You got some safely and placed all the items that you bought in their neat original places. Buzz buzz. You took out your phone and saw that you had a message from an unknown number.

Unknown: you should’ve seen your face, it was bright pink! J

You smiled as you saved the number as ‘Seung Ho’

You: aish, you embarrassed me so much just now, remind me why I gave you my number again!

Seung Ho: because of my charm and good looks?

You: not really!

Seung Ho: I’m going to church, wanna come?

You: what business do you have at church? I didn’t know you prayed. Ke ke ke~

Seung Ho: I can’t tell you. Tsk you grew up to be a busybody, anyway I’ll be leaving in an hour’s time. Want me to pick you up?

You: sure.

You texted him your address and got dressed. You wore a long dark blue dress flowing down to your ankles and you wore a pair of black pumps. Minimal at is best. Your make up was just to cover your eye-bags and pale face. You wore a light red lipstick. And you took out your family picture – You, Monroe and your husband were happy. You were going to show god that you are still happy.

When you were ready, you went down straight away to wait for your friend. You were sitting down on the benches and just looking at the photo when you heard a honk. You looked up and you saw your friend smiling from the driver’s seat. You walked over to the car and went in.

“You look – ” he was looking for a word and his eyes softened as if he found it. “–beautiful.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” You smiled warmly and before he started driving again, he rubbed your hands. You immediately retracted your hands and opened your hands and mouth wide.

“What is with you?” you asked. You knew the answer but your pride just wouldn’t back down. It was hard. You knew god will never be on your side anymore.

“Nothing, I just hope you’re ok, you know that there’s more than one fish in the ocean right?” he said completely focused on his driving.

“If you want to act like my family please just stop. There are piranhas as well. What’s your comeback now huh…” you were in the playful mood today. Just something about Yang Seung Ho that just makes you forget about your little troubles. You then swooned at his laugh. You were looking out the window and you realised something. He looks just like my ex-husband, Park Jun Ho. Is this why I’m not scared to be out with him? What is wrong with me? I feel like I’m taking advantage of him now! I should tell him, we can end this masquerade.

“Seung Ho… I have to tell you something, you –” you paused and looked down at your intertwined fingers. You then made your mind up to stop saying what you wanted to say. You were happy that you had a friend now.

“Hmm? I what?” his English was perfect, just like Junni’s.

“I’m happy we are friends again.” You managed to lie smoothly. He continued driving for about 10 more minutes until the both of you reached the church. You went inside and sat down on the third bench. It was where you normally sat with your family and suddenly you were reminded by how naughty Monroe was that particular Sunday. She was crawling everywhere; you couldn’t control an almost one-year old girl. She was a handful for someone her size and age.

You looked at the photo and managed to smile. But the church wasn’t giving you the serenity you were hoping for, so you went out and sat outside the door on the curb.

You sighed heavily and just watched the birds. A woman was feeding them bird seeds. Your attention was completely focused on the birds, how happy they were walking side by side with their friends – you didn’t even realise that Seung Ho came and sat beside you.

“Hello there Miss. What are you staring at?” Your heart skipped a beat shocked by his silent arrival.

“You scared me! Nothing, I was just looking at the birds. They’re so… happy.” You said.

“They have to move on.” You were shocked by his choice of words that you started to think that he was being sarcastic.

“Like you know everything! Just who do you think you are?!” you stood up too fast and your photo fell on to the ground. “Ugh, why!”

He then stood up and grabbed you by the wrist.

“I’m sorry, I just want you to understand that, it has been two years, you need to move on… Let it go, they’re in heaven now. Both of them, you’ll see them one day.” He then pulled you close and hugged you. You didn’t even object. You stood there with your hands by your side, allowing him to hug you. You cried and sat down again. You put your face in your palms and you cried. It was the first time someone told you the harsh truth.

You had to move on. Life has to go on. But not now.

After that week, you spent most of you time with your friend. The meet-ups were mostly coincidental. At the supermarket; the mall; and even at the park. It was getting a little annoying but you were always calmer, like your heart was hoping for him. He had always asked you out, but you always made up little excuses or little white lie as Jun always calls it.

At lunchtime, you heard your phone ring.

“Hello Miss. I’m taking you out tonight, we are going for dinner – if you refuse I am going to stand outside your door until the fangirls find me. Take your pick.” You heard him chuckle darkly. You were caught off guard but it was amusing that he would do that. You had to agree.

