two.

 

“Sehun’s still sulking. What in the world have you done to him?” Junmyeon asks that afternoon after coming out from his room to check on Sehun. Jongin feels affronted.

“Me? I didn’t do anything!” He defends from his position on the couch, with his head on top of Kyungsoo’s legs.

“You must have because when I asked him what was wrong he said your name.” The older retorts placing a hand on his hip. Jongin frowns. Will that be Sehun’s universal answer for now? If only he told them why Jongin’s the problem.

“I swear I don’t know why he’s mad at me.”

“So it’s you after all.”

“That’s what he says but I don’t know why.”

“Figure it out and solve it Jongin, the kid doesn’t eat a full meal in two days already.” Jongin isn’t surprised by Junmyeon’s over control and protection over Sehun but today it pisses him off. It’s not like Jongin knows all the reasons for Sehun’s mood swings, it’s not like he’s the center of Sehun’s world. He can’t actually tell what Sehun thinks, maybe take a wild guess but the odds of getting it right are pretty slim.

“I’ve tried. He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Manage! You’re his friend.”

“So are you.”

“I’m not the one he’s mad at.”

“I’ve told you I don’t know-” Jongin insists.

“Just-!” Junmyeon interrupts and sighs. “apologize, okay?”

Jongin has apologized and he doesn’t know what more he should apologize for and he was about to retort exactly that but Kyungsoo claps a hand over his mouth and nods to Junmyeon.

“He will, don’t worry. I’ll get Sehun to eat in no time, there’s so long he can resist to my food.” He sends a smile to the leader and the latter leaves looking a lot calmer. Kyungsoo removes his hand from Jongin’s mouth and he looks down at him. “You really don’t know why Sehun is behaving like that?”

“No.” He breathes out. It upsets him that Kyungsoo wouldn’t believe him.

“Did something happen yesterday?”

“He just-” Jongin knows he could tell Kyungsoo but he rather not do it anyway. “I was on my own and I didn’t know he had stayed and I was busy and he came to our room and I yelled at him. But I apologized for it. Besides I’ve yelled at him before, I've never seen him take it so badly, he even pushed me and said he didn’t want me near him, I’m sure there must be something else and he’s just unloading his frustration on me.”

“Hum…maybe he’s a bit sensitive but you know he really likes you Jongin.”

Why Kyungsoo’s words made his heart fluster makes him wonder.

“And I like him too hyung.”

“Don’t you think that maybe…” Kyungsoo seems to weight his words. Jongin looks up at him. “…maybe he really does like you?”

“What?” He sits up.

“He might have fallen in love, Jongin.” Jongin almost spits and chokes as he releases a chuckle. Kyungsoo frowns.

“Sehun? In love with me?” He laughs for real now that the words are clear and out of his mouth.

“Jongin…I’m serious.”

“But hyung, what you’re saying is…just ridiculous. Why would Sehun even-?” He laughs again not really able to keep it in. “If anything he’d be in love with Luhan hyung.”

Kyungsoo sighs.

“Well…still, I think it’s plausible.” He gets up and goes to his room leaving Jongin alone.

 

 

Sehun. In love. Sehun being in love. Sehun being in love with him. They goof around and their little jokes are only jokes. There’s no way that could be right. 

Still those thoughts keep him awake that night.

 

 

“Jongin you look like a zombie! Wake up!” Their choreographer yells the next morning. Jongin feels like a zombie and his head actually hurts and today he doesn’t really feel in the mood to dance, which is something surprising. “Okay, take ten.” He says obviously frustrated by their performance.

Jongin slumps on the floor and tries not to think too much about Kyungsoo’s words. It’s actually driving him crazy with doubts and it brings a weird feel of warmth mixed with fear to his chest he can’t seem to shake out. At some point, during that night when Jongin started to think how it would be if…if he kissed Sehun, if he was with Sehun and actually be his boyfriend he started to feel his heart starting to pound inside his chest and it was unsettling. He couldn’t find out why he felt that way every time the idea of Sehun’s lips mapping his body would come across his mind.

He takes a look to his left and sees the younger talking to Luhan and he’s smiling and Luhan is just being Luhan and he’s being all touchy…but that’s just Luhan…yet…Jongin feels his jaw clenching and his heartbeat becoming faster.

He wants to shake off this feeling.

Sure he likes Sehun, he likes Sehun a lot. Sehun is his friend. It’s natural for him to like Sehun.

Only…Jongin likes Sehun, a lot.

 

 

“Why is this happening to me?” He asks himself on the mirror, alone in the bathroom, once he gets home from practice. His hair is damp and he’s skin feels warm. “I have feelings for a friend now? I like Sehun now? What the ? I’m actually going crazy.” He groans. “Kyungsoo and his stupid mouth and his stupid ideas…what- why- Sehun isn’t in love with me. Psh.” He scoffs sounding indignant with himself while washing his hands franticly. “Stupid…that’s so stupid…”

 

 

How come two days ago he was a perfectly normal loner star dancer to become the mess he is today. He can’t sleep at night. He can’t think straight when Sehun is in the room. How come two days ago Sehun was just his best friend, his band mate to become a fruit of his want and his needs now? 

