motionless on the ground.

“We didn’t even get any snacks today,” he whines even more, “We usually get something small for lunch. I haven’t eaten since yesterday’s dinner!”

“You’re not the only one,” Sehun groans, turning his body to the other side for comfort.

“That’s because ____________ always brings us something to eat,” Baekhyun replies with your name slipping through his lips without thought. It was something he had been used to, it was had to change habits now.

The room fell silent as the members began exchanging glances at the sound of your name, Baekhyun in the corner realizing who he had just mentioned.

“Here,” Suho attempts to break the silence and reaches over to where Chanyeol sat, “just have another bottle of water.”

“Kyungsoo,” the manager calls from the corner of the room as he conversed with the instructor.

“Hm?”

“Why don’t you go pick up some food from across the street?” he suggests, “It’s a long practice so you better eat now if you want to last for the day.”

“Uh, o-okay,” he nods and lifts himself off the ground, “What do you guys want?”

“Street food is fine,” a few of the members nod their heads to the request but Kai wanted something else.

“What do you want then?” Kyungsoo turns to him, and Kai rolls his eyes up in thought.

“What else can you get?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs.

“Let me come with you then,” Kai struggles to push himself off the floor but the manager’s call stops him and causes heads to turn.

“No, you can’t,” he interrupts, “Only one can go out, having two of you would cause even more chaos outside the building.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo nods once more, taking the manager’s money in his hands, “I’ll be back.”

He grabs his jacket and his baseball cap from the back of the room and pushes through the door and heads down the hallway. The same empty hallways surround him as walked towards the exit of the building, and at the sight of the door, he could already spot a couple of fans standing outside the door just waiting for someone to come out. He was able to sigh out of relief though, knowing that there wasn’t a crazy group of them that he would have had to force his way through.

“Street food,” he repeats under his breath as he walked, staring at the money in his hands and curiously counting them when the numbers halted him to a stop. There was only enough for the six of them, but did the manager or the instructor want to eat too? He recounts the coins again, resulting in the exact same numbers.

I should ask if they want something too, he stood still for a moment, contemplating between his options. It was better to go and double check with them, he thought. He wouldn’t want to have to go back out for a second run.

The same sight of the halls repeats itself as he made his way back to the room, glad the door was left open or else they would have never heard his knocking over that loud music playing.

“It was for your comeback,” he hears the manager’s voice with a blunt tone to it, “but you can’t tell him that yet.”

“Yet?” another voice responds to the manager’s words; it sounded like Suho.

“We’ll get them back together just enough into the promotions and all that, when the public has guaranteed you guys the top of the charts.”

“But he thinks it’s true.”

“And he’s really upset with her, even now.”

“But it’s good to keep it that way so the fans don’t think he’s acting.”

“So she was really just helping us..”

“Why would she agree to that? I feel terrible now after avoiding her so much.”

“I felt really upset with her too when I first heard about it, actually. And I didn’t believe she would do such a thing.”

“I guess this explains everything.”

“What are you guys saying?” It wasn’t until then when they realized Kyungsoo’s presence at the door, his stare blank as ever, “Is this about ___________?”

The boys made swift turns of their heads as their mouths gaped open at the current air in the room.

“No, we’re talking about someone else,” the manager defends, “You’re supposed to be getting the food.”

“You’re talking about her, aren’t you?” his tone started to grow louder, “What’s going on?”

“You don’t have to worry about any of it”

“Of course I do!” he huffs, “Everything you just said, is it true?”

The silence in the room answered his question.

“Why would she..?”

“They wanted her to give you back the publicity you lost in the past year,” the manager finally caved in, his tone sounding much more collected now, “It was the only way they could do it in time.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t even speak now. His mind had already been flooded with the sudden images of your face and all the words you had been trying to say to him with your expressions that never got through to him. Now that he knew, it became obvious. How did he not figure it out sooner? He agreed with the members; that definitely wasn’t something you would do.

“I.. I have to find her.”

“Kyungsoo-!”

“What?!” he spat, his voice catching everyone else in the room by surprise, “You already got your success with our comeback. There’s no need to keep this up.”