“I agree but not because of the fangirls, because I don’t want you on my door. Yuck! You stink!” you laughed genuinely. You were having such a fun time, you saw your colleague, Hyo Rin eyeing you suspiciously.

“Yeah yeah, you can continue your lying. You know that I don’t trust you right! You always make up little white lies every time I ask you out! Hmph, ok anyway. I’ll pick you up at eight, make sure you’re home or else you’re dead! Bye!” with that he hung up the phone. You were left hanging, it was shocking.

You then saw Hyo Rin standing outside of your door. The whole office was fully glass, so there was no such ‘hanky-panky’ going on as your boss calls it.

“Just come in Rin!” you exclaimed.

“Hey… you’re going out again?” she smirked. She was wearing such a crazy watermelon dress with her curly hair done up like Nicki Minaj, It was hard not to laugh. It was such a funny sight you bawled out laughing. There was tears forming in your eyes and it was threatening to fall down your cheeks.

“Stop laughing at me! I have taste in fashion! Unlike you – black white, black again, and white again. Sometimes, when you’re not lazy, dark blue.” She mocked. It was just like old times.

“Why is your hair like that Rin-ah. Its embarrassing!” you poked her huge hair with a pen you were holding, “oh my! It is as hard as a rock, what did you put on it?! Super-super glue? You continues teasing her.

She was so shocked she went to your side of the desk and spun your chair around.

“Hey! Stop! Stop! Ok! Ok! I’m sorry! I’ll tell…” you then stopped wanting to say Jun but you left it at that and your huge smile fell.

“Hey no, I don’t want any of that, you were smiling just now, look at me! I look ridiculous don’t I?” she tried to make you laugh again, you just faked it smoothly and she sat down again.

“So, who was that on the phone just now?” she was smirking again.

“Just a friend. Aigoo don’t you have work to do?!” you sighed deeply and dropped your head on to your desk – forehead first.

“I do, but watching you do your endless blueprints is so much more fun!” she said and chuckled.

“If you do not leave my office, I will tell the Boss to fire you. Take your pick Rin!” you threatened her. She however, knew they were empty threats, and stayed completely rooted at her spot. But just then your Boss came in your office.

“_______-ah! Why are you doing your work during lunch?! Get out of the office now!” he shouted from the door. He then smiled, “and please eat more chicken wings!”

With that, he went out of your office leaving you and Hyo Rin to burst out laughing. You stood up and took Hyo Rin’s hands. “Let’s go! I don’t want to be fired just for not going to lunch, you’re coming with me!”

You went to the small sandwich shop that you and she used to go to every lunch time. It was a cute little shop called Brill. You loved that place ever since you worked there. The food and tea there was affordable. Its interiors and exteriors were beautiful as well. She spent her time telling you about her life now; it was shocking how you missed out on so many things.

“How about yours? Are you ok now? I mean like, it is difficult, I ah, I don’t know how to ask.” There was silence and in your head, you were thinking of a way to change the subject but no. Not this time.

“I’m trying. That’s all I can manage to say right now. I’m trying my best.” You sighed. You didn’t expect it to be this difficult. You were almost choking and the words that was in your head sounded so much better in it than out of your mouth. You wanted to explain how it was all scary. 2 years after everything – your life no doubt. Even though Monroe had been with you only for about a year plus, there was so many memories made. Her ‘stinky face’, Monroe would scrunch her nose and purse her lips, it was so funny. She behaved like a monkey jumping here and there ever since she knew how to.

“Hey! Stop dazing, I hope with this friend in your life, you could smile again like you used to. But just don’t give him high expectations ok, he doesn’t deserve it.” You could almost hear the quotation marks in her voice when she said ‘friend’.

You then looked at your watch and saw that lunch was almost over. The both of you paid for the meal, and made your way back to the office.

At the office, you saw your boss talking to someone in your office. You noticed that your boss had gotten fatter and rounder. It was so cute. You noticed some other changes in the office that you never noticed before. You pointed some out to Hyo Rin, and she’d always be like, “we had that for a while now!”

You sighed deeply, but it wasn’t a sad sigh, it was a sigh of relief. See I can do this. Baby steps – baby steps.

It was nearing the end of the day, and your work was almost done. You just had to e-mail your boss the blueprints, and you were done for the day. You never expected the day to go by so slow. You were anticipating the meet-up with your friend; you kept looking at the clock above your head.

I’m ending here tonight, having a writer’s block, I sincerely hope all of you forgive me because I really can’t. I feel like this story is boring ): leave some reviews in the comments section ok. Nurul xx