Everything just makes Jongin’s head dizzy.

 

 

Since Sehun is still giving him the cold treatment Jongin decides to go to the other dorm talk to Luhan and hopefully end his doubts once and for all, because weirdly, in the end Luhan seems to have all the answers.

“Hyung…” He calls softly while peeking into Luhan’s and Yixing’s room. Yixing is comfortably on his bed reading something off his ipad and Luhan is standing near the closet sorting out clothes, probably picking which he wants to take to China and which he wants to leave here. They both look at him and them both smile and Jongin hates that his heart doesn’t react like it does when Sehun smiles at him like that.

“You need something Jongin-ah?” Luhan asks as if guessing Jongin was addressing to him. The younger pushes the door further open and steps inside.

“I need to talk to you.”

Yixing follows the hint and gets up to leave them both alone.

“Is it about Sehun?” Luhan asks once the door is closed.

“Huh…yeah…” Jongin finds it scary how Luhan seems to always know what is going through his mind, how he seems to understand everyone without them even having to speak.

“He’s sad.” Luhan says as he continues his doings, folding his shirts.

“Why is he sad?” Jongin traces patterns on the floor with his foot. “He doesn’t actually tell me anything but… he never actually talks to me about things like that anyway. He always had you for that.”

“If you’re worried, that’s only because I’m a better listener than you. I can actually give good advice.” Jongin doesn’t know why but Luhan’s words actually offend him. They’re true, terribly so, but it still feels like he’s telling Jongin he as a friend. “Sehun isn’t good with words anyway.” Luhan continues. “He mumbles a lot and I have to pull things out of him sometimes. I hope you understand he doesn’t come to you with his problems because he doesn’t want to bother you.” Luhan bends and starts pilling folded clothes inside his bag.

“Bother me? Why would it bother me?”

“Ask him since I’m not really sure. I think he’s scared.”

“Of what?”

“His feelings.” Luhan straightens his back and looks at Jongin with a soft expression. “He’s scared of what he feels,” Jongin blinks. “for you.” Jongin swallows dry, his heart taking an actual loop inside his chest. If Luhan is saying it…it’s because it’s true. “Talking to you about what he feels requires him to open his heart…he’s scared of what he might say if he does.”

“You’re saying it now!”

“Well, yeah, you two would go on for weeks if I didn’t say anything.” Luhan says wittily.

“He’s the one who doesn’t talk to me. I can’t-” He feels his breath catching on his throat and his heart most definitely feels like it’s not beating right. “Why-”

“He’s scared.” Luhan repeats.

“You’ve said that already…I just…”

“Jongin, why Sehun likes you is not really the question you should be worrying about. You should think about what you feel and then talk to Sehun about it.”

 

 

Jongin thinks about what Luhan said all the way back to his own dorm. He’s right. He should think about what he wants and where he’s at with Sehun right now, if he actually likes him or it’s just a general nice idea that seems the more pleasant because he’s terribly alone and hormonal, if the thought of being touched and kissed makes his heart race because he thinks of Sehun or simply because he craves physical contact so badly.

The truth is, and he gives it a really deep thought about it, none of the other members make him as happy as Sehun does. None of their smiles make Jongin smile as widely as he does when he sees Sehun beam at him and he could never imagine them touching him in any other way than they already do but he can’t stop feeling aroused and excited about the thought of having Sehun’s fingers inside him or Sehun’s lips attached to his skin or around .

He thinks about all their little moments pass their jokes, how Sehun’s always only a word or a look away from making him laugh, the moments that go beyond the friendship they have, the moments that in a way kind of meant something. He thinks about their graduation and how Sehun is always there. He thinks about Sehun’s cute act by wrapping a ribbon around his neck or how Sehun had looked at him when he was shirtless during that one photo shoot or that time when he had hurt his back or when he fell and Sehun was always by his side to help him. He thinks about the soothing hand he always offered on his back and thinks about how he wished he would’ve noticed all of this sooner.

That’s the truth. That he can actually, and for some odd reason even wants to think of Sehun as his boyfriend.

It’s a wild thought, Jongin thinks and it’s weird because Jongin never thought of himself liking this kind of idea. Having a boyfriend. It’s sounds foreign but that’s probably because he never had one, or even a girlfriend for that matter. Yet he still likes the idea, quite much.

 

 

He sits on the couch where Kyungsoo is and he lays his head on his lap like he usually does. Jongin always found great comfort under Kyungsoo’s touch and this makes him think that yes, he definitely thinks of Sehun in a whole different way.

Kyungsoo pats his head calmly, softly scratching his scalp and it feels so soothing and maybe this is probably the epiphany Jongin needed.

“Have you figured it out yet?” Kyungsoo asks and Jongin wonders how they can possibly know so much about what’s going on inside his head but he doesn’t question it anyway. He guesses that’s why they’re his friends and why they’re so damn good at it.

