You were a Hawaiian by birth, but you moved to Korea to pursue your dream of being an architect. In Korea, you had love and lost, but you finally found someone. He had asked you to marry him 2 years ago. And you were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, Monroe. Her facial features took after most of yours. She had huge brown eyes, and naturally tanned skin. Everyone thought that Monroe wasn’t your husband’s child, even his mother. You both always had a laugh about it.

However, a year passed by, you and your husband had made a decision to go back to Hawaii for a short vacation. But you had a deadline to prepare your blueprint. You made a decision for him to go first with Monroe, and you would meet them in three days upon their arrival in Hawaii.

-FLASHBACK-                                                         

“Hey honey, I just called to say I miss the both of you very much. You haven’t called tonight so I’m waiting ok? Call me. Tell Monroe I miss her, bye.” You hung up the phone and made your way to your empty kitchen to make yourself a salad before you leave for the airport to meet your husband and child.

Not two minutes passed, and you received a phone call. Before you answered the phone, you unconsciously looked at the caller ID. It was a weird number, from overseas. Hawaii to be exact, but you had never come across this number before.

“Hello?”

“Is this Mrs Park?” the man on the line sounded so serious, you couldn’t help thinking about all things you might’ve done wrong.

“Yes, this is her, is something wrong?” you answered nervously.

“Mrs Park, I hope you can sit down before I tell you this,” he paused and you reluctantly took a seat on the dining room chair, “your husband and child was found dead this afternoon by some locals, their bodies was washed up by the shore. There was a bad thunderstorm and apparently they were sailing. I’m so very sorry for yo– ” you dropped your cell phone on the wooden floor and clutched your fist to your chest.

Your felt like your heart fell from a height, and you simply stared at the brown wall. You felt empty. And suddenly your eyes wandered to the shelf where the pictures were. Monroe was smiling for the first time, and your husband was laughing on her side. Your felt a huge punch in your heart, and fell on your knees. You felt so numb, it wasn’t even a feeling. This is all my fault. I should’ve gone with them. My babies.

It hurt so bad, you felt hot tears falling on your cheeks. You were beyond hurt. How can I go on? I can’t do this. What should I do? Oh god why did you do this to me, what have I ever done to you. I prayed every day. I taught my child how to pray, how could you take such an innocent life away. my husband, my love. How could you!

You cried for the whole night, missing your flight to Hawaii. There was nothing there for you anymore. The man called again, scheduling you a free flight for you to attend a funeral for your child and husband. You wore a long black dress, black shades to cover your swollen eyes and a black hat. You only brought your passport and your wallet. You also brought along Monroe’s dress and a suit for your husband. His wedding suit. You had nothing there, and you wanted to go home as soon as it ended. You felt like you could never leave your house, because so many memories were made there.

As you reached Hawaii you were led to the hospital’s morgue and you saw their pale-blue bodies. They were side by side, it was like they were sleeping.

“Wake up baby. Please wake up,” your tears were falling again, as you held your husband’s cold fingers. “Why did you do this to me why are you leaving me, the both of you why!” your voiced was raised and you were hyperventilating. The nurse was just patting your back.

“I’m so sorry.” She said. You turned around and looked at her with a shocked expression, you never expected her to talk. You were about to shout at her to leave you alone but your mouth didn’t cooperate, you were too numb. She wrapped her arms around your shoulders as you fell to the cold floor. She held you like that for about 40 minutes until the doctor came along and told you to leave so they could prepare your husband and child for the funeral. You simply stared at the doctor not moving, and the doctor was so scared you might faint from that information, he allowed you to stay.

The two bodies were washed and they wore clothes that were picked out by you. Monroe was wearing a white dress with pink laces on its sleeves and down the bottom of the dress. your husband always loved her in that dress. When you saw your husband on the trolley tray being wheeled out wearing his wedding suit, your eyes was filled with tears again.

“You still look so handsome,” you ran to the trolley and hugged his lifeless body. “WHY NOW WHY WHY GOD WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE ALL I DID WAS PRAY” both the trollies was wheeled out, they were then put into their coffin separately. In the church, you found your parents, and your husband’s parents. You immediately fell down to your knees again.

“Omma, mianhe. Jeongmal mianhe,” your mother in-law was hugging your shoulders and crying with you. “mianhe omma, I was a bad wife. I am a bad person omma. I am so sorry I couldn’t protect them. My husband and my baby is gone, your son. Omma I am so sorry.”

She was hugging you tightly and you were just sobbing there in the red carpet floor of the church. Your mother was sobbing and your father was just holding on to your mom’s slender waist. Your sister in-law was on the floor next to you crying as well. Your father then pulled you up and sat down on the bench. He sat you next to him and you buried your face into his chest. You stopped crying because you felt like you couldn’t cry anymore.

“Cry my daughter. Cry if you want to. You have the right to scream out loud.” He said. You then started crying again. It was simply the worst day of your life.

At the cemetery, you cried even more and you kept punching the grass.

“NO!! DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASE. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO. TAKE ME WITH YOU, I WANT TO GO WITH YOU.” You felt two strong pairs of arms pulling you from the back, you realised it was your father and your father in-law.

You spent a whole day in your parents’ house. Your husband’s family left for Korea and told you they would be waiting there for you. You simply sat on the couch staring at the little specks of dust flowing past you.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

You felt your hot tears against your cheek. Your natural tan had lost its entire glow and you were just lost in every way. You poured your heart into your job. It was the first time you heard your boss saying he would fire you if you over-worked yourself again. You felt like this was the only way for you to forget everything. Occasionally you had dreams of your little family and you would wake up crying and you would just sit on the couch basking in their scent. Monroe’s room were still left that way, but today, on their 2 year anniversary of their death, you felt like you couldn’t bear it anymore. Sleeping on the same bed that your husband used to sleep in was already the hard enough, but walking past your baby girl’s room was even worst of a feeling.