He kept calling for Kyungsoo to come back to the studio, but he couldn’t care less what his manager told him to do right now. You; you were the one he needed to come to right now.

He ran to the other end of the halls where the room you usually used for rehearsal was, but he found nothing. She should be rehearsing for her performance tonight, he remembers in his head. You were chosen to sing at an awards show tonight. Where else could you have been?

He found no point in trying to find you with no knowledge of your renewed schedule for the day, so he did the logical action and headed to your manager’s office to get even an idea of where you would be at this time.

“Excuse me,” he knocks on the door, slowly poking his head in to see her focused on the paperwork scatted all over her desk.

“Oh, Kyungsoo,” she lifts her head up, “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t ___________ have a performance tonight?” he asks, avoiding her question.

“She did, but her act was cancelled. They got a group to fill up the spot instead.”

“Does she have anything else scheduled?”

“Nothing else for today,” she shakes her head and the pause finally catches on to her, “Wait, do you..”

Before she could say another word, he had already dashed out of the room knowing the only other place you could be.

 

The ringing buzzer snapped you back awake from your little nap. You never meant to fall asleep, anyway. You really just had nothing to do for the day and spent it listening to music while you rested back on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate nearby. You glanced over at the clock; it had only been ten minutes or so since you remembered, and you sighed knowing that you didn’t waste so much time asleep. But what else did you really have to do for the day? The cancelled schedules kept coming.

The buzzer continued to echo through your apartment and you scratch your head at the irritation of the sound.

“Who is it?” you call, but the buzzer must have drowned out the sound of your voice. You reach for the door and turn the knob, but it was like it was pushed open for you the moment that knob spun.

Your eyes shot open right when they met with his.

“Kyungsoo..” you manage to slip out of your mouth as you stood with a frozen body.

“Why did you do it?” he blurts so suddenly without even giving you the time to find yourself.

“W-What?”

“Why did you do it?” he repeats, clear.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, “I’ve been seeing him for the past-“

“Stop lying to me!” his angered tone took you by surprise, “Why did you have to lie to me?”

You could only stand and stare, mouth gaped open. Does he know?

“Why couldn’t you just tell me instead of going off and pretending like you were the bad guy here?” he went on, “I could have done something about it, or even played along.”

So he does.

“I didn’t want to do it,” you fought back, “but they said-“

“Who cares what they said?!” the anger stayed.

“I do!” you snapped back, this time taking him back, “I did it to help you. You worked so hard and you really want it to be big and they said you needed the attention. It’s our job, Kyungsoo. We’re idols, and we do whatever they need us to. That’s how it’s always been.”

He could tell your shortness of breath as you spoke, and he could hear your voice becoming weaker with every word.

“I..” you breathed, “I never did anything to hurt you. I would never do that to you..”

He didn’t let you speak another word. Within the next moment, he had already caught you in his arms, you cuddling in his chest.

“But you were the one that’s been hurting, and now you’re getting hurt,” he whispers into your hair, his breaths feeling warm on your neck, “I’m sorry I believed them. I’m sorry I didn’t help you when those girls were after you. I’m.. Oh god, I wish I had known.”

His arms around your body tightens, “____________, don’t let them tell you to do anything like this again. I want to be with you, and I want to be there to make you feel better. I don’t want to keep going like this.”

“But your comeback-“

“It doesn’t matter. My work doesn’t mean anything to me if it meant hurting you,” he pulls away, staring right into your eyes with a gaze that wouldn’t let you look away.

His eyes were enough to get you to finally break down and run to him while your tears fell. You needed him. You needed him to hold onto you while you went through everything they told you you had to do, but you couldn’t. You needed him to push you away and hate you. But he was here now, and all the hurt you had gone through had vanished.

“I never did anything, Kyungsoo,” you try to clear up your words, “None of it was true. He was made to go through with it too. I didn`t want-`

You continued to sob into his chest while took a hand, combing through your hair, “I know, ____________. I know you wouldn’t do that. I was just too surprised by such news to notice, and I’m sorry too.”

“I love you,” your embrace around his waist tightens, “and I’ll only love you.”

“I love you too,” he kisses the top of your head, “and no matter what they make us do, I’ll always love you.”