Three

April 15, 2008. The day that I decided to die. I just couldn’t take it any longer. My life had no meaning now that James was gone. I saw no reason to continue living. No one would care nor notice if I died… oh well… I’ve decided that August 8, 2008 would be the right date.
Time crept by slowly, the hands of time hauntingly counting down the days of my life. Tick tock, tick tock. The months passed. May. June. July. Just one more month of pain, I thought. Then, it would all be over. I could finally be in a pain-free environment. What a happy thought that is, knowing that I can finally smile. I would miss him. I knew I would. But at least I know that I could watch him from above and smile at his successes and happiness in life.
July passed with the usual pain and tears. I knew I was running out of time. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell James. I could not be so selfish and ruin his happy life with Ericka. I see him everyday yet not once did he see me. I’ve memorized his schedules and followed him around just so I could see him more often. Why did I do that…? All that brought me was more pain and sorrow. But why? Why did I have to be so dumb? I guess it’s because I still haven’t let go of the love we used to have. I still love him more than anything in the world. No matter how he treated me. I know that somewhere, deep down, he loves me too…

August 1, 2008. I could feel it. My time on earth was coming to an end. Today I watched with tears as James and Ericka walked hand-in-hand to church. I should really be happy for him because he found the true love of his life. But somehow, after all these years, I couldn’t bring myself to smile for you. No one, but me, knew how I truly felt. I hated Ann for stealing him away. I hated what he did to me. I hated the fact that he chose her instead of me. I was angry. Very angry. But what would that do? It didn’t affect him at all…

August 7, 2008. Tomorrow I would finally die. The date of my death had to be August 8. Just six years ago, on the very same day, James had asked me to be his. And it was just five years ago when he broke my heart. Everything happened on August 8th and so would my death. Earlier today, I consumed a large quantity of pills. I slowly waited for my life to end. I sat on the bed that evening, finishing this story. I suddenly felt really tired and I knew I only had hours left. I sat for a while, memories running in and out of my head. I thought about the happy year that I spent with James and the smiles on our faces. Our first kiss…hug… -everything. Automatically, I take out my silver box one last day. One by one, I recited every word of all his letters with tears in my eyes. I clutched them tightly to my heart, hoping the he’ll remember me even after today. His words filled my head until I could think of nothing else. I cried long that night, and I knew there was one last thing I had to do. Impulsively, I reached for my phone and dialed his number. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?” his loud voice boomed.

“I need to see you…” I said in the tiniest voice and hung up.

I wasn’t sure if he’d make it in time. 11:30 PM read the clock. Only 21 minutes before my time was up.

I heard a loud bang on my door followed by loud footsteps up to my room. As handsome as ever, James walked in. He rushed to me said and asked me what was wrong in a panicky voice.

“Hey James. I can’t believe how long it’s been since we’ve last spoken to each other. Don’t worry. Nothing’s wrong,” I lied, “I have something to tell you but please stay calm. In 16 minutes, I am leaving, forever. I just needed to see you once last time before it was too late. That’s the reason why I called you here.” I touched his face. It was wet with tears. Somehow, he understood what I was talking about.

“NO!” he yelled. “YOU’RE NOT LEAVING TO ANYWHERE. YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HERE. REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROMISED ME?”
I put on a faint smile and took his hand in mine.

“Just like how you promised me forever and always?” I chuckled. “Anyways, after I leave, I want you to read this story and this letter and you’ll understand everything.” I said pointing to the diary. “Thank you for coming to see me one last time before I leave. I was so scared I would die alone. Ever since we broke up 5 years ago, no one has ever told me they loved me. No one said I was important. No one cared about me. But that’s okay… When I lost you, life lost all its meaning. I’m not loved, not cared for, and not important to anyone. I took so much effort to keep my heart going. I can’t do it any longer. I’m so sorry that I have to break my promise.” Tears of pain came rolling out of my eyes. 

“Don’t cry James. I want you to be happy with me for the last moments of my life. Oh how good it feels to finally smile and be happy.” I flashed him a weak smile. Although in tears, I felt happier than ever.

“ Ann , I love you…” I heard the pain in his voice as he choked the words out.

“Haha, I know you don’t mean it. You’re just saying that to make me feel better about my life. Even so, I want to thank you because that meant a lot to me. Now I can die knowing that my last wish came true. I can go now with a smile on my face because I know that at least one person on this earth loves me. Thank you.” I knew I only had 20 seconds left. I took my last and final breath and one last tear came out. “I love you David. Good-bye.” My eyes shut, never to be opened again. And just like that, I left, with James by my side.

“I love you too… I truly do…” he whispered but it was already too late. I had already left earth. “NO!!!” he screamed, unable to accept everything that just happened.