Final
After All
Days passed and Myungsoo seemed to be my special friend. Even after my shift, I still get to visit him and spend time before heading home. We talk almost about everything. During my day-offs, another nurse is taking care of him. He told me that he kept asking the nurse about me and the nurse told him that he’s annoying.
Crazy guy.
On the contrary, His health is getting worst. He stopped responding to treatments. But still he decided to stay in the hospital in case anything happens. During one of my day-offs, I visited him on the afternoon. I decided to spend the day till supper so I brought a pizza with me. I remember him mentioning that he loves pizza.
“Hey. I brought you some pizza”, I called as I entered his room.
“Hi. Mmm. sounds delicious. Decided to spend your day off with me? ,” he teased but I sensed something in his voice.
I sat down on the same chair I’ve been sitting beside his bed. I touched his hand. His hand felt cold against my skin.
“Are you okay? Is there something wrong? “He intertwined his hand with mine.
“Ok. You’ll know it eventually.”
“What is it?” I asked.
"I signed a DNR this morning.” (Do Not Resuscitate)
At first I didn’t answer. My ears started to ring from what I’ve heard. I suddenly pulled my hand and stood up.
“No.” that’s all I’ve ever uttered.
“I can feel it, Suzy. I stopped responding to treatments. You know that. And I wanted to go home.”
I can feel my lids can’t hold on any more tears. “You don’t know what you’re doing!” you’ve got to take these remaining measures to make you live longer. Don’t you care about your family?.......... Don’t you care about me?”
All these holding on went down. I was like a damn that fell down due to a tiny crack which precipitated its fall. And my tears are like the waters where no one will be able to control its forceful flow.
He reached out for me and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry. I thought you’d take it practically since you’re a nurse. I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Nurses have feelings too, Myungsoo. Especially when it involves people we love in situations like this.”
“I’m happy now.”
“To see me cry?”
“No. To hear that I’m one of the people you love.”
Granting his request, he was finally taken home. I promised him a visit whenever I’m free. Not contented with the free time, I decided to file for a temporary leave to be able to spend more time with him. I know this is the very time that he needs me.
During one of my visits, I caught him sitting at the porch. It feels like this visit is different from the other visits. I can sense something and I don’t want to think about it.
“I was waiting for you,” he told me.
“Hi,” I greeted him. I sat on the bench beside him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I can feel he’s fragile in my arms. “How are you feeling today?”
“Great. Hey. We have to go somewhere. I have to show you something. Hurry. Help me up please.”
“Why? Where are we going,” I asked quizzically.
"No more questions. Just help me up to the front seat and drive.”
It was 10-minute drive from their house. When he instructed me to pull over, we stopped in front of a beautifully designed house. I helped him down and we started towards the house. While we were walking with my arms supporting him, I asked innocently. “What are we doing here? And whose house is this?”
“Would you believe me if I tell you this is your house?” His breathing was labored.
I was just silent. I led him towards the wide swing hanging in the porch. Looking around, it was a very nice house. The ambiance is so light with trees around and a large lawn. I still remained silent. I can feel my eyes becoming heavy. He broke the silence.
“Say something. Don’t you like it? It’s for you I designed it myself.”
I just stared at him. Not wanting him to see me cry, I hugged him. I kissed him on the cheeks and whispered, “I love you from the moment i saw you playing your PSP.”
He managed a giggle. “I love you from the moment you watched me sleep. I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t sleeping at all.” I felt his jaw muscles stretch on my shoulder as he forced a smile.
“Do you want to hear a story?,” he asked as he ease up his body against me.
“I had this house planned after graduation. Having a career at an early age, I had the opportunity to build this up and I promised myself that this will be the house where me and future family will live.
"And since I have no more future to live, I am giving this house to you." “Do me a favor, Suzy. Marry someone who’s going to make you happy and filled this house with children. Promise me, Suzy. Promise me you’re going to do it.” He raised his hand and placed it lightly on my cheek.
After hearing those words, I don’t know what to say. I continued to cry and just holding on to his hand. “You don’t have to do this, Myungsoo. You’re being unfair.”
"Suzy, learn to let go. I’ve led a wonderful life because you made it possible for me even for a short time. I am very grateful to have you in my life. I will always love you and I’m going to watch you every single day.” I felt his body tremble and sensed a trickle of tear across my arm.
“I love you.” It was all I could say. I could feel my heart wanting to burst with all the emotions I’m feeling right now: love, hope, sadness and fear; like a torrential rain raging in my chest.
I felt him nod. After a couple of minutes, the hand on my cheek suddenly dropped.
The sun is high and now shining brightly; free from the clouds that had it covered a while ago. Sitting on the roof of his house, reminiscing all those times, I felt like I have gone time travelling.
The feeling was fresh. As I was trying to identify every feeling that I feel, I was suddenly interrupted.
“Mom! Everything’s ready! Time to go!”
“OK! Coming, Myungsoo Baby!”
I managed a smile. Life and love should go on,
After all...
fin
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