I sat on an old swing outside the rain, my umbrella left unopened in my arms and my tears mixing up with the rain. I choked back on old memories and promises. Don't do this to yourself, Sunggyu. Don't hurt yourself thinking about that. It was already too late to stop and I let my sobs match with the pitter-patter of the rain.
A bright red umbrella.
When I arrived at the front of my doorstep, the door swung open before I had a chance to touch the knob.
"Hyung! We've been looking all over for you! I can't believe you'd ditch dance practice and what is this!? You got an umbrella in your hand and yet your drenched from head to toe with no warm clothing. Are you crazy? Do you want to get sick? Once everyone else comes back from their schedule, you are so going to-"
Wet and drenched clothes and sneakers
"I'm fine, Hoya. I'll just dry myself off inside before they comes home. Please don't tell them about this. Just say that I was sick or something. Please."
"S-Sunggyu Hyung, are you okay? Why are your eyes so red and puffy? Were you crying? Hyung, answer me." I walked past him, my eyes trying to fight off the stinging pain I felt as I walked over to my room. I the portable heater and waited for it to start going.
I turn off and turn on the boiler
I waited for thirty minutes, just staring at the machine, until I eventually gave up and sat back on my seat. I wanted so badly to cry, but I don't want to let Hoya from outside hear. I didn't want them all to get back from their schedules. I didn't want to see him.
Whatever I do, it doesn’t dry
And watch him laugh at how pathetic I am.
Because, as much I would like to know why and how, I didn't. I was confused. I was as clueless to how I felt. I had so many questions and answers, but they didn't make sense at all. It was confusing.
Is that how I feel or is it not?
A confusing set of questions and answers
I remember it how the two of us first met. It was pouring just like it was today. We were both trainees, aspiring to become talented stars that everyone would know and love. We hated each other until we were put in the same band. Something happened between us soon after. We didn't try to kill each other. We didn't fight. We didn't think of anything bad about the other. We somehow became really close. The both of us because the best of friends, but I was the one who felt something else. I probably started feeling it the moment I laid eyes on him.
On a rainy day, I fell for you
I remember when he asked me out on a date. He was so shy, stuttering constantly and looking at everyone else but me. Of course I said yes. We went out in secret with the exception of our band mates knowing. We showed so much PDA for the fans, but our gazes were our strong connection to each other. That is how we conversed and showed each other much much we sincerely cared for one another. Oh we were so in love back then.
We used to love each other so much
I really don't understand how after all those memories, after all those times we would say "I love you", after our gazes, after our kisses, after our love, we would end like this.
It didn’t seem like we had to do this
So it hurt. It hurt when he suddenly came up to me, his eyes no longer giving me that warmth. It hurt when he spat cold icy words to my face, demanding that we were to break up. It hurt when I begged him, went on my knees, sobbed, and offered everything in the world, to only get a kick and two deadly words that stung my heart. You're pathetic.
So my heart hurts so much (heart hurts)
I stepped outside in to the rain once again despite Hoya's protests, my hands gripping firmly on the red umbrella. I swore that I could've heard his voice while walking in the rain. It sounded so nice, so comforting.
Is this sound of the rain, your voice?
It seemed like it was telling me to come over to the rain even more. It kept telling me to go to the park. That park was where we used to hang out in. We barely hung out anymore. I wonder if he remembered about that.
Is this a sound that calls to me? Am I the only one thinking of you?
I let the tears and rain mix together and blind me from my vision. Despite the blur, I continued walking. The rain was crying with me as well. As I cried harder, it poured down harder. I couldn't see where I was going anymore.
Will this rain comfort me?
I heard a car honk near by and suddenly felt a wave of force push me down. I heard a door open and close. A man rushed over and tried to keep me up. Despite my life barely up at the moment, I couldn't help but keep thinking about him. Was he alright? Is he hurt?
Do you know how I feel? I keep thinking of you
The car owner pleaded for me to keep staying alive. He begged, cursed, threatened, and anything else he could think of. I could only pity the man. He didn't mean to kill me twice.
I used up all my energy and let my hand rest on his cheek. Last words flowed out of my mouth with much difficulty.
"It's okay, Hyunie. It's okay, because I..."
love you.
On rainy days, I always run into you
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Fail attempt to maker reader's cry? Yep.
I wonder if I should post the sequel to this? I don't know, since many people won't see this anyway ;~;
That's sort of a good thing though, since this kind of .
NEGETIVITY ><
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