“You are Sandara Park. You can do this.”

“I know,” was the only reply I managed to say.

I was told to be this. I was told to be that. Sometimes, it’s becoming tiring and redundant. But I can’t just back out. This is where my life depends. And even though I tell myself that I can survive without these hideous people, there’s still this hint of desire for the prominence I’m receiving. That deep down, I do want this.

Yes, I am Sandara Park, a world renowned actress.

I was born with fame. My mother is the world’s highest paid model. My father is the country’s most successful businessman. See? That’s why I have nothing to choose but to live with it. Fame. My family breathes it.

But that was four years ago. I was living well. I love my career and my family’s totally supportive about it. I was living such a blissful life. I totally thought I am living my life to the fullest. And that idea had gone down together with the plane crash that took many innocent lives. Including my parents’. Yes, they died four years ago. And that’s when I started living my life in a complete utter chaos.

The agency I’m working at kept me. I’m a talent. All I do is a hit. I am gold for this company. They can’t just let me go. But something I didn’t expect happened. They started to abuse me. Feeding me with elegance, grace and sophistication.

I chose to follow.

Or else, they’ll make my life hell.

“Sandara!” that shout snapped me out of my trance. “Can you just focus? This is serious business, Sandara Park. You cannot this up.” I scowl at my mind after hearing him curse. He’s pissed. It wasn’t my fault I was late. This stupid dress is a nuisance.

I heaved a deep sigh, “Yes. You can trust me with this,” I told Mr. Lee, my own manager, fidgeting the hem of my violet velvet dress that reached just above my knees.

I’ve been in front of press lots of times already. But none if those events made me nervous as I am now. And I swear, I can’t figure out why.

His groan flicked my reverie, once again. I stare intently at his small, black eyes. “I said you can trust me with this,” I snapped.

“Prove it, then.” And I knew it was the signal to step out of the backstage.

If you are wondering why am I still in this company despite the fact that I am one successful actress and surely, I have millions in my pocket now, I still can’t?

I already tried. That was two years ago. I escaped, letting my feet bring me to any place it could. But I forgot something that is very important. They’re holding my money. I can’t live without my own money. How would I even survive?

I’ve been away for a month. Just in a month, they were able to find me and bring me back to their goddamned company.

But in that month, I met the person who made me change my ways.

Two years ago

“Sandara, here, take this,” he smiled while giving the plate of my breakfast he made. A smile has never been this peaceful to look at.

I looked down at my plate, “Pancakes?” and I looked back at him. His face doesn’t look so pleased. Oh my God, I think I sound disgusted. “I like pancakes,” I smiled, and it wiped the worried look off his face.

“For a second, I thought you don’t like it,” he giggled, sitting in front me.

I promise to God, he’s not making me comfortable.

“You look disoriented, why?” he asked me with that divine smile that has been making me blush since this past week.

“No-nothing,” and now I’m stuttering. “I think you should eat, too.” I said, hiding the discomfort I’m feeling.

“For you,” and he winked and stood up. He’s such a flirt, I know. That would be the most obvious thing about him. Well, besides his good looks and huge house.

I subconsciously watched him get the remaining pancakes that he made at the counter just a few steps away from the table we were sitting at. And when he turns to go back, I bowed my head, starting to eat my breakfast.

When I heard the noise his plate made when he placed it to the table, I looked up again. He’s now sitting and eating his pancakes. He glanced at me. I look down again and thought I should just continue my business with these pancakes. But even with my eyes totally focused on what I am eating, I still can feel the smirk he’s giving me.

-

“You’re daydreaming again.”

“The sun’s down,” I replied without looking back. And the next moment, he’s now beside me. Looking ahead, just like what I was doing when he found me here.

“I know,” he stared at me but I didn’t look back. Sensing that he wouldn’t get any response from me, he broke his stare at me and just focused on the moon.

“It’s full moon,” he informed like it was nothing noticeable. I scoff.