“Yeah…I think I did.” Jongin doesn’t pay attention to whatever Kyungsoo’s watching and closes his eyes. “I did.” And he falls asleep.

 

 

Valentine’s day was four days ago and Jongin doubted to ever be possible so much to happen in such short time, yet it did and there he is with a small heart shaped box of Sehun’s favorite chocolates, this time bought by himself, on the other side of Sehun’s room door. He gulps down and twists the knob to come in.

Sehun is on his back lying down on the floor absentmindedly looking at the ceiling and Jongin revives for a couple seconds the nights he’d spend like that next to him before their debut, sometimes in one of their rooms, sometimes in the nearest park or even the rooftop or their company’s building. Just lying down, side by side, talking about themselves and slowly getting to know each other, talking about their fears and their dreams.

As Jongin lies down soundlessly next to Sehun, setting the little box next to his head, on the floor, he realizes that maybe that was the time he fell in love unknowingly.

“Luhan hyung told me you didn’t eat any chocolates so I bought you some since Chanyeol devoured all the others.” Jongin says softly feeling a tad nervous but thankful that Sehun isn’t running away.

“I think Baekhyun hyung helped." He eyes Jongin for a moment. "Thanks.”

Jongin smiles. He missed this.

“I don’t like when you ignore me.” He starts. “I don’t like when you get mad at me. I’m sorry I was a douche the other day but you caught me by surprise and I really thought you were joking…”

“I really don’t want to talk about this.” Sehun says and sits up to get up. Jongin sits up as well and grabs his arm before the younger could stand.

“No. We’re talking about it whether you like it or not. I’m not letting you ignore me anymore.”

“Fine, you were mean and I forgive you. There’s nothing else to be said.” Sehun stands up and Jongin follows grabbing him by the wrist.

“Sehun stop. You’re really running away from me like this? I thought…well, Luhan hyung said…” Sehun turns his head and his eyes go wide.

“Luhan hyung said what?”

“He said you liked me.” Jongin answers and Sehun’s face goes red, not pink neither figuratively red but actual red, tinting his pretty cheeks and it makes Jongin grin and his insides all warm.

“Luhan is an idiot, he’s lying.” Sehun defends, or tries to defend with a shaky voice which reveals just how nervous he is.

“Luhan doesn’t lie though…I think we both know that.” He smiles softly squeezing Sehun’s wrist softly.

“Please don’t make me say it.” Sehun pleads, closing his eyes. and it makes Jongin chuckle. Luhan was right he does look scared and he’s sure scared of where this conversation is leading. He doesn’t want to say it and Jongin understands him, because saying it is making it real. Something that only crossed and wandered his mind is a step away of becoming real and that can be terrifying.

Jongin takes a glance at Sehun’s pink parted lips and he thinks maybe this is a good time to take a step of his own, since Sehun’s too afraid to do anything anyway, and maybe then he’ll have the full certainty of what he wants.

He takes a stride to stand into Sehun’s personal space and ignores then sudden stiffness of Sehun’s shoulders and leans to catch his lips in a cute chaste kiss that doesn’t last longer than a couple seconds. It’s a good start he thinks and maybe it’s for the best because Sehun is actually turning pale and even Jongin’s heart and cheeks are starting to burn so, yes, it’s better to leave it like this for now.

 

 

“So is the offer still standing?” Jongin asks a couple days after, dressed only in his boxer briefs trying to look the smuggest he can. Sehun’s eyes go wide and his cheek go red just like days before and Jongin finds it cute how much Sehun’s reactions changed since they’re together, because now, their little innuendos and jokes do have an actual truth behind them.

“For the record I was really joking that day…” Sehun pauses to gulp as he scans Jongin’s body for a moment and Jongin thinks it's crazy how much he likes it.

“But…”

“Although, okay, I might have wanted you to say yes…” He averts his gaze. “…still, it was a joke.”

“So that’s a no?”

“No.”

“No?

“No…it’s not a no.”

“So it’s a yes?”

“No…I mean…it’s a, let me think about it.” Sehun says looking mighty pleased with his decision.

Jongin just sighs.

 

 

“So is this a thing now? Like you two are like…together…?” Chanyeol asks short weeks after, as he crossed the living room, with a grossed out looking face over Sehun’s and Jongin’s intertwined fingers and legs and cuddling position on the couch.

Sehun and Jongin share a look and then Sehun looks up to Chanyeol and smiles.

“Yeah…we’re together.”

“Good grief and I have to look at this every day now?” Chanyeol fakes a disgusted noise, sticking his tongue out, and leaves the room.

“You’re just jealous!!” Jongin yells for Chanyeol to hear and Sehun just laughs, giving Jongin a sweet peck on the lips that Jongin makes sure to turn into a more heated kiss.

 

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not the kind of stuff i wanted to be writing but wtv. hopefully i'll start writing more interesting stuff.