Sometimes you would just stare at their photos. You were all cried out. Ever since you got back to Korea, you felt numb. It was like life hated you. But nothing changed. Everything seemed to be moving at their normal pace. Everyone went back to work. Everyone moved on. Why couldn’t you? Your friends would always ask you out, but you constantly refused making up random excuses. They knew, but they were always nice about it. The only thing that was different about you, that now you could manage to laugh and smile. Just a little, but it was progress.

You made your way to the grocery market and tasted some of the free samples.

“Ahjumma, this is really good.” You sighed and threw the toothpick into the bin that was next to the makeshift cart. You had known this woman for about 6 years now. She was like your mom.

“I told you! Want some more? Just take it, no one tries it anyway,” she laughed and dropped a few more of the chicken fritters into the hot oil. “Don’t look now but this man has been staring for the past ten minutes that you’ve been here, I think he likes you ­­­______-ah. Go talk to him!” she nudged you towards him.

“Eh? Haha no! I’m not ready, you know that.” You were stuffing the food in your cheeks as it turned bright pink.

“Aigoo, your husband would’ve wanted you to be happy. Look at you, you lost your glo- oh no. He’s coming!” she then acted as if you were an ordinary customer.

“Hello Ahjumma, looking at her eat is making my mouth water as well. Can I have one?” the man asked. What a gentleman.

“Sure! Have as many as you like, the next batch is almost done, it tastes better when it is hot, just ask her, right _____-ah?” she winked at you.

“Really?” he stared at you.

“Ne.. Ye – yes,” You replied in English because he was speaking in English too. You had a momentary loss of language when he stared at you. He was so handsome, your heart raced. “Ahjumma, I’m taking 2 packets of these ok. Anyeong!” you literally half-jogged your way to the counter to pay for your items.

“Are you running away from me?” he appeared out of nowhere. Beside him there was another man. They were both smiling at you.

“I’m Yang Seung Ho, and this is my friend ByungHee, but you can call him G.O” he smiled warmly.

“Hello there,” it was your turn next and you put the basket on the conveyor belt so the cashier could scan your items. “Have I seen you before?”

“Yes! On the TV or something?” G.O immediately replied. “We are idols from MBLAQ.”

“Oh. Sure. Ok, I have to go now. Bye!”

“Hey wait!” Seung Ho grabbed your elbow and you turned around.

“What the – can you let go of me, this isn’t right.” You frowned.

“Please don’t be mad, but you are a really beautiful woman, I would really like to get to know you.” He said, smiling.

“I’m sorry, you won’t like me.” You bowed your head and tried to leave. Once again, he grabbed your wrist this time.

“We’ll just have to find out won’t we?” he smiled warmly and for some abnormal reason, you smiled back. “There’s that beautiful smile I saw.”

“What? Haha, ok I really have to go now.” You wriggled your hand out of his grasp but it only made him tighten his hold on your hand. “Let go of me!”

“You don’t remember me do you?” he blurted out as he let go of your slender hand.

“What do you mean?” you were so confused.

“It’s me, Yang Seung Ho. Remember we used to play at the beach this one time and you lost your hair clip but I found a starfish, and you hugged me. Remember that?” he was scratching his head nervously.

“Oh my! I was 7 at that time! How is it that you remember that after all these years?” You hugged him tightly. He was laughing now! It was a nostalgic moment. You had spent that summer by the beach. You and Seung Ho were inseparable that summer. You even cried as break ended and you had to go back to Hawaii. “You are so tall and handsome now, and wow, an Idol! I bet many girls would die to be in my position right now chingu-yah.”

“Yes haha, hey, would you like to have dinner with me sometime? You live here now don’t you?” he was staring at you intently with his huge almost-black brown eyes.

“I do live here. Like 5 minutes away. But I don’t know if I should be out with a man.” You were about to explain when he cut you off.

“You’re attached?” you saw his face fell. You felt pretty bad.

“No, it’s not that…” his face lit up as soon as ‘no’ slipped off your tongue. “ – but I just lost my husband and child 2 years ago. Today is their 2^nd death anniversary.” You heart fell once you explained to him, but it felt nice – sort of. You realised that he was the first you were able to tell without running off or crying.

“Oh, I understand. But we’ll be able to hang out right? Give me your number so I can hit you up.” He said while reaching for my fingers. I took off the wedding ring because it was too heavy. It was like a huge weight on your fingers and my heart. The only thing you had on you that reminding you of your deceased husband is the bracelet. He had it done for you when you were both fighting.

Never to fart.

“Hey! Why does it say never to fart?! HAHAHA this is the stupidest thing ever. I bet the engrave-artist saw your ugly handwriting.” You both had stitches from laughing too much.

You were in a daze and then you felt like you were dropped back to reality when Seung Ho snapped his fingers in front of your face.

“Your number ______-ah” he was smiling so much it was a wonder that his cheeks weren’t torn.

“Oh yes, here just let me write it down for you.” You took out a small notebook you had and a oen and wrote your name and number. It was little embarrassing considering that you were both in the middle of a huge walkway and everyone was staring. There was even some fangirls. You felt yourself blush and you got nervous pretty quickly.

“Don’t worry about them sweetheart.” Did he just…

“Yes well, now that you have that, I should go…” you got your grocery bag from where your feet were and you went on your way. But before you got too far, you heard someone yell “YES I HAVE IT G.O-YA!!”

Crazy kid. Hahaha he’s embarrassing himself.