“It’s cold here, I think you need to go inside,” he said a few seconds later. I still didn’t give any reply.

“Sandara, Sandara,” he began. “The Sandara Park I know… she is not you, am I right?” and with that, it’s my turn to look at him.

“What are you saying? You don’t even know me.”

“You’re an actress. Everyone knows you,” and now, we’re both looking at each other.

I grimaced. How can he manage to make me blush and piss me off on the same day. “Huh-” he cut me off.

“Please don’t be angry. What I’m saying is that your image you’ve built these years… it wasn’t showing the real you, was it?” oh, so I get his point. He’s totally saying that I’m fake. But before answering him, a thought brushed my mind. I wasn’t fake. I think it was just the other side of me.

“I mean… in front of the camera you are this elegant lady the people love, you’ve always looked so happy,” the frown on my face disappeared. “But here you are, escaping the life you’ve lived. And everyday you look like you just don’t want to be here. You are tired, aren’t you?” he smiled. I cannot see the relevance of his smile with the situation we’re in now and neither with the issue we’re talking about.

But I felt safety.

“You’re talking like you know my life,” I looked back at the dark sky; he didn’t follow but chose to just answer me.

“The media said everything,” I can feel his hesitation and the next words he said just confirmed it. “Maybe not everything but it did tell many things about you,”

“What do you know,” I sounded pissed, but I wasn’t, really. I don’t feel like getting mad at the person who never left after he had found me. I don’t feel like getting mad at the person who made me feel these confusing sensations. I don’t feel like getting mad at all.

“Yes, I guess I’m tired already,” and after saying that line, I think I just heaved the heaviest sigh as if it’s containing the remorse of the whole world.

“You are,” he sounded so sure about my problem when I wasn’t even certain about it myself. “You don’t need to live the way they ask you to. And if ever you become so tired that you can’t handle it, just tell me, okay. I’ll come after you,”

“How can you be so sure about it,” I smirked, ignoring his last words, like I just heard the most innocent kid on earth talking about how marriage should come before . Right thing but it was something that shouldn’t be receiving attention.

“Sandara, you can lie to anyone but not to yourself,”

‘And to you,’ I said, finishing his statement but only on my mind.

-

It’s already been exactly a month after he let me live with him. I decided to walk beside the riverbank for a moment, I need fresh air.

“Where are you going?” he asked me pulling my left hand to get me back inside his house. I can only manage to laugh. He looks so protective. We aren’t even in a relationship. But behind that laugh, I am glad. I never felt so safe. This house is already my own and he is my home.

“Mister, I need fresh air too, you know,” I replied, freeing my hand from his hold.

“Hm, if you step out of this house, it will be your first time,” I was confused for a moment. Surely, this won’t be my first time away from this house.

“Of course, without me,” he winked, what a childish twenty two year old man.

“Ha-ha,” I mocked him, already moving away from him.

“Dinner will be waiting for you! Come back after five minutes, okay?” he yelled, I was already outside of his house.

“Stupid! Give me ten minutes,” I yelled back while laughing at his silliness.

-

And that was the last time I saw Kwon Jiyong.

After minutes of walking beside that riverbank, a black car stopped behind me. Sensing that it wasn’t good, I started to walk faster.

But my effort wasn’t enough. It was the company’s men. I was struggling so hard but it was no use. They were stronger and bigger than me. I wasn’t able to escape.

“Sandara!” I was stunned. “You’re in your trance again. Go and don’t make me disappointed,” I mumbled a sorry and started to walk towards the stairs.

The next moment I knew, I was already in front of the press people. Thousand of flashes blinding my eyes, interviewers talking at the same time, it was stressing.

I tried my best to keep on standing. I faked a smile. I cannot escape this. This is my life. This is how I choose to live.

But everything in front of me now just went unnoticed. Everything disappeared and I have my eyes focused at my very front with tears wanting to come out.

I think I’m going to faint.

It’s him.