Two 

“ Ann ,” he said, “I have something to tell you. You might be upset with me but let me finish what I have to say before you come to conclusions. Last week, at a friend’s party, I met this girl. Her name is Ericka.” He took a deep breath and all I could do was cry, silently. 

“After the party, I got to know her more and I’m in love with her. I know this is all so unfair to you but hey, sometimes, things happen that I can’t control.”

I finally gathered the strength to look into his eyes. I put on a fake smile and asked him, 

“Are you happy with her?” What a stupid question I thought but that was all my brain could come up with.

“Yes I am,” he replied, “It’s not that being with you doesn’t make me happy or anything but when I’m with Ericka, it’s like a whole different world. Do you know what I mean?”

“Yes I do…” I said with a heavy heart. “I understand.” On the outside, I was happy, smiling even. But on the inside, I was hurting. When he had said those four words, it felt as if he took my heart and ripped it to pieces in front of my face. With each word, the pain felt like a thousand knives stabbing at the remnants of my heart. 

“Promise me something okay? Promise me that you’ll completely forget about me, okay?”

“ Ann … I can’t…”

“Please? It would make me happy and it’s my final wish…”

“Okay then… I promise you. You’ll always be my best friend. Good bye.” He gave me one brief kiss on the cheek and walked away…

I sat on the grass; my heart was heavy, my eyes swollen with tears. The world as I had known it has ceased to exist. I will never again know what it is like to laugh with my childish abandon because my childhood was behind me. Pain and sorrow will be my constant companions how that the love of my life is gone. I raised my eyes to watch him walk away forever into the crimson sunset.
I don’t know how long I sat there. It could have been hours, or maybe just minutes. I wasn’t in a hurry to get home. I knew no one would be looking for me there. I couldn’t think. The next few months were a blur. I had dropped out of school, abandoned my friends, stopped eating, and ceased all communication to anyone. Day after day I sat there, filled with pain. It was unbearable the pain. I cried myself to sleep each night, thinking about James and what used to be. I thought about all the kisses, hugs, laughter, and happiness that we shared. I continuously wonder what I did wrong to make this wonderful love slip away.

—————– January—————–

—————–February—————–

—————–March—————–

—————–April—————–

—————–May—————–

Before I knew it, summer 2004 had arrived. It’s been a year since he left me yet I still haven’t gotten over it. James and Ericka were doing great. They were practically married now—unofficially I hope. I could tell that James was truly happy with her and he loved her deeply. The way that she made him happy, it drove me crazy. Sometimes I wished that he would be unhappy. I wish that he would become fed up with her and come to me instead. I was selfish and wanted everything that she has now; what should have been mine.
I would occasionally bump into James and Ericka from time to time. Every time, they were mislead by the way I seemed on the outside. No one knew me anymore. I had completely changed. I didn’t mind what people thought about me or how they looked down on me. No one could possible understand how I was feeling. People told me that if I prayed everything would be okay. I’ve said the words. Yet nothing has happened. The world is a field of never ending pain. The pain was a constant thing stabbing at my back, creeping to me one way or another.
Almost every night, unconsciously, I would take out my silver box. I never opened it though. I was afraid of what would happen to me if I was introduced to his words once again. I clutched it close to my heart, or where it used to be, and just cried. If you collected my tears this past year, it would be enough to flood all of North America. I was exaggerating, but sadly, I’m not. I don’t understand how I can still have rears to cry. Sometimes at night, I feel James sitting beside me… but that only made it all the worse. The worse way to miss someone is when you’re right beside them, wanting to reach out and touch them, but you know you can’t have them.

April 15, 2008. The day that I decided to ...........